Annabelle 5/5

It’s the day of the circus and Laura is getting ready to make her dress delivery. Caroline takes a look at the finished product and declares it beautiful. I dunno, Michael Kors is going to take one look at that fabric and I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t call it “dowdy”. Ma takes a second look and notices that the skirt is basted. Laura! Nina is going to notice and tear you apart. Half-pint is getting “auf’d” tonight, I just know it. Laura assures her Ma that she’ll do the finishing work, but the grin on her face after Caroline leaves suggests otherwise.

There’s a knock on the door of Christie’s bachelorette pad. Laura has arrived with the dress. Christie takes the garment and inspects it. As she holds it up to her body, Christie reminds Laura that she was supposed to have made the delivery by five o’clock. The clock behind Miss Snootypants shows that it is 5:05, therefore she is only going to pay half. Laura is all “bitch, please,” and I have to agree. A five minute delay does not a breach of contract make, particularly a penalty of half the cost. Christie hands Laura some money, telling her it is all she is getting. Laura decides that she can’t accept any money saying that she shouldn’t have been late and that “it would be on my conscience.” Christie is okay with this arrangement, particularly if it has taught Laura a lesson. “My Pa says it’s good for people to learn a lesson once in a while.” As Laura leaves, she turns back and insincerely wishes Christie a wonderful time at the circus.

Nels is sitting on the side of his bed again, looking at his ringmaster notes as the sun sets on Walnut Grove. Harriet comes in and tells him he has five minutes to get ready. He half-heartedly says “yes, dear”, which does not amuse Harriet. She tells him he is going to need a lot more pep for tonight. When that doesn’t cheer her husband up, Mrs. Oleson then reminds him that once the show is over Annabelle and her blood-related past will be gone and no one in the town will be any the wiser. Even so, Annabelle is still Nels’ sister and he reminds his wife of that fact.

Circus time. The band plays as an elephant wearing a bowler hat leads the parade. You know, all of my circus experiences involving elephants also involve copious amounts of elephant poo. Is that really the best animal to lead the parade? We see Almanzo clapping away at the parade as a disinterested Christie tries to put the moves on him. Billy Barty, dressed as clown, gets all up in Grace Ingalls’ face and she instinctively freaks out. Yeah, Caroline will be spending the rest of her evening trying to calm that kid down. Nels comes out to start the show. All that preparation ahead of time didn’t seem to help as he has to read off the names of the events directly from a list.

As Nels attempts to introduce the first act, two clowns start running around. One clown is carrying a large bucket and is chasing the sad clown. Charles is narrating the action for the blind kids, telling them that the clown with the bucket is right in front of them with a bucket of water and is aiming for the sad clown standing in the second row. The bucket clown fires and confetti is thrown all over Roscoe. You know, aside from putting out a fire, I can’t think of a situation where it is ever appropriate to throw a bucket of water or confetti at a blind person. Roscoe doesn’t seem to mind, but the blind kid sitting next to him seems to agree with me as he sullenly wipes the confetti off his person. While some acrobats are performing, a third clown runs over to Christie and presents her with a flower. When she makes eye contact with the clown the flower keels over. Almanzo gets a kick out of this, but Christie just smiles with even more bemused interest than before. Nels returns to the tent and introduces a baby elephant. Grace is still freaking out while Adam and Mary are attempting to get a sense of the action. I wonder if it was in the stage directions that they should be facing in two completely different directions. This is not a blind friendly episode. Almanzo loves every minute of the elephant dance though his date looks like she wants to be anywhere else on the planet. After pointing out that circuses are more intended for children (“Manny” disagrees with that point), she hopes that they don’t have to stay for the whole thing. What other plans did you have in mind there, toots? The whole town is at the circus so nothing is open and sex hasn’t been invented yet. You’re at the only show in town, so you might as well enjoy it.

After the elephant leaves, the clowns return with another bucket. As the chase continues, Caroline asks the Garveys if they happen to know where Laura and Albert are. The clowns start running around Nels and he gets splashed with confetti as he tries to introduce the next act. Everyone gets a kick out of this except for the Raccoon who promptly starts freaking out again. Willie says he wished the bucket had water. Nellie doesn’t like the idea of seeing her father doused while Harriet doesn’t want to see his new suit ruined. “You people” Willie says (a phrase that, unless followed with “are fantastic”, usually will get you into trouble), “you don’t know what’s funny.” The strongman comes out with a barbell labeled “1000 pounds” and holds it above his head. Caroline tries to use the feat of strength to calm down Grace. I don’t she celebrates Festivus, but she could be like me and is only impressed if he can move a semi-truck with his teeth. He does some more tricks as Christie goes into a deeper catatonic state. As the crowd cheers, Billy Barty strikes the set, carrying a couple of the papier-mache weights out of the tent. The strongman chases him out as another clown, obviously a child, carries away the barbell. Somehow, Caroline recognizes the clown as Albert and tells the Garveys and the Olesons.

Manly looks over at his date and she is in her own private hell. He makes a face that seems to say “nuts to you” and goes back to enjoying the show. The confetti clowns are back once more and Charles narrates for the blind kids, adding that he bets it just has confetti again. Nellie is caught up in the drama as the chase ends right in front of Christie and Almanzo. The sad clown makes a taunting face behind Prissypants and the other clown fires. This time the bucket has water and Christie gets soaked. Mary, who is sitting next to Charles, asks what happened. Mary Ingalls sucks at listening to narration. Christie stands up and the bucket clown takes the opportunity to publicly pants her by pulling down the skirt. Christie stomps out of the tent, swinging her purse behind her. The clown laughs, kisses Almanzo, and runs over to Caroline to say “Hi, Ma,” then runs out. I guess Laura can cross all that stuff off her bucket list.

A high wire act does some stuff before Annabelle makes her debut. Nels introduces Annabelle and Company, an act that consists of Annabelle holding onto the high wire from below (her feet are still on the ground) and midgets grabbing her legs. I guess they are trying to hoist her up? I’m not sure of the full scope as we hear Harriet and the kids making more fat jokes. Nels watches as the team of clowns try to help with the hoisting. Harriet remarks on how thankful she is that no one knows that Annabelle is a relative. The act goes on for about thirty more seconds and then Annabelle leaves. Apparently that was the grand finale because the rest of the circus comes out for a curtain call.

Once the circus cast is assembled, Nels quiets everyone down and thanks the show on behalf of Walnut Grove. He thanks them for the thrills and laughter and remarks that it is a wonderful thing to do for people. Nels then goes on to say that he is proud that one of the people in the circus is someone close to his heart. He introduces his sister Annabelle to the crowd. The crowd continues its standing ovation, though Harriet has to sit down as she is horrified that Nels revealed that tidbit. Annabelle joins her brother center stage and they hug.

