The Wolves 5/5

The kids are still holed up in the barn. Laura asks Mary how long they’ve been waiting and she replies, “a couple of hours.” Carrie says she’s hungry (or “hungwee” as she says it) but Mary says it is too dark outside to tell if the dogs are gone. Laura hears a rustling sound outside so Mary goes to investigate. Mary can hear the sound but she can’t find the source. A dog barks behind Mary and she sees that one of the dogs is trying to dig under the wall. Seriously? Did the kids bathe in meat that morning or something?

The sound of the dog pack freaking out starts up again, so Mary decides to move up to the loft. Except that the ladder is now next to Laura’s treehouse. Oops. Mary spots a table and uses it to climb up to the loft. As the kids struggle to climb, the injured mama wolf starts to paw at her muzzle. The dogs are now working at three separate points around the perimeter trying to dig in. This is dumb. Before Andy climbs up he decides that the pups need to go up to the loft. Meanwhile, Old Yeller and Rin Tin Tin are almost done with their holes. As the mama wolf works on her muzzle, the kids are trying to get Bandit up to the loft. Bandit is not a fan of this change of elevation but doesn’t put up much of a fight. Andy gets up into the loft just as a dog gets through the wall and mama wolf gets off her muzzle (uh, “Muzzle Fail”). As soon as Andy turns around he and Mary get a front row seat for the dogfight. Judging by their faces, the dog they bet on isn’t winning. At this point the entire pack has infiltrated the barn. Wait a minute, that’s not a wolf – that’s the Shaggy Dog! Is this episode an allegory for gangs or something? Boooooo!

Mary rejoins the other kids in the corner of the loft. She hugs Carrie and tells her everything is going to be alright. Andy wishes his Pa would come looking for him, which causes Laura to wonder what will happen if no one comes for them. Weren’t Charles and Caroline only supposed to be gone for a couple of days? They should be back soon I would think. Mary has a better idea: “Bandit knows the way to Andy’s house. Maybe he could get Mr. Garvey!” First, Bandit is not Lassie (who may or may not be part of the “wolf” pack down below. Second, Bandit is not a carrier pigeon. What’s great about this is that Bandit’s head is resting on Laura’s arm in a way that makes it look like Bandit is thinking “I need to talk to my agent about getting me on a show with scripts that aren’t stupid.” Laura resists the idea and I could swear I just saw Bandit roll his eyes. I think I understand why Charles and Caroline left town for this episode.

Mary stands up and opens a chute just above Laura’s head. Laura tells her dog that he is their only hope. The girls send the dog outside and it starts bounding towards the hills. Benji, who is keeping watch outside the compound sees Bandit and starts to chase after him. Oh good, not only is this entire premise preposterous, the filming is poorly conceived as well. It’s that point after dusk where it is more dark than light and the dogs are running through an area with trees. In other words, there’s not enough natural light to light the scene but there is just enough light to cast shadows everywhere. Anyway, the chase is on but Bandit has a plan. He puts his Bugs Bunny skills to work and runs into a hollow log. Benji follows but gets stuck while Bandit (the larger dog) gets out the other side. Whatever, show: check-minus.

Over at the Garvey farm Jonathan is tying up his horse in the stable. He notices the wolves are gone and runs into the house. Alice hears Jonathan come in and mentions that he is late. Jonathan asks where Andy is but Alice thought he was with her husband. Jonathan asks if Larabee or anyone else has been lurking around but Alice hasn’t seen anyone. At this point Bandit walks in with a pretty bad gash on his leg. Jonathan takes a look at the dog and realizes that trouble is a-brewin’ at the ol’ Ingalls place.

While Jonathan is in the barn hitching up his horse, at a pace not quite as urgent a few moments ago, Larabee arrives. He has a couple of thugs with guns and says they need to continue the discussion from earlier. Jonathan says he’s a little preoccupied with his son and the Ingalls girls being in possible danger. He invites Larabee and company to tag along or get out of his way. The camera zooms in on Larabee for no real reason.

Meanwhile at the dog shelter, the canines are milling about on the ground floor while the asinines are grousing in the loft. Then the yuppie dog from Best in Show decides it’s time to hop onto the table and climb into the loft. My guess is Carrie is made of jerky. Mary grabs a sandbag and starts swinging at the dogs trying to leap up. It’s going fine until one of the dogs grabs the bag in its teeth. Mary Ingalls sucks at whac-a-mole. She grabs a pitchfork, but just before things get gruesome or hilarious Jonathan kicks in the door and the thugs start firing shots. After eight shots are fired Jonathan hops up into view and asks if the kids are alright. Larabee also pops into view and sees Andy hugging Jonathan as the kid whimpers about the mama wolf saving his life. Jonathan turns to give Larabee an “I told you so” glare. Shut up, Jonathan. Mary is crying in the corner.

