The Music Box 5/5

Laura finds Anna crying in a field. Her tears are either made of Vaseline or her nose is running up her face. Laura apologizes saying that she didn’t know that Nellie was going to be a horrible person. “I trusted you,” Anna says. At this point the stutter is indistinguishable from the sort of staggered speech someone Anna’s age would have when sobbing uncontrollably. Anna says she just wanted to be a part of the club because Laura was in it. Laura tells her she isn’t in the club anymore. Laura promises to spend her time after school helping Anna with her stutter and exacting revenge on one Nellie Oleson. Anna smiles and hugs Laura. The girls run home while singing “It’s Raining, It’s Pouring.”

That evening, back at the house, Mary and Caroline battle a ball of yarn while Charles worries about Laura’s whereabouts. We hear thunder as Laura walks in totally soaked. Wow, who knew that song worked? Caroline guides Laura to the fire and asks Mary to get some dry clothes for her sister. As Pa wrings out Laura’s pigtails, Laura decides to confess to stealing the music box. Ma and Pa are disappointed, but Laura recaps the entire story. Oy! That’s my job! Laura finishes by saying that she tried to figure a way out and couldn’t. Pa lectures that Laura couldn’t find a way out because she avoided the easiest way: telling the truth. Laura says she’s ready to face her punishment, but Pa says he’ll leave that up to Mr. Oleson. Laura apologizes to Mary and they hug.

The next morning, Laura hands the music box to Mr. Oleson and apologizes. “I know I was wrong,” she says. “Not as wrong as somebody else,” Nels says before yelling for his daughter to come downstairs. Charles tells Nels that he should be the one to decide Laura’s punishment. Nels says he can’t condone stealing, but Laura may have been punished enough. Did she tell him about the dreams? Because really, that’s the only actual negative consequence she has experienced.

Nellie comes down the stairs and almost runs into the music box that Nels is holding up to her face. Nellie pretends to yell at Laura for being a thief, but no one is buying it. Nellie tries to continue to school, but Nels tells her to go to her room. Looks like option A again. Whoops, nope, Nels grabs the strap as he goes upstairs.

As Laura and Anna run down the Mercantile steps, Willie commands Laura to carry his water buckets for him. Laura refuses, but Willie starts doing his “dum dum” impression again. No, the music box one. Laura and Anna look at each other and smile. Laura agrees and they both grab buckets. They both dump the water over Willie’s head. The two girls head to school arm in arm.

So I guess the lesson here is if you are going to steal, make sure you have a tenuous friendship with someone who has a speech impediment, that way you can live your life without consequences.

The Music Box 1/5

Oh God! Bees are chasing the girls down the hill! Oops, I hit the soccer ball button by mistake on YouTube. Damn vuvuzelas. No worries – the girls are safe. See, a closeup of a bunny rabbit ornament opens the show – everything is super. We pan across the window display and see all sorts of toys. Uh oh. This one is directed by Michael Landon. I take back what I said about the girls being safe – some bad shit is about to go down.

Deep breath. Okay.

Laura stands outside the Mercantile as she looks through the window display. Mary comes out from around the corner and tells her sister that they are going to be late. Laura is anxious not because of Mary’s tardiness but because her birthday is coming up and she wants to know what she is getting for a present. Mary says she isn’t going to tell, mainly because she doesn’t know. This angers Laura. The girls leave for school.

That evening, we see Charles exit Carrie’s room with a wrapped square-shaped item. Hmmm, too thick to be a DVD. Too light to be a laptop. Too small to be an N64. I wonder what it could be? Laura opens the present and it’s…it’s…a dictionary? What the frick kind of present is that? I can see Mary finding 101 uses for it, but it’s Laura’s birthday. She politely thanks her Pa, but you can hear the disappointment in her voice. Pa talks up the book saying that it has all the new words and a science section. As I paused the video to write that last sentence, Mary is giving Charles a look that says “really old man? Even I think that’s pretty square.”

Later on we see Charles and Caroline talking about the book as they get ready to go to sleep. Charles can’t get over the astronomy maps or the atlas. I will admit that does sound like a handy reference tool, but it ranks right up there with a sock-making kit as “most boring present to give a 10 year old”. Caroline smiles and nods, causing Charles to realize his folly. Caroline tries to coddle her hubby by saying she would have picked out the same thing. She justifies this by saying that Laura needs to be happy with getting what she needs rather than what she wants. Although I can agree with that sentiment, I still think this would have been a much more appropriate gift for Mary, especially if the whole family will be sharing the reference material. Actually, the sock-making kit would probably have been a better choice for Laura. Caroline also suspects that years from now Laura will still use the dictionary more than any fancy doodad from today.

The next day Laura resumes her post outside the display window. A blonde girl named Anna runs up and stands by Laura’s side. Laura asks which toy Anna would choose if she got to take one item home. Anna struggles as she says she would take the doll. As Anna stutters through her answer, Laura advises her friend to take her time. Eventually Anna says that she would want a doll, because it would be like having a sister, and she would name it Laura. Aww, this is so sweet – something horrible is going to happen to this girl, I just know it.

Just then, Nellie and a group of girls enter through the back of the Mercantile. Nellie calls over to Laura and demands that she come upstairs to play. Laura politely refuses, but Nellie says they are starting a club – no boys and only Nellie’s bestest friends are allowed. “Why did you invite me?” Laura asks. Nellie’s eyes narrow and she repeats her invitation. Laura says she’d rather play with Anna. Nellie grumbles that Ann can come along, causing the nice blonde girl to perk up. Laura considers for a moment before reluctantly agreeing.

Upstairs the girls browse through Nellie’s toy collection. While the extras murmur about the dollhouses, Laura focuses all of her attention on a music box playing atop Nellie’s desk. Nellie slams the box shut before calling the meeting to order. Nellie recites the agenda that includes roll call followed by election of the vice president. Laura point-of-orders that there needs to be a president, but Nellie says that the club will meet at her house therefore she is President. First, that would make her a dictator. Second, that sounds more like a qualification for Secretary or Sergeant-at-Arms. Nellie nominates Laura for VP, but Laura suggests Anna instead. “She can’t be in the club,” Nellie states. Laura asks why. “Y-y-y-y-you kn-kn-kn-know w-w-w-w-why.” Anna looks down as the other girls giggle. What a b-b-b-b-b-bitch. Before things get really awkward, Harriet barges in and announces that she has snacky snacks ready for all the girls. Laura and Anna stay behind. Anna suggests that they join the others before she leaves the room, her head still hanging down. Laura follows but stops to look back at the music box. She waits a moment before she snatches it from the bed.

The Camp-Out 1/5

Walnut Grove hasn’t changed much since our last visit: Kids still running down the hillside, the wagon still rolling into “The Town”, same old, same old. This episode begins in the school where Miss Beadle is hanging some pictures above the chalkboard. The chalkboard reads “HAppy HoliDAy”. I’m guessing Miss Beadle was an early adopter of MySpace. As the camera zooms in we see the pictures are of different types of leaves.

Miss Beadle acknowledges that the kids are probably excited about the yet-unnamed holiday that is approaching and she has decided that she will not assign any homework. The kids cheer, but Miss Beadle reminds them that their leaf collections are still due the first day back. Willie’s jaw drops just enough so you can fit a beach ball in his mouth. He says he already has his leaf collection. Since when did he become an overachiever? Miss Beadle says that’s fine, but the project still won’t be due until the kids get back.

Laura raises her hand and tells Miss Beadle and the class that the Ingalls family will be going on a camping trip. “We can get all kinds of leaves up in the hills,” she brags. Mary is beaming. Is there a question in there somewhere, Laura, or are you just showing off? Nellie thinks it’s the latter and announces that she thinks it’s unfair that they have access to exotic leaves while everyone else scrambles for the cheap-ass ones in Walnut Grove. Miss Beadle says it really isn’t a big deal. Mary asks, with severity in her voice, if they are going to be graded. Homegirl has her game face on. Miss Beadle says they will and that the best collection will go on display. She dismisses the class. As Laura leaves, she sees that Nellie has her game face on as well.

We join Harriet mid-chew as she kvetches about the Ingalls and their camping trip. “Giving their children an unfair advantage,” she forces through her full mouth. Lovely. Nellie adds to the whining before Nels is all like “I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.” Harriet tells her husband to find out where the Ingalls will be camping and then follow along with kids in tow. Nels finds this incredibly tacky, but Harriet plays the “It’s a free country” card, or whatever the equivalent was back then. Why do they have to go to the same spot as the Ingalls family? Couldn’t they just go on their own camping trip and get their stupid leaves that way? Before the logic police start to gather, Harriet and Nellie do a tag team guilt trip about how Nels is allegedly a bad father. Nels counters with his concern about having to close up shop and losing business. Ooo, now it’s a tennis match! Harriet says she can take care of the store. Nels realizes that if Harriet sticks around Walnut Grove, then he gets a vacation from her. He decides to ride out to the Ingalls farm to find out where they are going.

Charles is either working on a chair or his pecs with some hand crank tool in the barn. Nels rides up and chit chats about fishing. He shows Charles his rod (not a euphemism) and Charles says he would love to try it out (still not a euphemism). Charles invites Nels and the kids to tag along, just as long as they don’t mind roughing it. Nels accepts the invitation.

The next day we see Carrie accepting a piece of candy from Nels in the Mercantile. As Caroline and Nels work out the bill, Harriet enters the room. Nels comes up with a total, but determines that the Olesons will use many of those provisions so he gives Caroline a huge discount. Harriet didn’t realize that Caroline was going on the trip also and she starts to reminisce about camping trips she went on when she was a child. Oh, her poor parents, I can just imagine. Caroline nods politely until Harriet says, “I wish I was going along.” Caroline’s eyes widen with panic and Nels rushes to change the subject. It doesn’t quite work, even when Nels reminds his wife about the store. Harriet muses some more as Caroline and Carrie leave.

That night, Nels puts out the lamp in the bedroom and tells his wife that he’ll try to be quiet when they leave tomorrow morning. She tells him not to worry because she is going to make them breakfast. And every meal on the trip. She rises out of bed and I cannot for the life of me figure out what is on her head. It looks like Coolio threw a tickertape parade on her scalp. I’m guessing she’s trying to curl her hair but it looks bizarre. Nels is shocked, not by the hair but by Harriet’s declaration that she will be camping with them. Nels tries every tactic he can think of to convince Harriet to stay but she won’t have any of it. Wah wah.