Annabelle 3/5

Awkwardness is approaching the school for the blind as Nels rides up to make his delivery and Annabelle is in the classroom. She is telling the kids about her coworkers, including the dog trainer, offering to let the kids pet the dogs after the show. The kids like this idea. Annabelle has been speaking to the class for a while, so she asks them what they think she does in the circus. All the kids start shouting out ideas before Hester-Sue tells them to go one at a time. One girl, Susan, guesses that she is the showgirl who rides the elephant’s trunk. Annabelle cracks up at this idea, though the only other person in the room who knows what’s going on is Hester-Sue who doesn’t seem all that interested. Roscoe is next to guess and he goes with the magician’s assistant who gets cut in half. Annabelle decides to give them a hint, telling them she is in the sideshow. This clicks with Roscoe, who immediately guesses Bearded Lady. Everyone laughs at this answer, causing Roscoe to get defensive. Annabelle says that there are bearded ladies, she just isn’t one of them. The class gives up, so she tells them that she is the fat lady. They don’t believe her. To prove it she invites the blind children to come up and walk around her as they touch her and listen to her voice so they can experience “what a fat lady really feels like.” Words can’t describe the level of inappropriateness that is on the screen right now. As the children circle and grope, she makes a joke about how she doesn’t want to be tickled in any hemisphere. At this moment, she notices Nels standing in the doorway and no one is quite sure what to say. You know, even if he approved of his sister’s choice of livelihood, I think it is totally reasonable to be concerned about letting a bunch of kids feel you up, even if it is voluntary. He and Hester-Sue walk out of the classroom to complete the supply delivery. Once the delivery is complete, Nels hightails it out of there as Annabelle watches from the window.

That evening at the homestead, Laura is working on a dress as Charles reads by the fireplace. Laura notices that Pa has nodded off, so she walks over to close his book and put it away. This wakes him up and claims that too much of Caroline’s cooking is what put him to sleep. Caroline only heard the “cooking” part of his statement and checks to see what he said as she joins the family in the main room. As Laura returns to her project, Ma compliments the design so far. Laura thanks her, but says she wishes this project was for someone a little nicer. Is it a prom dress for Hedda Lettuce’s mom? No, it’s for Christie Norton, an apparent little Miss Perfect. “I bet she doesn’t even sweat,” Laura snarks. Pa gets a chuckle out of this, but Ma chastises Laura saying “when people pay us to do a job we don’t talk about them behind their backs.” I’m guessing Caroline hasn’t had much job experience in the world of customer service. Even my boss, one of the nicest customer service oriented people you will ever meet, has called someone an idiot immediately after an overly elaborate phone conversation.

Albert comes down from the loft as this is happening and announces that he finished his homework. He also announces that he is going to bed because he’s “pooped”. Caroline sputters at this word choice and tells Albert that he is “tired”. I think Caroline’s cooking has made her a bit uppity this evening. Albert says “good night” to his parents and starts to head back upstairs. On his way, he asks Laura if she would like his circus ticket so she can go with Almanzo. Caroline gives Laura a knowing glance while Laura gives Albert a “Dude! Keep that on the DL!” glance. Laura tries to play the “Boys? Ew!” card, but it doesn’t seem to work. Albert goes up to bed and you can sort of tell that Laura knows that she may have fumbled a bit in the politics of puppy love. Ma knows what’s up and tells her daughter that Albert was just trying to be nice. Laura acknowledges this and heads up to the loft to apologize. Albert is surprisingly steamed about what just happened and tells his sister that she should have just said she didn’t want the ticket. Of course, Laura actually wants the ticket she just couldn’t say so in front of Pa. What’s funny is they are having this conversation in their normal tones of voice at the top of the loft ladder. You know, the ladder that Pa’s chair is at the base of where he is currently sitting. Pa doesn’t say anything when Laura returns from the loft, though I wonder if he did after Albert calls down from the loft that she should ask Almanzo first thing in the morning.

Morning arrives and Laura has run down to the mill and notices Almanzo across the way at the Feed and Seed. Before going to see him, she rehearses what she is going to say. The scene is a little difficult to watch because things have not changed in 130 years in terms of how much you can beat yourself up over what you want to say to your crush. In the course of her rehearsals she comes up with four or five different strategies, but immediately discounts each one. She eventually decides on the one that I find most effective: Fight or Flight. She slaps herself in the face, tells herself to “just do it” and runs over to Almanzo. He is loading a wagon and notices “Beth” standing by the side of the building. He asks if he could interest her in a sack of grain, but the way he postures and says it makes him come off a bit smarmy. Laura uses his question as a cue to ask if she could interest him in going to the circus with her. Atta girl. Unfortunately, he already has a date for the circus. I don’t know if the smarminess is intentional, but it is extremely palpable. And creepy, given how there appears to be at least a twelve year difference between the two of them. Laura tries to play it off, but before it can turn into the pity party of near-tears and near-vomiting (if you’ve been in this situation you know what I’m talking about) a woman calls out for Almanzo. Oh, it’s Christie Norton, how ironic. Amazingly the show managed to create a character even prissier than Nellie. She asks Laura about the dress and admonishes her for not stopping by to reassure her about the delivery time of five o’clock. As Laura leaves, we can overhear Christie say to Almanzo “I hope that child finishes my dress on time; I do so want to look lovely for you.” How did she end up in Walnut Grove? She might as well have a British accent. Laura walks away defeated.

Oleson Versus Oleson 5/5

Laura hides behind a tree as Charles storms out of the church/school house. That’s not a good sign and Laura knows this. She goes inside to speak with Caroline who is angrily pacing up and down the aisle. Uh oh, it turns out Laura may have fibbed a little when setting up this meeting. Caroline is disappointed that Laura tricked her and even though Laura meant well, negotiations have deteriorated further. Caroline storms out the back door of the building while Laura tries to come up with a Plan B.

Dinner time at the homestead and the Raccoon is not in the mood. Pa tries to sell his stew as “almost as good as Ma makes”, but Grace isn’t buying it. Albert uses this impasse as an opportunity to ask if women need to be taken care of. Charles doesn’t really want to have this conversation, but he humors the boy. He explains that men and women help each other, but Albert pushes forward the theory that Charles won’t sign so he can take care of his woman. Charles denies this and puts an end to the conversation. Pa tries once more to feed the Raccoon, but she just starts to whimper.

Later on, Charles rides into town and runs into Almanzo and Nels. All the men have gathered outside of the restaurant because they have given up on cooking. The three decide to eat together until Reverend Alden asks if he can join in. Charles walks in and the place is packed. It looks like the entire population of Walnut Grove is eating out tonight and Percival informs Charles that there won’t be any food left by the time a table becomes available. This is all accentuated by some child screaming. As the men leave, Nels notices Harriet literally strutting over with a piece of chocolate cake. She waves it in front of his face before sitting down and partaking in the sweetness. Nels gets a murderous glint in his eyes, but he leaves before the scene gets interesting.

Outside the men try to come up with a backup plan when Reverend Alden suggests raiding the church pantry. All the men and screaming children from the restaurant gather in the church. There doesn’t seem to be any food, so I guess the plan is to turn the church into a de facto Moose Lodge and go from there. Or maybe they’re just waiting for a dozen pizzas to be delivered. As Almanzo and company continue to grouse about their current predicament, Charles says that he thinks Caroline’s crusade is finally sinking in. Although Walnut Grove may not necessarily need the effects of a petition, there might be parts of Minnesota that do. He claims that he has been so busy calling his wife foolish that he didn’t listen to what she was saying. Nels asks if Charles is going to sign and he replies yes.

The men head out of the church and over to the restaurant. The March of the Matriarchs plays as Charles enters the dining room. All the ladies look up as Charles confronts his wife. He grabs the pen behind Caroline’s ear and signs the petition that is hanging on the wall. Harriet is blown away by this. Charles turns around and hugs Caroline as the rest of the men sign. Once the signing is done, all the couples leave the boarding house hand in hand. It looks a little like Noah’s Ark Cruise Lines has reached a port and all the tourists are scrambling. Laura voices over that Caroline won her fight and the petition is moving along in the legislative process. “She said someday,” Laura’s voiceover continues, “that women will even have the right to vote. Maybe, but I doubt it.” Way to pay attention to current events, Laura.

