Fred 4/5

Caroline feeds the chickens while Charles and Mr. Janks chat about swamp grass. Janks picks up a few tufts and declares them “tolerable, tolerable.” Since the grass passed a rigorous inspection, Charles asks for his payment. Janks puts his thumbs under his armpits – that's a bad sign. He offers Charles five dollars even though the original deal was for eight. Janks claims the price for grass went down so his price also goes down. Charles is pissed, but Janks says that with nothing in writing Ingalls has to take it or leave it. Charles throws a tantrum but Caroline runs over to stop him. Janks waves the money at Ingalls and after a few seconds of grousing Charles accepts the deal. Thank goodness the Ingalls family isn’t litigious or we would probably see one of them every couple of days on The People’s Court.

Laura and Carl are walking back to the still carrying a bag of oats. They discuss various places where they can shop Fred around. We hear belching followed by a slide trombone. Oh no! Fred’s discovered jazz! Oh wait, he’s just drunk from whatever Mr. Edwards was brewing. Laura determines that the goat is sick, even though Fred is just standing in place staring blankly like he usually does. I don’t think Laura should pursue a career in veterinary medicine. The two kids spin the goat around a couple of times as they figure out which way to take him back to town. The booze must not be that strong since Fred doesn’t boot.

The kids enter Doc Baker’s office with Fred. Doc finishes washing his hands and does a double take when he sees the goat, which belches again. “Laura, Carl, you know better than to bring a goat in here,” he lectures in a tone that suggests that this may not be the first time this has happened. Laura pleads with Doc, telling him that the goat has been poisoned. He thinks for a tic before he closes the door, locks it, and pulls the shades because he doesn’t want people to know he’s treating a goat. He treats other animals and the Oleson kids, why would this be a problem?

Outside, Grace Edwards drops off a package on the Doctor’s stoop. Mr. Edwards walks by and the two go to lunch. Inside, Baker is examining Fred’s eye when the goat burps again. Baker starts to sniff and comes up with his diagnosis – the goat’s drunk. The kids are surprised by this news. Doc Baker opens the door and tells the kids to take Fred and get out. Doc spots the package that Grace dropped off and bends over to pick it up. The camera zooms in on Fred’s eye before we see Doc Baker charge towards the stream. The techie in me needs to point out that this is a really sloppy edit since Fred is nowhere near Doc Baker’s hiney.

The Edwards couple hears the splash and goes to check on the doctor who is now in a foul mood. Jeez, everyone in town has a severe case of the Mondays. As he stomps back to his office, Baker yells to keep the drunken goat away from him. Grace laughs at this before she checks out the goat. It burps again and she reels back from the stench. She declares the goat as drunk as a lumberjack on payday. That doesn’t sound like any lumberjacks I know. Hmph. Anyway, Grace asks the kids how the goat got drunk and Carl starts to spill the beans about his Pa’s “thinking place.” Busted!

Grace switches her attention from the goat that butted Doc Baker to the goat that she married. Fred shows no remorse, causing Edwards to threaten to make roast goat if he sees Fred again. I kinda like how this animal is turning into the Hawaiian Tiki of Walnut Grove. Is Vincent Price in our future?

Carl suggests that Laura just abandon the goat somewhere. She doesn’t like this idea one bit. “God,” Carl says, though not in an exasperated way. “God takes care of everything.” This gives Laura the idea to consult Reverend Alden. The kids walk over to the school/infirmary/playhouse/church to see if the preacher is in. Carl spots him through a window. The two of them lead Fred inside.

Reverend Alden wipes down the desks as he practices his sermon. The subject, coincidentally enough, is “All Creatures Great and Small.” As soon as he finishes with his Bible recitation about how man owns and operates EVERYTHING, the kids loudly “AHEM” to get Alden’s attention. Alden is surprised by their visit and they explain that they need to talk with him about Fred. Laura lists all the people who don’t like Fred -- Charles, Edwards, Harriet, Parsons, Doc Baker and Mary, though I thought she was indifferent. Alden is surprised that any of those people would bear such harsh feelings towards an individual, not realizing that Laura is talking about a goat with a butt fetish. Alden bends over to scrub the cloak closet as he asks if Fred is new to Walnut Grove. Laura starts to explain Fred’s status but is interrupted by a bleat and the camera zooming in on Fred’s eye.

Outside we hear a loud crash. At least the Reverend’s horse isn’t spooked.

A Matter of Faith 5/5

Establishing shot of the house as seen through the open barn door. Inside the house, Caroline is using the table to lift herself up to the medicine cabinet. Horse linament? No -- she grabs a smaller bottle and starts chugging. After she takes whatever medicine was in that bottle, Caroline looks over at the table and sees the key to the front door. She slowly works her way across the table and grabs the key. We’re zoomed in on her hand, specifically her wedding ring, as Caroline struggles to reach the door. Once there she unlocks it, opens the door and goes outside. She steps with her right leg and drags her left (which is even grosser looking than before) and grabs some firewood.

Later, Caroline is sitting by the fireplace and is pulling a soaking cloth out of a kettle over the fire. She takes a moment before she throws the hot, wet cloth onto the wound. Caroline probably should have grabbed a wooden spoon to bite into before doing that. She does grab onto the rocking chair as the pain courses through her body. More wedding ring close-ups.

Then Charles, in his red full body underwear, swings on a rope and jumps into a lake. Laura is next to go. Really show? White nightgowns for the girls, the oldest of which is 14? I understand that those were probably the style of the time, but from a filming perspective WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Anyway, Laura and Pa are laughing and tell Mary to hop in. Mary’s all pensive, saying she doesn’t want her head to go underwater. She asks Pa to make sure he’ll catch her and he promises. He then crosses fingers on both hands and shows them to Laura in a way that even Mary should have been able to see but she doesn’t. And no, she isn’t blind yet. Mary grabs onto the rope, swings, and Pa completely misses his daughter. Mary isn’t too bothered by it, saying it was fun. Laura takes another turn and there is more laughter. Then Pa says they should get cleaned up before Reverend Alden shows up.

Meanwhile, Caroline is contemplating her current predicament. She looks like she has an idea and grabs her Bible. She starts flipping through it as if it were a magazine with a really good recipe for gingerbread. She’s found the passage she was looking for (here it is for those playing along at home). We get a closeup of the passage, then we see Caroline reading the passage aloud, then we get a tighter closeup with a literal spotlight on the phrase “cut it off”. Caroline thinks about it for a moment, then a third closeup with “cut it off” completely filling the frame. But it’s not your foot – it’s your leg. Caroline doesn’t seem to care about that argument, instead looking around the room for the sharpest thing she can find. She gets out of the chair and hobbles over to the drawer to get the dullest knife she can find. Yuck, self-amputation is bad enough but that knife is going to make it take forever. Caroline drags herself back to the Bible to reread the passage, knife in hand.

A babbling brook, some swimming ducks, and the Ingalls family playing Blind Man’s Bluff nearby. Charles is wearing the blindfold as the kids and Jack taunt Pa. Laura sneaks behind him to snap his suspenders while Jack bites at his feet. Did Jack read that passage, too? Charles eventually grabs Carrie and tries to guess who he has. He jokes about feeling whiskers on her face and guesses Mr. Edwards. Cute. Pa takes off the blindfold and says “It’s Carrie! How are you?” What’s funny is it works both as a daddy/daughter moment and a “oh, you’re still on the show?” moment.

Laura and Mary notice a wagon approaching and Charles can see that it is Reverend Alden. The family goes to greet the Reverend and Mrs. Foster. Alden tells Mary and Laura that their Ma’s pies were the first items to sell at the fundraiser bringing in $4. Alden takes some of the credit, boasting about his salesmanship. Uh huh. Charles approaches and asks if Caroline changed her mind about making the trip, but the Reverend thought she left early to join the family. Ruh roh. Charles is surprised that there wasn’t even a note but the reverend tells him he need not worry. Um, actually, that is exactly why you should be concerned. Charles decides to go home to check things out.

Back at the chop shop, Caroline’s leg is still attached but she is preparing for some unpleasantness. She has tied a spoon around her leg and seems ready to do what she believes she has to do. She moves the knife blade into the fire. Then we fade to a Scrubbing Bubbles commercial.

On the road back to the house a neighbor stops Charles. Apparently the Ingalls cow has been causing all sorts of trouble. Charles is surprised that Caroline has come to retrieve the animal. While the neighbor passive-aggressively complains about the cow, Charles decides to pick up the pace to return to the house. When Charles arrives he finds Caroline passed out on the floor. I don’t see any blood, but I also don’t see Caroline’s legs.

