Bunny 5/5

That night Charles is in the barn working on a project of some sort. There’s not much light in this scene but it looks like it might be a wheelchair. Laura comes in dressed in her pajamas. Pa asks her what she is up to and Laura says she wanted to say good night. After they hug, Laura inspects the Pa's project. He confirms that it is a wheelchair that he is fixing up. I hope he does something about the seat back because it is worn through to the point that it is framing Laura in the shot. We can see through the busted wicker that Laura is a little freaked out by the wheelchair concept. “But she doesn’t need a wheelchair,” she claims. Pa pauses before responding, “Half-pint, we don’t know that.” Laura calls no waysies based on the fact that she prays to God every night that Nellie will get better. Pa tries to begin rebutting this point (I would start with “even God has limitations when it comes to Nellie Oleson”) but Laura flat out denies her father. “God’ll fix everything,” Laura says as she inches toward the door with a tear rolling down her face. “You wait and see.” The Melodramatic Piano of the Dentist Office Waiting Room music begins to play as Pa calls out for his daughter.

The next morning Charles ties the chair to Doc Baker’s wagon. They chit chat a bit before Caroline comes outside to greet the Doc. She invites him to the picnic that the Ingalls family will be hosting that afternoon, but he has to decline the invitation. “Folks around here seem dead-set on getting sick whenever the fish are biting,” he quips before taking off.

Charles walks over to his wife and asks if Laura has changed her mind about going to the picnic. Caroline says she hasn’t, so Charles offers to ask one more time. Inside the house Laura is working on an assignment. Pa enters and tells his daughter that the family is leaving. She tells him to have a good time and continues to work. Pa starts to say something, but Laura interrupts him again to say that she doesn’t feel like fishing anyway. Pa makes a frowny face then leaves.

Over at the Oleson house, the wheelchair is set up in the parlor and Doc Baker is carrying Nellie down the stairs. That girl has huge feet. Her nightgown is robin’s egg blue – a color that does not do her any favors. Doc Baker sets the girl down in the chair and she is instantly enthralled with the new digs. Harriet is being a, well, nervous Nellie, and I’m not sure if it is because of the second-hand nature of the chair or because her daughter is supposedly an invalid. Doc Baker tells Nellie how to work the chair and also reports that her arm splint will be able to come off in a couple of days. Nellie does a couple of donuts in the parlor (we see that some sort of patch was put on the wicker) while Harriet continues to fidget. Nellie seems pretty satisfied with her new toy and asks when her father will be back. Harriet reports that he should be back this afternoon when he and Willie return from Springfield with the new doll house. Doc Baker calls his patient a lucky girl and then heads out the door.

Harriet thanks Doc Baker for his service and says she will have to ride out to the Ingalls’ place to thank Charles in person. Once the door is closed, Nellie suggests to her mother that she ride out now. Harriet says she can’t leave Nellie alone, but the girl says she can take care of herself. She goes on to say that she can watch the store and that the customers can take down any items that are out of reach. Harriet is still reluctant until Nellie whines “Pleeeeease?” Harriet calls her daughter “brave”. You know who dislikes that sort of terminology? Disabled people. She then decides to head out. As soon as the front door is closed, Nellie hops up from her seat, runs to close the door to the Mercantile, jumps, and does a jig. Seriously?

We join Harriet as she rides up to the Ingalls homestead. Laura is in the stable and has Bunny all saddled up. She’s telling the horse that they’ll go for a ride so that they both won’t be cooped up all day. Harriet walks by the barn and stops once she sees the animal inside. “Where did you get that horse?” she demands. Laura acknowledges that she has been hiding the horse and Harriet jumps to the conclusion that that is why Laura has been so nice to Nellie. I guess since guilt is a concept unfamiliar to Harriet, this would be the next logical conclusion to reach. Laura denies Harriet’s reconstruction of the scenario but it is irrelevant since Harriet says she will take the horse with her. Laura screams “No!” and hops on the horse. Her stunt double rides the horse as fast as possible into town.

The stunt double arrives at the Oleson’s place. Laura dismounts and peeks through the window. Well, well, it looks like Nellie asked her doll to the Sadie Hawkins dance and they are getting their waltz on in the parlor. The filming switches to voyeur-cam as Laura sees the action between the curtains. Laura backs away from the window when she realizes that she has been scammed. She knocks on the door, causing Nellie to slam the music box shut and hop into her chair. However, Nellie’s nightgown gets caught under her right foot causing the fabric to tent. Aside from the almost instant continuity error, wouldn't Nellie realize that there is no way for that to happen and therefore fix it before telling whoever is knocking to “come in”? Check-minus, show -- do a second take next time.

Anyway, Laura opens the door and asks Nellie what she is doing. Nellie says she is watching the store for mother. Laura says she just saw Nellie’s mother and that she was asked to take Nellie outside for some fresh air. Laura is all catatonic as she is delivering her lines, which Nellie doesn’t seem to notice. Laura pushes the girl out the door. Hmm, another error: how did Laura get Nellie down from the porch when there’s no ramp? Laura is jogging behind Nellie and tells her she needs to pick up speed to get up the hill. Nellie is getting rather nervous at this point. They reach the top of the hill near the mill and Laura claims she has to take a breather. Nellie is all "whatever" at this point, mainly because she is somewhat powerless to extract herself from this situation. Laura starts to ramble about how her life has changed after the accident, causing Nellie to ask if she is alright. Laura wonders why she would ask that. “You just seem to be acting funny,” Nellie replies. No, more like acting poorly.

Just then, Mrs. Oleson rides into town and Laura notices the wagon. She stands up and calls for Mrs. Oleson’s attention. Harriet stops, looks up and yells “Laura Ingalls, what have you done with that filthy animal?” Laura runs behind the chair saying, “Nellie, your mother wants you!” She then pushes Nellie’s chair down the hill. Nellie starts to scream, most likely because she is in a situation where she could ACTUALLY BE KILLED. WTF, Half-pint? “You’re such a good friend, Nellie!” Laura says smiling. Nellie and her stunt dummy make it all the way to the bottom of the hill but the chair hits a rock causing Nellie to flip over and land in some water. Harriet is shocked that her daughter is soaking wet but rather subdued for someone who might have just seen her daughter being murdered. Nellie stands up and whines and sobs about being soaked. Harriet sees this as a miracle and swoons backwards out of her wagon. Jeezy creezy, this is so cliché and stupid.

Back at the Oleson house, Laura is pacing outside as Bunny stands off to the side. Nels comes outside and Laura asks if Nellie will be alright. He says yes and says he doesn’t blame Laura for wanting to scare his daughter. He acknowledges that Nellie may be more in the wrong here than Laura. I have to disagree. Laura was stubborn and a doormat in dealing with the Nellie situation but her reaction was a little bit over the top and not quite justified. Whatever, if Nels is okay calling it zero sum, that’s his business. He then surprises Laura by giving her the horse. “An animal is no different than a person,” he says, “it needs to be with someone who loves it.” Sure, why not? Laura’s stunt double rides down the street a bit before running into Jason. Laura asks if he would like to join her and Pa on their next fishing trip. He agrees and they head out.

Nellie watches this scene unfold from her bedroom window and she is not happy. “I HATE YOU LAURA!” she screams (and repeats) as she begins to trash her room. She throws her doll against the wall then gets in a pillow fight with a vase of flowers on her desk. After throwing some books, she grabs a hairbrush and sets her sights on the new doll house. As she gets all smashy smashy on the roof, Willie barges in and tells her to stop. “Don’t break that stuff, give it to me,” he says. Nellie keeps swinging as she calmly says “it’s girl stuff.” Willie says he could sell it, but his sister turns around and she has this look in her eyes that seems to suggest that he will be the next smashy smashy target if he doesn’t leave the room. After Willie runs out, Nellie grabs a horse figurine and says, “I’ll fix you, Laura Ingalls. I’ll fix you.” She throws the horse at a framed needlepoint picture of Harriet. Girlfriend should go to Charm School.