The next morning, Charles and the family are finishing packing up their stuff. The Olesons ride up and they chit chat about the beautiful weather. Charles offers to help unload the Oleson wagon and Harriet tells him she’ll take care of the package with the tea service. Why would you bring that? Caroline and Charles immediately know that the only person who would pack such a thing would be Harriet, so she must be coming along. Nels confirms this, so Charles and Caroline decide to have a confab in the barn. Charles says he will not go on the trip with Harriet Oleson. Caroline doesn’t like the situation either, but she does mention that Harriet is trying so hard to be nice so they should give her a chance. Charles mutters all Milton-like after Caroline leaves the barn to break the news that they won’t be going on the trip to her children.

The Wolves 1/5

A nausea-inducing dolly shot traveling over the prairie opens this week’s episode. The last time I went through that part of the country was back in 2001 and even then the vastness of the landscape was somewhat incredible. All that is in this portion of the vastness is a lone dog. Oh, and a sheep. The dog sees the sheep the same time we do and begins to chase after it. Suddenly a whole pack of dogs appear and the sheep is all like “uh oh” and starts to run away. I hope this whole episode isn’t a nature film because I am not in the mood. Long story short: the sheep doesn’t stand a chance. We see the lead dog lunge at the sheep then see Bandit running down a hillside. Interesting idea for a transition but it doesn’t quite match up.

The Garvey house is at the base of the hill. Laura and Andy are practicing the long jump for the Olympics that won’t be happening for another 23 years. Andy tells Laura her jump wasn’t too good, but his isn’t any better. He decides to invite his Ma to show her mad skillz. She declines, saying that she has laundry to do. The kids whine but Alice says she doesn’t have time for such “foolishness”. Jeez, lady, why don’t you just send your kid to the iron mines then? Laura challenges this notion, claiming that adults are dismissive of such activities so that they don’t have to prove that the kids are better at them. Alice takes the bait, but before she can embarrass herself Bandit arrives and distracts the kids. Laura assumes that Bandit is there to let her know that it is time to go home. Can a dog really be that well trained? My housemates’ dogs still freak out whenever I enter the room and they have had plenty of time to get used to me. After Laura leaves Andy asks his Ma if she is ready to jump, but since the girl is gone Alice has nothing to prove and sends her son inside to do homework. Once he is in, Alice decides to go for the jump. And lands square on her butt. Andy is quick to point out that his Ma didn’t get much distance either.

When Laura gets home she sees that Pa and Ma are finishing packing up for a weekend getaway or something. Ma is reminding Mary of all the things to take care of while they are away. Mary is in charge? This weekend is going to suck. Charles calls for Caroline as she kisses her daughters goodbye. Caroline mounts the wagon and the two of them are off. As soon as the wagon is out of sight the girls are all like “Toga! Toga! Toga! 1900!” Or they would be if I was writing this episode.

Jonathan is over at the Mercantile carefully examining pans. He puts the pan down for a nice reveal of an incredibly bored Mrs. Oleson. She asks him to make a decision because she has other work to do. For once I don’t think Harriet is being bitchy as I can imagine Jonathan Garvey taking several hours to decide between cast iron or Teflon. She tries to upsell but Jonathan finally decides on the economy model. The shop bell rings as a man enters the store. Hey, it’s Larabee! I didn’t realize he was a recurring character. He is not in the mood to chit chat with Jonathan and asks Harriet for some wolf traps. As Harriet goes to grab them, Jonathan tells Larabee there aren’t any wolves in the area. Larabee coldly says that two of his sheep were attacked and that Garvey should mind his own business.

Jonathan leaves and as soon as he is out the door Harriet thanks Larabee for talking down to Garvey. She takes Larabee to the store room and talks about the bad blood the two men had from their Kansas days. Ooo, back story. Also, this must have taken place before the barn burning. Larabee doesn’t engage with Harriet despite her Barbara Walters impersonation. Larabee takes a couple of traps and leaves. Nels enters the store room as Harriet comments on how mad Larabee was when he saw Jonathan. She lets on that Larabee believes that Garvey stole some furs. Nels stops what he is doing and says that the story is wrong. Harriet reminds her husband that Larabee’s story matches up with what he told the judge, but Nels points out that the actual crook was caught red handed. He goes on to say that Larabee is just mad because he was embarrassed by the situation and blames Jonathan. Harriet is all “whatevs” and says she still doesn’t trust Garvey. Nels is surprised and asks why. Harriet thinks for a moment and says it’s because he chews tobacco and spits. That I could actually get on board with – chaw is DISGUSTING.

The Election 3/5

What’s this? Nels is handling this week’s egg transaction? Oh, it’s Mary who brought the eggs instead of Caroline so Harriet’s cattiness is unnecessary. Anyway, Nels counts the eggs and starts some chit chat about Nellie’s upcoming party. He lists every fabulous aspect of the event but Mary just looks at her shoes. Nels supposes that every girl in the school is invited until Laura, who is browsing in the hip wader section, clarifies that the Ingalls girls did not receive an invite. Mary tries to be diplomatic by suggesting that maybe Nellie forgot, but Nels isn’t buying it and invites the girls. I don’t think they elect Secretaries of State in class elections, Mary. Laura is all “thanks, but no thanks,” and fibs that she and Mary have chores to do at the time of the party. Again, Nels isn’t buying it but he doesn’t press the point. The girls leave as Nels shakes his head in disappointment.

As the girls walk through town they pass by Elmer who is sitting on a bench near a tree. He greets them and they join their fellow candidate. Elmer observes that a number of girls are hanging out with Nellie in the Oleson’s yard. “Boss Nellie Tweed is at it again,” Laura says. Elmer doesn’t get the reference so Mary explains that Laura’s joke was a callback to Boss Tweed, a New York politician. Elmer is all like “oh,” which is fine: even if you get the reference Laura’s joke wasn’t funny. Laura goes on to accuse Nellie of stealing votes. Mary excuses the tactic by saying that Nellie is just having a party. That’s fair, considering the Ingalls girls are planning on doing the exact same thing. Elmer asks why Laura and Mary aren’t at the party. Laura begins to sulk as she explains why. Elmer says he hopes Mary wins but she replies that Elmer has a good chance to win also. The boy disagrees since he already suspects that this might be another Koel prank in the making. Laura reminds Elmer that he can vote for himself, but he believes that one vote doesn’t mean much. Tell that to Paul Metzler. The conversation reaches another awkward lull, so Laura uses the opportunity to say that she and Mary need to go home.

Back at the Dobkins’ house, Ma is mending a shirt while Pa is looking through some papers. Ma mentions that a squirrel that Elmer is caring for is about to give birth while Pa is complaining about the price of seed. The conversation starts to focus on how Elmer is better with animals than with people, which Ma thinks is a good thing but Pa is not so sure. Somehow this circles back to their concerns about the election. Ma is still supportive of the idea and is going to fix up a shirt for her son for election day. Pa suggests using one of his old shirts and trimming it down for Elmer’s size. Oh good, it sounds like Pa is coming around to the idea. Yay!

Breakfast time at the Homestead. Pa asks Laura who is coming to the election party. Laura says everyone except Nellie and Willie is invited. Pa, surprisingly, is in favor of the turnabout/fair play ratio. He goes on to say that he suspects that these election tactics are setting the stage for an Elmer win. Pa explains the math and Mary is less than ecstatic about this revelation. Laura asks what they can do to rectify this situation but Pa is all like “uh, you’re stuck, monkey butt.” I’m paraphrasing.

Later on, Laura and Mary are leaving the storage house with ears of corn as they see Elmer approaching the house. They run down to meet him. There’s some awkward chit chat before Elmer asks if the girls are expecting a lot of guests. He goes on to explain that there was a group of girls ahead of him on the road but they got intercepted by Nellie and Willie who had free candy available. Laura accuses Nellie of buying votes again. Uh, Half-pint, what exactly was your plan with all those ears of corn again? Elmer assures the girls that not everyone is going to vote for Nellie but Laura doesn’t seem convinced. They are still going to have their party regardless of the turn out.

We join Mary and Laura in the barn with Pa. He is polishing a saddle as Mary works on her campaign speech. They toss around some campaign promise ideas. Laura asks if it is even possible to keep all the promises one makes and Pa tells her it isn’t very likely. Mary asks if that is kind of like lying but Pa corrects her by saying it is lying. Hmmm, yes and no. Most campaign promises are actually framed as goals (except for the ones stupidly beginning with the phrase “I promise to…”). If you set a goal and fail to meet it, that is not a lie. Either way, Mary is quickly becoming a fifth party candidate in a three way race. Laura asks if candidates call each other names because she has a few good ones for Nellie. Pa gives Laura a warning not to head down that path. Pa sends the girls to bed. On the way out, Mary says she is going to list the things she thinks would make the school better and make a speech. Yeah, long lists always make great speeches.

The next day at recess the girls are jumping rope while Kenny and Joel kick around some kids on the teeter-totter. Joel then spots Elmer off by himself by the schoolhouse steps. The boys get stupid smiles on their stupid faces and head over to torment the boy. Joel asks Elmer how he is going to win the election. Joel tells Elmer to get on the see-saw stump (say that three times fast) and make a speech. Elmer isn’t interested, but his self-appointed campaign managers grab him and force him onto the stage. As the candidate is dragged to the center of the crowd, Pa Dobkins happens to be driving by and watches what is happening to his son. Joel and Kenny keep jostling the boy as they make a bunch of promises of the “eat one worm for every vote” variety. But what about tort reform? Social security? What is his stance on human/animal hybrids? These are the questions that need answers! Before those questions can even be asked, Miss Beadle exits the school and tells the boys to stop. She asks what they are doing and Joel says they’re campaigning. Miss Beadle tells them to stop and ends recess. Way to go, jerks. As the kids file inside, Pa Dobkins hangs his head and drives away.

The Election 1/5

A wide shot of a hillside opens this episode as we watch a boy traipsing along the crest. He slows down as he approaches a tree and begins to crouch towards the ground. He’s found a baby bird struggling in the grass. Fortunately the bird has developed a little bit so it isn’t those ugly slimy creatures that you sometimes see splattered on pavement. The boy looks up and sees the nest that the bird must have called home a few minutes earlier. The boy climbs the tree and places the bird in the nest and tells a nearby bird that he didn’t hurt the chick before he continues on his trek. We don’t see if the mama bird nudges the chick out of the nest again.