That night, Laura looks through the window into the bedroom as Doc Baker examines his patient. She walks over to join Pa and Mary, commenting that she has never seen her Ma that sick. Mary asks if Ma is going to die, but Pa tells her not to talk like that yet saying “God takes care of those that love him.” Laura suggests they all pray with all their hearts before she starts to cry.

Charles goes inside and sees Reverend Alden holding a sleeping Carrie in the rocking chair. The Reverend looks like he has seen better days. Outside, Mary and Laura are comforting one another. In the bedroom, Charles is praying at the foot of the bed while Doc Baker changes out Caroline’s wet cloths.

Sunrise the next day. Yet another closeup of Caroline’s wedding ring as her hand reaches over to touch Charles’s hand. He fell asleep at the foot of the bed, but his wife’s touch wakes him right up. Charles calls for Doc Baker who pronounces the fever broken. He says if Caroline didn’t open the infection when she did she probably would have lost her leg or even died. Instead, the prognosis is significantly better. Doc Baker goes out to tell the girls the good news. The Reverend overhears this as he stands watch outside the house. Doc Baker walks over and confides that he would have had a tough time making the decision that Caroline did. “How she picked exactly the right moment … only God knows,” says Baker. “I’m sure he does,” the Reverend replies. The entire family is now gathered around their recovering Ma. Aww, Deus ex Machina works in mysterious ways.

A Matter of Faith 1/5

Establishing shot on the homestead on a sunny day. Jack is sitting outside just waiting until he hears the wagon ride up to the barn. The girls greet the dog as everyone disembarks. Once the girls hop off, Caroline climbs from the buckboard to the flatbed to help Charles unload a few crates. As her husband walks off with a sack of grain, Caroline goes to the back of the flatbed and injures herself somehow. Charles checks what happened as Caroline frets over her now ruined pair of stockings. We move in for a close up of a metal wire that has given Ma a decent sized gash. The music gets all “spoiler warning” – changing from a bucolic theme to a more pestilence nuanced movement. Charles tells his wife to clean the wound and that he’ll get her another pair of stockings. How about not leaving metal wires flopping about where your children are being transported, Charles?

Caroline enters the house with her crates of baking supplies. She sets down the items and looks over saying “Oh Carrie, what have you done?” There’s an open jar of something spilled on the floor, but there isn’t really much of a mess. Carrie robotically apologizes anyway. Caroline rushes over to clean the mess, telling Carrie not to move. I guess there’s broken glass? I don’t know, and Carrie's robo-pologies aren’t bringing clarity to the scene. I wonder if she grew up to become the pioneer of the online chat help cable and phone companies offer. When I was setting up cable in my new digs I was asking what I thought were basic questions and not getting any semblance of a real answer so I asked if I was speaking with a robot. “I can assure you that you are interacting with LiveHelpTech Traci,” was the reply. Thanks a lot, Carrie Ingalls.

Meanwhile, Reverend Alden is riding up to the homestead. Oh, Caroline is already outside, so I guess it is “later” instead of “meanwhile”. Anyway, Reverend Alden is stopping by to ask if Caroline would be interested in baking some items for an upcoming fundraiser. Caroline is flattered by the offer but stops to consider it. Meanwhile (for real this time), Charles saunters over and chats with the Reverend. They have a casual conversation about the family outing the Ingalls are planning on enjoying this weekend. Reverend Alden apologizes to Caroline for asking for the favor since it would interfere with those plans. Caroline gets Charles up to speed on those details and he reminds her that the outing isn’t for a couple of days. Caroline says the pies should be fresh, so they should be baked on Saturday for Sunday’s bazaar. Alden gets all “Won’t somebody think of the children?” and Charles says he can postpone the trip for a week. Caroline doesn’t like that idea, so she suggests that they go on the trip since it will be easier for her to bake without a bunch of kids running around. Reverend Alden offers Caroline a ride to the bazaar on Sunday where she can be reunited with her family. This solution seems to work for everyone. Good, can we move on?

Caroline and Charles are in bed. Charles is reading a newspaper and Caroline is reading over his shoulder. He points out an article about a family whose house was cleaned out because they left the door unlocked. Caroline is horrified by the thought, so Charles suggests that she keep the door locked while the rest of the family is gone. Um, I got the sense from the story that nobody was home and that’s what made the house an easy target. Caroline knows how to defend herself, but she humors her husband. Pa lets on that he thinks Caroline might be shooing the family away but she says she’s just excited about having a day off. They turn off the lights and go to sleep.

The next day Charles is packing up the children on the Ingalls Express. As Laura and Mary dump their items (and run back inside to get items they forgot), Caroline comes out with some first aid supplies and the first pie of the day. Charles and the girls ride off waving. Bye Ma!

The Aftermath 5/5

The town meeting is still sitting in silence as Broder walks up and down the aisles. He asks if anyone has anything to say, but Doc Baker just hands him the newspaper. Reverend Alden asks if Broder's question has been answered. Broder calls the House of God a "house of liars". Reverend Alden seems unfazed by this, but Mr. Ford is about to crack. Jonathan notices this. When Mr. Ford stands up to tell Broder the truth, Garvey punches him out and says that he will claim the reward. Doc Baker tries to interject, but Garvey tells him to butt out. Jonathan tells Broder that they have Mary as a hostage, but Broder says that he'll do what he can. I think Broder has a glass eye.

Broder rings the church bell and assembles the posse. Jonathan tells Broder that the horses won't be necessary, but the leader tells him to shut up and take them to the hideout. Jonathan leads them over a hill to the old Taylor place. The posse moves their horses to the hill crest before dismounting. The posse surrounds the house and aim. Broder yells out a warning to the James boys that they need to come out of the house now or they will fire. Nice that they are trying to protect Mary. Just think of those savings, taxpayers! Meanwhile, Jonathan is shooing the horses away. Jonathan rejoins the men-folk and tells them that the horses are spooked and they need to get the posse wagons out of town. After a few moments, the shooting stops and the posse investigates the house. They quickly discover that this house was not the hideout. Wah wah.

Over at the actual hideout, Jonathan arrives with two horses for the James brothers. Jesse apologizes to Mary but she is unresponsive. Jonathan suggests that the boys leave town while the posse is preoccupied. They take his advice and leave. Charles thanks Jonathan.

Back in town, the posse is still trying to track down their horses. Jonathan walks into town with a horse and Broder is not amused. He pulls out a revolver and tells Jonathan that he "has plenty to answer for." Garvey, is all "what, me?" and tells Broder that he was chasing down the horses because they were spooked by the gunfire from earlier. Charles vouches for Jonathan. You know, it's a good thing Broder didn't ask why Mary was with Charles because that might have tipped him off that someone was at the hideout. As Broder mounts his horse and begins to depart, Jonathan asks if he caught the James brothers. Broder just gives him an icy stare and then the posse leaves.

At the next church service, Reverend Alden gives a sermon recapping the recent events. He meditates a bit on the blurred line of right and wrong and ultimately it is up to everyone to individually make peace with their conscience. We can see Mary contemplate this before she looks over at Bobby. She then voices over that, while the James brothers escaped that day never to be seen in Walnut Grove again, Bobby Ford met up with Jesse six years later. Jesse did not survive that encounter.

The Aftermath 4/5

Frank pulls down the shade then hobbles over towards the table. Jesse is sitting down as Mary wrings her hands. "There's gotta be another way," Frank says. Jesse says this is their only chance since they don't have horses and Frank won't be running away any time soon. Mary finally processes the situation but asks to verify that the brothers will kill her if the bounty hunters try to stop the James brothers. Jesse assures her that the situation won't escalate to that level, but Mary is not consoled by the formality. "But I liked you," she weeps. Frank is still not keen on having a hostage and tells his brother no. Jesse is finally annoyed with this distraction and shoves Mary into a closet. Hehe.

Charles and Jonathan are inside the mill trying to hatch a plan that will allow Charles to get to Mary. Jonathan is trying to present Charles with all of the options on the table, but Ingalls is determined to do things his way. It's go time. Charles climbs out the wheel window and lowers himself into the water. Jonathan is playing lookout as Charles maneuvers his way through the water under the bridge. He hides in some grass when he notices a posse member on the bridge. Jonathan notices this and starts to cross the bridge. He tells the guard "I feel asleep" and some other nonsense, allowing Charles to silently swim by. The guard doesn't notice.

Back at the hideout, Frank is keeping watch outside. He looks over at his brother and tells him the first rule of hostage taking: "A hostage is no good unless you're willing to kill that hostage. Are you willing to do that?" Jesse doesn't even flinch.

Meanwhile, the town meeting is in session. Reverend Alden informs the crowd that the posse intends to kill the James brothers if they are found. One man objects, stating that the brothers won't get a fair trial anyway, so he is going to tell the posse and collect the reward. Jonathan blocks the exit and shares the update about Mary being held hostage. How does he know that? All he knows is that Mary went to visit the brothers. The man decides to back down, but not before saying that he is against not telling the posse the info they want. Jonathan tells Mr. Ford to listen to him. Oh, of course he's Bobby's father. Thanks, show.