Bunny 3/5

Before heading over to school, Laura stops at the mill to ask Pa if it is alright that she becomes Nellie's slave for the next while. She doesn't phrase it quite like that, but I have a hunch that's the direction things are going. The arrangement that Laura wants is that she will help Nellie after school, simultaneously do her own homework, and Mary will cover her chores. Pa is reluctant but Laura says this would help her feel better about what happened. Pa eventually gives his approval and gets back to work.

As they leave school, Laura offers to do Mary's chores on the weekends since Mary will be doing Laura's during the week. Mary says it isn't necessary, but Laura still thinks this entire situation is her fault. Let's review: Nellie was the one abusing the horse. The horse fought back. Laura is not a part of that equation. The sooner she realizes this, the happier she will be. Particularly since she won't be as overextended as she appears to be making herself. Before the girls leave, a goofy looking boy calls Laura from the steps. "Hey, you wanna go fishin' Saturday?" Laura and this boy start chatting as Mary walks away. When the older girl passes the Mercantile, we see Nellie peering through the window. She's looking right at Laura and the boy with a wry smile forming.

Later on in Nellie's room, Laura is helping with spelling. "The next word is 'allowed'," Laura says. Nellie spells it correctly immediately, which is pretty impressive given that there was no context provided that would separate "allowed" from "aloud". Nellie isn't concerned about that: she is more concerned about whether Jason was in school or not. I'm guessing that's the name of the goofy looking kid. Laura says yes and quickly moves on to the next word: "marmalade". Nellie would rather reminisce about the arguments she and Laura had over Jason. Laura becomes very stiff as the conversation turns. Nellie asks if they talked today and Laura says they did for a little while. Nellie asks if she came up in their conversation, and Laura says he said "hello". Nellie then asks Laura to keep a secret: she loves Jason and with her current condition he probably won't give her the time of day. She confides that she will be "so hateful to any girl that would shine up to Jason." Laura is picking up what Nellie is putting down. "You're such a good friend, Laura," Nellie says before spelling "marmalade" correctly.

That weekend at the homestead Caroline, Carrie and Charles are working on some laundry. As Charles fetches a bucket of water, Jason toddles over. Jeez, is Napoleon Dynamite the bee's knees of Walnut Grove? Laura could do better. Besides, he's age appropriate so you know it won't last. Anyway, he asks Mr. Ingalls if Laura is okay since they were supposed to go fishing together. He wonders if she is sick or mad at him, causing Charles to ask if he did something to make her mad. "No, but sometimes girls get mad at you anyway," Jason says. Charles laughs in agreement. I wonder if he heard the one about the lady stagecoach driver. Oh, mercy.

Jason finds Laura sitting up in the barn loft. He says "hi" and Laura pops out of her thought. He said he was waiting for two hours at the fishing hole but Laura says she just finished her chores. "So I see," he says in a way that seems to challenge Laura's sincerity. "Well I just finished a few minutes ago," Laura retorts. "Alright, I believe you," Jason replies, sounding sincere. Laura doesn't hear it that way and they argue about how he said what he said. It's a pointless argument and Jason acquiesces just to get it over with. He climbs all the way into the loft to say that he stopped by to make sure Laura was alright. Laura asks Jason why he hasn't visited Nellie and he says he didn't have a fishing date with her. Laura concludes that Jason doesn't feel the same way about Nellie since she had her accident. He's all like "what the what?" since he apparently never felt squishy for Nellie and her current condition has not really changed his opinion of her. "Aw shucks, Laura," he says before she tells him to go away. "Dab burn it, Laura, what's the matter with you?" Dab burn it? Laura, honey, you can do better. She sends Jason on his way. As he climbs down, he gets in the last word saying he didn't believe Laura about the chores.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 10/10

Ma and Pa arrive at the school and by the lighting it looks like it is early evening rather than the middle of the night. When they enter the school, the headmaster walks out from his office and asks if there is a problem. Ma and Pa must keep bankers' hours or something because it can't be as late in the day as was suggested. They run upstairs.

The next morning (unless everyone decided to change clothes and its only half hour later) Charles is loading up the wagon as Adam and Mary supervise. What? The stage blocking suggests that activity for them. Charles remarks on how the rain will make the open coach ride a tad unpleasant before telling Adam that they will meet again in about a month. Pa asks Mary if she is ready and she says "just about". Caroline picks up the cue and ushers her husband away so that Adam and Mary can have their moment. No hands on face action you two.

Charles and Caroline board the coach as the two lovebirds say their goodbyes. They're both excited about what the next month has in store for them, they just don't want to wait that long. Mary recaps her journey of enlightenment that the blind school provided. Hey, hey! Mary, what did I JUST SAY about the hand/face contact? Adam moves in and much smooching ensues. He whispers "I'll be waving as you drive away." I've decided from now on if a character on any show says the episode title I'm going to apply the Pee Wee's Playhouse secret word rule. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Aren't you glad I already did "Sylvia" and "Annabelle"? Anyway, Mary boards the coach, with some assistance from Pa, and they're off. Sure enough, Adam is waving and Mary waves back.

In case the ghostliness of Walnut Grove wasn't clear enough, a pretty bad wind storm is whipping through the town. It looks like the Mercantile is still in business as Nels is replacing some stock behind the counter. He greets Charles and Mary, saying he heard they were back in town but not for long. Charles says he plans on leaving town in about a week but he has some livestock he'd like to sell. Nels shows Charles the stockroom and informs him that the inventory is getting sold to a wholesaler. I guess things aren't going as well as I thought. Then Mrs. Simms enters the store. She was looking for Mary to congratulate her on the new teaching job. Unfortunately, Mrs. Simms job is on hold as the school had to shut down along with everything else. Her family will be leaving town the next day. However, Mrs. Simms has a present for Mary: a cameo she received from her first teacher. Oh the places you'll go, Mary. The teachers hug and Mrs. Simms leaves in tears.

Back at the homestead, the family is playing with the new baby as Mary comes down from the loft. She brought with her what looks like a clipboard so that she can write a letter to Adam. Laura is intrigued by the apparatus and Mary explains that it is a braille writer. Laura asks why not write a letter out by hand, but Mary says someone would have to read the letter to him. Laura doesn't get why that would be an issue, but Ma knows a thing or two about prison letters and tells Laura to ease up on the questioning. Mary brings up the tragic Mrs. Simms situation and then asks if they are going to church in the morning. Caroline and Charles share a confused glance. I guess they didn't expect that Mary would want to go. Mary definitely does as it will be their last chance to say goodbye to the town.

At church the congregation has dwindled quite a bit. Let's see, the Fosters, the Ingalls, the Garveys, Doc Baker, the Olesons, and a woman with a rather unattractive hat are all that are in attendance. Reverend Alden is disappointed by the turnout. Maybe he'll be like the pastor at the church I attended growing up and admonish the crowd for all the people who didn't bother showing up and admonish the crowd again after people left early. Never mind the fact that those who he wanted to direct his message were NOT IN THE CHURCH. Anyway, the Reverend takes the pulpit and talks about the dire situation in Walnut Grove. His voice starts to waver as he realizes the inevitable. His sermon is about how "men of greed be allowed to do this to men of faith." But then he recalled the chat that he had with Charles way back when Mary was losing her sight. You remember. This segues into telling the congregation about Mary's new job and how it is serving some higher purpose. Yay, full circle.