Oleson Versus Oleson 4/5

Laura is walking up to the boarding house with a suitcase in her hand. Caroline hugs her as she walks into the restaurant. She takes Laura’s bag but before she leaves the room Laura asks if they are doing the right thing. Caroline says that they are, but Laura is dubious about how successful this petition drive is going to be. She becomes more concerned when Caroline tells her that Percival is the only signer so far. Caroline shares her daughter’s concern but reminds her that if you believe in something you have to be courageous enough to stick with it. Laura isn’t fully comforted by this pep talk and she doesn’t look forward to the possibility that Pa might never sign the petition. Caroline reminds Laura that Charles can be stubborn sometimes but he is a fair man and will come around eventually. As the two of them walk toward the stairs, a couple of ladies come down the stairs and are excited to see the new member in the ranks.

Over at the Mercantile, a group of customers have surrounded Nels and are shouting their orders at him. Really? Harriet was the only person capable of enforcing the concept of a line? Nels is getting overwhelmed and inventory is starting to run low. One customer is asking for diaper materials even though he bought some yesterday. “It beats washing ‘em,” he explains. If you think that’s wasteful, you might be surprised. As Nels squeezes his way past some customers to get to the baby supplies, we see that Harriet has disguised herself as a ranch hand to spy on Nels. But is it for the cause or for her? Before we get the answer to that question, Mrs. Foster comes in and gives the fellas a “well, well, well” speech. “Don’t you know how to cook,” she sneers to her husband Orville. “That’s one thing you and I have in common, woman,” he replies. Eh, they’re both tied at zero right now on my scoreboard. Mrs. Foster doesn’t like being called “woman”, so she grabs a handful of flour and throws it at her husband. A flour fight breaks out and Nels runs over to the counter to try to stop it. Harry-et is not impressed with what she is observing, but she does get a kick out of Nels getting pummeled in the flour fight.

The restaurant is packed again at dinner time and Harriet (out of drag) is working the floor. Mrs. Foster calls Mrs. Oleson to her table so that she can tell the other ladies sitting there about how “Nels took the store away.” I’d like to hear this story too, since that’s not what happened. When Harriet gets to the table, we cut to an exterior shot of the restaurant and only hear muffled voices. What was the point of that scene?

Back at the Wilder house, Almanzo is in his pajamas and has poured himself a glass of milk. He doesn’t seem too happy with the current situation. We hop on over to the homestead where Charles, also in his pajamas, has poured himself a glass of milk. We then hear a bowling ball fall from a table and The Raccoon screaming and crying for her mommy. At the Oleson place, Nels completes the pajama/milk trifecta. Except the milk pitcher is empty. Willie!

The next day, Laura runs back to her house where Almanzo is attempting to follow a recipe. The two hug when Laura gets to the kitchen and she tells her husband that they need to work together to get Pa to sign the petition. Almanzo reminds her that they agreed to stay out of this and let Caroline and Charles figure it out, but Laura is still fairly certain that some intervention will be required. Laura has to go and says they can chat about a plan later. Before Almanzo can chase after her, a pot boils over on the stove.

Laura’s next stop is the homestead where Pa is in the barn milking the cow. Pa’s joke about Laura conferring with the enemy falls flat and he blames it on the town not having much of a sense of humor these days. Laura ignores the self pity and asks how Pa is doing. He mentions the Raccoon being in “freakout” mode 24/7 which Laura attributes to the kid missing her Ma. Laura asks if Pa misses Ma, and he says that he does. Laura says Ma misses Pa also and he seems surprised by this. Laura says that Caroline wants to talk with him, but he wants to have the conversation on neutral ground. Laura suggests the church and Pa agrees. Laura looks awfully pleased with herself.

Oleson Versus Oleson 3/5

Mrs. Oleson is...climbing down from a tree? I guess she wanted to see what Nels was up to in the Mercantile but didn’t want to be seen herself. She apparently doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary so she sulks back to the boarding house. Percival is setting up the restaurant dining room and greets Harriet as she passes through on her way to the kitchen. The “fire/cholera/bank robber is about to break out” music starts to play as Harriet returns from the kitchen with a cup of coffee. Is the coffee poisoned? The music stops when Percival starts chatting with his mother-in-law. She starts complaining about how her livelihood is gone now that Nels is working the Mercantile without her. That situation is your own doing, Mrs. Oleson: the law had nothing to do with it. Caroline comes in as Harriet whines and Percival advises that she go back and apologize to Nels. Harriet starts to agree with him, but Caroline comes out of the kitchen and tells her she shouldn’t and that Harriet should fight for what’s hers. It’s another general (Caroline)/specific (Harriet) argument that is just going to lead to more trouble. Oh, maybe that’s what the cholera music was foreshadowing.

Harriet is taken aback by Caroline’s suggestion that she stand her ground about the Mercantile and is even more surprised when Mrs. Ingalls suggests that the women in town band together to further the cause. Caroline stands and tells Percival that she can’t cook today and tells Harriet that she must fill in for her. I should try that at work sometime – get all riled up about a cause and then have someone fill in because I tell them to, nobly.

Montage! Caroline chats up the petition with three schoolgirls, the leader of which dresses young but looks to be about forty. They politely refuse Caroline, but she shall persevere! Then we see her going door-to-door and getting refused before she reaches the period of her first sentence. She blocks the second door about to close on her with her foot, gives the women a look that says “bitch, please” and ends up invited into the house. We see her exit later with a look of accomplishment on her face.

Back at the homestead, Caroline is getting ready for work and talking through the process with the Raccoon. Caroline hands Grace a doll and the girl says something to her in I think Japanese. Seriously, I did not get a word of what she said, but Caroline replies with a polite “oh really?” Caroline then kneels down and gives the Raccoon a hug. The hell? Albert and Carrie walk in and Caroline asks about their school day. Carrie says “Fine! [More Japanese] Asia!” Albert notices his Ma’s overnight bag and asks what that is all about. Caroline gathers the kids around and tells them that she is going to be hanging out at the boarding house for a few days to “have an adventure and prove something to your father.” Albert asks if Pa is going too, but Caroline says he isn’t and that the kids should still be themselves and have a good time. Albert and Carrie ask about various chores and duties and Caroline takes great delight in telling them to leave it to their father to figure out. This is starting to become rather Brady Bunch in its execution – I’m not sure how I feel about that. As Caroline walks out, she tells the kids they can visit her at Nellie’s and reminds them to have a good time.

Dinnertime at the Oleson house. Willie is really going to town on his dinner when Nels walks in from the kitchen. He tells the boy to slow down but of course Willie doesn’t listen. There is a knock at the front door and Nels gets up to answer. Charles is there and he tells Mr. Oleson that Caroline has moved into the boarding house with Harriet. Nels is all like “Old news, old man,” and adds that Caroline has gone around town and chatted with all the women to encourage them to leave their husbands until the petition is signed. I kinda want to get Caroline this shirt. This news really causes Charles to dig in his heels until Nels confides that he might go ahead and sign. He liked things the way they were before but Charles warns him that this is exactly what the women want. Charles gets all “one for all!” about his position in the debate and he and Nels shake on the idea of not signing the petition. After Charles leaves, Nels rejoins Willie at the table. Nels looks at his plate and notices it’s empty. Willie! Chew with your mouth closed.