The next day, Jonathan, Laura, and Andy set the pups free. They talk about what the deal was with the dogs from last night. Jonathan’s theory was that the dogs used to be good family dogs but their masters didn’t love them. So it is an allegory. Booooo!

The Wolves 4/5

A pack of dogs is running through fields. Wait a minute, is that Harry the Dirty Dog? That...is not a wolf.

As suddenly as we see that image it is gone and replaced by a ball getting kicked outside the school. What is up with these transitions? I’ve been doing film editing for the last three weeks so maybe I’m just more aware of them now but some of them are just plain weird. Anyway, the ball ends up underneath the porch of the Mercantile and Andy chases after it. While he’s there he overhears Mrs. Oleson and Larabee discussing their plans to dispose of the wolves in the Garvey barn. Andy doesn’t waste any time as he runs to the barn with a cart and collects the wolves.

A few moments later, Andy pulls the cart towards Laura’s treehouse. Shouldn’t both of them be in school? Laura climbs down the ladder and Andy updates Laura on the situation. She asks if Mr. Garvey knows what’s up but Andy hasn’t had a chance to tell him yet. Laura decides to hide them in the Ingalls’ barn, but suggests they don’t tell Mary the Hun.

Back at the homestead, Mary asks Carrie if she knows where Laura is. Carrie says she’ll go look for her, but that doesn’t seem to ease Mary’s anger. She’s been amped up this entire episode, even before the parents left. What is her deal? Carrie goes outside with Bandit and calls out for Laura. Just then, the pack of dogs from earlier is running down the hillside near the little house. Mary can hear the dogs from inside and runs outside to check on Carrie. Mary runs, grabs her sister’s hand and promptly trips over her own feet as she drags her little sister to the barn. Way to go, Mary. Despite this misstep, the two girls make it into the barn where Laura and Andy are already taking cover. Laura and Mary work together to bar the doors shut.

The dog pack arrives and starts running circles around the barn and chicken coop. One of the dogs is able to leap into the chicken coop and we hear the sound of chickens getting mutilated. That’s a sound effect that gets a surprising amount of mileage on this show. This time it is mixed with the sound of either a cow or an elephant. If it is the latter, this situation has gone beyond serious.

The kids gather in the center of the barn to wait out the dogs. Everyone is scared but there isn’t really anything they can do. Mary suggests that they start to sing to pass the time and feel better. What better way to get rid of a pack of angry dogs than to draw attention to yourself by singing? Mary asks for requests and Andy is quick on the trigger with “Oh! Susanna”. Oh Stephen Foster, where would the public domain be without you? They start to sing and, as expected, the dogs grow even wilder. As the dogs run more circles around the barn, the LHotP Orchestra plays an upbeat adaptation of “Oh! Susanna”. Good times.

The Wolves 3/5

The next day Doc Baker examines the injured wolf. Isn’t this really outside of his area of expertise? Or is this his wheelhouse and taking care of the townspeople is the outer limits of his knowledge? Either way, the prognosis looks good. Meanwhile Jonathan enters and muzzles the wolf so that she won’t hurt anybody. Before Andrew runs off to school his Pa asks him who knows about the wolf. Andy replies that Laura is the only other person who knows and Jonathan asks that it be kept that way for now. Doc Baker asks Jonathan if Andy is getting attached to the animal and warns against it. Before the Doc leaves Jonathan asks him to also keep news of the wolf on the DL.

Meanwhile, Mary and Carrie are walking hand in hand towards school. There’s the sound of hammering up ahead and Mary sees that her sister is the source. “Laura Ingalls what are you doing up there?” Even Carrie is aware that Laura is building a treehouse. Mary demands that Laura come down from the tree “this instant” and head off to school. You give Mary one iota of responsibility and she institutes Hammurabi’s Code. Mary Ingalls sucks at chillaxing. Laura climbs down the rope attached to the tree and the girls continue to bicker as they make their way to school.

Lunchtime! Andy updates Laura on the wolf situation, starting with the fact that it is a wolf situation instead of a dog situation. As they chat about the animal’s prognosis, Nellie steps out from behind a tree a few feet away from the other kids. She asks what the big secret is that the two of them are sharing, but they decide to play dumb. Nellie offers them some penny candy for the inside scoop and both Laura and Andy look like cheap suits in need of folding. Laura comes up with a bluff about her new treehouse, but Nellie doesn’t buy it. As she walks away Andy cracks and asks Nellie to swear not to tell anybody if he tells her. Nellie crosses her heart so he spills the beans. Nellie, who is sucking on a piece of candy, flatly says “how interesting” and then hands Andy some candy. As the school bell rings, Nellie runs off towards the Mercantile before heading to the school. Andy wonders where Nellie is going since she crossed her heart not to tell anyone. Laura quietly reminds him that the girl doesn’t have a heart to cross. Oh, snap!