The Reverend invites Mary to the pulpit to lead the congregation in prayer. Mary opens with a speech about her time in Walnut Grove, with a brief recap of the four years spent in the church. She then opens her braille bible to Psalm 15. Good choice -- it looks like it is striking a chord with the crowd. Mary finishes reading the passage with her fingers and smiles.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 8/10

Adam and Mary are walking into the Harp room as a girl with a crutch is exiting. He says "good afternoon" to the girl who responds with a good afternoon to both Adam and Mary. He whispers to Mary that the girl is one of the school's best students and a gifted pianist. Not a harpist? Seriously, what is the harp doing there? It seems like an odd rental from the prop house, particularly if it doesn't end up being used. Mary is more focused on how a blind kid knew that Mary was in the room. Adam smiles as he explains that Mary's footsteps and the rustle of her dress gave her away. Mary is wowed by the idea of using sound as a clue to your surroundings and realizes that she noticed the girl had an unusual walk. Adam explains that the girl had a crutch as a result of a wagon wreck a few years back. Another result from the wreck: the girl is an orphan. Mary's response to the news: "I used to think nobody suffered but me." Shut up, Mary. Your one suffering card is your blindness which doesn't carry too much sway in a school for the blind. Mary promises to recognize the girl next time around, causing Adam to passive aggressively remind her to actually say "hello" since smiles aren't that audible. They walk to the classroom and later on we see Mary enjoying her reading lesson.

Back in Walnut Grove, things are looking a little ghostly. A door is left swinging in the whistling wind. Over at the Mercantile, Charles runs into Jonathan who has some good news. Jonathan was able to line up a mill gig for the two of them. The pay isn't great, but it sounds like any paid work is worth it at this point. Charles says he is on board. Caroline runs into the Mercantile with another letter from Mary. Charles takes out the letter and hands the envelope to Mr. Garvey, who is amazed at how straight her writing is. Charles ruins the illusion by saying she uses a ruler. That's cheating. Back to the letter, it sounds like Mary will be coming home. There is much hugging and celebrating.

In the harp room, Mary and Adam are listening to Jenny play the piano. The girl thanks Mary and stands up. I guess she is picking up the vibe that the other two would like some alone time. Mary starts to talk about how much she loved listening to Pa play the fiddle. Adam asks if she plays anything, but she says she never learned. Is there a harp lesson in her near future? Adam offers to teach her how to play something, but Mary goes into pity party mode. Adam tells her to forget about the blindness and to stop using it as an obstacle. He brings up the example of John Milton, the author of one of Mary's favorite books Paradise Lost. Adam renews his offer, but Mary says there isn't enough time. Once again, Mary Ingalls sucks at flirting.

She reveals that she is a bit scared to leave the school, where things are safe and easy. Adam tells her that she can't depend on him for everything. Before she can say something stupid about staying at the school, Adam tells her that he is going to be moving to a school in Winoka in the Dakotas. This news causes Mary to be glad she is going home. Brat. Adam tells Mary that life outside isn't all that different, but Mary disagrees. "I wouldn't expect you to understand," she tells him. Either she has reached a new level of twerpitude, or she doesn't know that Adam is blind. That's awkward. Mary goes on to say that the world is nothing but an obstacle course filled with faceless people making strange sounds, present company included. Adam tells Mary to look at him, then grabs her hands and puts them on his face. She gets a feel and a smile crosses her face. She asks about Adam's eye and hair color and smiles when she gets an answer. Adam asks what Mary looks like and her face drops. Yup, awkward. She takes his hands and he feels her face. Uh, is this sex?

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 7/10

A few students walk along the walls of the hallway as Adam brings up a dinner tray. It looks like he too is using the walls for guidance. Oh, is he blind, also? That would explain a few things. Again he knocks on Mary's door before barging into her room. Mary sits up on the bed as Adam apologizes for being late. Apparently one of the students cooking in the kitchen mixed up the cayenne pepper and cinnamon bottles. Ouch and yuck. Of course anyone, blind or not, can make a mistake like that in the kitchen. I ate in food co-ops all four years of undergrad and one time the dessert makers made brownies but didn't realize until the treat started cooling that they had used salt instead of sugar. They were not good brownies. According to Adam, the apple pies the students were making were a bit hotter than usual. Mary is so beyond small talk at this point and Adam is able to pick up that vibe instantly.

Adam invites Mary to join him at the table, but Mary is hesitant to do any thing. She has a defiant look on her face, which really is not a good look for her. As she stumbles over to the table, Adam informs her that supper is part of Mary's homework. Mary says she is not particularly hungry, despite the menu of roast beef, peas, and potatoes. Adam hands Mary a napkin, that she rudely snatches, and he begins the lesson. Mary says she wants to eat by herself, but Adam sternly informs her that she doesn't get that privilege until she learns how to eat properly. Mary says she doesn't like people looking at her, which Adam supposes is because she has become accustomed to eating with her fingers. Mary takes great offense to this and says she didn't come to school to learn table manners. Uh, yeah, they did. Just because it wasn't itemized doesn't mean it isn't part of the package. Adam tells his pupil that she doesn't get to eat like an animal just because she's blind. He then begins the lesson, explaining that food is arranged in a clockwise pattern: potatoes at 2 o'clock, meat at 5 o'clock, vegetables at 8 o'clock. That's kinda cool. Mary grabs whatever is at one o'clock with her hands and takes a bite. Adam admonishes her, but Mary says that if he doesn't want to watch her eat that way he can leave. "All you think about is being blind," Adam lectures. Mary tells him to leave, but he keeps going. "Pitying yourself won't help," he says. Wow, way to bust her M.O. there. "Blind people are just as good or as bad as anybody else. You're not special." Mary throws her plate on the ground and screams for him to get out. Adam raises his eyebrows and tells his student that she can find towels on the top shelf of the closet and that she will need them to clean up her own mess. Yay blind co-op!

The next day, in the drawing room, Adam walks over to the harp. Am I right to assume that harps were a staple in 1870's drawing rooms? Mary is sitting on a hideous chartreuse love seat (another staple? I hope not). Adam instructs Mary to walk towards him, but she says no. "Do it, Mary." That's what he said. Adam is able to tell when Mary stands as he then informs her that she should follow the sound of his voice to reach her destination. Mary slides her feet along the carpet until Adam yells at her to stop shuffling. He also brings up the idea that everyone will be watching her. "Walk with confidence," he tells her, gently. Mary Ingalls sucks at runway. As Mary starts to walk towards Adam, I suddenly realize who the two of them remind me of: Cameron and Chase from House. This is not a compliment. When Mary reaches Adam, he tells her "See, it's not so hard." "No," Mary responds. "No, I don't see; that's the point." Really, Mary? I'm trying to be nice this episode but you are making it EXTREMELY difficult with comments like that. Adam's just about reached his limit, also, and he tells the little brat that if she doesn't learn he doesn't get paid. Adam curtly tells his student she has five minutes to sulk and wash up for dinner. Mary will need to go at triple speed to get all of her sulking in such a short timeframe.

As Adam heads upstairs, he runs into the headmaster who asks about his progress. Adam says things are going just fine, but I can't tell if he is just being polite or if everything is actually going according to plan. Perhaps a montage will help. Yay montage! Mary is attempting to make the bed and she seems quite pleased with herself when she pulls the last part of the comforter over her pillow. Adam doesn't even bother trying to bounce a quarter off the bed as he can tell from one touch that Mary failed. He crumples up the sheets and gives them back to Mary. We then see Adam folding a piece of paper along a ruler. Are they about to play Exquisite Corpse? Anachronism! Oh, Mary is just writing a letter. Wow, it looks like her penmanship has not suffered, which I think is pretty amazing. I mean, I'm barely legible when I can see what I'm writing. We then see Mary pass her final eating exam and she has earned dining room privileges. [/montage]

Back in the classroom, Adam guides Mary to a desk as he informs her that today's lesson will be reading. Mary is baffled by this until Adam gives a shoutout to Louis Braille. Adam asks Mary to move over so he can sit down for what is no doubt a very hands-on lesson, if you catch my drift. He opens a giant book and guides Mary's hand across the page. Adam reads aloud and it is the opening of Genesis. He puts that book away and pulls out a book with the Braille alphabet. He gives an explanation on how Braille works (though he bypasses its interesting history) then grabs Mary's hand so he can guide her through the lesson. As Adam quizzes Mary the line between "lesson" and "date" is completely burred. Before the making out starts, we see Caroline back at the homestead with Mary's letter in hand. "She's learning to read!" she screams excitedly. That's not all she's doing, Ma.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 5/10

It looks like the bed has been moved downstairs from the loft since Laura is making the bed in the common area as Mary sits in the rocker. Laura asks if she can get Mary something, but Mary curtly says no. Laura lists a couple beverage options, but Mary is all "I told you no." Jeez, I don't want to sit next to her on my next flight. Mary is just staring off with an angry look on her face. Laura tries a new tact by telling her sister that she just ironed a dress and she can help Mary change. This just angers the girl even more as she yells "no." Laura desperately wants to interact with Mary, so she offers to brush her hair. Mary says she can do that, causing Laura to say "well, you haven't. It needs it." To be fair, Laura isn't catty when she says it, but I still think it's funny. Mary isn't laughing and says she doesn't need to brush her hair since no one is going to come by to see her. Not with that attitude.