The kids are playing outside before school begins and there are a couple of older boys, one with dark hair and one with red hair, running around interfering with everyone’s activities. The boys end up wrestling over by the school house until they notice the Birdman of Walnut Grove approaching. “Did you bring ‘em?” the dark haired boy asks the redhead. The kid says yes but he isn’t in the mood to get into trouble. “Aw, you fret too much,” dark hair says. When was the last time you heard anyone under the age of 18 use the term “fret”? Anyway, the redhead produces an earthworm for dark hair. The boys walk up to the arriving kid and greet him by the name of Elmer. Dark hair says to Elmer, “open your mouth and close your eyes and I’ll give you something to make you wise.” Ooh, a remix (I’m used to the “big surprise” version). Elmer obliges and promptly gets a mouthful of worm. The boys laugh as Mary and Laura look on, scandalized. Elmer tries to rationalize that worms aren’t so horrible to accidentally ingest, but no one is really buying it. The redhead then dives behind Elmer so that dark hair can push the kid over him. Hmmm, Elmer needs to work on his reflexes.

As the twerps run away, Laura jogs over to help Elmer. “If I were you I’d give them both black eyes,” Laura advises. Elmer says that fighting isn’t very Christian like (um, YMMV) to which Laura responds “Oh, I’d do unto ‘em” while brandishing her fist. I do enjoy feisty Laura. Elmer seems a bit blasé about feistiness, claiming that the boys are his friends. Almost immediately the redhead calls over saying “Elmer is the dumbest kid in Walnut Grove.” See, friendly. Yeesh.

Inside the school Miss Beadle announces that during civics class that afternoon there will be nominations for class president. There is some excited chatter after this announcement until the redhead, Kenny, raises his hand and declares that the girls don’t get to vote since women don’t get to vote. Yeah, I can just imagine a progressive like Emma Beadle not allowing females to vote. Shut up, Kenny. Fortunately, since women in 1876 could vote in Wyoming, that will be the precedent Miss Beadle will use to justify the female vote. Some of the boys actually start booing while Nellie screams “And we’ll win!” Sing it Sister Suffragette! Oh, she goes on to say that it is simply a numbers game since there are more girls than boys in the class. Still, you gotta find progress where you can.

During recess we see Nellie and Willie run over to the Mercantile. Inside we see a close-up of the jelly bean canister getting emptied and pull out to find that it is Harriet and not Nellie doing the emptying. She asks her daughter if that will be enough but Nellie mentions that a couple of the girls are partial to sour balls. Willie tries to cash in on the candy giveaway, but Harriet says no way since he is going to vote for his sister anyway. Willie is all “nuh-uh”, so Harriet gives in and fulfills his candy requests.

At this point Nels comes down the stairs and tells the kids to stop raiding the candy. Harriet says it’s alright before sending the kids back to school. “You know what the dentist in Mankato said and I paid dearly for the words,” Nels reminds his wife. Harriet explains that the candy is merely a contribution to her daughter’s political campaign. Harriet leaves to check on the roast in the oven and Nels starts to mumble something about the kids borrowing Harriet’s teeth. Harriet asks if he said something and he bluffs his way out by saying something about the roast being a good piece of beef. Hehe.

Back at school it is nomination time. “We’re going to hold our election just like the national election, the one that gave us Rutherford B. Hayes for our new president,” Miss Beadle explains. Oh jeez. I truly doubt that she is going to establish an Electoral College in the classroom so already it won’t be like the national election. Also, the election of 1876 was a political wrangling nightmare. First off, Samuel Tilden, the Democratic candidate, won the popular vote. However, results were disputed in four states – three of which were in the South (including Florida) where Reconstruction was the status quo. The validation of electoral results had to be determined by congressional committee. This resulted in the Compromise of 1877 which included bringing what some historians believe was the premature end to Reconstruction. Have I mentioned yet that this era of American history (the Gilded Age) is my favorite? Also, if you ever find yourself on I-80/I-90 between Cleveland and Toledo, I highly recommend the Rutherford B. Hayes Presidential Center (exit 91).

So yeah, nominations. Miss Beadle opens the floor and Willie instantly nominates his sister. It takes a while for anyone to second the nomination and Nellie has to “psst” one of the girls sucking on a sour ball to do so. Miss Beadle writes Nellie’s name on the board. Nellie then proposes to close nominations. The class erupts into angry chatter before Miss Beadle calmly reminds her that more than one candidate is needed for an election. Kenny turns around and slaps the blond boy sitting behind him to remind him to nominate someone. This kid, Jim, nominates Mary. Mary is quietly surprised while Laura is ecstatic about this development. Another boy seconds the nomination. After Mary’s name is on the board, Kenny nominates Elmer Dobkins. All the kids laugh as dark hair seconds the nomination. “We need one boy to run against the girls,” one of the pranksters says. Hmmm, I wonder if Elmer’s slogan will be “Choo-choo-choose me!”

Bunny 2/5

The next day Pa takes Laura to the Mercantile. As Charles gets out of the wagon, Doc Baker exits the store. They greet one another and Doc Baker updates Nellie's condition: no change. Pa pushes for a prognosis, but Doc Baker is unsure of what to expect. But hey, that's what makes being a town doctor exciting, eh? Speaking of, Doc Baker leaves to take care of other patients. Pa tells Laura it's time to go inside, but Laura tries to resist. Pa says he understands how she feels, but she really does have to go inside. Besides, I doubt Harriet will do anything to Laura if Pa is around. But hey, that's what makes dealing with the town crackpot exciting, eh?

The Ingalls enter the store and we see Nels in the storeroom coping with the situation. Charles says hello and Nels instantly pulls himself together. They chat a bit about what Doc Baker had to say, with Nels adding that Nellie is being brave about the situation. Nels also jokes that Nellie's appetite has been unaffected -- she ate a box and a half of bonbons just that morning. Nels says he is holding up but it's Harriet he is concerned about. Charles explains that part of his visit is to tell Nels about the horse, but Mr. Oleson is already aware of the situation and is okay with that solution for now. Charles apologizes that Laura had no right to take the animal, but Nels disagrees saying that Laura had every right since the animal was not at fault. Guh, if this act is going to just reiterate that point again and again, I'm just going to stop right now. Anyway, Nels asks Charles not to mention the status of the horse around Harriet since she thinks the horse just ran away.

During this entire exchange, the camera keeps cutting back to a guilt-stricken Laura. Eventually Nels apologizes for all of the horrible things that were said the day before. He also tells her that Nellie was asking about Laura and wanted to see her when she got a chance. "Maybe I should wait until she's feeling better," Laura says quietly. Nels says Nellie asked this morning, so she should go visit. Pa agrees, so Laura heads upstairs.

Nellie is in bed eating candy when there is a knock on the door. She quickly hides her treats and asks who is at the door. Laura announces herself and Nellie asks her to come in. Harriet is in the room too, so I'm not sure why Nellie was panicky when there was a knock. Laura enters as a cat running across a piano provides the background music. Harriet is still in a snit so she exits and closes the door behind her. Nellie invites Laura to sit on her bedside then asks what it is like outside. Laura says it's a fine morning. "That's what I miss the most," says Nellie. "Seeing the sun, the blue sky, hearing the birds sing." Honey, it's been a day. Also, you have a window. "I guess I'll have to get used to it," she adds. Okay, that point I'll give you. Laura begs Nellie not to say that and Nellie gives her a hug and says "I forgive you." Laura says she wants to help Nellie and do whatever she can. Uh oh -- Nellie's got that look in her blackened eye.

Nellie says that since she will never be able to go to school again ("It would take a miracle") she would like Laura to bring her assignments home so she doesn't fall behind. Why would she need to keep up if she is not expecting to go to school ever again? I realize that most people would do that to hedge their bets, but Nellie doesn't seem like the type. Anyway, Laura says she will and Nellie calls her "such a good friend," the second time in as minutes. Nellie then has a pain of some sort and claims to need to close her eyes and rest for a moment. I think she's just trying to get Laura out of there. I should try that at work some time. Laura leaves for school. As soon as the bedroom door is closed, Nellie pulls up her foot and starts to rub it. Laura must have made it fall asleep with where she was sitting. Hey, wait a minute...

Country Girls 4/5

Ring Around the Rosie again? It’s just five girls playing this time as Laura watches from outside the circle. After a round, one girl invites Laura into the circle but she asks why they always have to play the same game. Nellie answers “because I say so” before starting round seventy eight. As the girls skip in their circle, Laura starts shouting something above the monotones of RAtR. Is she reciting bawdy limericks? Something about a sick guy named Uncle John? Did Laura make a veiled drug reference? Nellie stops her game and tells Laura to stop before pushing her to the ground. Laura’s response: “Apple, a dumpling. What shall we send it in?” That was unexpected. Nellie pushes Laura back to the ground. Laura stands up to Nellie, both figuratively and literally, saying that she wants to play a different game: Uncle John. Ohhhh. It’s like RAtR but with a dash of Diplomacy. Nellie pushes Laura to the ground a third time. I’m guessing she’s played Diplomacy before. Laura cries out “Uncle John” before she lunges and knocks Nellie over. “You wanna fight; I’ll fight. You wanna play; we’re playing Uncle John!”

Slam cut to the homestead with both Caroline and Charles giving Laura stern looks. Laura admits that she “did on to Nellie, but not what you had in mind.” She apologizes for disobeying her parents, but she had reached her breaking point. Pa commends Laura for reporting the incident herself instead of letting someone else tell them about it. He asks Laura what should be done about the situation and she suggests whatever he thinks is best. She also reminds Pa that Nellie did start the commotion. Caroline looks at Charles and he takes a moment before rationalizing that Laura was justified in her actions. He asks his daughter to promise not to do it again and when she agrees he sends her off to bed. Caroline is not exactly thrilled with this resolution and Charles reads that on her face. He turns back to Laura and reiterates that she made a promise. Laura assures him that there won’t be any more problems since Nellie is scared of her now. Ma is even less pleased with this new information. “Charles,” she says, “you’re much too easy on her. She isn’t the least bit sorry for what she did.” Charles reminds her that Nellie did start the fight, which she counters with the “turn the other cheek” argument. Charles is all like “whatever” and starts to play the fiddle. Caroline rolls her eyes but starts to laugh.