Doc Baker happens to be in the Mercantile when Nellie rushes in to tell her mother the news. Harriet laughs off the news, claiming that no one in their right mind would keep a pack of wolves in their barn. Nellie claims she is telling the truth and says that Doc Baker can vouch for her. Harriet asks if that is true and he quickly replies that it is. Andy at least held out for a piece of candy before he blabbed, Doc. Harriet starts to over react (or react, relative to her) but Doc Baker says the adult wolf is muzzled so no one is in danger, particularly since Jonathan is apparently the Jack Hanna of Hero Township. Harriet asks if Baker is a doctor or a veterinarian and he replies that, considering some of his patients, he isn’t always too sure himself. That is not charming. After he leaves, Harriet tells Nellie to take a message to Larabee after school.

After school Andy and Laura are playing with the pups. They are cute in a lupine sort of way. The pups, not the children. Jonathan enters the barn and smiles as he sees the kids and the animals interact. Andy says he wants to name the pup he is holding Jonah. Jonathan playfully reminds his son that the animal is a wolf and not a whale. He then seriously reminds Andy that naming the animal brings him one step closer to making that animal a pet. Jonathan is certainly handling this situation a lot better than Charles handled the Jasper fiasco. Jonathan then provides a short lecture on animal domestication and somehow works God into the order of things. I guess that would explain cows. Anyway, Jonathan goes on to tell a story about this one time in Chicago when he saw a lady walking down the street with a lion on a leash. “There was a look in that lion’s face that said ‘I ain’t happy.’” I call no waysies on that story actually happening. Regardless, the kids get the point and agree to let the wolves go once the mom is healthy.

Later on Laura is continuing work on the treehouse. She consults with the project foreman, Bandit, who barks his approval. Laura decides that the treehouse is missing one vital component but she isn’t sure what it is. A lantern goes off in her head and she heads back towards the barn. Not too much later, Mary comes out of the house in her Aunt Jemima garb and starts calling out for “Laura! Laura Ingalls!” Shut up, Mary. She doesn’t and tells Laura that dinner is ready. Laura complains about the food and Mary says in a particularly flat and nasal voice “I’m running out of patience.” I think this line reading completely sums up the character of Mary Ingalls. Anyway, before heading into the house, Laura takes the ladder from the barn to the tree.

Meanwhile, Jonathan is taking inventory at the mill when Larabee drives up. Jonathan rolls his eyes slightly and returns to his paperwork. Larabee tells Garvey that he wants the wolves that are shacking up in the Garvey barn. Jonathan tells Larabee to bug off and just take care of his town business. Larabee walks over to his wagon and unveils a dead calf as his town business. Larabee has determined that Live Wolves + Dead Calf = Garvey’s Problem. That’s a fair equation, but Jonathan explains that he has a wounded mama wolf and two pups. Larabee isn’t too concerned about that and would rather make sure that all wolves be eradicated from the planet. Garvey says no and tells Larabee to stay away from his land. Honestly, it looks like Larabee is about to cry as the dramatic music plays.

The Wolves 2/5

Laura and Andy are out gathering berries (not a euphemism). Bandit starts to bark and the kids go investigate. Did Carrie fall down a well again? Oh, a wolf got caught in a trap. They must be in Larabee territory. The kids run over to check on the animal and decide to unlatch the trap, thinking this animal is a dog. Frankly, I don’t know the official difference, so we’ll just go with this taxonomy for the time being. Once free, the dog scampers off and the kids follow. They eventually find the dog and her pups. Aww. The kids decide to take the animals to the Garveys' so they can tend to the wounded dog. Uh, Laura, haven’t you gone down this path before?

Back at the homestead, Mary is peeling a potato while carry snaps peas. Laura barges in to tell Mary the news, but the eldest daughter starts in on her power trip. “Where have you been young lady, you’re late!” she yells. Laura’s reaction: “Huh?” Awesome. Mary keeps on yelling at her sister, but as Laura tries to explain all Mary can do is admonish Laura with various “I’m the boss, applesauce,” reminders. It should probably be noted that Charles and Caroline have probably only been gone for perhaps two hours, so Mary’s shtick is going to get old fast. Laura gets over this quick and leaves.