Caroline comes in and greets the girls cheerfully, but Laura silently shakes her head to let her Ma know that now is not smiles time. As Caroline hangs up her bonnet she announces that she'll start making lunch. Mary says she isn't hungry causing Laura to give up on interacting. Laura tells Ma that she can rejoin Carrie at school and eat lunch there. Wait, Laura has to miss school to be caretaker? Where's Pa? It's not like he's working now.

Anyway, Laura leaves and Caroline decides to have a sit down with Mary. Ma tells Mary about the conversation with Doc Baker and the school for the blind. Mary is in pity party mode and is not all that receptive to the whole school idea. She asks if the school can make her a teacher -- not in the "can I finish my degree in three years?" way, more like the "how can I play Chopin with stumps for hands?" way. Caroline tries to negotiate with Mary, but the girl is dead set on shutting her Ma down. This is when Caroline drops the bomb about shipping off Mary. "You just want to get me out from under foot," Mary accuses. Caroline denies this, though she it should be noted she hesitated a second before saying so. Mary starts to cry that she doesn't want to get sent away and having complete strangers feeling sorry for her. You know, based on her life before the blindness, I thought Mary enjoyed having people feel sorry for her. Maybe it's the fact that it's strangers that makes it a turn-off. Whatevs.

Caroline tries to make the point that Mary can't spend her life sitting in a rocking chair. Mary screams back "why not?!" and Caroline gets that look on her face that says "I will cut you". Mary restarts the pity party and starts to talk about the darkness again. When Ma doesn't respond right away, Mary figures out that her parents have already started the enrollment process. Caroline confirms this and gets up to make lunch.

Meanwhile, over at the livery, Laura is chatting up Seth. He admits that he hasn't visited the Ingalls' place for a while but it isn't because of the blindness. Laura asks for the real reason and he says it's because he wouldn't know what to say. The audio is really weird here, like Laura is yelling into a tin can while stressing the wrong syllables. She tells him that Mary needs him more than ever and then starts to weep. "I love my sister," she wails, "I thought that you did too!" Laura runs off. Apparently she's over the whole jilted thing. Either that or she is trying to set herself up for a rebound down the road.

Back at the house, Mary is napping on the new bed when Caroline comes in and announces that Mary has a visitor. Mary sits up as Seth enters and Ma excuses herself. They start with some small talk that usually follows a one-night stand, complete with half-truths of how fabulous life has been since they last encountered each other. Mary lies about how excited she is about going to school in Iowa and suspects that the whole town has blown the whole blindness thing out of proportion. Come to think of it, we haven't heard from Harriet in a long while. As Mary prattles on, Seth just looks at her with sadness and pity. He doesn't say anything, so Mary stands up and tries to offer him a polite exit. She tries to walk over to where Seth is standing, but a chair is in Mary's path and she stumbles. Seth catches her, but she starts to spazz out. She yells at him to leave her alone and Seth quickly makes his exit. Mary Ingalls sucks at gratitude. And flirting.

A few days later, a wagon has been set up in front of the homestead. Pa guides Mary outside and lifts her into the wagon. Caroline, Carrie and Laura are watching as the final arrangements are made. Caroline tries to reassure her daughter that it is a nice day for traveling, but Mary isn't all that interested. Caroline says they love her while Laura tells her sister to hurry back. Mary says bye as her sisters hug. Caroline and Charles hug and ask each other if they are doing the right thing. Charles hops onto the buckboard and they set off for the train station. None of the Ingalls appear to be waving as Mary drives away.

A post-production (as in after the series was off the air) graphic reads "To be continued".

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 1/10

This episode opens with what I like to call "The Next Item Up for Bids" music. You know, the slightly up-tempo version of the main theme song that could also be used while describing a dinette set. Anyway, it is before school and the kids are playing outside. Nellie is reading on the front steps as Mary walks up and comments that Mrs. Simms (nee Miss Beadle) hasn't arrived yet. Mary decides that she should ring the bell, which annoys Nellie. Mary claims that she was instructed to assemble the class if Mrs. Simms was ever late. This claim is challenged by Nellie but Mary rings the bell anyway. As the kids walk towards the school a rather large child with the same hairdo as Mrs. Oleson starts running towards the building. Oh, it is Mrs. Oleson. She lets the kids know that Mrs. Simms kid has come down with the measles, so there won't be any school for two weeks. Harriet is really excited about this news, almost as much as the kids, which is weird considering she is usually the one in charge of the school board. Ah well, some things never change.

We're now over at a pond where a boy is fishing. Laura walks over to do some fishing herself and the boy invites her over for a sit-down. He's your run of the mill flirty Gertie, calling Laura "Brown Eyes" instantly. Two things to note: He is probably about 17 (Laura is about 11 or 12) and she is instantly googly-eyed. I think Laura just has a thing for older men. As he sets up Laura's line the boy introduces himself as Seth Barton. Laura giggles and tells him her name. Laura also mentions that she lives just down the road so she uses the fishing hole a lot. "I always knew I'd have good luck at this fishin' hole," he says. He's coming on a little strong but he is a cutie so...work it, girl.

Later on, Seth and Googly-eyes walk back to the Ingalls homestead. Laura invites her new friend inside, but he politely declines. Meanwhile, Mary is coming out of the henhouse and he takes notice. Laura calls over to her sister and she introduces her to Seth. Uh oh -- there are smitty kitties all over this city. Laura isn't quite aware of this yet, so she invites Seth to go fishing tomorrow. He says he has to work. Mary asks where he works. He says the livery and tells Mary that he gets off work early if she would like to hang out. Mary says she'd like that as the smile fades from Laura's face. They decide on three o'clock and Seth pats "Brown Eyes" on the head before he leaves.

At dinner, Pa asks if the girls have any special plans now that they have a two week vacation in front of them. Mary reports that Mrs. Simms gave her a bunch of books to read. I would not be surprised if Mary has a "Strike Preparedness Kit" tucked away in the loft. Pa asks if Laura has any special projects lined up, to which she replies "not anymore." Ma asks what she means by that, which reminds Mary to tell Pa about the new boy in town. Mary Ingalls sucks at subtlety. Laura accuses Mary of stealing Seth which totally catches the elder daughter off guard. Laura formally declares dibs but Mary suggests that he may be a bit old for the younger girl. Both Ma and Pa are intrigued about who this kid is if it is causing these two to get all Flavor of Love on each other. Mary starts to rub her eyes as if this conversation is giving her a headache. Ma asks what's wrong and Mary says her eyes are a little tired. Pa remembers that she is due for an eye exam soon and that this seems like as good a time as any to get that task done. I agree -- I need to get that on my calendar at some point. Thanks, Charles!