At the Wilder house, Laura is working on her lesson plans as Almanzo meekly exits the kitchen with cups of coffee. Almanzo tells his wife that he is surprised that Caroline didn’t ask her to move into the boarding house also. Laura says that she did which makes Almanzo all kinds of nervous. He asks if she is going to go, but Laura isn’t sure yet. If she does go it would be more to support her Ma than her Ma’s cause. Almanzo says the situation is crazy and Laura suggests that he sign the petition to help end the craziness. He says he will as soon as Charles signs it. Laura doesn’t think Pa will ever sign it. Almanzo says he has to work with the guy, but Laura reminds Manly that he has to live with her. He apologizes before the fight escalates.

Breakfast at the restaurant is packed with just about all of the wives of Walnut Grove. Harriet is working the floor and having a good time of it. Nellie and Percival, who are both working in the kitchen, seem to be having a little less fun while Caroline is grinning at the stove. After Harriet leaves to do coffee rounds, Nellie talks about how the restaurant has never been so busy. Maybe if they came up with a new efficient system...nah. Percival asks what Caroline said to all the women but she replies that it’s easy to make the sale when you believe in the cause. True that.

Back at the Ingalls’ place, things aren’t going as swimmingly. The Raccoon is having a tantrum of sorts and Charles is trying to calm her down. Albert and Carrie are leaving for school, but Charles tells them they haven’t finished breakfast. The kids are late for school, so they run out the door. Charles puts the Raccoon in her high chair and tries to calm her down with some bacon. Um, she’s not a schnauzer, Charles. He goes to the kitchen to make some oatmeal while the kid continues to freak out. Pa tries to calm her down with some milk, but she is not interested. Meanwhile, the oatmeal boils over and Charles burns himself on the stove. He yells towards the Raccoon, in the friendliest way one can yell, “don’t cry!” I’m not sure if that was more for Grace or for Charles.

Oleson Versus Oleson 2/5

Back at the Olesons’ after the lecture, it sounds like Nels took the part about the men owning everything to heart. He is lecturing Harriet about how he now expects everything to be done his way. When Harriet tries to reply in a surprisingly civil way, Nels waves his hands and says “end of discussion”. As he unties his necktie, he orders Harriet to go fetch his slippers. Nels, I realize you have now found a way to revitalize your standing in your marriage, but you are dangerously close to the asshole label. Do not make me start defending Harriet. Anyway, he pours himself a drink and Harriet exits the parlor, slamming the door behind her. A few moments later, we hear the sound of shattering glass.

Nels goes up to the bedroom to investigate. Harriet tells her husband he will need to fetch his own slippers as she starts packing her suitcase. Basically, she is calling her husband’s bluff and wishes him luck in running the Mercantile by himself, taking care of the house, and taking care of Willie. Nels tries to stop her, but she just says “end of discussion” and closes the door behind her. He tells the door to forget the slippers. Wait a minute, what was with the breaking glass? Meanwhile, Caroline and Charles are finishing dinner at the restaurant as Nellie and Percival chat with them. As the Ingalls get up to leave, Harriet walks in and tells her daughter that she will need a room.

Back at the homestead, Caroline is brushing her hair as she and Charles get ready for bed. Charles is still laughing about the events at dinner, wishing he was a fly on the wall in the Oleson living room. Caroline doesn’t seem to find it as funny, but she sort of sympathizes with the unsympathetic Harriet. See what you’re doing, Nels? It turns out that Caroline agrees with the Lady Lecturer and believes that, in a sense, Nels is stealing from Harriet. Charles thinks the commingling of property goes both ways, but Caroline believes the current law states otherwise. She shares her fear that at any moment her husband could take everything away from her. Charles insincerely offers to split up everything and put little “Caroline” and “Charles” labels on each item. Why not go the I Love Lucy route and draw a big white line down the middle of the little house?

Caroline is not amused by any of this and restates her argument more generally so that the Olesons aren’t part of the equation. Charles seems to be ambivalent about the whole issue, which is somewhat understandable. The underlying notion is that this law would only go into effect should one spouse try to leave the other. I think Charles is reasonably confident that he and Caroline will never get divorced and therefore he doesn’t need to worry about the law for his specific case. Caroline is looking at things more generally. I don’t think she is contemplating divorce either, but I think that is where the disagreement is coming from. Charles is looking at the specific and doesn’t care about the general; Caroline is only focused on the general. This is sort of articulated by Caroline when she tells her husband that she is surprised that he is standing up for what’s fair and then walks out of the bedroom.

The next day, Charles and Almanzo talk about the lecture during their lunch break. Manly asks Charles what he thought of the speech and he replies that he didn’t really care one way or the other. Charles also says he is surprised that Caroline is wound up about the subject and that he isn’t sure if he is going to sign the petition. His concern is that marriage is about commingling property and something happens if you start dividing it up. Charles’ view is basically if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Almanzo has nothing to contribute to the debate.

Over at the restaurant, Percival is sweeping the stoop as Lady Lecturer exits the building. She greets Percival and he asks about the petition. He offers to sign the petition and she can’t believe it. Apparently Percival is the only man to sign so far. He suggests trying to get Mr. Ingalls to sign the petition since he is the King of Walnut Grove. Just then, Caroline walks up to the building and the two women set up an appointment to chat politics.

That evening, Charles is finishing up dinner as Caroline gets home from work. Aww, he’s playing house husband. After Caroline sits down she starts to reminisce about their time as newlyweds in Kansas. She goes into great detail about raising the logs on their house and working as a team. As a smile crosses Charles’ face, Caroline asks “wouldn’t it be nice to have it written down somewhere that we’re equal partners?” The smile fades as Charles reads between the lines. He gets awfully offended that she tried to exploit their happy memories to get him to sign the petition. Caroline takes offense to this and also to his offer of signing the petition because she’ll eventually con him into it anyway. They argue a bit about “fairness” and “principle” and it becomes very Judge Judy very quickly. Caroline storms off to the bedroom. I guess that part of the house is on her side of the white line.

Goodbye, Mrs. Wilder 4/5

At school, Harriet is leading the class in a French lesson. She starts counting at them and expects them to repeat. Okay, I took two years of French and I know my accent is not good but it was not as bad as what is going down in Walnut Grove at this very moment. Also, “trois” is not two syllables (nor is it “trios”, Microsoft Word). After they reach ten/“dix” Mrs. Oleson tells the class their pronunciation is terrible, which is rich considering she hits the “p” hard in “sept”. She asks Albert to stand up so she can ridicule his pronunciation. As Mrs. Oleson demonstrates how to say “tuh-wahhhhhhhh” Ralph pulls Willie’s hair and he yelps again. Harriet sends Willie to the corner, which is dumb because she should have seen what Ralph did since they are sitting right next to Albert.

The kids leave school and are really getting fed up with the new classes. Willie runs to catch up with Ralph and Albert. He threatens Ralph that he won’t get fooled again. Ralph says “oh yeah?” and then Willie takes a swing. Ralph ducks and he happens to have been standing in front of a post which gets the brunt of Willie’s wrath. Hehe. Albert and Ralph head home and Albert starts to reminisce about the days when Laura was teaching. Ralph suggests trying to get Laura to come back. He asks when Mr. Stoeler is coming back and the answer is tomorrow. Ooo, a conspiracy.