The next day we see Caroline taking a basket of eggs to the Mercantile. Nels greets her as he carries some bolts of fabric through the showroom. Harriet pops up from behind the counter like some Jack-in-the-box-of-the-damned and asks if Caroline is there to apologize for yesterday’s schoolyard fight. Caroline is only there to sell her eggs and Mrs. Oleson says “I should have expected as much.” She then proceeds to give Caroline a lecture about how to raise her kids, particularly ones that start fights. Caroline waits for Harriet to finish before mentioning that it was actually Nellie who started the fight. Before she can finish Mrs. Oleson interrupts her with a reminder that brown eggs are still four cents less per dozen. She removes the cloth on top of Caroline’s basket and is shocked to find that Mrs. Ingalls only brought white eggs to sell. Turns out Charles sold the brown eggs at the mill for a much better price. “That’s gratitude,” a wounded Harriet says. Whatever, lady. “No, that’s good business,” corrects Caroline. Mrs. Oleson is not amused and suggests that maybe they will buy her white eggs. Caroline agrees and starts to leave the store. Realizing she is about to lose business, Harriet stops Caroline saying she is “too busy to quibble over pennies.” Harriet decides to buy the brown eggs at the same price as the white eggs. Nels is watching this unfold and seems to enjoy seeing his wife get put in her place.

As Harriet takes the basket back to the counter, Caroline takes a closer look at a bolt of robin-egg blue fabric. Harriet wanders back over and gives her another fabric that looks like muslin or burlap that she feels is more appropriate for Caroline’s needs. The part about Harriet that I never understood, and it is consistent throughout the series, is how she always tries to talk people out of buying nicer, presumably more expensive items. If I had to make a determination, it would be that her miserliness is trumped only by her vanity that only she and her family may have nice things. It’s a bizarre way to run a business in my opinion. Caroline semi-politely refuses Harriet’s offer, but is reminded that “country folk have to think more on the practical.” Caroline tells Nels that she will take some of the blue fabric. Or maybe not, since Harriet grabs the bolt from her husband’s hands and tells Caroline it would be a mistake. Amazingly Mrs. Ingalls is able to maintain her cool as she reminds Mrs. Oleson that “it is customary to let the buyer do the choosing.” Harriet’s jaw drops as she looks to her husband for backup. He doesn’t provide it as he also seems mortified that someone actually stood up to his wife’s bullying. Harriet excuses herself and Caroline places her order. Nels does reiterate that it will cost a bit but the color will look “right smart on you, Mrs. Ingalls.”

Back at the homestead Caroline shows her purchase to her family. Laura reaches out to touch the fabric and Mary smacks her hand away. Caroline is experiencing a bit of buyer’s remorse, citing that the encounter with Harriet is probably what drove her to make such an impulsive purchase. Hmm, maybe it is part of Harriet’s strategy: play on an individual’s insecurities and defenses to get the upsell. Still: bizarre. Mary and Laura say they are glad their Ma bought the fabric. Charles pipes in that he is glad, too. Caroline is a little surprised by his revelation, but she still wants to try to take the fabric back for a refund. Charles asks her “why do you think the good Lord went to all that trouble of making you so pretty if he didn’t want you to have a new blue dress?” Aw. The daughters also provide endorsements of Ma’s good looks getting accentuated by a new dress. Caroline is a little overwhelmed with all the praise and enters into Group Hug Mode.

The next day we see Laura and Mary bounding home from school. They are really excited about something. Ma is in the henhouse, Pa is in the barn --- ooh, I almost have a folk song. Anyway, the girls are excited because the school is going to have a visitors day, which is pretty much a school open house. Mary is particularly excited about the essay assignment that goes along with the event. She would be. Laura suggests that Ma wear her new yet-to-be-made dress for the occasion. Pa tells the girls to get started on their essays and they run towards the house.

That evening Mary and Laura are hard at work on their assignment. Laura voices over that Ma and the girls were working very hard on their respective projects and that everyone was just about finished before the deadline. Was that voiceover really necessary? Mary says she is finished with her essay about Pa building the house on the prairie, encounters with wolves and Indians, and moving from that house to Plum Creek when, I presume, the wolves and Indians were becoming too much of a nuisance. Pa says that sounds interesting, then asks Laura what she wrote about. Laura stammers a bit before saying “it’s a surprise.” That’s code for “academic incomplete” if I’m not mistaken. Pa is not up on the secret language of academia, saying that the surprise will be reveled early tomorrow and that the girls should go to bed. He gives them kisses as he carries an unconscious Carrie to her bedroom. Mary goes up to the loft while Laura continues to stare at her paper. Ma checks on her daughter and asks what the problem is. “It’s not an essay,” she responds, “not like Mary’s.” Caroline says that it shouldn’t be like Mary’s since she is older and knows more words. Laura says she knows a lot of words also; she just can’t get them on paper. Caroline tells her that’s okay, but Laura is not consoled by that. She asks her Ma if she can keep a secret. When Ma agrees, Laura confides that she is scared about getting up in front of everyone to share her essay in the morning. She is worried that people are going to laugh at her. Caroline assures her daughter that people will not laugh. There’s only one way to find out.

Country Girls 3/5

The next morning we see the girls walking into the Mercantile. Nels is working on a ledger at the counter and tells the girls he will be with them in just a moment. Laura asks Mary if she has the money and the older sister confirms that she does. We hear a door slam and Nellie and Willie run down the stairs. As soon as he spots the Ingalls girls, Willie starts saying “snipe” repeatedly until Nels tells him to pipe down. Nels then starts to shoo his children away as if they are squirrels at a bird feeder. I don’t think he likes his own kids that much, and it makes me like Nels that much more. Much like squirrels, the kids ignore their father and raid the candy canisters on the counter. Nels sighs as he walks over to assist the girls. Mary asks very politely for the tablet and slate. As he goes to retrieve the items, Nellie and Willie start bickering about the candy. Nellie sees an opportunity to rub in the fact that she can have as much candy as she wants. Mary just rolls her eyes.

Nels brings over the items and Mary pays him, saying that her coin should be enough for both items. Mr. Oleson confirms this, but informs the girls that they will also need to get a slate pencil if they don’t already have one. What? Why wouldn’t the slate come with a pencil? This must be the 19th century equivalent of “batteries not included”. Mary sheepishly says that they don’t have a pencil. “I don’t think the country girls have another penny,” Nellie says smugly. Nels turns to his children and orders them out of the store. Once the brats leave, Nels acknowledges that the girls might be short the money if they didn’t plan on this additional purchase. He offers to give the girls the pencil and have their Pa pay for it on his next visit, but Laura says, “No sir, cash on the barrel. Pa makes that a strict rule.” Nels smiles and agrees that the rule is a good one. He hints that it is a tricky rule to live by, but Mary politely declines before he can make the offer again.

The girls leave the store and sit on the steps. “That Nellie Oleson is the meanest girl I ever did see,” understates Mary. “I could never be that mean.” Laura looks at her sister and says “I could – meaner! -- if Ma and Pa would let me.” Normally I would say it is good to have goals, but maybe I shouldn’t encourage that particular one. Mary laments the fact that they still don’t have a slate pencil and Laura is afraid to ask Pa about it since he has provided so much already. You know, I think necessary school supplies would qualify as an acceptable expense, but Mary agrees with her sister instead of me. She thinks for a moment and remembers that they both have Christmas pennies they can use to get their pencil. Mary will use her penny to get the pencil and Laura will split her penny with her sister since they will be sharing the pencil. I guess they’ll be doing that tomorrow because they walk towards the school instead of back into the store.

We now join Miss Beadle as she assists Laura in reading a passage from Dicky Bird Land. Hmm, it looks like Amazon doesn’t carry it, but you can find some info about it here. However, the date attributed is circa 1890, which means I have to call anachronism. Anyway, Laura is struggling quite a bit with the text since there are a number of silent letters lurking about. You can tell that Miss Beadle is doing an awesome job, though it is unclear if she is working with Laura privately or if the whole class is watching this display.

Outside we see the kids at recess. A group of girls are playing Ring Around the Rosie. Laura voices over that recess was supposed to be fun, but all they do is play Ring Around the Rosie. I remember back when I was a toddler I would go to story time at the library which would end with a few rounds of RAtR. I couldn’t imagine playing continuously for twenty minutes, or however long recess is in Walnut Grove. Particularly the way these girls are doing it – it looks more like calisthenics than playing. Laura asks if they can play something else, but her request falls on deaf ears. It must be the plague kicking in.

Over at the Mercantile Nels is finishing up a transaction. As the customer leaves, he does that fake lecture thing that my boss is able to do that I could never do where he tells the woman to give his regards to Eli and that he should not be such a stranger. The woman thanks Nels and says she’ll pass along that message. As the woman leaves, Caroline walks in with a basket of eggs. She introduces herself and verifies that the Mercantile buys eggs. Nels says they do and an ominous voice from off-camera says “I do the buying.” Nels introduces his wife and before Caroline can finish saying “how do you do?” Harriet has already sharpened her talons as she looks at the eggs. “Nellie has already told me about your girls,” she says dismissively. Nels eavesdrops on the transaction and he already looks unhappy. Harriet daintily removes the cloth covering the eggs and notices that the eggs are brown. Harriet dismisses these, saying that they don’t bring in as much as white eggs. You know, Mrs. Oleson, there is no difference except for the color of the shell. Caroline mentions that some of the eggs are also double-yolks. This doesn’t impress Harriet and she tells Caroline that brown eggs get four cents less per dozen. Caroline thinks long and hard about it and eventually agrees on the price. Nels doesn’t like this one bit as he angrily cuts the cheese. Um, not a euphemism – there’s a cheese wheel right in front of him. I’m actually not sure how one would do that euphemistically.

That night Charles is smoking his after-dinner pipe as Caroline works on a cross stitch project. Charles remarks on how quiet it has been. Caroline thought he was alluding to the girls, but he’s actually talking about his wife. She’s still pretty steamed about her interaction with Mrs. Oleson. Charles smirks as Caroline says she can understand why Laura might not get along with Nellie if she is anything like Harriet. Caroline goes on to call bullshit on the "brown eggs bring in less than white eggs" spiel. Despite getting paid less for the brown eggs Caroline saw Harriet sell those eggs for the same price as the white ones. Charles offers to talk to Nels about it but Caroline warns him not to get involved in case Harriet decides not to buy any eggs at all. Caroline vows to win this battle. My money is on the home team. Charles reminds her about the “do onto others” mantra. She continues to aggressively cross stitch.