The next day, Seth and Mary are either playing tag, kiss/chase, or tackle football. There is much giggling. Later on that day, Laura sees Seth at the livery. She runs over to say hi and he asks her to give a message to Mary. He is going to be a little late for their meetup that evening, which surprises Laura. "Are you going to see her her again today?" she asks. "Don't it get boring?" I don't know why, but I find that really funny. Anyway, Seth thanks Laura and pats her on the head again. Laura patronizes the patronizing she just received and kicks the fence post as she walks by. She kicked a little too hard and starts to limp for a couple of steps.

Over at the optometrist, we see a close-up of Mary's eye through a mirror. The doctor is looking through some elaborate Clockwork Orange gadget and then declares his work finished. Mary asks if her eyes are alright and he tells her that all he could notice was a little eye strain. The doctor invites Pa into the office for the remainder of the consultation. The doc suggests that Mary wear her glasses for more than just reading for a little while. He reiterates the eye strain and cautions Mary that she may be working too hard. Mary is then escorted to the lens evaluation apparatus for her prescription update. Either my optometrist is really old fashioned or the technology has not had a major update since 1880. We zoom in on Mary's eyes as she tries to read the eyechart. She's squinting. Mary Ingalls sucks at eye exams.

That evening Seth and Mary are leaving the Ingalls homestead. I guess Seth came over for dinner, or at least had a nice chat with Ma and Pa. He says goodnight to everyone and Mary offers to walk him to the end of the driveway. They hold hands. Aww. Charles lingers a bit to supervise, but Caroline drags him inside. The two young lovebirds chat a bit about the Seth/Ingalls Mutual Admiration Society, but he brings up that Laura might not be a member. Mary says Laura may like him too much, which causes him to go "ooo" as in "oops". And then they make out. I know! Laura is watching this whole scene unfold from the loft window. She goes over to the bed, says "I hate you Mary Ingalls!" as she throws a pillow to the ground. Oh, honey.

Annabelle 5/5

It’s the day of the circus and Laura is getting ready to make her dress delivery. Caroline takes a look at the finished product and declares it beautiful. I dunno, Michael Kors is going to take one look at that fabric and I’ll be surprised if he doesn’t call it “dowdy”. Ma takes a second look and notices that the skirt is basted. Laura! Nina is going to notice and tear you apart. Half-pint is getting “auf’d” tonight, I just know it. Laura assures her Ma that she’ll do the finishing work, but the grin on her face after Caroline leaves suggests otherwise.

There’s a knock on the door of Christie’s bachelorette pad. Laura has arrived with the dress. Christie takes the garment and inspects it. As she holds it up to her body, Christie reminds Laura that she was supposed to have made the delivery by five o’clock. The clock behind Miss Snootypants shows that it is 5:05, therefore she is only going to pay half. Laura is all “bitch, please,” and I have to agree. A five minute delay does not a breach of contract make, particularly a penalty of half the cost. Christie hands Laura some money, telling her it is all she is getting. Laura decides that she can’t accept any money saying that she shouldn’t have been late and that “it would be on my conscience.” Christie is okay with this arrangement, particularly if it has taught Laura a lesson. “My Pa says it’s good for people to learn a lesson once in a while.” As Laura leaves, she turns back and insincerely wishes Christie a wonderful time at the circus.

Nels is sitting on the side of his bed again, looking at his ringmaster notes as the sun sets on Walnut Grove. Harriet comes in and tells him he has five minutes to get ready. He half-heartedly says “yes, dear”, which does not amuse Harriet. She tells him he is going to need a lot more pep for tonight. When that doesn’t cheer her husband up, Mrs. Oleson then reminds him that once the show is over Annabelle and her blood-related past will be gone and no one in the town will be any the wiser. Even so, Annabelle is still Nels’ sister and he reminds his wife of that fact.

Circus time. The band plays as an elephant wearing a bowler hat leads the parade. You know, all of my circus experiences involving elephants also involve copious amounts of elephant poo. Is that really the best animal to lead the parade? We see Almanzo clapping away at the parade as a disinterested Christie tries to put the moves on him. Billy Barty, dressed as clown, gets all up in Grace Ingalls’ face and she instinctively freaks out. Yeah, Caroline will be spending the rest of her evening trying to calm that kid down. Nels comes out to start the show. All that preparation ahead of time didn’t seem to help as he has to read off the names of the events directly from a list.

As Nels attempts to introduce the first act, two clowns start running around. One clown is carrying a large bucket and is chasing the sad clown. Charles is narrating the action for the blind kids, telling them that the clown with the bucket is right in front of them with a bucket of water and is aiming for the sad clown standing in the second row. The bucket clown fires and confetti is thrown all over Roscoe. You know, aside from putting out a fire, I can’t think of a situation where it is ever appropriate to throw a bucket of water or confetti at a blind person. Roscoe doesn’t seem to mind, but the blind kid sitting next to him seems to agree with me as he sullenly wipes the confetti off his person. While some acrobats are performing, a third clown runs over to Christie and presents her with a flower. When she makes eye contact with the clown the flower keels over. Almanzo gets a kick out of this, but Christie just smiles with even more bemused interest than before. Nels returns to the tent and introduces a baby elephant. Grace is still freaking out while Adam and Mary are attempting to get a sense of the action. I wonder if it was in the stage directions that they should be facing in two completely different directions. This is not a blind friendly episode. Almanzo loves every minute of the elephant dance though his date looks like she wants to be anywhere else on the planet. After pointing out that circuses are more intended for children (“Manny” disagrees with that point), she hopes that they don’t have to stay for the whole thing. What other plans did you have in mind there, toots? The whole town is at the circus so nothing is open and sex hasn’t been invented yet. You’re at the only show in town, so you might as well enjoy it.

After the elephant leaves, the clowns return with another bucket. As the chase continues, Caroline asks the Garveys if they happen to know where Laura and Albert are. The clowns start running around Nels and he gets splashed with confetti as he tries to introduce the next act. Everyone gets a kick out of this except for the Raccoon who promptly starts freaking out again. Willie says he wished the bucket had water. Nellie doesn’t like the idea of seeing her father doused while Harriet doesn’t want to see his new suit ruined. “You people” Willie says (a phrase that, unless followed with “are fantastic”, usually will get you into trouble), “you don’t know what’s funny.” The strongman comes out with a barbell labeled “1000 pounds” and holds it above his head. Caroline tries to use the feat of strength to calm down Grace. I don’t she celebrates Festivus, but she could be like me and is only impressed if he can move a semi-truck with his teeth. He does some more tricks as Christie goes into a deeper catatonic state. As the crowd cheers, Billy Barty strikes the set, carrying a couple of the papier-mache weights out of the tent. The strongman chases him out as another clown, obviously a child, carries away the barbell. Somehow, Caroline recognizes the clown as Albert and tells the Garveys and the Olesons.

Manly looks over at his date and she is in her own private hell. He makes a face that seems to say “nuts to you” and goes back to enjoying the show. The confetti clowns are back once more and Charles narrates for the blind kids, adding that he bets it just has confetti again. Nellie is caught up in the drama as the chase ends right in front of Christie and Almanzo. The sad clown makes a taunting face behind Prissypants and the other clown fires. This time the bucket has water and Christie gets soaked. Mary, who is sitting next to Charles, asks what happened. Mary Ingalls sucks at listening to narration. Christie stands up and the bucket clown takes the opportunity to publicly pants her by pulling down the skirt. Christie stomps out of the tent, swinging her purse behind her. The clown laughs, kisses Almanzo, and runs over to Caroline to say “Hi, Ma,” then runs out. I guess Laura can cross all that stuff off her bucket list.

A high wire act does some stuff before Annabelle makes her debut. Nels introduces Annabelle and Company, an act that consists of Annabelle holding onto the high wire from below (her feet are still on the ground) and midgets grabbing her legs. I guess they are trying to hoist her up? I’m not sure of the full scope as we hear Harriet and the kids making more fat jokes. Nels watches as the team of clowns try to help with the hoisting. Harriet remarks on how thankful she is that no one knows that Annabelle is a relative. The act goes on for about thirty more seconds and then Annabelle leaves. Apparently that was the grand finale because the rest of the circus comes out for a curtain call.