Anyway, the crowd is on Garvey's side since Mary's life may be at stake. Reverend Alden silences the crowd and says that he will only support actions that protect Mary. As he calls for everyone to be united in their efforts, the Reverend notices Broder's silhouette puffing a cigar. Broder turns the corner and tells Alden to finish his statement. The Reverend icily reminds Broder that this meeting is being held in a church, so ix nay on the oking smay. Broder puts out his cigar on the floor (classy), then recaps all the information he has so far. He goes on to say that half of the $5000 reward will go to the person who tells him where the hideout is. He passes around the newspaper to see if there are any takers.

A soaked and semi-shirtless Charles runs up to the porch of the hideout. Before Charles reaches the steps, Jesse steps outside with his gun pulled. Charles asks about Mary and then tries to reason with Jesse in an effort to let her go. Charles proposes an exchange but Jesse decides to keep both of them as hostages. Charles Ingalls still sucks at negotiations.

The Aftermath 3/5

The church bell rings as the congregation files into the building. The Ingalls family runs into Doc Baker and Jonathan. They exchange greetings and Doc Baker says he hopes for a short sermon because "it's gonna be hotter than you know what" today. Caroline is somewhat scandalized by this. Really? Doc Baker tips his hat in apology. Just then, the sound of horses approaching causes those still outside to turn around. Caroline wonders who the riders are and Mary notices they are carrying guns. Isn't stating the obvious Laura's job? She still hasn't said anything! Charles tells his wife and kids to go inside while he and the other men-folk deal with the arriving posse.

The leader of the posse rides up and says howdy to the gentlemen gathered outside. He's looking for any information about the James brothers because they may have passed through the area recently. Charles asks if the man is a sheriff, but the posse is actually a group of bounty hunters. Charles, Jonathan and Doc Baker exchange a glance. The leader notices this and waxes philosophical about how bounty hunters may be unpopular but they save "you taxpayers a lot of money." Well, no. You're duplicating a service that is already being provided and paid for. Also, what taxes would be applied in this situation? Certainly not federal, since income taxes weren't established until 1918. Doc Baker also asks how the bounty hunters save money. The leader says that trials cost money, so the swift justice served by a bounty hunter gets to bypass that costly step. How considerate. Charles steps forward and tells the leader that the only people they have seen recently with guns are the bounty hunters. The leader suggests that the James brothers might be a bit more subtle than to brandish weapons willy nilly. He then hands a "Wanted" poster to Charles and asks for the townspeople to keep an eye out for trouble. Ominous music plays as they ride off. Doc Baker suggests that they go inside, but Charles hands him the poster first. They instantly recognize the pictures as Dankworth and Hobbes. Jonathan asks Charles why he didn't say anything. Charles responds that he didn't want them killed in cold blood. Doc Baker agrees but thinks that perhaps others should be made aware of the situation. Charles suggests a men-folk meeting during lunchtime the next day.

The bounty hunters ride past the Plaza De Hanson and Jesse see the commotion outside the front window. He has his gun pulled, but since the hunters don't stop Jesse determines that no one in town is aware of their true identities. Frank would rather just get a couple of horses and skip town. Jesse disagrees, saying that Walnut Grove may be the safest place for them to hideout at the moment.

"I wouldn't mind so much if I had a reason, but you won't give me one," Mary whines. We're back at the homestead with Bizarro Caroline laying down the law. Charles is sitting at the table quietly as Mary whines about why she isn't allowed to keep her job. Charles tells her she will find out later, but until then she is simply not allowed to work for the men. Mary reluctantly agrees and sulks her way up to the loft. Laura, who sat on the edge of the loft to watch the scene below, just holds her head in her hands and sighs. Does she have laryngitis this week or something?

Men-folk meeting. Actually, it looks like post meeting since Reverend Alden kindly summarizes that someone will travel to Mankato to tell the marshal there of the situation. The sound of approaching horses is heard again. The bounty hunters have returned and everyone looks concerned. "What are we going to tell them?" asks Nels. "As little as we can," replies Jonathan as he walks over to meet the leader. The leader is less cordial this time, reporting that witnesses saw the James brothers get off the stage in Walnut Grove the week before. One of the posse members happens to be the stagecoach driver and he was able to positively ID the guys based on the latest published photos of the criminals. The leader asks where they are but no one responds. "Harboring criminals is a serious offense," the leader warns,"we either get your cooperation or every building in this town is gonna be turned inside out. Believe me we have the authority." From who? Granted, my only knowledge of the world of bounty hunters comes from the Metroid games and Midnight Run, so unless this guy rolls up into a ball and starts dropping F-bombs I don't think he's legit.

Anyway, no one answers the leader's threat. Reverend Alden steps forward and suggests that they convene a town meeting. The leader is dubious about this, but Alden emphatically restates that they need a town meeting. The leader suspects that something is up, but decides to allow for a meeting in one hour. Oh, and they are going to seal the town. Jonathan says some of the kids in school live outside of town, so the leader says the kids can leave but everyone else has to stay put. The posse splits up to cover the exits.

Back at Maison Hanson, Jesse is in the front doorway and he looks perturbed. Frank hobbles over and asks his brother if the posse might have just been passing through. Jesse is not naive and he is starting to think of a Plan B. This could get ugly.

Miss Beadle is in the middle of discussing a lesson when Jonathan walks in. He asks to speak to the teacher and she excuses herself. We hear some whispers and Mary looks on with bland concern. Bobby is trying to stare her down. They are so going to make out. Miss Beadle returns and tells the class they will be dismissing early. After a brief cheer, Miss Beadle tells the kids to go straight home and that tomorrow will be the start of their Shakespeare unit. Yay! Oh, the kids don't seem to share my enthusiasm. The kids file out but Miss Beadle asks Mary to stick around for a moment. They have a chat about the recent Civil War unit and Miss Beadle believes that Mary got more out of it than any one in the class. Mary thanks her and leaves.

We see various outskirts of town and the posse keeping watch. The stagecoach driver and the leader, Mr. Broder, have a chat about the situation. The driver can't believe that the law-abiding, God-fearing folks of the town would hide criminals. Broder doesn't fully believe that they are law-abiding or even friendly. More flies with honey, Broder.

Laura and Carrie are running down a road that appears to be going back into town. Pa sees them and calls them over. He asks why they are back in town. Laura finally says something! Specifically, she left a book at school and returned to get it. Pa asks where Mary is and Laura reluctantly reveals that she went to thank Dankworth and Hobbes. Charles is not a fan of this development. Laura asks about her book, but Pa snaps at her to go home.

Mary is approaching the Palace. Jesse sees her through the front window then calls Frank over to watch this latest twist. Frank sees the look in Jesse's eye and tells him not to do what he is about to do. Jesse says "life's hard" and you gotta do what you gotta do. There's a knock on the door and Jesse invites Mary inside. Frank is not happy.

Barn Burner 3/5

Andy is all bandaged up and walking around outside. He goes to inspect the smoldering remains of the barn. He stops and notices something on the ground. Andy kneels and finds a broken lantern. This sparks a flashback to the night before when he placed the lantern on the fence post of the corral. I suspect Andrew Garvey with the Lantern in the Barnyard. Or, Mrs. Oleson with the Lead Pipe in the Mercantile. No, I’ll stick with my first guess. Andy sets the lantern down, has another flashback of the burning barn, and gets startled out of his thought by his father approaching. Jonathan tells his son that he doesn’t have to go to school today, but Andy says Doc Baker gave him the okay to go. Jonathan looks at the smoldering pile and laments on all the hard work lost in the blaze. He does find comfort in the idea of Larabee rotting in jail. Andy looks like he wants to respond to this, but decides to head off to school instead.

That evening we rejoin the Garveys at dinner. Jonathan is saying grace and is filling God and the audience in on all the details of what has happened so far in the episode. Once the recap is over and the family starts to eat, Jonathan tells his wife and son that Larabee claims he is innocent on the arson charge. Alice is more concerned about Andy having to testify at the trial. Andy pokes at his food for a bit before asking what is going to happen to Larabee. Alice ends the conversation before he gets an answer.

The next morning the town is gathering at the schoolhouse for the trial. That is one multi-purpose building they have there in Walnut Grove. It’s a school, a church, a theater, and now a courthouse. Modern urban developers could learn a thing or two from a space like that. As people file in, one man is grumbling about how Larabee, despite being his so-called friend, was willing to cheat him and the rest of the co-op. He passes by Joe Kagan as he mutters “hanging is too good for him.” Joe Kagan breaks the fourth wall as he gives the audience a look that reads “uh, not so fast there Captain Swift of the Justice League.”