Harriet's Happenings 5/5

There is a stampede of women running through town. Harriet is peeking out the window of the Mercantile as she flips the closed/open sign to “Open” and sees the stampede running towards her building. “Nels, it’s going to be a banner day,” she squeals. I believe Nels is mumbling the “Serenity Prayer” to himself. Oops, Harriet forgot to unlock the door so she scampers over to let the crowd in. Wow, there are quite a few people at the store and they are grabbing all sorts of merchandise off the shelves. Nels tries to keep up with his ledger but fails instantly. At the door Harriet greets Mrs. Foster and they chit chat about the wonderfulness of the sale. Mrs. Foster has had her eye on a mantle clock and now she can afford it with the sale. Harriet walks over to the display and talks up the piece and Mrs. Foster is sold on it instantly. Mrs. Foster grabs the clock and heads for the door. Harriet chases after her to collect payment. “Of course not,” Mrs. Foster says. She shows Harriet the newspaper which reads “Public Service Sale. 100% off of everything.” Mrs. Foster leaves as Harriet has a conniption. People are leaving the store with armfuls of items as Nels joins in on the freakout. Once everyone is out, Nels closes and locks the doors and flips the sign back to “Closed”.

Outside the Oleson house we can see Laura and Albert laughing at their little prank. Meanwhile inside, Nels is trying to comfort Harriet who is lying down on the couch in the parlor. Nellie barges in screaming “I HATE YOU!” Her parents ask what the problem is and she shows them the paper. “With Nellie Oleson’s looks no boy will be seen out with her at night.” Hehehe. Harriet whines that she didn’t write that, but Nellie has already stormed out of the room. “They can’t do this to me,” Harriet continues, but Nels reminds her “there’s no such word as ‘can’t’.” Willie decides to help by pointing out the tidbit about Harriet. “We have it from a most reliable source that Mrs. Oleson hair is not all her own. And neither are her teeth.” She starts to sob. Before Nels comforts his wife, he winks at Willie who then smiles.

At the homestead, we can see that the Ingalls kids are in the loft eavesdropping on Caroline and Harriet. Caroline is assuring Mrs. Oleson that the kids are being punished by not being allowed to work at the paper. Harriet is not satisfied with this resolution, probably because they would have been fired regardless. She suggests horse-whipping. Caroline waits a beat before telling Harriet “If the items were wrong, I don’t know that they weren’t…” Harriet interrupts Caroline saying that those items were wrong. Caroline continues “then you can always print a retraction. Put it right on the front page – don’t stick it way in the back. Something to the effect of, um, ‘Contrary to published reports, Harriet Oleson does not have false teeth and does not wear a wig.’” Harriet looks horrified at the suggestion and I want to give Caroline a high-five. Harriet turns around and leaves without saying anything.

Later on we see that another issue of the paper is being distributed. Meanwhile, Pa is drilling a hole in the barn as Laura and Albert return from fishing. Charles notices they came back early and asks what happened. Laura produces a copy of the latest edition. Charles admonishes them for buying a paper, but Laura tells him Nellie just gave them a copy. According to her, Harriet wanted Albert to have a copy for free. Uh oh. Albert reads the article in question: “The joke of Walnut Grove. The whole town is laughing over the fact that Charles Ingalls young houseguest Albert No-Name calls Charles ‘Pa’. He even had the audacity to register the boy in Walnut Grove school as ‘Albert Ingalls’. But who are we to laugh? Perhaps the boy really is Charles’, in which case the joke is on Caroline Ingalls.” Charles looks heartbroken. Albert apologizes, saying it was his idea to change the type. Laura chimes in saying they were just trying to teach Mrs. Oleson a lesson. Noble effort, Half-Pint, but I think even fire, brimstone, and sulfur would fail at teaching Harriet Oleson a lesson. Albert says he’ll tell Mrs. Garvey to change his name back to “Albert”, but Charles tells him no. “You like being my son?” he asks. Albert says he does, and Charles replies “Well I like being your Pa, so that’s the end of that.” Laura mentions that there is an item about the Schillers in the paper also. “It was reported earlier in this column it was a sad mistake to pick the son of illiterate parents to represent Walnut Grove in the Spelling Contest. Perhaps Mrs. Garvey has learned her lesson this time. By the way, Mr. Garvey is considering buying his wife a ham for their fifteenth wedding anniversary and I call that true love.” Could you imagine what Harriet would have been like if MySpace and blogs were around in her lifetime? Geez Louise. Anyway, Charles vows to hold a mirror up to The Pen and Plow at church on Sunday.

As the bell rings outside church Sunday morning, Papa Schiller hands Charles a Bible. The congregation takes their seats inside as Charles walks up to the pulpit. Oh, I guess Charles is substitute preacher this week as Reverend Alden is absent. Charles blames nervousness as the reason for forgetting his own Bible and thanks Mr. Schiller for letting him borrow his. Charles has picked Exodus 20:16 as today’s source material. Charles suggests that Walnut Grove’s outstanding citizen should read the text and invites Harriet up to the pulpit. Oh gross, she has her homemade “Press” card pinned to the lapel of her jacket. Caroline and Doc Baker share a glance. There is quite a bit of symmetry in this episode. Charles reminds Harriet which passage she should read as she looks at the book. She does a double take and whispers to Charles “I can’t read this.” “Why, are you illiterate?” Charles asks. Heavy-handed enough for you, folks? Harriet says it is written in some foreign gibberish. “It’s not gibberish, it’s German,” Charles responds. Mama Schiller smiles at this. “Just because I can’t read German doesn’t make me illiterate,” Harriet states. Charles agrees and continues by saying the converse of that statement is true for the Schillers. Harriet slams the book closed and returns to her seat.

Charles goes on to commend the Schillers for their ability to speak two languages which is a rarity within this particular congregation. Charles also claims another person present today speaks two languages: Sterling Murdoch. “Mr. Murdoch’s second language is that of his newspaper The Pen and the Plow [sic]. It’s a language made up of half-truths, innuendos and outright lies. It’s the language of yellow journalism.” Sorry Charles, but I’m going to have to call Anachronism on you. The concept of “Yellow Journalism” didn’t really establish itself, at least under that terminology, until the mid-1880’s and that would have been in New York City. This probably would not have filtered its way to Walnut Grove until the 1890’s at the earliest, about fifteen years after this episode would have taken place. Anyway, Murdoch stands up and argues that church may not be the proper venue to discuss this issue. Harriet agrees with Sterling and I think I agree as well, particularly because the term “bully pulpit” was not coined until the early 1900’s. Charles, of course, disagrees and tells Harriet to sit down. Charles goes on to talk about his earlier encounter with Murdoch and the freedom of the press argument. Charles says he doesn’t believe that entails spreading lies, damaging a person’s name or hurting people. Ooo, you are treading into very gray and murky waters there, Charles. He goes on to say that this publishing philosophy is in direct conflict with the text selection of the day: The eighth commandment, which is “thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor”.

Charles asks rhetorically “why do you continue to support that paper? Do you derive that much pleasure from the pain and suffering of others? Or is it because it’s not you that’s being hurt?” Harriet clenches her jaw as her second cousin once removed glares at Mr. Ingalls. “When you go out and buy that newspaper on Saturday morning, you are supporting and encouraging the very sins that you decry in this church on Sunday.” Charles suggests that the congregation starts practicing what they preach. The congregation mulls over these words as Harriet makes a ridiculous pouting face. She looks like Droopy Dog. Charles then suggests that the congregation rise and sing “What a Friend”. Murdoch takes this moment to exit the church. As the crowd sings in that way that white Christians tend to sing, Nels whispers to Jonathan that he can stop by the Mercantile after church to pick up the dress.

Laura voices over that the newspaper went out of business about a month later and the town went back to normal. She reports that Pa hoped that a real newspaper would one day open in town. “’Freedom of the press,’ Pa says, ‘is as important as all our other freedoms and should never be abused.’” You know, if you ignore the fact that Joseph Pulitzer was a yellow journalist before becoming a philanthropist and the namesake of the Pulitzer Prize, I could almost agree with Charles. But I don’t.

Harriet's Happenings 2/5

It must be Friday because a bunch of people are walking around town reading newspapers. Doc Baker must not have picked up a copy yet because he is organizing one of the cabinets in his office. Jonathan enters with a newspaper in hand and asks the Doc if he read a particular item. Jonathan’s tone suggests that something is amiss and Doc Baker asks if his name is spelled correctly. His name was spelled correctly in this tidbit: “Doctor Hiram Baker lost another patient when Ezra Jenkins died last Wednesday.” The Doc narrows his eyes as he announces that Ezra Jenkins was 96. Jonathan semi-playfully points out that the paper must be true because the article was written by “Walnut Grove’s Leading Citizen.” “Misleading Citizen is more like it,” grumbles Baker.

At the homestead that evening, Caroline is providing a snarky reading of one of the articles. “Claude Beakins has been spending an awful lot of time at Widow Foster’s house lately. One wonders if Claude’s wife knows about it.” First, Mr. Foster died? When did that happen? Charles is about as bemused by the article as his wife, pointing out that Claude was fixing the roof of the Foster house because that’s his job. Caroline shakes her head as she skims for another tasteless tidbit. “Mrs. Sally Larson has left her husband to return to Chicago. Could there be someone special in Chicago? Could the separation be permanent?” That would be a shame; the Larsons seemed so happy. Caroline fills in the details, “There is someone special: her father. And their separation could be permanent: he may die.” Charles is not pleased with this local news declaring, “If that’s culture, then I’m Abraham Lincoln.” He goes on to suggest that Caroline use the paper to start a fire and she seems to agree.

We now see a copy of the paper. “FLOOD HITS” something and immediately below the headline is the feature box for “Harriet’s Happenings”. Way to do layout, Murdoch. Wait a minute – is this episode a veiled slam on Rupert Murdoch? Even though he is Australian and his ancestors would have been nowhere near Walnut Grove or Minnesota? Oh, show. Anyway, in the feature box is a picture of Harriet and whoever is holding the paper has taken the liberty of penciling in her mustache and devil beard. Oh, it’s Willie. Good for him. Nels and Harriet enter the parlor and are both exhausted. I guess people saw the sale ad and it lead to the busiest day ever in the Mercantile. Harriet declares the paper a Godsend. She then instructs Nels to double the inventory order for next week’s sale which will be for 25% off after a 40% markup for a gain of 15% (WRONG: 5%). Nels says they can’t do that, but she replies “there’s no such word as ‘can’t’.” Nels is not happy about this but Harriet explains that paper subscriptions are pouring in and that it is because of her. “I am a success in every way,” she says as she dances around her husband. She’s successful at tap dancing on my nerves, I’ll give her that. “Including the worst way,” Nels sneers. He takes the paper from Willie to provide some examples. “Seven month married Helga Svenson gave birth to her first child, a baby boy. She claims it was premature.” Harriet is all like “Well, use your arithmetic.” Really, lady? Nels informs his wife that he talked to Doc Baker right after that particular delivery and the Doc said the baby was premature. Harriet sits down and claims there were rumors. Nels gives her a Journalism 101 lesson: Print facts, not rumors.