Once the circus cast is assembled, Nels quiets everyone down and thanks the show on behalf of Walnut Grove. He thanks them for the thrills and laughter and remarks that it is a wonderful thing to do for people. Nels then goes on to say that he is proud that one of the people in the circus is someone close to his heart. He introduces his sister Annabelle to the crowd. The crowd continues its standing ovation, though Harriet has to sit down as she is horrified that Nels revealed that tidbit. Annabelle joins her brother center stage and they hug.

Annabelle 3/5

Awkwardness is approaching the school for the blind as Nels rides up to make his delivery and Annabelle is in the classroom. She is telling the kids about her coworkers, including the dog trainer, offering to let the kids pet the dogs after the show. The kids like this idea. Annabelle has been speaking to the class for a while, so she asks them what they think she does in the circus. All the kids start shouting out ideas before Hester-Sue tells them to go one at a time. One girl, Susan, guesses that she is the showgirl who rides the elephant’s trunk. Annabelle cracks up at this idea, though the only other person in the room who knows what’s going on is Hester-Sue who doesn’t seem all that interested. Roscoe is next to guess and he goes with the magician’s assistant who gets cut in half. Annabelle decides to give them a hint, telling them she is in the sideshow. This clicks with Roscoe, who immediately guesses Bearded Lady. Everyone laughs at this answer, causing Roscoe to get defensive. Annabelle says that there are bearded ladies, she just isn’t one of them. The class gives up, so she tells them that she is the fat lady. They don’t believe her. To prove it she invites the blind children to come up and walk around her as they touch her and listen to her voice so they can experience “what a fat lady really feels like.” Words can’t describe the level of inappropriateness that is on the screen right now. As the children circle and grope, she makes a joke about how she doesn’t want to be tickled in any hemisphere. At this moment, she notices Nels standing in the doorway and no one is quite sure what to say. You know, even if he approved of his sister’s choice of livelihood, I think it is totally reasonable to be concerned about letting a bunch of kids feel you up, even if it is voluntary. He and Hester-Sue walk out of the classroom to complete the supply delivery. Once the delivery is complete, Nels hightails it out of there as Annabelle watches from the window.

That evening at the homestead, Laura is working on a dress as Charles reads by the fireplace. Laura notices that Pa has nodded off, so she walks over to close his book and put it away. This wakes him up and claims that too much of Caroline’s cooking is what put him to sleep. Caroline only heard the “cooking” part of his statement and checks to see what he said as she joins the family in the main room. As Laura returns to her project, Ma compliments the design so far. Laura thanks her, but says she wishes this project was for someone a little nicer. Is it a prom dress for Hedda Lettuce’s mom? No, it’s for Christie Norton, an apparent little Miss Perfect. “I bet she doesn’t even sweat,” Laura snarks. Pa gets a chuckle out of this, but Ma chastises Laura saying “when people pay us to do a job we don’t talk about them behind their backs.” I’m guessing Caroline hasn’t had much job experience in the world of customer service. Even my boss, one of the nicest customer service oriented people you will ever meet, has called someone an idiot immediately after an overly elaborate phone conversation.

Albert comes down from the loft as this is happening and announces that he finished his homework. He also announces that he is going to bed because he’s “pooped”. Caroline sputters at this word choice and tells Albert that he is “tired”. I think Caroline’s cooking has made her a bit uppity this evening. Albert says “good night” to his parents and starts to head back upstairs. On his way, he asks Laura if she would like his circus ticket so she can go with Almanzo. Caroline gives Laura a knowing glance while Laura gives Albert a “Dude! Keep that on the DL!” glance. Laura tries to play the “Boys? Ew!” card, but it doesn’t seem to work. Albert goes up to bed and you can sort of tell that Laura knows that she may have fumbled a bit in the politics of puppy love. Ma knows what’s up and tells her daughter that Albert was just trying to be nice. Laura acknowledges this and heads up to the loft to apologize. Albert is surprisingly steamed about what just happened and tells his sister that she should have just said she didn’t want the ticket. Of course, Laura actually wants the ticket she just couldn’t say so in front of Pa. What’s funny is they are having this conversation in their normal tones of voice at the top of the loft ladder. You know, the ladder that Pa’s chair is at the base of where he is currently sitting. Pa doesn’t say anything when Laura returns from the loft, though I wonder if he did after Albert calls down from the loft that she should ask Almanzo first thing in the morning.

Morning arrives and Laura has run down to the mill and notices Almanzo across the way at the Feed and Seed. Before going to see him, she rehearses what she is going to say. The scene is a little difficult to watch because things have not changed in 130 years in terms of how much you can beat yourself up over what you want to say to your crush. In the course of her rehearsals she comes up with four or five different strategies, but immediately discounts each one. She eventually decides on the one that I find most effective: Fight or Flight. She slaps herself in the face, tells herself to “just do it” and runs over to Almanzo. He is loading a wagon and notices “Beth” standing by the side of the building. He asks if he could interest her in a sack of grain, but the way he postures and says it makes him come off a bit smarmy. Laura uses his question as a cue to ask if she could interest him in going to the circus with her. Atta girl. Unfortunately, he already has a date for the circus. I don’t know if the smarminess is intentional, but it is extremely palpable. And creepy, given how there appears to be at least a twelve year difference between the two of them. Laura tries to play it off, but before it can turn into the pity party of near-tears and near-vomiting (if you’ve been in this situation you know what I’m talking about) a woman calls out for Almanzo. Oh, it’s Christie Norton, how ironic. Amazingly the show managed to create a character even prissier than Nellie. She asks Laura about the dress and admonishes her for not stopping by to reassure her about the delivery time of five o’clock. As Laura leaves, we can overhear Christie say to Almanzo “I hope that child finishes my dress on time; I do so want to look lovely for you.” How did she end up in Walnut Grove? She might as well have a British accent. Laura walks away defeated.

Little Women 5/5

All the parents are gathered in the schoolhouse as Willie and the Ants prepare for their skit outside. And by prepare I mean the Ants are ready to kill Willie for not bringing the tobacco products like he promised. Willie claims it isn’t his fault his dad caught him, but the Ants think that he was bluffing the whole time. An in-depth “did not”/“did so” debate ensues. The episode must have come in a little short this week. Meanwhile, Ginny peeks inside to see if her Ma is in the audience. It looks like Ginny doesn’t see her, so she sulks as she rejoins the Ingalls girls who are watching Willie’s fight. Laura tells Ginny her mom will show up as Mary fiddles with Ginny’s bonnet. As the girls talk about their readiness, Nellie arrives wearing her New Jan Brady wig. She even has a red bow in her hair. Before everyone can make fun of the wig, Miss Beadle comes outside to see if everyone is ready. She tells Willie he is up first and tells everyone to do their best.

Inside, Miss Beadle welcomes the parents and introduces the first play: Tom Sawyer. The audience applauds as Miss Beadle waits for Willie to come on stage. When he doesn’t show up, she runs outside to see what the hold up is. She reaches the doorway and gasps. In walks Willie completely covered in whitewash. Everyone in the audience, except Harriet, finds this hysterically funny. Nels isn’t too impressed either, especially when Willie blames him for this embarrassment. He takes his son outside to clean up and the audience is still cracking up. As the Oleson men walk out, Mr. Mayfield and Ma Clark walk in and take a seat.

Once the laughter dies down, Miss Beadle introduces the next play: Little Women. The cast is introduced, starting with Nellie as Suzanne Pleshette as Meg. Mr. Edwards takes one look at her and starts cracking up again. He stops when he realizes he is the only one laughing. Once the cast is assembled on stage, Nellie starts things off by giving Harriet a shout out and then introducing the scene. Okay, having wooden actors play wooden actors is a sight to behold and Nellie and Mary do a fantastic job of this. Also, as Harriet watches she mouths the dialogue. I don’t think the double woodenness is intentional on Little House’s part, especially if you compare it to something like this which is intentional, but I’m enjoying it.