Back at the Garvey residence, Jonathan walks into the barn and finds Andy petting a pup (still not a euphemism). Andy recaps the first paragraph of today’s entry for his Pa. Jonathan takes one look and tells his kid “they’s wolves.” “They’s” you say? Andy is surprised by this news which is soon replaced with disappointment after Jonathan says he can’t keep them. Andy points out the injury, but Jonathan stays firm and says that they can’t keep wild animals. Andy tries a new tactic: if the wolf is one of God’s creatures and Jonathan says that everyone needs to take care of God’s creatures, then they are obligated to take care of the wolf since God loves all His creatures equally. If that were true, wouldn’t Larabee have not set out a trap with the intent to kill the wolf? Rather than follow my line of questioning, Jonathan agrees to have Doc Baker take a look at the animal. Eh, I suppose this compromise is okay for the time being. As Jonathan leaves, the pup starts to have its noms on Andy’s finger. Aww.

We then see a calf suckling on its mama cow. Ick, that transition was even more unpleasant than the sheep goring/Bandit reveal. Suddenly, this tranquil scene is attacked by a pack of dogs. Um, okay. Then the camera goes in for a dramatic zoom on what I suppose is the leader dog who is watching everything from the top of a hill. Dun dun dun! Sure, why not?

The Wolves 1/5

A nausea-inducing dolly shot traveling over the prairie opens this week’s episode. The last time I went through that part of the country was back in 2001 and even then the vastness of the landscape was somewhat incredible. All that is in this portion of the vastness is a lone dog. Oh, and a sheep. The dog sees the sheep the same time we do and begins to chase after it. Suddenly a whole pack of dogs appear and the sheep is all like “uh oh” and starts to run away. I hope this whole episode isn’t a nature film because I am not in the mood. Long story short: the sheep doesn’t stand a chance. We see the lead dog lunge at the sheep then see Bandit running down a hillside. Interesting idea for a transition but it doesn’t quite match up.

The Garvey house is at the base of the hill. Laura and Andy are practicing the long jump for the Olympics that won’t be happening for another 23 years. Andy tells Laura her jump wasn’t too good, but his isn’t any better. He decides to invite his Ma to show her mad skillz. She declines, saying that she has laundry to do. The kids whine but Alice says she doesn’t have time for such “foolishness”. Jeez, lady, why don’t you just send your kid to the iron mines then? Laura challenges this notion, claiming that adults are dismissive of such activities so that they don’t have to prove that the kids are better at them. Alice takes the bait, but before she can embarrass herself Bandit arrives and distracts the kids. Laura assumes that Bandit is there to let her know that it is time to go home. Can a dog really be that well trained? My housemates’ dogs still freak out whenever I enter the room and they have had plenty of time to get used to me. After Laura leaves Andy asks his Ma if she is ready to jump, but since the girl is gone Alice has nothing to prove and sends her son inside to do homework. Once he is in, Alice decides to go for the jump. And lands square on her butt. Andy is quick to point out that his Ma didn’t get much distance either.

When Laura gets home she sees that Pa and Ma are finishing packing up for a weekend getaway or something. Ma is reminding Mary of all the things to take care of while they are away. Mary is in charge? This weekend is going to suck. Charles calls for Caroline as she kisses her daughters goodbye. Caroline mounts the wagon and the two of them are off. As soon as the wagon is out of sight the girls are all like “Toga! Toga! Toga! 1900!” Or they would be if I was writing this episode.

Jonathan is over at the Mercantile carefully examining pans. He puts the pan down for a nice reveal of an incredibly bored Mrs. Oleson. She asks him to make a decision because she has other work to do. For once I don’t think Harriet is being bitchy as I can imagine Jonathan Garvey taking several hours to decide between cast iron or Teflon. She tries to upsell but Jonathan finally decides on the economy model. The shop bell rings as a man enters the store. Hey, it’s Larabee! I didn’t realize he was a recurring character. He is not in the mood to chit chat with Jonathan and asks Harriet for some wolf traps. As Harriet goes to grab them, Jonathan tells Larabee there aren’t any wolves in the area. Larabee coldly says that two of his sheep were attacked and that Garvey should mind his own business.