Laura is hoeing in the garden as Albert approaches. They chit chat for a bit, talking about how people can’t stand Mrs. Oleson. Albert tells his sister that the kids want her back and Laura admits that she wants to return as well. In fact, she was hoping that Harriet would fail so that the parents would beg Laura to come back. Albert says that could still happen, but Laura is pessimistic. Albert reminds Laura that Mr. Stoeler is coming back for the inspection and hints that if things look bad, the school won’t get the grant. Laura is picking up what Albert is laying down but she doesn’t seem to be fully on board with whatever Albert is planning.

That evening at dinner, Manly is wondering if Albert is really going to pull some shenanigans. Laura isn’t sure, but she’s confident that things will work out. She brings out supper and Almanzo asks what it is. That is not a good way to start a meal. Tonight’s entrée is Chilled Lemon Chicken with Aspic and Tarragon. Almanzo seems to disagree with at least 80% of the contents of that description. Laura is excited about trying something new but her hubby is positively befuddled by what is on his plate. He keeps asking questions and Laura is not amused. Manly says he might like it if he took the skin off (BAD IDEA) and Laura storms out.

Over at the Oleson house, Harriet is putting on her night mask as she preps for tomorrow’s French demonstration. Nels is trying to stay as uninvolved in the whole teaching fiasco that is likely to unfold.

Back at the Wilder house, Laura is grousing in the bedroom. Almanzo enters and apologizes for the whole dinner debacle. Turns out Laura is actually upset about what she suspects will happen tomorrow at the school and that she kind of wants whatever is about to go down to happen. She really wants her job back, but she doesn’t know if she wants Mrs. Oleson to quit under these circumstances. Personally, I would prefer circumstances that involve tar and feathers, but Laura is nicer than I am.

Goodbye, Mrs. Wilder 3/5

Even Hilde is bored with Mrs. Oleson’s art appreciation presentation. Today’s lesson is Renaissance Art. Hmmm. It’s mostly naked ladies, so Ralph and Willie are extra interested. Albert looks terrified. The class is tittering (hehe, tittering) at the pictures of “modest” young maidens. Mrs. Oleson is getting pretty irritated while I’m just getting uncomfortable. It's like your grandma talking to you about sex.

After school the boys are complaining about all the changes at the school. They aren’t fans of French and Ralph in particular doesn’t like dressing like a “sissy”. Says he of the long flowing locks. Sorry, I’m not a fan of that particular term unless it is preceded by “Bobby and”. I’m actually not a fan of that either, but at least I’m not mildly offended. It’s at this point that Albert reveals that he has gotten around the sock rule by putting coal dust on his legs. You know, a less messy work around would be to make sure your shoes aren’t scuffed so Mrs. Oleson doesn’t check your legs. She’ll probably notice coal dust if she is looking for socks.

Meanwhile, Ralph’s dad pays a visit to Mrs. Oleson at the school. “My boy says you’ve been showing dirty pictures in here,” he informs her. Mrs. Oleson is at first shocked by this accusation, until she realizes that it is the artwork that Mr. Parker is referring to. Harriet tries to explain a distinction between artistic models and boobapalooza, but Mr. Parker doesn’t really care about context. She pulls out the copies of the artwork in question and he takes a look at them. Mr. Parker is shocked by one of them, which Mrs. Oleson dismisses by saying it is a very famous painting called “The Bathers”. I’d show it to you, but that is also a very a common title and I don’t know exactly which one she is referring to. Mr. Parker looks at another one and asks what the title is. Mrs. Oleson hems and haws a bit before answering “The Rape of the Sabine Women”. Isn’t that a little hardcore for the 7 year olds in the class, Harriet? Mr. Parker has had enough and threatens to bring in the law if Mrs. Oleson doesn’t stop with the naked ladies.

That evening, Ma and Pa are enjoying dinner with Laura and Almanzo at the Wilder house. Caroline is praising the meal and the house while Manly goes on about how everything is so tidy now that Laura is home full time. Laura is visibly uncomfortable during this conversation. Charles notices this and tries to change the subject, but it ends up circling back to Laura not being as busy as she used to be. Everyone tries to console her, but the idea of being only a good homemaker (her words, not mine) and not being a teacher is making her feel useless. She runs into the kitchen crying. Manly follows and gives her a hug. They chat some and he reassures his wife that everything will be okay.

Goodbye, Mrs. Wilder 1/5

1981 – Mrs. Oleson’s constant interference prompts Laura to quit as Walnut Grove’s teacher.

Sorry for the extended hiatus, folks. Like I mentioned earlier, February is the craziest month of the year for me and unfortunately this project had to take a backseat for a while. The good news is I am mostly back and ready to work. Let me just say that this episode is…appropriate for now. Enjoy!

Wagons are circling outside of the school as we zoom in on the building’s front door. I’m guessing this is going to be a school heavy episode. Laura is quizzing the kids about New York City geography. That’s useful information, I suppose, if one of the kids invents game shows. I dunno, it is almost like quizzing kids about the neighborhoods of London – it’s only useful if you end up going there. Laura asks if any of the kids can name one of the five major areas of the city. Hilde raises her hand and guesses “Manhattan”. Before she can advance to the lightning round, Willie shoots a spitball at a kid sitting behind Hilde. Laura glares at Willie, who remarks “I didn’t do nothin’.” “Anything!” Laura angrily corrects. “I didn’t do that neither,” he replies. The class laughs, then Willie asks why they need to learn about NYC. “In case you go anywhere outside Minnesota you’ll have something besides total ignorance to take with you.” For some reason Albert finds this funny and starts laughing.

Laura moves on to the lightning round and asks Hilde if she can name the other four areas. Hilde declines the offer, as do the rest of her classmates. Laura testily gives out the answer then asks what the designation is for those five areas. Meanwhile, Willie preps another spitwad. Laura catches him before he fires and asks if he knows the answer. Willie says he doesn’t know and Laura informs him they are called boroughs. “I thought ‘boroughs’ were some kind of a donkey,” he replies, playing(?) dumb. The class laughs again, frustrating Laura further. She writes on the board the two different spellings of borough/burro, to which Willie responds with hee-haw sounds. Laura sends Willie to the corner.

Laura continues the lesson by talking about the Brooklyn Bridge. She asks which borough is on the non-Manhattan side of the bridge. Laura is met with glazed eyes. “It’s called the Brooklyn Bridge,” she snarls. “Does anyone find it logical that it might be connected to Brooklyn?” You know, maybe the class didn’t want to acknowledge the insult to their intelligence by answering such an inane question.

Oh cripes, Mrs. Oleson is wandering in. She has a gentleman guest with her, but she seems more concerned about Willie being in the corner than introducing the man. Laura tells Willie to sit down as his mother nervously chuckles. Mrs. Oleson then introduces Mr. Stoeler, a member of the State Board of Education. Oh, geez. If the Minnesota Board operates at all like the Walnut Grove Board this school is going to be in a lot of trouble. Mrs. Oleson goes on to explain that he is visiting to give an evaluation of the school for the School Improvement Program. If the evaluation goes well, the school might be able to get some grant money for renovations and supplies. Mr. Stoeler tells Laura that he will be sitting in to see how the class is doing. Ooo, bad timing for that. Laura asks the class another random-ass question to which no one responds.