Nels escorts Larabee from the ice house as the trial gets ready to start. The judge is at the desk making some notes while Reverend Alden looks on at the gallery with concern. Nels brings in the suspect and the crowd grows silent. Larabee begins to sit down but the judge asks him to remain standing for the time being. “Barn burning is a serious felony offense,” the judge says before asking for a plea. Larabee says he didn’t do it. The judge says that the record shows that Larabee confessed to the crime. Larabee said he thought they were talking about the assault charge. The judge concludes not guilty on the arson charge and guilty on the assault charge. Larabee agrees, though I’m finding this process a bit fishy.

The judge asks Reverend Alden to be foreman of the jury. The Reverend is okay with serving on the jury, but he thinks there would be a major conflict of interest if he served as foreman. He nominates Charles for the foreman duty. Charles agrees and is asked to assemble a jury with great speed since the judge has stuff to do elsewhere. Your Honor, it is the defendant who has a right to a speedy trial, not the judge. The process gets even murkier when jury selection turns into a schoolyard pick. The jury includes the Reverend, Nels, Doc Baker, Fred Simmons, and Steve Mason. At this point Larabee interjects that all the jurors are prejudiced against him. The judge tells him tough. Um, mistrial? Larabee says his friend Matt should be on the jury and Charles tells him that he was next on the list anyway. This calms Larabee down until Charles calls on Joe Kagan. Larabee hops to his feet saying, and I quote: “cause it’s agin the law to have a colored on a jury.” The judge verifies that the objection is on racial grounds before informing the gallery that people of the “negro race” may sit on the jury of a trial of a white man. The crowd oohs and ahhs as Kagan joins the jury. Larabee looks just a bit more sour.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 10/10

Ma and Pa arrive at the school and by the lighting it looks like it is early evening rather than the middle of the night. When they enter the school, the headmaster walks out from his office and asks if there is a problem. Ma and Pa must keep bankers' hours or something because it can't be as late in the day as was suggested. They run upstairs.

The next morning (unless everyone decided to change clothes and its only half hour later) Charles is loading up the wagon as Adam and Mary supervise. What? The stage blocking suggests that activity for them. Charles remarks on how the rain will make the open coach ride a tad unpleasant before telling Adam that they will meet again in about a month. Pa asks Mary if she is ready and she says "just about". Caroline picks up the cue and ushers her husband away so that Adam and Mary can have their moment. No hands on face action you two.

Charles and Caroline board the coach as the two lovebirds say their goodbyes. They're both excited about what the next month has in store for them, they just don't want to wait that long. Mary recaps her journey of enlightenment that the blind school provided. Hey, hey! Mary, what did I JUST SAY about the hand/face contact? Adam moves in and much smooching ensues. He whispers "I'll be waving as you drive away." I've decided from now on if a character on any show says the episode title I'm going to apply the Pee Wee's Playhouse secret word rule. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Aren't you glad I already did "Sylvia" and "Annabelle"? Anyway, Mary boards the coach, with some assistance from Pa, and they're off. Sure enough, Adam is waving and Mary waves back.

In case the ghostliness of Walnut Grove wasn't clear enough, a pretty bad wind storm is whipping through the town. It looks like the Mercantile is still in business as Nels is replacing some stock behind the counter. He greets Charles and Mary, saying he heard they were back in town but not for long. Charles says he plans on leaving town in about a week but he has some livestock he'd like to sell. Nels shows Charles the stockroom and informs him that the inventory is getting sold to a wholesaler. I guess things aren't going as well as I thought. Then Mrs. Simms enters the store. She was looking for Mary to congratulate her on the new teaching job. Unfortunately, Mrs. Simms job is on hold as the school had to shut down along with everything else. Her family will be leaving town the next day. However, Mrs. Simms has a present for Mary: a cameo she received from her first teacher. Oh the places you'll go, Mary. The teachers hug and Mrs. Simms leaves in tears.

Back at the homestead, the family is playing with the new baby as Mary comes down from the loft. She brought with her what looks like a clipboard so that she can write a letter to Adam. Laura is intrigued by the apparatus and Mary explains that it is a braille writer. Laura asks why not write a letter out by hand, but Mary says someone would have to read the letter to him. Laura doesn't get why that would be an issue, but Ma knows a thing or two about prison letters and tells Laura to ease up on the questioning. Mary brings up the tragic Mrs. Simms situation and then asks if they are going to church in the morning. Caroline and Charles share a confused glance. I guess they didn't expect that Mary would want to go. Mary definitely does as it will be their last chance to say goodbye to the town.

At church the congregation has dwindled quite a bit. Let's see, the Fosters, the Ingalls, the Garveys, Doc Baker, the Olesons, and a woman with a rather unattractive hat are all that are in attendance. Reverend Alden is disappointed by the turnout. Maybe he'll be like the pastor at the church I attended growing up and admonish the crowd for all the people who didn't bother showing up and admonish the crowd again after people left early. Never mind the fact that those who he wanted to direct his message were NOT IN THE CHURCH. Anyway, the Reverend takes the pulpit and talks about the dire situation in Walnut Grove. His voice starts to waver as he realizes the inevitable. His sermon is about how "men of greed be allowed to do this to men of faith." But then he recalled the chat that he had with Charles way back when Mary was losing her sight. You remember. This segues into telling the congregation about Mary's new job and how it is serving some higher purpose. Yay, full circle.

The Reverend invites Mary to the pulpit to lead the congregation in prayer. Mary opens with a speech about her time in Walnut Grove, with a brief recap of the four years spent in the church. She then opens her braille bible to Psalm 15. Good choice -- it looks like it is striking a chord with the crowd. Mary finishes reading the passage with her fingers and smiles.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 3/10

Night has fallen and Charles is out in the barn sanding a piece of wood (not a euphemism). Caroline walks in and says she wanted to come out and be lazy with her husband. He claims he is refinishing a cupboard door, but Caroline busts him saying the door doesn't need refinishing. Charles stops and mumbles "It's been three weeks -- she's getting worse, isn't she?" Caroline sighs and affirms.

We then hear some glass breaking and Laura screaming "Fire!" Charles and Caroline run into the house where one of the chairs is up in flames. Pa tells Ma to get a blanket, tells Laura not to throw water on the blaze and then grabs the chair and takes it out the front door. Caroline smothers the fire with the blanket as all three Ingalls girls stand by watching silently. Once the fire is out, Mary apologizes and Pa says there was no harm done. He asks what happened and Mary says she was trying to read but it was so dark that she went to get another lamp and she dropped it. You know, Mary is a bit of a fire bug. Caroline is comprehending the gravity of what is happening to her daughter, but she tries to play it off as Mary overworking herself. She offers Mary a cool cloth to help rest her eyes, but Mary decides to go to bed instead. Pa is listening and looks miserable. Wait a minute -- I don't think they've told Mary yet. Dude, it's been three weeks! Mary apologizes again before heading up to the loft. Caroline asks Laura to get a mop, but Half-Pint is not amused. "Me again? Mary gets to do anything she wants and I have to do all the work?" Sorry Laura: Mary's raw deal outweighs your raw deal. Charles yells at Laura to get the mop and she runs out of the house to retrieve it. Caroline sends Carrie to bed before rejoining Charles at the back window. He decides that they need to tell Mary the truth. Ya think? Caroline offers to do it, but Charles decides that he'll do it tomorrow.

Charles decides to head over to the church for some contemplation. It must be Saturday since Reverend Alden is there setting up the room for services the following morning. The Reverend takes a seat next to Charles and informs him that Doc Baker told him what is going on. I haven't really touched on this yet, but Doc Baker rarely takes patient privilege into account, like, ever. It's not like he blabs the news all over town, but even passing the news on to someone who also has a privilege relationship (religious privilege in this case) is still a breach. Charles doesn't seem as concerned about this as I am as he just sits there while the Reverend offers help. Charles asks "why doesn't God listen?" The Reverend replies that God always answers prayers, just not the way that we would want them answered. In other words, all of the operators are with other customers at the moment and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. I would not want to work at that switchboard. Anyway, the Reverend assures Charles that God has the best intentions with what he is doing, though Charles can't understand why taking away the sight of a fifteen-year-old seems like a good idea. Reverend Alden believes that Mary was chosen for some special purpose. Charles says he has to tell his daughter that she is going blind and that an undefined "special purpose" is not the most effective spin on the situation. The Reverend takes several moments to think about it, but Charles gets up and leaves before he can respond.