Jonathan leaves and as soon as he is out the door Harriet thanks Larabee for talking down to Garvey. She takes Larabee to the store room and talks about the bad blood the two men had from their Kansas days. Ooo, back story. Also, this must have taken place before the barn burning. Larabee doesn’t engage with Harriet despite her Barbara Walters impersonation. Larabee takes a couple of traps and leaves. Nels enters the store room as Harriet comments on how mad Larabee was when he saw Jonathan. She lets on that Larabee believes that Garvey stole some furs. Nels stops what he is doing and says that the story is wrong. Harriet reminds her husband that Larabee’s story matches up with what he told the judge, but Nels points out that the actual crook was caught red handed. He goes on to say that Larabee is just mad because he was embarrassed by the situation and blames Jonathan. Harriet is all “whatevs” and says she still doesn’t trust Garvey. Nels is surprised and asks why. Harriet thinks for a moment and says it’s because he chews tobacco and spits. That I could actually get on board with – chaw is DISGUSTING.

Barn Burner 5/5

The judge has returned to the courthouse and the community has reassembled inside. No one is standing while the judge makes his way to the desk. Hear ye, hear ye, Bizarro Court is now in session. The judge asks if the jury has reached a verdict. Charles is slow to rise as he mentions that they have not reached a verdict on both counts. Murmuring ensues. After restoring order, the judge asks what the jury has accomplished. They reached a guilty verdict on the assault charge, which should come as no surprise to Larabee who admitted he hit Andy, but he still makes a face that looks like this :-( only with more grizzle and bigotry. The jury is still deadlocked on the barn burning verdict, causing Larabee to smirk. He smiles at Matt, but Matt looks like he wants to gut the defendant.

The gallery is all abuzz with the latest developments, so the judge threatens to clear them out if they don’t quiet down. He asks what the breakdown of votes is and Charles reports 11 guilty 1 not guilty. Is Henry Fonda on the jury? The judge thinks for a moment before saying “may I ask the identity of the dissenter?” No, your honor, I don’t think you may. Before anyone can call for a mistrial, Joe Kagan speaks up and says he is the one. Larabee is just as surprised as the gallery as he looks over at Matt, who still wants to do awful things to Larabee. The judge restores order once again before making his next statement. “Mr. Kagan as a member of the colored race you’re pretty much accepted in this community?” Kagan says he is, causing the judge to conclude that “in my experience you’re the first negro to serve in judgment on a white man, perhaps it’s all gone to your head.” God forbid the use of jury nullification in this kangaroo court.

OH! And then the judge continues to suggest that Kagan’s gone totally drunk with power and is acting completely irrationally. Kagan coolly explains that he doesn’t like Larabee any more than anyone else in the courtroom but that even though there is probable cause that Larabee started the fire, no one saw him do it. How DARE you bring reasonable doubt into the jury room, Mr. Kagan?! Seriously, what sort of screwed up legal code is this judge operating under? He asks if Kagan could possibly be dissuaded from his stance, but Kagan says no way. Justice Bullshit decides that the only sensible thing would be to excuse Joe Kagan from the jury and replace him with someone who will provide a twelfth guilty verdict so that the judge can get to his four o’clock golf game. Charles and Doc Baker exchange a “WTF?” glance, but don’t intervene, probably for fear of being banished to some foreign country or thrown into a well.

Joe Kagan agrees to being excused, but decides to make a speech first. The judge says that Kagan already had his say, which is bullshit. Before things get ugly, Reverend Alden rises and asks for Kagan to speak. The judge agrees to let Kagan speak but not to waste any time. Kagan then makes a speech about how the Larabees in the world need to get with the times and get over their hate. Also, even though Mr. Larabee is a despicable person, he should be treated equally under the law as everyone else, regardless of personality or skin color. Yay equal protection arguments! Kagan goes on to equate convicting a man unfairly with lynching, which makes me wonder what white guy wrote this script. Seriously, those two concepts are not on equal footing. That’s like equating the Holocaust with a fender bender. Hester-Sue is in the gallery and is moved by Kagan’s words, so perhaps I’m just being overly critical.

Everyone in the gallery seems to be taking Joe Kagan’s words to heart, but the judge still excuses the juror. He walks towards the back of the gallery and puts his hand on Hester-Sue’s shoulder. Charles selects another juror. As the new juror takes his seat, the judge says “since we already have eleven guilty verdicts, it would save time and trouble if you simply announced what yours is.” Are you kidding me? Charles? Reverend Alden? Nels? Why is everyone sitting on their hands about this bullshit process? “No,” a voice cries out. Finally! It’s Andy, who walks up to the front saying that there was something he didn’t say in his testimony. “Young man,” Justice Bullshit says, “anything you have to say must be considered irrelevant unless you...lied in your testimony.” Andy is all “What?” before explaining that he might have caused the fire. Andy explains that he left a lantern on the corral post the night of the fire and the wind might have knocked it over after he left. Larabee jumps on this and says that the fire must have happened that way. Justice Bullshit asks if Andy found the lantern, and the kid said he found it in the ashes. Andy goes on to say he held back on this testimony because he wanted Larabee to be punished, but Kagan’s words taught him that justice is more important than vengeance. It takes a while for the judge to process that concept, but he eventually allows it. Andy rejoins his Pa in the gallery.