Anyway, the writing is pretty bad, as all of the extended dialogue is literally sent back to Meg (“let Meg tell you”) and there are a number of declarative statements. As for the plot, Jo (played by Ginny) somehow got a wad of cash and Meg asks how she earned the money. Meg removes Jo’s bonnet and we see that Jo must have sold her hair. Only Ginny actually cut her hair. Eh, I’m not really a method actor and I’m a little surprised Ginny went that route – she doesn’t seem like the type. Actually, it turns out she sold her hair to the wig man so she could buy the dress for Ma Clark. Aww. Ma Clark is overwhelmed with emotion and runs over to hug Ginny. Nellie gets pissy about being upstaged, but Miss Beadle tells Nellie to be quiet (hehe) and says the play is over, leading to a round of applause.

After the performances, Ginny runs over to hug Mr. Mayfield and asks if he liked the show. He says he liked it and he likes her hair. Ma Clark agrees. Aww. Caroline asks her daughters if they’re interested in going on stage ever again. Laura says maybe, so long as she doesn’t have to work with Nellie again. Sorry, half-pint, there will always be at least one Nellie Oleson in any stage production. Mary also says maybe, but she likes the drama of real life more. Mary Ingalls sucks at suspension of disbelief. Mary and her parents watch as Mr. Mayfield and the Clarks ride off. And scene.

Little Women 4/5

Mary, Laura and Ginny are walking home from school and are talking about the performances that will be happening tomorrow. Laura is pretty tired of rehearsals at this point because half of her lines have since been taken out of the script. Yeah, when I played the Tin Man in my high school’s production of The Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow and I had maybe three lines between the two of us after the Cowardly Lion was introduced. That’s a lot of standing around time, especially when you factor in an intermission. Anyway, Mary tells Laura it will be over soon. Laura reminds her sister that Doc Baker said the same thing when he pulled out one of Laura’s teeth even though it hurt for days afterward. Yeah, student theater is like pulling teeth. Ginny chimes in that she doesn’t mind the play so much but that she wished her mom would come to the show. This is the first time the Ingalls girls have heard this news and they ask Ginny about it. She says her Ma gave lots of reasons and Laura suggests acting really sweet so Ma Clark will give the real reason. Ginny runs home to try out this tactic.

When Ginny arrives at home, she has a package that she must have picked up along the way. Ma Clark greets her daughter and sees the package. She asks what it is and Ginny hands it to her and says it’s a present. Ma Clark unwraps the package and is pleasantly surprised to find a dress inside. Ginny reminds her that she said that she didn’t have a decent dress to wear to the play so Ginny got her one. Ma asks where Ginny got the money, but the girl says it’s a secret. Ma Clark thinks about it for a moment and jumps to the conclusion that Mr. Mayfield must be involved. She tells Ginny to take the dress back to the mercantile and give the money back to Mr. Mayfield. Ginny denies that Mr. Mayfield was involved, but Ma cuts her off, accuses her daughter of lying and sends her to bed without supper. Booo!

The next morning at the homestead, Charles finishes his chores and heads back inside the house. He sees the chairs stacked on the table and asks Caroline about the floor: he thought she already scrubbed it. Caroline said she did but she wanted to mop the floor and can’t find her mop. She calls up to the loft to see if Laura knows where the mop is. Laura asks a string of clarifying questions, such as “THE mop? The NEW mop?” causing Pa to call her downstairs. Laura is wearing the mop as a wig. About twenty years ago I was down in New Mexico for summer vacation. On Saturday morning my sister and I were channel surfing trying to find cartoons and came across this show on one of the religious stations where one kid was sitting on another kid’s lap like a ventriloquist’s dummy wearing a mop on her head. It was one of the weirdest things I had seen on TV…up to that point in my young life. Laura looks a lot like that dummy. Caroline tells her daughter that she looks more like Medusa than Beth, but Laura is not up on her Greek mythology either. Pa tells her to put the mop back on its handle.

Meanwhile, Mr. Mayfield is driving down the road when he sees Ginny sitting in a tree crying. He stops his cart and asks if she wants a lift to town. He asks why she’s up so early and figures it is because of the show. She tells Mayfield that she is going to be in the show because her Ma isn’t going. Ginny doesn’t think her Ma cares. That’s a totally reasonable argument your daughter is making, Ma Clark. Bad mommy! Ginny goes on to tell Mayfield about the dress she bought, which goes to show that he was not involved at all. He tells Ginny that everything will be alright. He takes the package and promises that her Ma will change her mind. In the meantime, he suggests that Ginny take the long way to school so she can wash away her tears in the creek so that “the prettiest girl in school” doesn’t look all gloomy on stage. Aww. Ginny watches Mayfield ride towards her house before leaving for school.

Ma Clark is less than thrilled when Mayfield arrives at her house. He begins to lecture her about how she is treating her daughter. He tells her that he found Ginny crying this morning and that he was not involved in the dress purchase. Ma Clark tries to argue with him about it, but he calls her out on her itty bitty pity party. Mayfield says in no uncertain terms that she should do what’s right, put on the dress, and ride with him into town to go watch the play.

Over at the mercantile, Willie is sneaking down into the store to get the tobacco for the Ants. Just as he opens the humidor, Nels walks in and asks Willie what he is doing. The kid says he is getting some stuff for the play, but Nels tells him that those props won’t be necessary for Tom Sawyer. Nels takes the cigars and sends Willie to school. Harriet comes down the stairs and tells Nellie to hurry along. Nellie doesn’t want to go, so Harriet tells Nels to move along while she deals with Nellie’s stage fright. “I’ve never heard of an actress yet who hasn’t had some sort of temperament,” Harriet chuckles as she goes upstairs. “What’s her excuse the rest of the time?” Nels mutters to himself.

Little Women 3/5

Harriet is handing out the scripts to the cast assembled in the Oleson parlor. Mary will be playing Marmie, Laura will play Beth and Ginny will be playing Jo. Nellie will play Meg as planned, along with the assurance from Mrs. Oleson that all the parts are tailored to the actors. Mary and Laura share a glance at that announcement. As the cast gets ready to leave Nellie reminds them that the man from the wig shop will be at tomorrow’s rehearsal. Laura asks why bother with a wig, to which Mrs. Oleson replies that “all fine actresses nowadays wear wigs.” Isn’t the point of those wigs so that the actresses have hair like Nellie’s? Or maybe I’m thinking of make-up so that the actresses can have permanent bitchface. Ginny’s excited about seeing the wig. Is she stalking Nellie?

As the girls walk home, Laura continues her whining from earlier. Mary offers the consolation that there aren’t too many lines to memorize. Laura agrees, since all of her lines are “oh yes” and “oh my”. Sounds riveting, Harriet. “I think I’ll add one more line,” Laura says. Mary asks what it is. “Shut up, Nellie.” No, I swear, that really happened! Mary laughs.

Back at the homestead Caroline is scrubbing the floor of the house. She asks the girls about the play and Mary explains the lack of enthusiasm. Although the lack of lines is annoying for a budding actor, the source material could be a lot worse. At least they aren’t doing The Upside of Down or Voices from the High School. Ma tries to console her daughters, but both seem pretty apathetic about the whole project so they should be fine in the long run.

Meanwhile, Willie and the Ants are practice the fence whitewashing scene from Tom Sawyer. Nels walks past the kids on the way back from the bank and tells them they are doing a nice job. Mr. Oleson, who is reading a ledger as he’s walking, moves towards the house and passes through a gap in the fence. He goes about five feet before realizing he did not walk through a gate. “Willie!” I guess the fence he is rehearsing with used to stand where the gap now exists. Willie asks what his Pa wants, but Nels thinks better of it and says never mind. Nels then walks around the fence to pass through the gate, instead of through the gap, and into the house.