The next day, Mary is sitting by a stream reading a book with her reading glass. Ah yes, using a magnifying glass on a book when the sun is beaming down on you. Fire bug. Charles takes a seat next to his daughter and she puts the glass and book down before any of the pages begin to smolder. Mary notices that something is bothering her Pa and she asks if he is worried about the railroad strike. They talk a bit about the economic meltdown of Hero Township, but it becomes clear to Mary that her Pa is bothered about something else. Charles' voice starts to waver as he explains what the scarlet fever did to Mary's eyes. She asks if things will get better, but he finally breaks it to his daughter that she will eventually go blind. It should come as no surprise that Mary does not take the news well. I think the scarlet fever may have affected her tear ducts as well because her crying is really not all that convincing. Eventually Mary runs off as Pa absorbs what just happened.

My Ellen 3/5

At the mill, Charles and Mr. Garvey are making some repairs on the water wheel. Jonathan is sitting inside the wheel working on some internal repairs while Charles is fixing something on the top. Charles says he’s ready and heads over to the reservoir. At first Mr. Garvey was ready, but before he leaves the wheel he sees another repair he needs to make. He tells Charles to hold up a second, but Charles doesn’t hear him. Charles pulls the blocker out of the reservoir and water starts heading down the aqueduct. The wheel starts to turn with Jonathan inside. Luckily it is a simple wheel-and-axle setup, so Mr. Garvey only gets flipped upside down instead of ground into bits. He still cries out as if he’s getting ground to bits. I guess Jonathan isn’t a spinning ride kind of guy. Charles doesn’t notice anything wrong until he is practically standing next to the wheel, but once he notices the problem he runs up to the reservoir to block the water again. Charles runs back down to check on Garvey, who says he hasn’t been that dizzy since the Sleepy Eye Juggler contest. That...makes no sense. Anyway, Charles asks again if Garvey is alright and he replies that he is going to get a sarsaparilla and have a sit-down. Once he leaves, Charles cracks up. This better be important later – I hate writing “sarsaparilla” in vain.

Later on, Charles loads up a wagon with sacks of something and the customer drives off. Reverend Alden stops by and tells Charles that he stopped by the Taylor place this morning. Wait, are we time traveling now? Alden says that Heloise still doesn’t want to talk to him or her husband, so there's no continuity issue. Anyway, Charles is surprised that Cal is getting the silent treatment, and the Reverend informs him that she blames her husband for Ellen’s death also. Alden says that there is no rational reason for any of these accusations and that Heloise is a woman on the verge. His suggestion: Send Caroline over to chat with the bereaved. No good could possibly come of that. His reasoning is that sometimes a woman’s understanding is far more helpful than a preacher saying “be strong.” So...no women in the clergy because of the competition? Charles agrees that this might help and says he’ll ride home right away and ask Caroline.

It looks like Caroline agreed since we now see her walking over to the Taylor house. Cal is outside loading the wagon. She greets Mr. Taylor and explains the reason for her visit. He warns her that she’ll probably be wasting her time. I do love it when the tertiary characters are the smartest ones in the room. It turns out the reason he is loading the wagon is because Heloise asked him to leave. I’m guessing it was more like “demanded”, but it’s the same result either way. Caroline grimly nods and he goes on to say that he’s tired of the fighting and he too needs time to grieve. He mounts the wagon and tells Caroline that he’ll be at his cousin Clay’s if Heloise wants him for any reason.

After Cal rides away, Caroline knocks on the front door. “I told you to go and not come in,” Heloise says. I assume she is mistaking Caroline for Cal, but I’m not 100% positive. Caroline announces herself and says she was hoping they could talk. “Go home to your family,” Heloise says, “take care of your children; you’re not welcome here.” Caroline leaves dejected.

The girls are walking by the same fenced area as that fateful Friday. Carrie is slowing the girls down and Mary tells her to hurry up. Carrie says she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t have a present. “We’ll tell Miss Beadle it’s from both of us,” Mary says. Are they going to school or a birthday party? Laura calls “No Fair” on this since she has flowers and the other two have a “real gift”. Mary decides to say the gift is from all three girls, but then Carrie calls “NO FAIR” because they’re back to the 3:2 present ratio. Oy. Laura comes up with the compromise that they’ll give the gift to Miss Beadle and she’ll give the flowers to Mrs. Taylor. Mary reminds her sister that Mrs. Taylor still isn’t very social yet, but Laura says she’ll leave them at the doorstep then. Laura decides to take the shortcut through the Busby land, even though Pa said not to go that way.

Laura reaches the Taylor house without any trouble and knocks on the door. There’s no response, so she knocks again. Somehow her gentle rapping causes the door to swing all the way open. She walks in while calling out for Mrs. Taylor. Laura looks straight ahead the whole time and doesn’t notice Mrs. Taylor standing in the doorway to Ellen’s bedroom. Heloise asks Laura what she wants and Laura offers her the flowers. Mrs. Taylor slowly walks over, takes the flowers and holds them the way one would hold a newborn baby. Laura watches this, cautiously, as Heloise muses on how Ellen always brought her flowers. Heloise looks over at Laura and smiles. Laura has been replaced with a soft focus version of Ellen. Uh oh.

The smile quickly vanishes and Mrs. Taylor says she’ll put the flowers in water. Laura is unsure of what to do and notices Ellen’s school supplies sitting on the table. Heloise explains that she got the supplies ready out of habit and then begins to ask “why? Why did it happen?” Oh good, we’ve progressed to the bargaining phase. “She was such a good girl,” starts Heloise who turns around and sees Ellen once more. Ellen is wearing Laura’s outfit, which I hope was not a regular occurrence because Ellen doesn’t really mesh with Laura’s aesthetic. She gives the kid a once over, but when given a second over she reverts back to Laura.

Laura gets sufficiently weirded out by this display and says she needs to go to school. Heloise asks Laura for a favor before she goes. She says she’s gotten her appetite back and was wondering if Laura could fetch some apples from the root cellar. Laura agrees, not fully comprehending the crazy in Heloise’s eyes. As soon as Laura is in the cellar and heading to the corner for the apples, Mama Taylor pulls up the ladder and shuts the door on Laura. Heloise grabs the flowers and Ellen’s belongings and walks out the door. It looks like she pulled the table over the cellar door as well. The scene ends with a close-up of a photo of Ellen, which will probably end up here at some point.

My Ellen 2/5

After the funeral, Mr. Taylor guides his wife to their bedroom. Is that the Travelocity Gnome on their night table? Cal sits his wife down on the bed and offers to make her some tea. Reverend Alden walks in and offers a highlighted bible to comfort Mama Taylor. Mama Taylor is rather unresponsive, so the Reverend puts the book on her dresser. Before he leaves, she lets him know that she prayed for a miracle – specifically, that God raise her daughter from the dead. “He’s done greater things than that,” she claims. The Reverend starts to caution her, but she tells him not to tell her not to question the ways of God. Mama Taylor stands by the window and declares that God doesn’t care about her or Ellen. She tells the Reverend not to come by their house anymore. Mr. Taylor comes in to see what’s going on. Reverend Alden respects her request and starts to take his leave. “And take your damn book with you!” she screams as she throws the Bible at the Reverend. See if God does you any favors now, Mama Taylor.

The Ingalls family is riding back from the funeral. Laura is sitting in the very back of the wagon and looks to be still devastated by what Mama Taylor said to her. She hops off the wagon and slowly walks into the barn. Pa follows to console his crying daughter. He explains that people sometimes over react when they are mourning, which Laura acknowledges. He tells Laura that it wasn’t her fault but she says that swimming was her idea. Pa tells her that people can’t predict the future and sometimes things just happen. They hug, but it’s pretty evident that Laura is still processing the rapid series of events.

That night, Mr. Taylor comes out of his bedroom and checks on his wife who has set up camp in Ellen’s bedroom. He offers to heat up some soup, but she doesn’t want any since it was made by “that girl’s mother.” “She thought she’d cover up her daughter’s guilt by being nice,” she states, much to Mr. Taylor’s disgust. Mine too; that’s incredibly tacky.

Before he can say anything, Mama Taylor, AKA Heloise, holds up a picture Ellen painted for her birthday. She muses on the interesting color choices for a bit before asking Mr. Taylor why he wasn’t home that fateful Friday afternoon. He’s taken aback by the question and says that he was still at work. “If you had been home she wouldn’t have gone. You wouldn’t have let her,” Heloise concludes. He says he would have, but Heloise says he would have told Ellen to do her chores first. Ergo, it’s his fault that Ellen is dead. Before he can even respond to this, she screams “Get out of my baby’s room!” He can’t believe that she would blame Laura, then him, but before he can get out any more of his disbelief she accuses him of accusing her. Oh, jeez. This would be the anger phase of the grief process. He leaves the room and she grabs all of the drawings and holds them to her chest. The music suggests that the corpse of Ellen is living in the attic, but I’m not sure that is the case. Yet.