The judge asks Larabee to rise. Now that Andy has presented his full story, reasonable doubt now exists beyond a reasonable doubt (NOT the standard of measurement, I might add) that Larabee did not cause the fire. For the assault charge, Larabee has to pay Jonathan Garvey the amount his crop would have sold for at the original co-op price. Larabee says “no fair!” which really ticks off Justice Bullshit. He warns Larabee that the sentencing phase isn’t over, so he should use any further objections very carefully. Larabee shuts up, and with that the court is adjourned.

As the gallery clears out, Mrs. Larabee and her sons are pondering over what just transpired. They eventually get up and leave while Larabee remains standing in the front of room. Mrs. Larabee turns to look at her soon to be estranged husband. He turns back and decides to take the high road. “I didn’t need no nigger defending me! I didn’t need nobody!” I guess the high road is closed for repairs.

Barn Burner 4/5

Jonathan is on the witness stand. The judge asks, “it was because you felt cheated by Mr. Larabee that you went to confront him at his home?” Objection – leading the witness. Jonathan agrees with the judge’s assessment. The judge points out that Garvey was the only person to confront Larabee, but Garvey says he was merely the first and that others would probably follow his lead once word got around. “You were abusive to him then?” the Judge asks. Larabee hops on this saying that Jonathan tried to shame him in front of his family. Garvey said they shouldn’t have been there. Okay, both of you lose this argument. “Shaming” is not a criminal offense and the Larabees have a right to congregate in their own house. The judge bangs his gavel to stop the shouting match before it gets too deep. “I’m establishing that the defendant had sufficient cause to seek revenge against Mr. Garvey.” What?! What sort of legal concept is that? “If he did in fact do so in the manner charged is what we are here to find out,” the Judge continues. MISTRIAL. The judge asks if Larabee wants to question Garvey, but Larabee has nothing to say to him. Garvey steps down.

Next up is Andrew Garvey. The judge leads, er, asks Andy if Mr. Larabee frightened him as he ransacked the Garvey house. The judge then asks if Andy thought that Larabee deliberately tried to hurt him. Andy asks to clarify if the judge meant if it was an accident, to which Andy replies that no, it wasn’t. Larabee tries to interrupt but the judge stops him. The judge asks if Andy saw Larabee after regaining consciousness or when trying to track down his parents, but Andy says no since it was so dark that night. The judge hands the questioning over to Larabee who stands up and attempts to look sympathetic. “Now boy,” he starts, losing any sympathy heading his way, “I’ll admit I was riled. I’ll admit that I pushed you around. But I didn’t mean you no harm. Can’t you see it was an accident?” Andy gives Larabee a blank stare for a moment before saying “no, I can’t.” Larabee then demands that the judge make Andy see that the assault was an accident. Hon, that’s not how forgiveness works. The judge and Andy exchange a glance before the judge asks if Larabee has any more questions. Larabee sits down, defeated. Andy steps down.

The judge is now questioning Larabee. He asks if Larabee thought that Jonathan had cause to be angry with him. Larabee says he reckons so. The judge asks if others might be angry also, and Larabee adopts the “it’s a free country, ain’t it?” defense. The judge asks about the wheat price debacle and gets annoyed when Larabee tries to dodge the question. Larabee explains that he broke his word because it was in his best interest. The judge points out that even factoring in the apples sold in the deal Larabee actually didn’t do as well as he would have if he stuck with the co-op. Larabee explains his reasoning that the customer might have gone elsewhere and then the whole co-op would have lost out. Therefore, Larabee would have come out ahead. The jury does not look impressed with this argument. Reverend Alden looks either confused or bored or both.

The judge asks if there was another reason why Larabee broke the deal. We then see Joe Kagan shift in his seat, uncomfortably. Larabee claims not to understand the question. The judge enlightens him with some of Jonathan’s testimony, particularly the part about Larabee voicing his concern about Joe Kagan making an equal profit as the rest of the co-op. Larabee agrees with this reasoning. The judge reaches the conclusion that because of Larabee’s spite towards one man he was willing to destroy the economy of the community. That’s the button that needs pushing. Larabee yells, “I don’t care what others want to think!”