Willie pipes in that Nellie had a fondness for Helga’s husband back in the day and was not all to keen that he and Helga got hitched so she started a rumor or two. Journalism 102: Don’t reveal your sources, Harriet. She asks where Nellie is and Willie says she is upstairs crying. The local round of the spelling bee happened earlier and Nellie was knocked out by none other than Erich Schiller. “That Allison Garvey betrayed me,” seethes Harriet. Um, it’s a little difficult to rig a spelling bee unless you give one kid “cat” and the other “ergasia” (which MS Word doesn’t believe is a word), but I think people might catch on that the playing field isn’t exactly level. Nels tells his wife the test was fair and Erich is the smartest boy in school (except when the plot requires it to be Albert or Arnold Lundstrom). Harriet still says “Not fair!” and has added Alice Garvey to her list. I’m serious: she has a legal pad and everything.

The next day we see Jonathan going to the Mercantile. Did he find out about Harriet’s Enemies List? It doesn’t look like it as he starts browsing instead of confronting Mrs. Oleson. Harriet finishes with one customer before walking over to buy eggs from Caroline. Harriet asks if Caroline read this week’s paper and is trying to fish for compliments about “Harriet’s Happenings”. Caroline bluntly tells Mrs. Oleson that she found the tidbits to be “inaccurate”. Harriet, who is wearing her Press sun hat again, asks for some examples. Caroline mentions the items about the Beakins and the Larsons, but Harriet counters with “If they are untrue, and I’m not saying they are mind you, but IF they are untrue we shall certainly print a retraction.” Caroline is unimpressed with this, particularly after hearing that such retractions are printed in a small box mixed in with the ads. As expected, Harriet gets all petty about the slightest bit of criticism and tells Caroline that the Mercantile won’t be buying any more eggs in the foreseeable future. “I’m sure the hens will be relieved to hear that,” Caroline informs her. As she leaves, Jonathan whispers “That’s telling her.”

Nels finishes assisting a customer and walks over to help Jonathan. He jokes that the dress that Mr. Garvey is looking at is too small for him. Jonathan chuckles and says that he would like to get it for Alice for their 15th wedding anniversary. Nels looks at the price tag, but the price is a little steep for Jonathan. Nels offers to work something out but Harriet butts in with a reminder about the credit that was already extended to Alice. Nels tries to reason with Harriet but she says they can’t afford to extend credit on “frivolous items such as clothing.” She is, however, willing to make an exception on food and suggests a nice ham. Well, crystal is more traditional and a watch is more modern so Harriet’s suggestion isn’t that much more off the mark than what Jonathan was going for. Then Harriet suggests a rack of bacon, so I think Jonathan is now closer to the bullseye. Jonathan refuses the offer and Harriet walks away, muttering to Nels “overgrown ingrate”. Was she talking about Jonathan or herself? Nels apologizes and Jonathan asks for Nels to hold the dress until Jonathan gets a loan.

Harriet's Happenings 1/5

This episode opens with a crowd gathered outside a building where Charles and Jonathan are hanging a sign. The sign reads “The Pen & Plow” and Mrs. Oleson is screeching at both men to make sure the sign is hung correctly. I guess once you feel the bubbles in your blood pressure subside you know the sign is level. I’m a little amazed at the size of the crowd watching – someone invent television, please. Meanwhile, a wagon is riding in town also labeled “The Pen & Plow”. I wonder if they’re connected somehow. The man driving the wagon is none other than Mr. Johnson from Blazing Saddles. More specifically, the Mr. Johnson who shares his knowledge about Pasteur making hoof and mouth disease a thing of the past.

Never mind that shit; here comes Harriet. She goes all Beatlemania as Mr. Johnson’s wagon approaches, literally pushing people out of the way as she runs over to meet the visitor. Harriet keeps on “Yoo-hoo”-ing, causing my ears to have a sad. She runs alongside the wagon and yells to the driver “It’s me, Harriet,” a couple of times before he eventually stops and dismounts. Caroline and Doc Baker watch the scene unfold. Mr. Johnson got off his wagon on the side opposite of where Harriet is caterwauling and he walks over to the first woman he sees, hugs her, and says “Harriet, you haven’t changed a bit.” The woman pushes him away as the real Harriet runs over to embrace him. After they hug, Harriet introduces the crowd to her second cousin once removed from her mother’s side, Sterling Murdoch. If I have this right, that means Harriet’s mom’s grandparents are Murdoch’s great-great-grandparents. That seems reallllly irrelevant for 1878. Charles seems to share my assessment as he gives Jonathan a look, but Mr. Garvey still gives a polite golf clap with the rest of the crowd. Murdoch thanks the crowd and gives a speech about how he followed the advice of “go west, young man” blah blah blah end of the rainbow blah blah blah. Ha! Charles rolls his eyes. I don’t know what this new guy is talking about, but Harriet says she now has goosebumps after his riveting speech. Doc Baker whispers to Caroline that he’s working on a cure for Harriet. So much snark in Walnut Grove today; I love it.

Over at the school class has been dismissed. Laura, Albert and Andy invite this kid Erich to join them at the newspaper office to watch the printing press in action. Erich politely declines, saying that he promised he would help out his Pa after school. The other kids say goodbye and run over to the office. On the way they run into Charles and Jonathan who are delivering paper to the printer. The kids ask if they can watch what is happening and Charles says it should be okay. Once inside, Charles introduces the kids to Murdoch and asks if it is okay if they watch the newspaper in action. Murdoch says that would be fine and compliments the men on how they fixed up the building. He also asks if they would be interested in handling the bulk deliveries of the newspaper on Fridays. Aw, Jonathan and Charles just got their first paper route! I hope it’s more successful than their lemonade stand. After the men leave, Albert asks Murdoch if there are any other odd jobs available. Murdoch thinks about it a moment and says he needs two bright kids to be typesetters, or “Printer’s Devils” as they’re known in the biz. Albert is all aboard and Laura pipes in that she wants to be a devil, too. Albert vouches for her brightness and Murdoch hires her as well. Andy is late to the party, so he gets saddled with flyering instead. The kids run off to share the news.

That evening Murdoch has joined the Olesons for dinner. Nels asks Murdoch how the newspaper is put together, specifically where he finds all the content to include. Murdoch explains that the inside is usually general news that gets sent from St. Paul on a weekly basis. The outside pages are local news and ads. Nellie asks if “Uncle Sterling” writes all the local content himself. He handles the editorials and all the administrative aspects of the paper but the rest of the news will need to be covered by the yet-to-be-hired head reporter. Harriet’s eyes perk up as she hears this and she volunteers for the job. “All the news does filter into the Mercantile,” she laughs. Nels is not amused by this prospect in the slightest. Harriet asks about the pay and her cousin hems and haws a bit, saying that the startup costs of the paper are going to force the pay to be a bit low until the paper starts to thrive. Geez, this episode certainly is a relic nowadays.

Harriet thinks about it for a moment and is then struck by an idea that she claims won’t cost either of them a cent. She proposes that instead of cash the Mercantile gets free ads in the paper. Murdoch agrees almost instantly. They both leave the table to discuss things further. Murdoch suggests that she write a number of items that include people’s names, since people like to see their name in the paper. Harriet assures him that she’ll name names, times, and places. I hope she starts with Mrs. Jones on Hudson Street. She prattles on a bit more and eventually comes up with a name for her column: “Harriet’s Happenings”. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

The next day, Alice Garvey is shopping at the Mercantile. She is just finishing up and Harriet tabulates the bill. Alice asks for the amount to be added to her tab, but Harriet reminds her that all store accounts need to be paid at the end of the month. Alice apologizes and says she doesn’t have the money for the balance today. We see a close up of Harriet and she has a card reading “Press” placed in the ribbon around her sun hat. Oy. Harriet decides to go on a tangent about how Nellie would be a good representative for Walnut Grove in the Spelling Bee. Alice acknowledges that Nellie is a good speller, but Harriet continues by pointing out Nellie’s poise and beauty. Have you ever seen a spelling bee, Mrs. Oleson? Sex appeal and a lack of awkwardness very rarely come to mind when you look at the kids that make it to the finals. Of course, all of those kids are under 15 anyway, so sex appeal shouldn’t even be part of the equation, but are you picking what I’m putting down? Anyway, Harriet goes on to say that she would be happy to donate a $2.00 gift certificate for the Bee and when Alice compliments the thoughtfulness of the gesture, Mrs. Oleson practically creams her pants at the idea of being chairwoman of the awards committee. Alice just chuckles as if to say “whatever, crazy lady” and gets back to the subject of her purchases. Harriet okays the extension of credit in the most condescending way possible. You can almost hear the fillings getting sucked out of Alice’s teeth as she holds back saying what’s really on her mind. She thanks Mrs. Oleson and leaves the store.

Meanwhile in another part of the store Erich and his folks are browsing. Erich’s Pa is holding a canister of some sort and asks his son what it says on the label. Harriet overhears this and informs the gentleman that the Mercantile carries a wide variety of spectacles. “What I need, Frau Oleson, is English,” he informs her. That’s awkward. And kind of awesome. Erich reads the label: “The name Blankey’s is synonymous with good drinking coffee.” Erich’s Pa asks the Frau if this statement is true and of course she says it is. Erich’s Ma asks the Frau about the price and it is 25 cents. Erich’s Ma says something in German to her husband and judging by her face I think it is something along the lines of “Bitch crazy, I’m not paying that much for coffee.” Erich’s Pa thanks the Frau and they leave the store coffeeless.

Nels walks in from the office with a piece of paper in hand and asks Harriet about the ad. She says that the ad is correct. Nels tells her they can’t afford the 20% sale mentioned in the ad, but she tells him that they can if they raise the prices 30% beforehand. “That gives us 10% more profit than if we didn’t have the sale at all,” she says smugly. You know what I say? WRONG! Check it: Say an item cost $1.00 today. If they raised the price by 30%, that would raise the price to $1.30. If you take off 20%, in this case 26 cents, that would make the new price $1.04. No matter what base you start with, the increase would only be 4%. Uh, I did better in math competitions than spelling bees. Anyway, Nels tells his wife that her plan is dishonest. “Of course it is,” she replies. I guess if they’re in agreement then it’s okay. Good to know.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 10/10

Ma and Pa arrive at the school and by the lighting it looks like it is early evening rather than the middle of the night. When they enter the school, the headmaster walks out from his office and asks if there is a problem. Ma and Pa must keep bankers' hours or something because it can't be as late in the day as was suggested. They run upstairs.