My Ellen 1/5

Carrie is running through a field with her sisters and their friend Ellen as this episode opens. Carrie manages to stay upright, though not running downhill probably helps. The girls eventually reach the Taylor homestead and Ellen gives her Ma a hug. Mama Taylor surmises that since Ellen is so excited when she arrived, she must be super excited to do her chores. Ooo, and if she behaves herself, Santa might let her roll pennies. Ellen clarifies her good mood by telling her Ma that the “Ingall [sic] girls are going swimming” and she has been invited to join them. Ma sort of hems and haws and asks if Ellen did well in school today. Laura chimes in that Ellen did better than Mary. Way to oversell, Half-pint. Mama Taylor tells Ellen to be home before dark. The girls run off, leaving Carrie in the dust again. The youngest Ingalls girl asks “Don’t we ever walk anywhere?”

As they run down the road to the swimming hole, Laura suggests cutting through a fenced in area. Mary reminds her that Pa said not to do that and that she’ll tell if Laura does it anyway. “You would, too,” Laura responds. Her words, not mine, honest. Laura rejoins her sisters and friend and takes the long way to the water. The camera then zooms in on a boy watching the girls through some bushes. That usually means trouble.

We rejoin the girls at the swimming hole and they are already in the deep water, splashing and having a good time. We then see a couple of heads pop up from above the crest of the hill. Oh, it’s the boy from earlier and his little brother. They’re just peeping. I’m not condoning the activity; it just could have been a lot worse. The younger boy notices that one of the girls is getting out of the water. “Never mind,” he says, “it’s only Carrie.” This scene is so wrong. The boys decide to sneak down for a closer look. They find a better vantage point behind some brush about two-thirds of the way down the hill. After about fifteen seconds of watching, the boys hear Carrie ask “WHATCHA DOIN?” Busted! The younger kid lies and says they’re fishing. “WHAT ARE YOU FISHING WITH?” Carrie asks. The boys stammer that they are looking for pole-making supplies, but Carrie, who is wrapped in a towel, tries to help. “LAURA HAS AN EXTRA POLE HIDDEN AROUND HERE SHE’LL LOAN IT TO YOU LAUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAA THERE’S SOME BOYS HERE THAT WANNA SEE YOU.” The other girls look over and scream, realizing they’ve just been peeped on. They dive underwater until the hill near the coast is clear.

Soon after, Laura and Mary pop up near the marshier part of the watering hole. They check to see if the boys are still there and look around a bit before Laura sees them running away. It should be noted that the boys appear to be running in a desert. But besides that, how is Laura able to see them when she is downhill and several hundred yards away? Anyway, Laura decides that they should get dressed and leave. Mary agrees and yells for Ellen. The girls look around as Mary calls out for her, but there is no response. Mary Ingalls sucks at Marco Polo. Laura wonders if Ellen is trying to play a trick, but I’m not that optimistic.

Neither is the search-and-rescue party that has assembled that night. There are a couple of boats floating around, one with a guy casting a net onto the water. Laura and Mary are wrapped in blankets, watching the scene unfold with Caroline by their side. Ellen’s parents are also standing nearby and are holding onto a torch and hope. After a few moments someone calls out that they found something. It’s Ellen.

We rejoin Laura and Mary, dressed in their Sunday best, listening to Reverend Alden’s eulogy. To review the last six minutes: Opening credits, school’s out, swimming, peeping, drowning, and now a funeral. This episode must have a hot date because it’s not wasting any time. Once the Reverend concludes his remarks, Mama Taylor throws herself on the coffin. Mr. Taylor manages to pull his wife off the pine box and escorts her away. They pass Mary and Laura and Mama Taylor stops. She looks Laura right in the eye and says “You did this. It was you. Well it was! She was always asking my Ellen to go swimmin’. If it hadn’t been for you, Ellen would be home with me.” She starts to wail and is taken away as Laura bursts into tears. Charles and Doc Baker share a glance, recognizing that this is just the grief talking. Reverend Alden, on the other hand, walks over and doesn’t bother trying to console Laura and gives her a look that says “she sort of has a point.” First: No she doesn’t. Second: Way to do your job, Alden.

Bully Boys 5/5

Caroline pours some water from the kettle into a bowl to aid in cleaning Charles’ wounds. Doc Baker tells Charles to stay in bed until at least Sunday because he has at least three bruised ribs. Ouch. Mr. Edwards advises Charles to bring a two-by-four the next time he deals with roughnecks. There’s a knock at the door and Caroline goes to answer it. It’s Reverend Alden. He asks Doc if Charles will be alright and he replies, rather testily, that he’ll mend. I’m thinking someone got pulled out of his golf game to tend to the wounded. Anyway, Reverend Alden apologizes for what happened, but Charles isn’t interested. He accuses the Reverend of butting in and using soft words to try to appease the Galenders instead of addressing the problems the town is having with the newbies. Reverend Alden’s response: “Faced with violence, they reacted with violence.” Mr. Edwards calls bullshit on that, since Caroline was the one who was attacked first, albeit not as violently.

And then Reverend Alden has the chutzpah to ask if she perhaps misinterpreted the Galenders’ actions. This really irks Charles and warns the Reverend that today was just a sample of whatever shenanigans the Galenders have in store. The Reverend continues to defend the Galenders saying the Ingalls don’t understand the situation. Even assuming that their situation is real, Reverend, I fail to see how groping Caroline helps out the Galenders’ sick mother. Charles tells the Reverend to stop with the sermon that there is good in all people. Caroline is watching this like a tennis match, her eyes going back and forth between the Reverend and Charles. The Reverend pauses before telling Charles that he cannot approve of what happened today. Charles leaves the room and Reverend Alden leaves the house soon after. Mr. Edwards follows Charles and tells him “don’t you worry about a thing, Charles. I’ll get me a plow handle and by the time I’m done with them Galenders they’ll be too sore to wear their hats.” Uh, thanks? Charles tells his friend to stay out of it. As Mr. Edwards leaves, we see Laura and Mary sitting at the edge of the loft listening to everything that just transpired.

The next day, the Reverend rides out to the shack to speak with the Galenders. Bubba is outside splitting wood. He tells the preacher that his brothers aren’t home. “I see,” replies Reverend Alden. “Have they received any word about your mother?” he asks. This stops Bubba, who says that she hasn’t spoken to them in years. He asks how he knew about her, and the Reverend says they told him about her. This confounds Bubba since she left with some drummer shortly after Bubba was born. How 1960’s of her. Reverend Alden becomes Father Dowling for a moment as he figures out what is going on. Before he leaves, he asks Bubba to remind his brothers that he is looking forward to seeing them at church on Sunday.

School lets out Friday afternoon and the kids head down the steps. Mary, who was towards the front of the crowd, decides this is the best time to take a seat on the front steps. Mary Ingalls sucks at not screwing up traffic. Even Laura has to engage in some weird acrobatics to walk around her sister. Laura tells Mary to hurry up so they can soak their feet in the creek before they do their chores. Sounds like fun. Bubba comes out of the school a few moments later and grabs the writing tablet that Mary set down. Laura tells him to put it back. Bubba puts forth the legal argument of “Finders Keepers” while Nellie files the amicus brief of “Loser’s Weepers”. Mary quietly says “That’s my tablet, Bubba.” He says he doesn’t see her name on it and Nellie chimes in that she saw him find it. Mary seethes that her name is on the front cover and asks again for him to give it back. Bubba interprets this as Mary claiming he can’t read. Mary looks at him before replying through gritted teeth that she is not going to take any more bullying from him. Laura says “me too,” and takes a step closer to the action.

Mary stands up, picks up her pail, and walks up to Bubba. “There comes a time when people have to stand up for what’s right. We’re not backing down to you anymore.” Bubba tries to call her bluff and advises Mary to go talk to her papa to see what Galenders are capable of. Mary’s rebuttal: Swinging her pail across Bubba’s face. Mary Ingalls does not suck at hand-to-hand combat. Good for her. She throws down the pail and tries to get in a couple of hits while he’s on the ground, but Bubba pushes her away. Laura tries to dive in but he is able to push her away as well. Mary tries again, but Bubba is able to overpower her and push her away. Nuts, Mary Ingalls does suck at hand-to-hand combat. As this is happening, all the other girls are silently communicating their solidarity and bum rush Bubba shortly after Mary is pushed aside. Everyone except Nellie gets in on the action.

Later that evening, Pa is enjoying his after dinner pipe outside with Caroline sitting nearby. The girls come out to say good night and Mary apologizes for getting into a fight. Pa says that the fight seemed inevitable, so he’ll let it slide. Laura asks if Reverend Alden would think the girls were wrong, but Charles guesses not since they won. Boosh. Caroline chastises her husband verbally while the bruised ribs chastise him physically. Mary says she learned a lesson: That if you stand together you don’t have to be afraid. That seems to be the bully antidote on this show. Laura starts to reenact the play-by-play, but Caroline warns her that being prideful of a fight isn’t advisable. Laura cuts herself off as she and Mary are sent to bed. Before Laura shuts the front door, Caroline verifies that Mary “socked him a good one”. Atta girl, Caroline.