The judge then stupidly offers the floor to Larabee to make a final statement. “I might have hurt that boy, but I didn’t mean it. But I never burned down no barn. I think Garvey done it himself. He even said he’d rather burn his crop than sell it at that price. I think that’s exactly what he done and I think he’s trying to blame it on me and that’s what I got to say.” Um, sic. The gallery starts to murmur at this. The judge gives the jury one hour to reach a verdict because he has places to go and things to do. Uh, mistrial. Court is adjourned.

As everyone files out of the School/Church/Courthouse, there is quite a bit of murmuring. We hear random people giving their opinions, mostly of the “hang the son-of-a-bitch” variety, only more polite. Andy watches as Larabee is escorted back to the ice house. He walks over to his parents and asks if they are going to hang Larabee. Jonathan says he hopes not. I hope not also, mainly because I don’t think arson is a capital offense. Alice just wants to leave and take her son away from the proceedings, so they send Andy home.

At the icehouse, Mrs. Larabee pays a visit to her husband. He asks if the jury is still out and she says it is. “Waste of time,” Larabee says. Since his buddy Matt is on the jury there’s no way a verdict will be reached. You’ll remember Matt as the guy before the trial who complained about Larabee cheating the co-op and that hanging was too good for him. Mrs. Larabee is less confident than her husband and asks “are you sure, after what you did?” Larabee is annoyed by the question. “None of this’d happen if they hadn’t taken that nigger in like one of our own.” You see, this is why LHOP (not the Little House of Pancakes, Little House on the Prairie) could never be done today. Mrs. Larabee looks down at her husband, figuratively and literally, and tells him “all you know is hate.” He looks at her and asks “Who are you talkin’ to?” She shrugs. “I don’t know anymore.” Mrs. Larabee tells her husband that after the trial she is taking the kids and leaving his sorry racist behind. Yay quaternary character revelations!

Alice and Andy return to their house. Alice dismounts and says she’ll make lunch while Andy puts the horses away. He still appears to be racked by guilt. Here’s an interesting development: Andy is now hearing voices. Oh, it’s just him remembering the crowd murmuring about hanging Larabee for his crimes. Andy decides to drive back into town.

Barn Burner 3/5

Andy is all bandaged up and walking around outside. He goes to inspect the smoldering remains of the barn. He stops and notices something on the ground. Andy kneels and finds a broken lantern. This sparks a flashback to the night before when he placed the lantern on the fence post of the corral. I suspect Andrew Garvey with the Lantern in the Barnyard. Or, Mrs. Oleson with the Lead Pipe in the Mercantile. No, I’ll stick with my first guess. Andy sets the lantern down, has another flashback of the burning barn, and gets startled out of his thought by his father approaching. Jonathan tells his son that he doesn’t have to go to school today, but Andy says Doc Baker gave him the okay to go. Jonathan looks at the smoldering pile and laments on all the hard work lost in the blaze. He does find comfort in the idea of Larabee rotting in jail. Andy looks like he wants to respond to this, but decides to head off to school instead.

That evening we rejoin the Garveys at dinner. Jonathan is saying grace and is filling God and the audience in on all the details of what has happened so far in the episode. Once the recap is over and the family starts to eat, Jonathan tells his wife and son that Larabee claims he is innocent on the arson charge. Alice is more concerned about Andy having to testify at the trial. Andy pokes at his food for a bit before asking what is going to happen to Larabee. Alice ends the conversation before he gets an answer.

The next morning the town is gathering at the schoolhouse for the trial. That is one multi-purpose building they have there in Walnut Grove. It’s a school, a church, a theater, and now a courthouse. Modern urban developers could learn a thing or two from a space like that. As people file in, one man is grumbling about how Larabee, despite being his so-called friend, was willing to cheat him and the rest of the co-op. He passes by Joe Kagan as he mutters “hanging is too good for him.” Joe Kagan breaks the fourth wall as he gives the audience a look that reads “uh, not so fast there Captain Swift of the Justice League.”

Nels escorts Larabee from the ice house as the trial gets ready to start. The judge is at the desk making some notes while Reverend Alden looks on at the gallery with concern. Nels brings in the suspect and the crowd grows silent. Larabee begins to sit down but the judge asks him to remain standing for the time being. “Barn burning is a serious felony offense,” the judge says before asking for a plea. Larabee says he didn’t do it. The judge says that the record shows that Larabee confessed to the crime. Larabee said he thought they were talking about the assault charge. The judge concludes not guilty on the arson charge and guilty on the assault charge. Larabee agrees, though I’m finding this process a bit fishy.