We see Almanzo arriving home from work. He enters the house and announces his arrival. Laura is so not in the mood and tells him not to cause such a ruckus. Manly asks Laura about her day. “I had the kind of day that makes me wonder why I ever wanted to be a teacher in the first place,” she rants. “What makes otherwise intelligent students suddenly become rude, unruly, and stupid?” Now wait just a minute, Mrs. Wilder. The best teachers I have had were the type that inspired me to learn. Rote Q&A is not all that inspirational, nor is the snoring that would happen if the unruly kids didn’t act up and keep everyone else awake. I hope that wasn’t too rude. Put another way, the kids aren’t fully to blame, half-pint. Manly tries to be sympathetic as Laura annihilates the peas she is snapping. She goes on to rant about Mrs. Oleson and her constant meddling. Almanzo suggests that Laura take a break, but apparently Mrs. Oleson called an emergency meeting of the school board. Manly reads the room and decides to go tend to the horses while Laura pulls out a giant knife to cut some parsley. I hope she doesn’t bring the knife to the meeting.

This week’s school board is composed of Nels, Harriet, Charles, Doc Baker, and a couple of townies who are there for quorum. Harriet is arguing that the school is not meeting state standards and unless the curriculum is updated the school will not get their basic assistance grant. Laura asks what Mr. Stoeler disliked and Mrs. Oleson explains that education is no longer about the three R’s. Charles asks what should be added to the curriculum. Art appreciation and French top the list, which Nels is dumbstruck by. Harriet is also concerned that there is no real dress code in the school. “Some of the children come to school looking like common little beggars,” she says bluntly. You know Harriet, unless you plan on supporting Willie for the rest of your days there is a strong likelihood that you’ll have a common little beggar associated with the Oleson name. Just a heads up.

Anyway, Laura is not only offended by Harriet’s classism but the mere idea of covering art appreciation and French is just too overwhelming. Harriet offers to tutor Laura, but Laura is more concerned about the students learning the essentials. I have to agree, though my humanities-loving heart is aching a bit. Mrs. Oleson is digging in her heels, claiming that if other schools can do it, Walnut Grove can do it. Laura points out that other schools have more than one teacher, which Harriet interprets as weakness on Laura’s part that she can’t handle an extended schedule. Charles intervenes, pointing out that the future farmers and wives of farmers probably won’t need French. Nels agrees, adding that the idea of Willie taking on two extra courses would cause him to be in school the rest of his life. Bwah! Oh, Nels, never change.

Laura agrees with Nels’ point, saying it would be too much for any student. “Well,” starts Harriet, who is approaching maximum huffiness, “properly taught I’m sure that they could manage.” Surprisingly, Laura does not flip the bitch switch, though she is thinking about it. Mrs. Oleson also reminds the room that she has a teaching certificate and that she would have been an international star of the teaching world had she not married Nels. Keep it classy, Harriet, you’re doing great so far.

After questioning Laura’s credentials, Harriet moves for a vote on the curriculum. Nels abstains, but the townies and Harriet vote for the change. Laura is disappointed, but asks Mrs. Oleson for reassurance that one teacher can handle the workload. Harriet chuckles a positive response. “Good,” Laura says while flipping the switch, “because I quit. Ladies and gentlemen meet your new school teacher.” She storms out and the rest of the board slowly follows her out the door. Harriet remains standing at the desk.

The Werewolf of Walnut Grove 5/5

Another school day on the prairie as Ms. Wilder enters to address the students. Some whimsical harmonica music is playing and it turns out to be Bart. Hehe, nice touch. Anyway, the announcement is that after the class projects are graded Ms. Wilder will be out the door. “I will miss all of you very much,” she says. “Or should I say, I will miss some of you.” She dismisses the class with these parting words: “I apologize, not only for myself but for the school board who allowed themselves to be bullied by a wealthy fool.” Bart doesn’t like the sound of that and stops playing. “You watch what you say about my Pa,” he threatens. “How did you know I was talking about your father?” Ms. Wilder asks. “Was it the word ‘wealthy’ or the word ‘fool’?” Ooo, snap, crackle and pop, Eliza! This gets a hearty and well-deserved laugh from the class. Wah-wah music plays as Bart follows the class out of the school.

As the Ingalls kids walk home with Clarence, Laura is keeping a lookout for Bart. Now might be a good time to point out that Carrie only seems to pop in and out when it is convenient. I don’t know why she isn’t with them now. Anyway, as soon as Laura spots Bart, she hands some tablets to Albert. Bart storms forward saying “You thought Ms. Wilder was real funny, didn’t you?” Laura says she did, but he was addressing Shorty, er, Albert, who is now foaming at the mouth. Albert pretends to spaz out and Laura goes to comfort him. She warns Bart that making Albert mad isn’t a good idea and sassing Ms. Wilder is bad for business. “He loves her. He loves her more than anything in the whole world. He’d even die for her.” Way to oversell it, half-pint. “Or kill,” Clarence adds. Bart actually starts to fall for this, but also suggests that maybe Albert has The Rabies (not the indefinite variety, either). Laura takes Albert away as Clarence and Bart look on. The big “kid” forces the little kid to tell him what’s going on. Clarence sells the story about Albert being a werewolf. Bart doesn’t fully buy it at first, “There aren’t any werewolves in Minnesota.” Yeah, those beasts are only in Wisconsin and the Chicago suburbs. Clarence seals the deal by giving Bart the copy of Ms. Wilder’s book. He also tells the bully that he can see the transformed version of Albert that night at the Ingalls’ barn.

That night Laura is babysitting and keeping watch for Bart. She summons Carrie to feed Grace and keep watch while she and Albert take care of business. Laura also tells Carrie to stay in the house. We then get treated to a scene of Carrie trying to feed the Raccoon: “Grace eat c’mon Grace eat Graaaace eat c’mon Grace eat c’mon or I’ll tell.” To recreate the effect at home, set up two blocks of wood so that one is shoving a bottle into the face of the other all while a rubber balloon is slowly deflating.

In the barn, Laura is putting the finishing touches on Albert’s disguise. A short while later, Clarence and Bart arrive. Laura exits the barn and asks what those two are doing. She doesn’t seem all that surprised that they are there, which is one of many tells that this probably isn’t going to work. She feigns outrage towards Clarence for spreading the Ingalls’ secret which is followed by Albert howling. This gets Bart’s attention. Laura checks to make sure that Bart wants to see this, and he agrees. She unlocks the barn door and beckons for Bart. Albert is chained to the wall and lunges for Bart. The “kid” flinches. Albert then breaks his chains and chases Bart out of the barn. Clarence trips Bart as he bolts out the door, giving Albert an opportunity to catch up. He grabs the papier-mache rock and lifts it above his head. Bart pleads with Albert and Laura. She tells him that Albert will stop only if Bart will do what the were-kid wants. Bart agrees. Laura’s demands include behaving in school, apologizing to Ms. Wilder and being nice. It’s not the most compelling list of demands but you can’t be too greedy.

At this point, Carrie comes out of the house asking for Laura to come inside. The elder Ingalls tries to shoo the younger girl away, but Carrie whines that the Raccoon isn’t eating. “And Albert,” she continues, “what are you doing with that paper rock you made?” Maybe this is why you aren’t invited anywhere, blabbermouth. Bart figures out what is going on and proceeds to wail on Albert. Yeah, you’d better run inside, Carrie.