The next morning (unless everyone decided to change clothes and its only half hour later) Charles is loading up the wagon as Adam and Mary supervise. What? The stage blocking suggests that activity for them. Charles remarks on how the rain will make the open coach ride a tad unpleasant before telling Adam that they will meet again in about a month. Pa asks Mary if she is ready and she says "just about". Caroline picks up the cue and ushers her husband away so that Adam and Mary can have their moment. No hands on face action you two.

Charles and Caroline board the coach as the two lovebirds say their goodbyes. They're both excited about what the next month has in store for them, they just don't want to wait that long. Mary recaps her journey of enlightenment that the blind school provided. Hey, hey! Mary, what did I JUST SAY about the hand/face contact? Adam moves in and much smooching ensues. He whispers "I'll be waving as you drive away." I've decided from now on if a character on any show says the episode title I'm going to apply the Pee Wee's Playhouse secret word rule. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Aren't you glad I already did "Sylvia" and "Annabelle"? Anyway, Mary boards the coach, with some assistance from Pa, and they're off. Sure enough, Adam is waving and Mary waves back.

In case the ghostliness of Walnut Grove wasn't clear enough, a pretty bad wind storm is whipping through the town. It looks like the Mercantile is still in business as Nels is replacing some stock behind the counter. He greets Charles and Mary, saying he heard they were back in town but not for long. Charles says he plans on leaving town in about a week but he has some livestock he'd like to sell. Nels shows Charles the stockroom and informs him that the inventory is getting sold to a wholesaler. I guess things aren't going as well as I thought. Then Mrs. Simms enters the store. She was looking for Mary to congratulate her on the new teaching job. Unfortunately, Mrs. Simms job is on hold as the school had to shut down along with everything else. Her family will be leaving town the next day. However, Mrs. Simms has a present for Mary: a cameo she received from her first teacher. Oh the places you'll go, Mary. The teachers hug and Mrs. Simms leaves in tears.

Back at the homestead, the family is playing with the new baby as Mary comes down from the loft. She brought with her what looks like a clipboard so that she can write a letter to Adam. Laura is intrigued by the apparatus and Mary explains that it is a braille writer. Laura asks why not write a letter out by hand, but Mary says someone would have to read the letter to him. Laura doesn't get why that would be an issue, but Ma knows a thing or two about prison letters and tells Laura to ease up on the questioning. Mary brings up the tragic Mrs. Simms situation and then asks if they are going to church in the morning. Caroline and Charles share a confused glance. I guess they didn't expect that Mary would want to go. Mary definitely does as it will be their last chance to say goodbye to the town.

At church the congregation has dwindled quite a bit. Let's see, the Fosters, the Ingalls, the Garveys, Doc Baker, the Olesons, and a woman with a rather unattractive hat are all that are in attendance. Reverend Alden is disappointed by the turnout. Maybe he'll be like the pastor at the church I attended growing up and admonish the crowd for all the people who didn't bother showing up and admonish the crowd again after people left early. Never mind the fact that those who he wanted to direct his message were NOT IN THE CHURCH. Anyway, the Reverend takes the pulpit and talks about the dire situation in Walnut Grove. His voice starts to waver as he realizes the inevitable. His sermon is about how "men of greed be allowed to do this to men of faith." But then he recalled the chat that he had with Charles way back when Mary was losing her sight. You remember. This segues into telling the congregation about Mary's new job and how it is serving some higher purpose. Yay, full circle.

The Reverend invites Mary to the pulpit to lead the congregation in prayer. Mary opens with a speech about her time in Walnut Grove, with a brief recap of the four years spent in the church. She then opens her braille bible to Psalm 15. Good choice -- it looks like it is striking a chord with the crowd. Mary finishes reading the passage with her fingers and smiles.

Annabelle 2/5

That night, Billy Barty and the rest of the sideshow are standing around the living quarters looking concerned. London sees the gathered crowd and asks what’s up. Billy Barty says that they are worried about Annabelle, who seems to be down in the dumps. Oh good, Annabelle is the fat lady so I can start calling her by name. Anyway, London steps into her cubicle to check on her. She puts her book down and invites everyone in so they can all chat. She asks why everyone looks down, and Billy Barty says “We’re sad because you’re sad.” Aww, how sweet, I knew that whole “one of us” thing was taken out of context. Back to Annabelle, she let’s her coworkers know that Nels is her brother. Ouch, I’m sorry she has such an awful niece, nephew and sister-in-law. Of course, she doesn’t know that yet since he didn’t know she joined the circus and she didn’t know he was a businessman. The editing keeps switching from Annabelle to Billy Barty who is either reacting to what she is saying or considering his grocery list. She recounts what happened at lunch and that all she wants is a little love or recognition from her brother. “I would have walked right over to him and given him one of my extra special patented bear hugs,” she says before she smothers Billy Barty in her arms. But since Nels failed to do that, Annabelle concludes that Nels must still be ashamed of his sister and her “bulk”. I think it should probably be noted that although Annabelle may be quite large by 1879 standards, she has what I would describe as a 2009 midwestern female build. In other words, she would be out of a job nowadays unless she put on ten or fifteen hundred pounds.

Billy Barty asks what’s wrong with how any of the freaks look, but London says it is the outsiders who are making those judgments with their “crazy notions”. True, but you all are trying to capitalize on those notions, so are there any victims here? Billy Barty stands by his indignation, saying that when Nels looked away from his sister he looked away from the entire circus and they should skip town. London shoots down Norma Rae’s idea, saying they have a contract with the town. Billy Barty tells Annabelle that the whole circus is her family and there’s a group hug moment. Aww. Annabelle picks up her book and resumes reading. Somber music plays as

Now we’re outside the boarding house. Nice edit there, show: I wasn’t finished. Anyway, Willie is hanging signs around town advertising the circus. Harriet comes outside and he asks her opinion of the ad. She compliments her “little pumpkin seed”, gives him a kiss, and tells him to plaster the town with posters. He asks if he should put them on the outhouses, which offends Harriet at first until he explains that everyone will see the posters there. If you want to be really effective, put the posters on the inside of the door – what else will people look at in there? Willie runs off as Harriet walks over to the Mercantile. Nels is sweeping the porch as his wife begins to prattle on about how much she loves seeing “Oleson’s Mercantile” on the posters. “Nothing warms the cockles of my heart like a good steady flow of cash.” Lovely. Nels isn’t in the mood and starts to head inside. Harriet stops him and asks him to deliver a banner to the big top. He says he has to make a delivery to the school for the blind and it has to be done right now. Harriet has caught on that Nels has been deflecting everything circus related since they arrived in town and he has been acting so “queerly”. Really, honey? Before he can respond, she decides to take the banner over herself. As she walks down the porch steps, she starts laughing at a “wonderful idea” she just had. She suggests hanging the banner on the backside of the fat lady. For a moment it looks like Nels contemplates shoving his wife off the porch, but she walks away before he has time to act.

London compliments Harriet’s banner as she finishes hanging it on the big top. Charles wanders over and notices that setup is moving along quite nicely. London mentions that the Ingalls kids are doing great work along with all the children. Charles also compliments Harriet and her sign before asking London for a favor. He asks if any of the performers would be interested in visiting the school for the blind and London suggests Annabelle. He sends Charles to the performers’ living area then starts to check how setup is going. As London passes Laura, she asks where the sad clown has run off to since she hasn’t seen him all day. London tells her that he usually wanders off during the day and sometimes doesn’t see anyone. Laura throws a pity party in the sad clown’s honor as London tells her he has never heard him speak and only once heard the clown clear his throat. Obviously tired of the line of questioning, London reminds Laura that if she is here to help, she should get back to work. She heads off to her next task.

My Ellen 5/5

The next day Mrs. Taylor has decided to do some shopping at the Mercantile. Harriet starts to offer her condolences, but Mama Taylor cuts her off with cheerfulness. She asks for some candles and Harriet goes to retrieve them. As she grabs some table candles, Heloise corrects her and asks for twelve birthday candles. Harriet looks confused at first but eventually fulfills the request. Heloise then notices a doll on the counter and remarks on its beauty and that it must be expensive. Harriet agrees and tells her that it’s $4. Heloise decides to buy it, remarking that “they’re only little girls for such a short time, it can’t hurt to spoil them some.” Harriet just stands there absorbing everything like some gobsmacked sponge until Heloise asks for the total. Harriet completes the transaction with a concerned look on her face.

The search party has reassembled back at the Busby ranch. As they walk around Mr. Garvey hears a rustling sound. Cal thinks it must be birds, but Garvey suspects it is something else. He looks over at a tree, calls out for Busby, and the guy who was reading the book jumps out of the tree. Busby starts to run and most of the posse chase after him. Cal decides to run along the ridge going around the other side of the house and draws a bead on Busby. He fires and Busby is down. When the posse catches up to the man, they notice that the wound looks pretty bad and take him to Doc Baker.

At the Doc’s office, Busby is patched up but not really in any condition to talk. However, it appears that he was of diminished capacity before getting shot in the head, so there’s no telling how lucid he’s going to be now. Charles asks the man where Laura is, but Busby is virtually non-responsive. Charles tells him “nobody is going to hurt you” so long as he tells him where Laura is. Busby doesn’t answer, probably because he is using all of his strength to not die, and Charles grabs him and starts to shake him. Garvey stops him before he hurts Busby and then shows Mr. Ingalls how to play Good Cop/Bad Cop. He calmly and quietly asks Busby where he found the book and flowers. Busby mumbles something that after viewing five times with headphones on I still can’t make out. I think the gist is “I dunno.” Garvey tries to goad the answer from Busby by promising that no one is going to hurt him. Seeing as it has only been thirty seconds since Charles made the same promise and instantly reneged, I don’t see that as an effective tactic. Busby glances over at Charles and says “That’s...not...true.” Ha! “I just wanted...to look...at...the pictures.” He starts to sob a little, most likely overwhelmed by the situation and then loses consciousness. Doc Baker declares him too weak from blood loss.

Charles stands in place for a moment, contemplating his next move. Cal, meanwhile, looks at the ground, probably thinking that he should have just stayed home and did some laundry or something. “If he dies I’ll never find my daughter,” Charles says quietly to Cal. When Cal doesn’t offer a response, Charles grabs him by the shirt collar and looks ready to pummel him. Garvey stops the physical part of the altercation, but Charles asks Cal why he shot Busby. Cal just says “I’m sorry.”