The judge asks Reverend Alden to be foreman of the jury. The Reverend is okay with serving on the jury, but he thinks there would be a major conflict of interest if he served as foreman. He nominates Charles for the foreman duty. Charles agrees and is asked to assemble a jury with great speed since the judge has stuff to do elsewhere. Your Honor, it is the defendant who has a right to a speedy trial, not the judge. The process gets even murkier when jury selection turns into a schoolyard pick. The jury includes the Reverend, Nels, Doc Baker, Fred Simmons, and Steve Mason. At this point Larabee interjects that all the jurors are prejudiced against him. The judge tells him tough. Um, mistrial? Larabee says his friend Matt should be on the jury and Charles tells him that he was next on the list anyway. This calms Larabee down until Charles calls on Joe Kagan. Larabee hops to his feet saying, and I quote: “cause it’s agin the law to have a colored on a jury.” The judge verifies that the objection is on racial grounds before informing the gallery that people of the “negro race” may sit on the jury of a trial of a white man. The crowd oohs and ahhs as Kagan joins the jury. Larabee looks just a bit more sour.

Barn Burner 2/5

Jonathan is at the Ingalls’ house sharing with Charles what happened with Larabee. Charles tries to assure Jonathan that things will turn out for the best, but Alice is there and disagrees. With the co-op broken, it’s every farmer for himself.

Meanwhile, Larabee is still steamed about what happened and is pacing furiously across the parlor. He mutters, partly to himself and partly to his wife, that he can’t believe someone would barge in and shame him in front of his family. Maybe if you didn’t do something shameful it wouldn’t be an issue, eh Larabee? He pours himself a drink that he quickly chugs down. Mrs. Larabee notices this and reluctantly attempts diplomacy. “You can’t hardly blame him for being upset,” she says. Larabee accuses her of taking Garvey’s side, which she quickly denies. Larabee decides to settle the score and grabs his shotgun. Oh geez, this is bad news. Mrs. Larabee tries to block the door but he just pushes her out of the way.

Andy Garvey is working on his homework when Larabee barges in. “I’m here to see your pa, boy,” Larabee tells a frightened Andy. The kid says he isn’t home but Larabee calls him a liar and starts to search the place. Andy tries to stop the man, but Larabee knocks him to the ground. We can hear what sounds like a tree branch snapping. Did Larabee just kill Andy? Not cool. Larabee looks down at the kid, says “boy” and gets no response. He rolls Andy over and there is blood streaming down the side of his face. Oh poopies. Larabee high tails it out of there. A few moments later, Andy regains consciousness and stands himself up. He grabs the lantern from the table and goes outside. He can feel the blood on his face as he heads over to the corral to get a horse. He places the lantern on the fencepost as he opens the gate.

Andy gets the bridle on the horse and rides over to the Ingalls place. He runs into his folks on the way there and tells them what happened. Jonathan lifts Andy on the wagon and mounts Andy’s horse. He tells Alice to go home as he goes to take care of Larabee. Alice tells him not to go since Larabee has a shotgun and a thirst for blood. Jonathan says he doesn’t care, but Alice says she does. Jonathan thinks about it for a moment and decides to ride back with his family.

Upon their return, the Garveys see their barn in flames. Everyone is shocked and Andy supposes that Mr. Larabee must have come back. Jonathan tells Alice to take care of Andy and she knows he’s departing again. “Don’t worry,” he tells her, “I’m just going to town.” If you’re being figurative, Jonathan, I think that’s what your wife is worried about.

“NOOOOO!” we hear Harriet scream at her husband. “THIS DOESN’T CONCERN YOU,” she screeches as Nels walks down the stairs. I guess Jonathan has rounded up a posse of the other co-opers. Nels grabs his shotgun as Harriet tries to keep her husband from joining the angry mob. He tells Harriet to go to bed as the posse moves out.

We rejoin the posse as they surround Larabee’s. Charles bangs on the front door as Larabee loads his shotgun in the parlor. Mrs. Larabee comes out of her room to find out what’s going on but her husband says he has a handle on this. He yells out for the posse to clear off his property. Charles tells Larabee that resistance is futile, but the man disagrees. Larabee’s sons come out to see the hubbub and they still have the same stupid looks on their faces. Garvey yells something into the house and Larabee responds “It’s your own fault that your boy got hurt.” Yeah, I guess Jonathan was the one who decided to place the bureau at the location where Andy’s head got cracked.

Larabee yells out a few more threats before Nels, sticking his shotgun through the back window, tells Larabee to put his gun down. He tells Larabee to unlock the door, allowing Garvey to barge in and grab Larabee around the collar. The rest of the posse breaks up the developing melee and tells Jonathan a judge should take care of this matter. Until then, Larabee will be locked in the icehouse. Nels apologizes to the other Larabees as the posse escorts Mr. Larabee out the door.