The next morning, Laura and Carrie are still arguing over the bungling of the hoax. Albert breaks up the fight by saying it was nobody’s fault. Yikes. He’s starting to look a bit like Two-Face. “I guess there’s just not much a person can do alone,” Albert says, talking about what to do with Bart now. A light bulb goes off for Laura and she tells her siblings they need to get to school before the bully does. She and Carrie run off, but Albert is carrying his rock and needs to readjust before taking off.

When the kids arrive at the school, Laura runs up the steps and starts to ring the bell. After the students gather, she calls Albert up to the stoop so everyone can see what Bartholomew did to his face. “We’re losing a good teacher because of the same Bartholomew,” she says. “There isn’t anything anyone can do,” complains Willie, “he’s too big.” Laura nods and says, “There isn’t anything any one can do, but there’s plenty all of us can do.” Nothing like a Norma Rae moment to start the day. It would probably be taken more seriously if someone didn’t make a creepy clown face as their papier-mache project.

Showdown music starts to play as the Slater wagon approaches the schoolhouse. Mr. Slater heads into the Mercantile where we see the Wilders picking up some supplies. Ooh, it is a tense transaction with Mrs. Oleson. Meanwhile, Bart is walking over to the school. All the children are standing as a wall as the “kid” approaches. He struts over, papier-mache crocodile in hand, and comments on Albert’s eye. Laura tells Bart that she expects him to keep the promises he made the night before. “Who’s gonna make me?” he asks. The kids circle around Bart then collectively lunge at him. Oh good, they’re instilling angry mob justice at the grade school level. No hooligan left behind! Even the five year old girls are getting that gnashing in.

Ms. Wilder and Almanzo run out of the Mercantile when they hear the commotion. Mr. Slater is quick to follow. When he sees what’s going on he tries to rush over, but Manly stops him. “You’re the one who told me grown ups should let kids handle things on their own,” Almanzo tells Slater. As the camera zooms in on the mob, I can’t help but think of that scene in Galaxy Quest where the child-like aliens attack and gore their limping comrade.

Later that day, Ms. Wilder is hanging some clothes in the cloakroom. Bart is pretty roughed up as he walks up to Ms. Wilder. He apologizes and promises to behave himself. Ms. Wilder is speechless until the kids, who are all really roughed up, tell her to accept. I have a feeling there will be another school board meeting in the near future. Then they group hug, with Bart sitting off by himself.

The Werewolf of Walnut Grove 4/5

Laura and Albert are in their jammies sitting on a bed, deep in thought. They’re also mourning Ms. Wilder’s departure. Laura’s sympathy is a little stretched as she knows that if Ms. Wilder leaves, so will Almanzo. Poor Laura. They decide they need to come up with a plan, but nothing is jumping to mind. They go to sleep.

The next day, Laura meets up with Almanzo outside the post office. She acts like she just found out about Ms. Wilder and he confirms the story. He also acknowledges that if Eliza leaves, he’ll be leaving Walnut Grove, too. They share a moment. Where’s Chris Hanson?

As Manly drives away, Albert runs up to Laura with some news. He has a copy of the werewolf book Ms. Wilder showed in class. They go through a lengthy and annoying deductive proof that eventually results in a plan to scare Bart with a werewolf. Even Laura is skeptical about this, but Albert pulls her along to his secret lab of buffoonery.

Oh, so the papier-mache stuff from earlier was relevant. The Raccoon waddles up to Laura and Albert who are working on a large mold. “What on Earth is that?” asks the Raccoon robotically. Strange, she sounds a little like Caroline. Oh, it was Caroline from off-screen. Albert says it is a project for school, specifically a rock. Caroline is a little skeptical of the artistic merit and practicality of a papier-mache rock, but she let’s the kids continue their work.

What follows is a semi-montage of supply gathering. They are cutting up something in the woodshed, maybe rope of some sort. We then see Laura trim off the beard of a man sleeping on a porch. We don’t get a good look of the before, but considering how much hair she chopped off it could not have been good. He looks alright now, though a little groggy. The Ingalls run off before Beardo realizes what happened.

The Werewolf of Walnut Grove 3/5

Caroline is laughing at something as she takes some clothes off the line outside the Ingalls’ house. She notices that Albert, Laura and Carrie are home from school early. As they recap the morning’s events for Ma, Grace the Raccoon ambles to the laundry basket, retrieves a doll, and scurries away not unlike Gollum. After hearing the details, Caroline tells the kids to watch the Raccoon as she speaks to Pa about what’s going on.

We see Charles walking up to the schoolhouse. Ms. Wilder is sitting in the front row crying. She looks pretty put together for someone who has supposedly been crying for at least an hour. She sees Mr. Ingalls and tries to sputter out what happened. Charles tries to comfort her, but she says she can’t cope with Bart. He asks if Ms. Wilder has tried to talk to Mr. Slater, but she rehashes their one-way conversation/threat from earlier. Charles commiserates for a bit then heads over to the Slater Compound for a sit down with Papa Bart. As he leaves, Ms. Wilder confides that she needs the teaching job. Charles says he understands, but that the students need an education. I guess that is the polite, turn-of-the-century Minnesota way of saying “suck it up, lady.” She seems to catch his drift.

Over at Casa de Slater, Mr. Slater is not really receptive to anything Charles has to say. Apparently dad is taking Bart’s interpretation of events as the reality of the situation. This time, Ms. Wilder sent Bart to the corner, stood up too fast and knocked her own chair over, startling herself. That’s not even a good lie. Charles challenges this, but Mr. Slater says that he’ll believe his own son over the word of a stranger. I guess that’s why the year on Bart’s birth certificate looks like it has been erased and rewritten a couple of times. We then find out that Bart was hiding inside the barn the conversation took place in front of and he overheard everything. A self-satisfied smile crosses his face.

Almanzo is livid as Charles breaks the news to him and Eliza. Almanzo says he’ll discipline the kid himself, but Charles talks him down. Awww. He suggests leaving it up to the school board, but Eliza refuses. She’s not sure what her plan will be, but as she tries to formulate one a schoolyard rhyme is being yelled at the Wilder house. Eliza leaps up, runs to the door and sees that it’s Bart. “See you at school, Eliza Jane,” he yells as he runs away. Almanzo is about to pound the “kid’s” face in, but Eliza stops him. Instead, she agrees to the school board meeting.

Uh-oh. The school board consists of Nellie, Harriet, Doc Baker and Charles. Wait, if two people from the same family can be on the board, why isn’t Caroline there? Or Nels? At least they would bring some sanity to the proceedings. Also, four people? I guess ties protect the status quo but that seems a little unproductive. Anyway, Harriet raises the point that Mr. Slater has pledged a lot of money to the school fund drive and that expelling Bart will likely cancel that pledge. Why do I get the feeling that it was actually Mrs. Slater who made the pledge? Just a hunch. Charles states that if Bart sticks around, the school won’t function so the pledge money won’t do much good anyway. Mrs. Oleson is concerned that since Mr. Slater is such a big wheel in Walnut Grove that he could take his business elsewhere. Charles is okay with that conclusion, not wanting to sacrifice principle for profit. Nellie bitchily chimes in that if Ms. Wilder can’t control the class they should hire someone else and that they should now vote on the matter. The vote goes 2-2, so Bart gets to stay. Ms. Wilder leaves the schoolhouse defeated.