It’s now Sunday morning and the congregation is arriving at church. Charles notices the Galenders walking up and snidely comments that the “Christians are on their way to church.” Before Charles can get super bitchy, Mr. Edwards walks up and greets the family. There is some milling about inside the church until the Galenders arrive. A hush falls over the crowd and everyone decides to take their seats. The Galenders sit in the front row and Reverend Alden gives them an icy glare. He says he’s going to bypass the hymn and go right to the sermon.

Today’s subject: HELL. Specifically, the concept of Hell serving a purpose in reminding people why they strive to do good things. “I’ve told you there’s good in all people,” starts the Reverend. “But that doesn’t mean that all people lead good lives. There are those who lie, who steal, who abuse those around them.” Sam and George share a glance that says “I know where this is going, but don’t lose your cool yet, bro.” Reverend Alden rehashes the Turn the Other Cheek adage and reminds people that it works 99% of the time. But every so often that 1% happens when the “devil is in our midst” and no nobility will protect you from the devil’s bidding.

George decides that this would be the right place to interject and ask if the Reverend is slurring the Galender name. Reverend Alden steps down from the dais and says that he is doing more than that. He commends the children for teaching the town the lesson it needed to fight against the devil’s work. Sam asks the preacher what he plans to do. “I intend to see you out of this church and out of this community.” Sam scoffs at this and tells Reverend Alden that it looks like he is still standing alone. Reverend Alden then grabs Sam, swings him around and slams him against the wall and Dirty Harry’s an “am I?” George stands up, but Mr. Edwards grabs him and throws him towards a group of men. We see a close up of a roughed up Bubba who is unsure of how to proceed. Sam can tell the game is over and assures the Reverend that they’ll be gone by nightfall. “You’ll go now,” commands Reverend Alden. He deputizes Mr. Edwards to handle the eviction and directs Caroline to lead the ladies in a hymn.

And now: The Walnut Grove Congregation Choir will accompany this afternoon’s eviction with “Onward Christian Soldier”. A-one, a-two, a-you know what to do.

Bully Boys 3/5

It must be Sunday because the school house is filled with Reverend Alden’s congregation. This week’s sermon vague touches on the financial losses and abuse brought on by the Galender clan. The Reverend points out that many hymns talk about “Christian Courage” and that the Bible does not reward cowardice. Blah blah blah “turn the other cheek” blah blah blah Mary’s eye isn’t really looking any better. I think Reverend Alden is picking up the vibe that the congregation isn’t really buying what he’s selling, so he tells them that he will go speak to the Galenders.

At the Galender shack, Bubba slaps down a writing pad and says “You know you’s wrong about that man’s poke.” What? Oh, the math riddle from a couple of days ago. Bubba proudly says that Sam was wrong: it isn’t a dollar and a half but $1.35. Your Brain Age isn’t improving, kid. Sam is completely disinterested and says that someone will take that poke before Bubba finishes adding anyway, so the actual total is irrelevant. There’s a knock at the door and Bubba announces that “it’s a preacher!” the way that someone would say “it’s a zombie!” Sam invites the Reverend in and introduces the rest of the family. Sam tells George to set a place for the preacher because their mother always said “you gotta feed the preacher or you gonna pay the devil”. The Reverend chuckles at this and marvels that Mama Galender must have been a God-fearing woman and segues into asking why the boys have been total jackholes since they’ve arrived in Walnut Grove. Sam and George play dumb and ask the Reverend for clarification. The Reverend mentions the purchases made, running up bills they didn’t offer to pay and the intimidation tactics. The brothers continue to play dumb and innocent and mention that their bank draft is overdue. Although that takes care of the purchases and over-billing issue, Reverend Alden still takes exception at the lumber scam that the Galenders pulled.

Sam waits a beat and asks Bubba to leave the room. Bubba complains but complies. That buys Sam enough time to come up with what is probably a cock-and-bull story about their Ma getting sick right after the lumber purchase. Wow, you can get word about your ailing mother faster than you can get a bank draft from St. Paul? Reverend Alden is far less suspicious than I am and decides that sympathy is the best approach to the situation. He wonders why they didn’t explain the situation to Mr. Hanson and Sam says that he didn’t want Bubba to find out. Reverend Alden agrees to keep mum about their mum as the Galenders apologize for skipping out on Sunday services and promise to be in attendance next week.

Another recess at Walnut Grove K-12. Mary is sulking on the front steps and Miss Beadle walks over to check on her. Mary says she doesn’t feel like playing and runs off. Miss Beadle sighs and shrugs before heading back inside. The soundtrack at this point sounds like the interlude music from the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Meanwhile, Laura and Willie are playing marbles and, judging by Laura’s trash talk, the Oleson boy is losing. As Laura gets ready to shoot, Willie says she is hunching and they agreed to no hunching and knuckles down. I have no idea what they are talking about, but Laura is totally hunched over. Laura fires and hits a marble. Yay? Nellie and Bubba are walking arm-in-arm towards the game. Nellie accuses Laura of cheating and Bubba says he should get in on the game. Laura says no, so Bubba puts his foot on the marbles and says that the game must be over because she’s out of marbles. Mary is watching the argument ensue from the distance and runs over when Bubba pushes her sister to the ground. Mary tells Laura to stop because he’ll just knock her down again. Bubba points to his eye and says “Your sister knows: you’d better listen to her.” Nellie smugly smiles at this and it makes me wish horrible things will befall this terrible twosome. Bubba picks up all the marbles and puts them in his pocket. After he and his girl go to the swing, Laura remarks that Bubba is a bully. That took a little too long to figure out, wouldn’t you agree, Laura?

The older Galendars are napping in a wagon somewhere in town. George looks around and remarks that Walnut Grove is a nice little town. His favorite part: the God-fearing people. He asks Sam if he thinks they’ll let them stay for a while and they both start to laugh. Sam says a man could have everything he wants in this town. George looks off in the distance and says “Just about everything.” Uh oh, it looks like Caroline has caught his eye. She’s walking down the road with a basket of eggs. George remarks that he wants some farm-fresh eggs and I worry that he might be using a euphemism. He climbs out of the wagon and approaches Caroline. He asks if those are fresh eggs, she says they are and tries to continue on her way. George holds her by the arm and she tells him to let go. Sam has joined them and Caroline looks over to the mill to see if Charles is nearby. He isn’t, so she tries to say the eggs aren’t for sale. George calls her bluff and Caroline tries to struggle, knocking the eggs out of the basket in the process. The two brothers get all up in Caroline’s personal space and she screams for them to leave her alone. She manages to run away before things get even sketchier and the Galenders laugh at her.

Oleson Versus Oleson 5/5

Laura hides behind a tree as Charles storms out of the church/school house. That’s not a good sign and Laura knows this. She goes inside to speak with Caroline who is angrily pacing up and down the aisle. Uh oh, it turns out Laura may have fibbed a little when setting up this meeting. Caroline is disappointed that Laura tricked her and even though Laura meant well, negotiations have deteriorated further. Caroline storms out the back door of the building while Laura tries to come up with a Plan B.

Dinner time at the homestead and the Raccoon is not in the mood. Pa tries to sell his stew as “almost as good as Ma makes”, but Grace isn’t buying it. Albert uses this impasse as an opportunity to ask if women need to be taken care of. Charles doesn’t really want to have this conversation, but he humors the boy. He explains that men and women help each other, but Albert pushes forward the theory that Charles won’t sign so he can take care of his woman. Charles denies this and puts an end to the conversation. Pa tries once more to feed the Raccoon, but she just starts to whimper.

Later on, Charles rides into town and runs into Almanzo and Nels. All the men have gathered outside of the restaurant because they have given up on cooking. The three decide to eat together until Reverend Alden asks if he can join in. Charles walks in and the place is packed. It looks like the entire population of Walnut Grove is eating out tonight and Percival informs Charles that there won’t be any food left by the time a table becomes available. This is all accentuated by some child screaming. As the men leave, Nels notices Harriet literally strutting over with a piece of chocolate cake. She waves it in front of his face before sitting down and partaking in the sweetness. Nels gets a murderous glint in his eyes, but he leaves before the scene gets interesting.