Over at the Clark house, Mr. Mayfield stops by to pay a visit. Widow Clark steps onto the porch and tells Mr. Mayfield “if those flowers are for Ginny, she’s already left for school.” You know, lady, there are other ways to dissuade a gentleman caller than implying he may have an inappropriate relationship with your 9-year-old daughter. Mr. Mayfield perseveres and tries to give the flowers to Mrs. Clark. She refuses the flowers somewhat rudely, but that doesn’t stop Mayfield from pouring his heart out. He opens by calling her a “handsome woman.” Hehe. I know, “handsome” was gender neutral back then, but she does look somewhat mannish. Mayfield stumbles on his words a bit but finally spits out an invitation to join him at the play performance. Clark considers it for half a second before refusing, saying that she won’t be going because there’s too much to do at home. Mayfield says that Ginny will be heartbroken, but Clark says she will have to learn to live with disappointment. Booo! You suck, Ginny’s mom.

The conversation takes a turn when Mayfield tells Clark that her husband, who died two years ago, wouldn’t appreciate this. She says if she had the choice she would want to be dead with him. That’s lovely. Mayfield can’t believe she would think that, especially since he wouldn’t have followed his wife to the grave when she died five years ago. You know what doesn’t come off as flirty? Playing Quién es el Esposo más Muerto. Clark doesn’t want to play and sends Mayfield on his way.

The next day we see Nellie at her wig fitting. It looks like they are going for the 1974 Cher look. Laura and Mary are visibly bored and Harriet seems a bit apprehensive about the whole process. Nellie looks in a mirror and decides that she wants it to be curly like her normal hair. Harriet instantly agrees but the wig man cautions that it is a lot of hair to curl and that there will be an extra charge. This slows Harriet a bit as the wig man does some arithmetic and arrives at a total of $27. Yikes. Mrs. Oleson raises a fuss, Nellie gets all Veruca Salt about the wig, and the wig man says the hair alone cost $18. Mary and Laura are horrified by the economics of the situation before them. Harriet eventually agrees and the wig man assures them that the wig will be ready by morning. Ginny follows the wig man to the door and she watches his exit through the parlor window. Harriet starts the rehearsal and begins blocking the scene...badly.

Little Women 2/5

Laura, Mary and Ginny are walking home and talking about the day’s events. Ginny is really excited about getting the chance to see the inside of the Oleson house. I watch HGTV every now and then, but I don’t understand what would be so great about seeing the Olesons’ place. Of course, I never had the desire to watch MTV Cribs, so maybe it’s just a personal taste thing. The Ingalls girls tell Ginny that it is a pretty snazzy place, and with that little nugget to look forward to Ginny runs home. Laura complains some more about Nellie joining the group, but Mary shares the observation that Ginny was really excited about the opportunity to go to Nellie’s house. “That’s like wanting to go to Hell instead of Heaven,” Laura snarks.

We rejoin Ginny who starts waving at someone as she approaches her house. It’s Mr. Mayfield and he is happy to see Ginny. He jumps down from the wagon and tells Ginny about a honey bee tree that he found. “I thought to myself ‘who likes honey better than bears and bees’,” he tells Ginny. “Me!” she replies. Are they about to burst into song? Mr. Mayfield reaches into the wagon and grabs a couple of jars of honey for Ginny and her mom. Ginny invites Mr. Mayfield inside, but he seems hesitant to accept. Ginny runs inside to drop off the honey and fetch her mother.

Ginny’s mom was watching everything through the kitchen window and seems to disapprove of what is going on. Once Ginny is inside she can’t get two words out before her mom tells her to tell Mr. Mayfield that he shouldn’t have bothered. Ginny tells her mom that he is waiting for a thank you, but the mom says the honey is for Ginny and she should go thank him. Wow, mom is playing really hard to get. Ginny goes outside and tells Mr. Mayfield “my Ma says to thank you.” He looks crestfallen that he had to hear it from a messenger. He goes on to mention that he noticed their wood pile getting low and offers to help out, but Ginny’s Ma calls from inside to “tell him no.” Mr. Mayfield seems to get the hint and takes his leave. Wow, how often do you get a show with a plot that revolves around quaternary characters?

Ginny goes back inside and tells her Ma that she thinks Mr. Mayfield is awful nice. Ginny’s Ma doesn’t really respond to this. Ginny goes on to tell her about the play at school and who is in her group. “Doesn’t sound like school studies to me,” she responds. Ginny sort of half agrees, saying that even Miss Beadle referred to it as “entertainment”. When Ginny mentions that all the parents are invited to watch the plays, her Ma complains that entertainment would take time away from work. That’s...sort of the point of entertainment. Ginny begs her Ma to come to the play, but Ma goes on this spiel about how since Pa died it’s been nothing but work. Ginny pleads some more, saying it is only a morning and the other parents will be there. Ma doesn’t like the idea of mingling with the other parents, and besides she doesn’t have a dress for the occasion. Ginny asks one more time, but her Ma sends her off to do chores. Why do the parents in this town suck?

It’s dinner time at the Oleson house. The conversation seems to be about logistics for this whole play thing and Harriet has determined that the Mercantile will have to be closed Friday morning. Nels is leery about the lost business, but if most of the people in town are watching the plays anyway I don’t see what the big deal is. Harriet tries to lay some guilt on Nels, saying that not only will it be Nellie’s stage debut but Harriet’s writing debut as well. Apparently Harriet is the only person in Walnut Grove who has been to a play and therefore understands all the intricacies of effective writing for the stage. I guess I won’t need to bother with that screenwriting class I was looking at, seeing as how I watch TV. Nels seems pretty ambivalent about the whole thing until the subject of Willie’s part comes up. Willie doesn’t want to be in Little Women, so Nels suggests an adaptation of the new bestseller Tom Sawyer. Finally – a reference point for when this show actually takes place (1876ish). Nellie sneers that none of the other boys will want to be in a play with Willie, which he counters with a promise of licorice bribes. Nels warns his son that he can’t buy friends. I guess it’s the hermit’s life for Willie, then.

The next day, we see Willie frantically begging his former Ants to join him in the Tom Sawyer adaptation. The Ants aren’t interested at all, especially since Willie wants to be the lead. I wish “drama queen” was a more gender neutral term, as it applies equally to all genders. Willie promises the Ants licorice and sarsaparilla if they join up, but they are still a little dubious. Then, one of the 12-year-old Ants remembers that the Mercantile has a wide assortment of chewing tobacco and cigars and offers their services in exchange for some chaw. Chaw is so gross. Smoking I can deal with, but any activity that requires public spitting is just distasteful in my book. Anyway, Willie agrees and the guys start looking over the book.

Laura, Mary and Ginny stop by the mill to say hi to Charles, Mr. Edwards, and Mr. Mayfield. Pa asks about the rehearsal, but Laura says they haven’t received their parts yet. Mr. Mayfield asks which play and when they tell him, Mr. Edwards makes a joke about some midget he saw in St. Louis and it cracks everyone up. Except me. Confession time: I’ve been purposely avoiding the Mr. Edwards episodes that have been coming up because I really don’t have the patience to deal with his character. I’ll have to get to it eventually, but if you’re a fan you might have to wait a while. Ginny invites Mr. Mayfield to the show and he agrees. He asks if Ginny’s mom will be there, but Ginny is not optimistic.

The school bell rings and the girls run off to class. Mr. Mayfield compliments Ginny and her mom and Mr. Edwards starts teasing him about being lovesick. Charles asks Mr. Mayfield if he fancies Widow Clark, but Mr. Mayfield says that she doesn’t seem to notice. Mr. Edwards suggests that Mr. Mayfield be direct with her “and then you tell her how it’s gonna be.” Guh, shut up, Mr. Edwards. Charles then pretends to greet Mr. Edwards’s wife and he and Mr. Mayfield leave while Isaiah sputters around drunkenly, or something.