The Werewolf of Walnut Grove 2/5

As Albert and Laura are walking home from school, Bart forces himself into helping Laura carry her books. She puts up a pretty good fight, but Albert steps in by telling “Bartholomew” to stop. “Don’t call me Bartholomew, shorty,” he responds. Albert, who is one-third the size of the new “kid” counters with “Don’t call me shorty, Bar-thol-o-meeeew,” then shoves the bully away. Sidebar: a few years later there’s an episode where Albert is revealed to be a morphine addict. I wonder if he got hooked on the stuff as a result from all the cruisin’ for bruisin’ that he evidently enjoys engaging in.

Anyway, Bart punches Albert squarely across the face and knocks him to the ground. Laura sees an opportunity to jump on Bart’s back to pull him away, but since he is more man than child (at least 90/10) he is still able to go after Albert. Almanzo, who is at work, can see the commotion and runs over to help. He struggles to pull Laura off of Bart and also Bart off of Albert. Bart tells him to butt out, causing Almanzo to ask if he really wants to fight with a girl. The bully says he was fighting Albert and Almanzo points out that the kid is half Bart’s size. It might be fair to point out that Bart is about the same size, if not a tad bigger, than Almanzo. “You’re not!” Bart says as he reels up a punch. Almanzo blocks him and gives the “kid” a solid gut shot. Almanzo sends the crowd home then gets his flirt on with Laura and her pigtail. Ick. He also takes a look at Albert’s eye and predicts a beauty of a shiner. As the Ingalls kids walk away, Bart yells at Albert “I’m gonna get you, shorty.” Albert almost engages again, but Laura pulls him back.

On the trail to the homestead, Laura is going on about Almanzo’s surplus awesomeness. Albert whines about how he didn’t need to be rescued, but Laura decides to razz Albert about it instead. They try to figure out what to tell Ma and Pa about Albert’s eye which turns into a lengthy discussion about lies of omission versus boldface lies. It’s not interesting filler. Somehow it works around to Albert needing to use his brains to beat Bart rather than his non-brawn. Laura warns him not to get his brains knocked out by Bart.

The next day Almanzo is dropping off his sister at the school when Mr. Slater intercepts them. He’s pissed. “WILDER! You hit my boy, yesterday.” Almanzo claims self-defense, but Mr. Slater says that Bart said that Almanzo started the fight for no reason. His name ain’t Tracy, Mr. Slater. Anyway, Almanzo calls bullshit and tries to explain what really happened. Mr. Slater cuts Manly off, saying that children fight amongst themselves so they should handle it. Almanzo says that doesn’t work when one of the kids involved is bigger than most grown men. At least this clears up whether Bart’s size was intentional or a grievous mistake from central casting. Mr. Slater says that he will take care of disciplining his child, and Almanzo tells him to get started. Ooooh, buuuurrrrrn. Slater says Bart behaves at home and that it’s the teacher’s job to make sure he behaves at school. “If you can’t Ms. Wilder, maybe the school board can find someone who can.” Oh dear.

During class, Ms. Wilder is writing something on the board when Bart starts a wadded paper fight with a couple other kids. She restores order then asks Albert to come up to the front and solve the math problem on the board. As he walks up Bart grabs the back of Albert’s suspenders and flings him backwards. Ms. Wilder asks Bart to stop. As Albert does the math, Bart places something on Albert’s seat. Apparently Mary isn’t the only blind one in the family as Laura doesn’t notice. Clarence tries to say something, but Ms. Wilder tells him to be quiet.

Albert completes the division problem without showing his work, which impresses Ms. Wilder. He goes to sit down and lands on a tack. Clarence pipes in that it was Bart who did it. Bart turns around, grabs the kid, lifts him up, and I think is about to unhinge his jaw to devour the poor boy before Ms. Wilder tells him to stand in the corner. “My pa ain’t gonna like this,” he says. She corrects his grammar and repeats her demand. As he moves towards the corner, he throws Ms. Wilder’s chair to the ground. I guess he’s preparing his monologue for his intro theater class at the community college. This startles Ms. Wilder and she commands Bart to pick up her chair. “Pick it up yourself,” he sneers. She tries for an ultimatum, but Bart calls her bluff before she gets to the “or else”. Ms. Wilder tries to regain her composure as she begins her lesson on decimals. She’s overwhelmed, decimated even, and decides to dismiss class. The kids file out. As Bart leaves, Ms. Wilder starts crying. She’s not really doing much for the harsh schoolmistress stereotype.

Silent Promises 4/5

Both Mr. and Mrs. Oleson are behind the counter at the Mercantile as Laura and Daniel arrive. After greetings are exchanged, Laura asks Daniel what he would like. Daniel signs that he would like candy, but he wants to know how much it costs. Laura double checks the price of gumballs with Mrs. Oleson, who is taken aback that any sort of information has been exchanged. Nels is obviously quite impressed while Harriet is bewildered. Daniel signs “see you later”, which Laura translates for the Olesons. Mrs. Oleson does a weird thing with her hands before settling on waving goodbye. Daniel waves back with a “what’s her problem?” look on his face. The kid picks up on nuance rather quickly, I’ll give him that. After the kids leave, Harriet tells Nels that all the finger-wriggling was making her nervous and that it is not natural. Y’know, that wouldn’t make me so angry if it wasn’t for the fact that in 2009 that line of thinking still exists in the world. Not necessarily about sign language (I don’t recall ever hearing complaints), but about…ok, this isn’t the forum for this discussion. Anyway, Harriet says as she leaves the room “if God had wanted me to talk with my hands, he wouldn’t have given me a mouth.” Nels’ response: “even God can make a mistake.” Eh, half-a-point Mr. Oleson.

Laura and Daniel are walking by a stream and set to work on their next lesson. As she opens the manual, Daniel places his hands on it to get her attention. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a chain with a ring on it and hands it to Laura. The ring belonged to his mother and Laura remarks that it is beautiful and that Daniel shouldn’t lose it. He signs that it is a gift, but Laura politely refuses. Daniel insists, but Laura says it should be a gift for the woman he marries. He signs “I love you”. Laura: “I love you too, but…” Daniel stops Laura and then kisses her. She has a bit of a conniption. I don’t think she was leading him on, but throwing around “I love yous” a little too loosely is going to get you into trouble, half-pint. Daniel freaks and runs away.

Nathan returns home and sees Daniel staring into the fireplace instead of studying. Nathan tells his son it is important to study, but he slaps the book away and goes to his bedroom. Nathan looks on in wonder.

Almanzo sees Laura moping around town and asks what’s up. Okay, I didn’t realize how much of an age difference there was between these two characters until this scene. She wants him so badly…the girl’s an open page. Anyway, he notices the necklace and thinks it must be related to whatever problem Laura is having. Eventually Sarah, Almanzo’s ladyfriend, comes up and says hi to the two of them. Laura gets a brief Flavor of Love look in her eyes and her smile gets a little sadder. I’ve been there, honey. She signs “I love you” towards Almanzo as he and Sarah are walking away.

Nathan is working outside as Laura arrives at the house. She asks if Daniel is home, but Nathan says she might as well just burn the books. This guy really needs to tone down the extremism in his reactions to everyday obstacles. There’s just something eerie about the calmness in his voice when he suggests book burning. Nathan asks what happened but Laura is purposely vague. He directs her to the pasture where Daniel is sitting next to a tree. He notices Laura then looks away. She removes the necklace, takes off the ring strung on the line, and puts it on her finger. Daniel hugs her in appreciation. Aw.