Outside the men try to come up with a backup plan when Reverend Alden suggests raiding the church pantry. All the men and screaming children from the restaurant gather in the church. There doesn’t seem to be any food, so I guess the plan is to turn the church into a de facto Moose Lodge and go from there. Or maybe they’re just waiting for a dozen pizzas to be delivered. As Almanzo and company continue to grouse about their current predicament, Charles says that he thinks Caroline’s crusade is finally sinking in. Although Walnut Grove may not necessarily need the effects of a petition, there might be parts of Minnesota that do. He claims that he has been so busy calling his wife foolish that he didn’t listen to what she was saying. Nels asks if Charles is going to sign and he replies yes.

The men head out of the church and over to the restaurant. The March of the Matriarchs plays as Charles enters the dining room. All the ladies look up as Charles confronts his wife. He grabs the pen behind Caroline’s ear and signs the petition that is hanging on the wall. Harriet is blown away by this. Charles turns around and hugs Caroline as the rest of the men sign. Once the signing is done, all the couples leave the boarding house hand in hand. It looks a little like Noah’s Ark Cruise Lines has reached a port and all the tourists are scrambling. Laura voices over that Caroline won her fight and the petition is moving along in the legislative process. “She said someday,” Laura’s voiceover continues, “that women will even have the right to vote. Maybe, but I doubt it.” Way to pay attention to current events, Laura.

The Award 2/5

Mary brings a basket of eggs into the house and tells Ma the totals. Before she can walk away, Caroline asks Mary to sit down. Mary looks at her mother expectantly, not entirely sure what this is about. Ma begins by saying that she was very frightened the night before. Mary apologizes and Ma continues to dwell on what could have, but did not, happen. Before Caroline can get too much deeper into her explanation, Mary asks to be excused so she can clear up the burnt straw. Really she just wants to get away from having to relive the experience. Ma lets Mary leave.

We see Mary raking in the stable when she comes across the book that started this whole mess. Though not destroyed, many of the pages are charred and pretty much unusable. Ms. Beadle is probably going to notice that. Mary realizes this and tears up again.

Caroline has decided to pay Reverend Alden a visit at the church. Before they get into the nitty gritty, the Reverend takes this time to say he ran into Charles and Mr. Edwards over at their campsite and sends their regards. I wonder if we’re going to be reminded every segment that Charles is not around even though we can tell that he is not around. I guess the show doesn’t want people to think he contracted The Fever. Anyway, Caroline is upset not because she punished Mary but because she lost her temper. Reverend Alden chuckles at this and asks if Mary apologized. Caroline says that she did several times, but Ma can’t stop dwelling on the idea that Mary could have been killed. Alden tells her not to worry about it since Mary wasn’t killed and then asks about what happened this morning. Turns out Caroline was reconsidering punishing Mary but she didn’t get a chance since Mary wanted out of that conversation. Way to go, Mary. Reverend Alden asks Caroline who decided that Mary should clean up the barn. Since it was Mary’s idea, the Reverend thinks that Mary is accepting responsibility for what happened. However, he thinks that the punishment should stick so that the daughters don’t get the idea that apologies alone will get them out of trouble. “Without constancy, a child has no rules to live by,” he bumper stickers. Sweeeeeet constancy. Not the most enticing bumper sticker, but I could see it on the Ingalls’ wagon.

It’s now Monday morning and Laura wants to get to school so she can play before the bell rings. Mary is dawdling and says she doesn’t feel like rushing to school. Laura offers Mary some candy to try to cheer her up. The older girl refuses at first but finally gives in. They head over to the mercantile to buy a penny’s worth of licorice. As Nels gets the candy, Mary asks about the “Help Wanted” sign he has posted behind the counter. Nels needs some temp help to do some odd jobs since Nellie is too busy with exam prep to work the floor. Mary offers her services, but Nels is a bit hesitant. He tells her to ask Ma first and if she says okay then it is fine by him. Before the girls leave, Mary remembers to ask what the pay will be. It is fifty cents a week and I have no concept of how good that wage is. For some reason my gut is telling me that Mary is making more than I am. She also asks how much a history book would cost and Nels guesses about a dollar. Well, that eases my mind – it doesn’t take me two weeks to earn enough to buy a textbook. Mary thanks Mr. Oleson and the girls leave the store.

Sylvia 4/10

Dinner time at the Webb house. Sylvia gets her father some more stew and tells him about her day. “We had a test today. I think I did real good,” she says. Well, if the subject isn’t grammar perhaps. Ah, it was a history test. Sylvia then asks her father if she can stay after school to help grade papers for extra credit. Funny, you’d think we would have seen Laura ask Sylvia that. Mr. Webb isn’t too pleased about this and reluctantly agrees. Something is amiss.

We’re now at the side of a babbling brook where Sylvia and Albert are fishing. Ah, apparently she meant “Albert Ingalls” not “Laura Ingalls” and “suki suki” instead of “extra credit”. Anyway, Sylvia is excited that she has caught another fish and Albert is a tad grumpy that he hasn’t caught any. She starts laughing and admits that she’s happy to be with Albert. Aw, they’re getting all lovey-dovey. “Maybe I’ll have better luck if I sat closer to you,” Albert suggests as he scooches over. Eeek! We’re not the only ones watching this romance bud. A gloved hand is pushing some brush away and the unblinking eye is staring across the water. This is a bad sign.

Speaking of signs, Albert has carved “Albert Loves Sylvia” into a tree. He did a really fancy job of it too, cutting out a square frame and everything. That must have taken the better part of the afternoon. We then get a profile shot of the two of them going into a slo-mo smooch. Aw.

Later on, we see Sylvia bounding towards her home. Oops, guess she lost track of time because she is late and Papa Webb wants his dindin. As Sylvia scrambles to light the stove, her father asks about the paper grading and whether it is helping Sylvia or not. Sylvia says it is, but Mr. Webb reveals that he wasn’t sure so he went and checked with Mrs. Wilder about it. Uh-oh, busted. Not only does he know about the lying, but Papa Webb knows that Sylvia lied so she could see Albert. As a result, Mr. Webb declares the Ingalls boy off limits.

The next day Albert runs to catch up with Sylvia after school. He asks what’s up but all she says is that she has to get home. “You don’t like me anymore, do you?” Albert pouts. Sylvia explains the situation, about how she lied to her dad and such, and that she can’t see Albert anymore. As she runs off, a blacksmith walks from the background to ask Albert what’s wrong. When did this become Amelie? And who’s that guy? Or, it’s Mr. Hartwig. Yeah, I don’t either. He tries to console Albert by saying that Mr. Webb is trying to raise Sylvia as best he can. “He’s trying to keep her from being too wild,” he says. Is there something about Sylvia from an earlier episode that I completely missed? Was she one of those kids that you see on Maury or Jenny Jones that got sent to boot camp because she was an out of control tween? Somehow Sylvia got a bad rep and I don’t know why. Anyway, Hartwig suggests that Albert give things time and it should all work out.

Grace is freaking out in her high chair at the homestead. Sounds like Ma made another tasty breakfast, but Albert is just moving the food around his plate. Caroline checks to see if Carrie is ready for school. Carrie steps into frame, says she’s almost ready then steps out again. She earned that residual check, let me tell you. Charles can tell that something is bothering Albert and he guesses correctly that it is Sylvia. Apparently two weeks have passed and things have not gotten better. Thanks for nothing, Hartwig. Albert can’t believe that Mr. Webb is still mad about the whole lying thing, but Charles mentions that Webb has been acting strange towards everyone the last couple of weeks. Neither of the male Ingalls can figure out what’s up, but Pa suggests that Albert keeps persisting. Do chicks dig that?

The kids leave for school and Caroline takes this opportunity to compare notes with Charles. Mr. Webb has stopped coming by the restaurant and Mrs. Foster had to deliver a package to his place rather than waiting for him to pick it up. Also, when Mrs. Foster was at the Webb house, she noticed that Sylvia was working the fields. Charles mentions that Reverend Alden is planning on paying a visit as well, which seems to ease Caroline’s mind a bit.

“Mornin’ Hector!” Reverend Alden calls as he drives up to the Webb house. The Reverend is jovial as always and says that he’s just checking to see if the Webbs are feeling alright. Then he goes into parole officer mode trying to find out why Sylvia and her father haven’t been at church. Mr. Webb says that he’s been busy and such, which is met with the typical “day of rest” retort. “The Lord didn’t have a mortgage payment to make,” Mr. Webb snaps as he walks away. The Reverend still wants to know what’s up and tells Mr. Webb that people in town are worried about him. “I’m not interested in what Charles Ingalls has to say,” Mr. Webb bellows. I can’t help but laugh. I guess Mr. Webb never watches this show – it’s all about what Charles Ingalls says. Hector is pretty steamed at this point and he assumes that the Reverend is there only to collect tithe money. Mr. Webb throws a wad of bills at Alden before driving out, saying he’s paid up for the month. God'll getcha for that one, Hector.