At this moment Harriet barges in looking for Mr. Taylor. Doc Baker yells out “Not now, Mrs. Oleson,” probably because there’s enough dramarama happening in his office without her getting involved. Harriet apologizes for the intrusion, but goes on to describe the bizarre transaction that just took place with Heloise. “She was so strange,” she says, “she said that Ellen brought her some flowers yesterday.” This catches everyone’s attention.

Down in the root cellar, Mama Taylor is lighting the candles on a tasty looking cake. Wait; there are only ten candles, maybe eleven, on that cake. There certainly aren’t twelve. After she lights the last candle, Mama Taylor tells Laura Ellen to make a wish before she blows out the candles. Laura thinks for a moment and then suggests that if they both close their eyes they will both get a wish. Heloise politely refuses, saying that it’s Laura Ellen’s birthday, but Laura replies, “I want you to have a wish too...mama.” I think Laura could have an excellent career in psychology, if only modern psychology wasn’t twenty-five years away from being established. Heloise thinks about this, has another Ellen hallucination and decides to make a wish. Once Mama Taylor closes her eyes to think of her wish, Laura makes a run for it. Run, Laura, run!

Once outside, Laura makes a dash for the hilly wooden area but keeps losing her footing. Mama Taylor eventually catches up with her in a spot marked by a little wooden cross. Oh, jeez, they’re at Ellen’s grave. Really, show? Laura’s had enough of Mama Taylor’s dementia and keeps saying she’s Laura. Heloise is still immersed in the denial phase and keeps screaming “No!” After two or three rounds of this, Laura screams out “Ellen’s dead!” This catches Mama Taylor’s attention. Laura points out that they are at Ellen’s grave and it finally sinks in for Heloise. She realizes what mistakes she has made and hugs Laura. Laura reminds her that God can help her if she just gives him a chance. Here are a few hints for Heloise: don’t throw Bibles at people of the cloth and don’t try to assimilate other people’s children. That’ll probably move you through God’s queue a little faster.

As Mama Taylor contemplates the universe a bit at the grave, we can hear a wagon driving by. Laura looks over and notices that it is the search party, including her Pa. She runs over to the wagon and rejoins her father. She says she is fine and that Mrs. Taylor is okay and by the grave. Cal walks over to join his wife in the final phase: acceptance.

Later on we see Laura cutting through the Busby fence with a big smile on her face. She runs over to the shack to check in with Mr. Busby. She hands him the book for him to keep. I guess he was the Boo Radley of Walnut Grove. Or maybe Lenny without the rabbits. Either way, Laura says she wants to be his friend and he seems to appreciate it. Aww.

Bully Boys 1/5

Old timey western music with the “boing boing” sound effect and an establishing shot of a run down shack open up this episode. A man walks out of the shack while putting on his shirt, spits, stretches, and walks over to a barrel of water to wash up. This is the opposite of sexy. “George, Bubba: get a move on” he calls into the house. An older fellow walks out and asks “what’s the hurry, Sam?” That must be George, since Sam says Bubba needs to go to school and the kid who is now in the scene starts to whine. Sam explains that one day the kid “is going to pick up a man’s poke [huh?] and it’s going to have a dollar in it, a quarter, a dime and a nickel and how much are you going to have?” Bubba says he doesn’t know, making his Brain Age 75. For some reason Sam is thrown by this, stammers that it’s a dollar and a half (wrong), and tells Bubba to wash his face. As Bubba cleans up, he asks what he should do about lunch. Sam tells him to find some since someone there will have more than they need. Ugh, Bubba’s going to be that kid that is always asking to borrow a piece a paper AND a pen AND the answers. He runs off and the two older guys decide to head into town.

Mrs. Oleson is getting the Mercantile ready for the day, including sprucing up a crystal punch bowl set. Who besides the Oleson family would want to buy that? Sam and George enter the store and Mrs. Oleson is instantly dubious as she says “good morning”. Sam is eating a pear and Harriet takes notice, letting them know that they are “not inexpensive” at twenty cents a peck. Sam is all “fine, we’ll take a bushel.” This surprises Harriet, but since the guys are planning on spending money she starts to change her tone. After some more formal introductions, Sam tells Harriet that his family is moving into Walnut Grove and they need provisions. Mrs. Oleson’s Spidey Sense is still tingling and she is a bit unwelcoming towards the Galenders and tries to upsell them out of the store. Sam tells her that price isn’t a concern and this charms Harriet.

As this awkward and off-putting transaction is taking place, Nels is riding up to the Mercantile. He walks in carrying a package as George lights up a cigar in the showroom. I’m not sure if this is objectionable to the Olesons but I’m not a fan. Nels greets the two men and his wife and she updates her husband on who these guys are. Nels welcomes them and hopes they like the town. “If everyone is as kind as your wife, I’m sure we will,” says George. Oy, where to begin? Harriet accepts the compliment and then tallies up the Galenders’ bill at over $16. Sam takes a look at the bill and tells the Olesons to charge it to their account. The Olesons balk at this. Nels tries to stammer out an explanation of their credit system but doesn’t get too far before George drops one of the glass decanters from the display table. Harriet’s jaw drops as George tells them, in a semi-menacing way, that the broken glass should go on their bill, too. Sam tells his brother to stop being clumsy then explains to the Olesons that he has a bank draft coming in on Friday that should cover the bill. That sounds rather Wimpy to me, but the Olesons seem to be okay with this arrangement. Now my Spidey Sense is tingling.

Over at the school, Bubba is telling Miss Beadle how to spell his last name. She also asks if Bubba is his given name, which causes the class to laugh before he authoritatively says “That’s right.” Miss Beadle calms the class down and welcomes Bubba to the school. She also explains that there are so few boys in the class at the moment because it is right in the middle of growing season. “All farmers, huh?” Bubba asks with a smirk creeping across his face. He sits down next to Willie, who stares at the new kid a moment before informing him that Bubba is the silliest name he ever heard. Bubba promptly knocks Willie to the ground. The Ingalls girls observe this and do not appear to be amused.

Over at the mill, Charles is loading a wagon with some lumber. The Galenders are walking over and ask Charles if he is Mr. Hanson. Charles calls his boss over to talk with the Galenders about a lumber sale. Sam and George introduce themselves and tell Mr. Hanson they need the lumber to fix up their new place. Hanson tells the guys they’ll need plenty of lumber and the Galenders guestimate that the wagonload that Charles is preparing should be enough. Hanson tells them that Mr. Henderson has already reserved that lumber, but Charles cuts in saying that Henderson isn’t starting his project for a couple of weeks so a new load can be prepped for him by then. George offers to pay an extra $2 for the wagonload, but Hanson says that he is only going to charge $18 since that’s what he is charging Henderson. Sam explains the bank note situation to Hanson, but he agrees to deliver the goods that afternoon. Wimpy!

Oleson Versus Oleson 4/5

Laura is walking up to the boarding house with a suitcase in her hand. Caroline hugs her as she walks into the restaurant. She takes Laura’s bag but before she leaves the room Laura asks if they are doing the right thing. Caroline says that they are, but Laura is dubious about how successful this petition drive is going to be. She becomes more concerned when Caroline tells her that Percival is the only signer so far. Caroline shares her daughter’s concern but reminds her that if you believe in something you have to be courageous enough to stick with it. Laura isn’t fully comforted by this pep talk and she doesn’t look forward to the possibility that Pa might never sign the petition. Caroline reminds Laura that Charles can be stubborn sometimes but he is a fair man and will come around eventually. As the two of them walk toward the stairs, a couple of ladies come down the stairs and are excited to see the new member in the ranks.

Over at the Mercantile, a group of customers have surrounded Nels and are shouting their orders at him. Really? Harriet was the only person capable of enforcing the concept of a line? Nels is getting overwhelmed and inventory is starting to run low. One customer is asking for diaper materials even though he bought some yesterday. “It beats washing ‘em,” he explains. If you think that’s wasteful, you might be surprised. As Nels squeezes his way past some customers to get to the baby supplies, we see that Harriet has disguised herself as a ranch hand to spy on Nels. But is it for the cause or for her? Before we get the answer to that question, Mrs. Foster comes in and gives the fellas a “well, well, well” speech. “Don’t you know how to cook,” she sneers to her husband Orville. “That’s one thing you and I have in common, woman,” he replies. Eh, they’re both tied at zero right now on my scoreboard. Mrs. Foster doesn’t like being called “woman”, so she grabs a handful of flour and throws it at her husband. A flour fight breaks out and Nels runs over to the counter to try to stop it. Harry-et is not impressed with what she is observing, but she does get a kick out of Nels getting pummeled in the flour fight.

The restaurant is packed again at dinner time and Harriet (out of drag) is working the floor. Mrs. Foster calls Mrs. Oleson to her table so that she can tell the other ladies sitting there about how “Nels took the store away.” I’d like to hear this story too, since that’s not what happened. When Harriet gets to the table, we cut to an exterior shot of the restaurant and only hear muffled voices. What was the point of that scene?

Back at the Wilder house, Almanzo is in his pajamas and has poured himself a glass of milk. He doesn’t seem too happy with the current situation. We hop on over to the homestead where Charles, also in his pajamas, has poured himself a glass of milk. We then hear a bowling ball fall from a table and The Raccoon screaming and crying for her mommy. At the Oleson place, Nels completes the pajama/milk trifecta. Except the milk pitcher is empty. Willie!

The next day, Laura runs back to her house where Almanzo is attempting to follow a recipe. The two hug when Laura gets to the kitchen and she tells her husband that they need to work together to get Pa to sign the petition. Almanzo reminds her that they agreed to stay out of this and let Caroline and Charles figure it out, but Laura is still fairly certain that some intervention will be required. Laura has to go and says they can chat about a plan later. Before Almanzo can chase after her, a pot boils over on the stove.

Laura’s next stop is the homestead where Pa is in the barn milking the cow. Pa’s joke about Laura conferring with the enemy falls flat and he blames it on the town not having much of a sense of humor these days. Laura ignores the self pity and asks how Pa is doing. He mentions the Raccoon being in “freakout” mode 24/7 which Laura attributes to the kid missing her Ma. Laura asks if Pa misses Ma, and he says that he does. Laura says Ma misses Pa also and he seems surprised by this. Laura says that Caroline wants to talk with him, but he wants to have the conversation on neutral ground. Laura suggests the church and Pa agrees. Laura looks awfully pleased with herself.