The Music Box 5/5

Laura finds Anna crying in a field. Her tears are either made of Vaseline or her nose is running up her face. Laura apologizes saying that she didn’t know that Nellie was going to be a horrible person. “I trusted you,” Anna says. At this point the stutter is indistinguishable from the sort of staggered speech someone Anna’s age would have when sobbing uncontrollably. Anna says she just wanted to be a part of the club because Laura was in it. Laura tells her she isn’t in the club anymore. Laura promises to spend her time after school helping Anna with her stutter and exacting revenge on one Nellie Oleson. Anna smiles and hugs Laura. The girls run home while singing “It’s Raining, It’s Pouring.”

That evening, back at the house, Mary and Caroline battle a ball of yarn while Charles worries about Laura’s whereabouts. We hear thunder as Laura walks in totally soaked. Wow, who knew that song worked? Caroline guides Laura to the fire and asks Mary to get some dry clothes for her sister. As Pa wrings out Laura’s pigtails, Laura decides to confess to stealing the music box. Ma and Pa are disappointed, but Laura recaps the entire story. Oy! That’s my job! Laura finishes by saying that she tried to figure a way out and couldn’t. Pa lectures that Laura couldn’t find a way out because she avoided the easiest way: telling the truth. Laura says she’s ready to face her punishment, but Pa says he’ll leave that up to Mr. Oleson. Laura apologizes to Mary and they hug.

The next morning, Laura hands the music box to Mr. Oleson and apologizes. “I know I was wrong,” she says. “Not as wrong as somebody else,” Nels says before yelling for his daughter to come downstairs. Charles tells Nels that he should be the one to decide Laura’s punishment. Nels says he can’t condone stealing, but Laura may have been punished enough. Did she tell him about the dreams? Because really, that’s the only actual negative consequence she has experienced.

Nellie comes down the stairs and almost runs into the music box that Nels is holding up to her face. Nellie pretends to yell at Laura for being a thief, but no one is buying it. Nellie tries to continue to school, but Nels tells her to go to her room. Looks like option A again. Whoops, nope, Nels grabs the strap as he goes upstairs.

As Laura and Anna run down the Mercantile steps, Willie commands Laura to carry his water buckets for him. Laura refuses, but Willie starts doing his “dum dum” impression again. No, the music box one. Laura and Anna look at each other and smile. Laura agrees and they both grab buckets. They both dump the water over Willie’s head. The two girls head to school arm in arm.

So I guess the lesson here is if you are going to steal, make sure you have a tenuous friendship with someone who has a speech impediment, that way you can live your life without consequences.

The Music Box 4/5

Laura runs through some woods and slows down when she reaches a clearing. She creeps up to a tree and tags Willie. “Gotcha,” says Laura. “No you didn’t,” says Willie. Sounds to me like Willie is planning on a career in soccer refereeing. Laura says she just tagged him, shaking his shoulders a bit to illustrate her point. Willie still claims that Laura didn’t find him. Has Willie started reading up on existentialism? I already have to deal with the dream sequences; don’t throw philosophy into the mix, show. Instead, Willie mimes holding a box and singing “dum dum dum, dum DUM dum, dum dumdumdumdumdumdum.” Laura recognizes the Nerd March and her eyes widen. Willie smiles. “You’re right,” Laura says catatonically, “I didn’t find you.” I think this episode is slowly turning into The Manchurian Candidate.

That evening at dinner everyone is quiet. Charles asks how things are at school, but both Mary and Laura mumble, “Fine, just fine.” Charles asks if the girls are using the new dictionary. “Some,” they both answer. Yeah, evidently. Charles asks about the music box, but this causes Mary to ask to be excused. Mary heads up to the loft. Pa asks if the two girls had a fight. Laura hems and haws, but Charles doesn’t press the point. He sends Laura upstairs.

When Laura gets up to the loft, Mary asks her why she didn’t tell Pa how mean she was to Anna. Laura denies that she was mean and that she likes both Anna and Nellie. Mary calls BS on this, saying that Laura didn’t like Nellie until she received the music box. Isn’t that how gifts work? Laura throws out the “you’re just jealous” but leaves off the “I’m not here to make friends.” Mary snaps back that she doesn’t want to be in the club.

At this point Charles comes up to see what all the fighting is about. Mary says that Laura and Nellie were being mean to Anna. Laura says she didn’t do anything mean, which I think I agree with based on what we saw. “Anna thought you were her best friend,” Mary snarls, “and then you hurt her just like all the others.” Come to think of it, Laura has gone through quite a few “best friends” on this show. Mary might have a point. Mary says Laura made Anna cry, which Laura denies doing on purpose – she just wanted to play with Nellie. Charles reminds Laura that she made a promise (she did?). Laura says, “I guess so,” which fails to impress Pa. Also, he doesn’t understand why Laura can’t be friends with both girls. Mary explains that Nellie’s club doesn’t like Anna because she stutters. Indoor voice, Mary, please. Pa asks if that is true and Laura reluctantly agrees. He tells Laura to tell Nellie that she can’t be in the club unless Anna can be in the club. Everyone leaves grumpy. Laura sits on the bed and contemplates the music box.

Oh no, not another dream. This time the Nerd March has some sort of dragon breathing sound effect accompaniment. That’s a bad sign. A battalion of redcoats beat on drums as a wagon carrying prisoner Laura approaches. Is that a gallows? A man in a hood leads Laura off the wagon and past her family gathered at the foot of the gallows steps. Laura hugs Caroline, but the hood pulls her away. An executioner sucking on a candy cane watches from above. Laura walks up the steps and the executioner (played by Nellie) grabs Laura and puts her into position under a noose. Nellie pulls the rope down and places it around Laura’s neck.

Time-out! There is no way in hell that a scene like this could get on TV today. The Parents Television Council would throw a level five shitfit if this were on broadcast TV. You know anyone who describes ‘Little House’ as “quaint” or “banal” has never watched an episode because you have this, which was on during the family hour in its original broadcast. And there was no “viewer discretion is advised” or “TV-14”.

Time-in. Nellie tightens the rope around Laura’s neck(!). Laura glances over to the lever as a drumroll starts to play. Nellie stands for a moment and grabs hold of the lever. Laura watches. Nellie pushes the switch.

Laura, who is wearing a pillowcase over her head, rises out of bed and grabs her neck. Mary just glares at her sister. “Good night, Laura,” she says flatly. What the friggity frig, yo. “Goodbye, Mary,” Laura says. Mary does a slight double take before both girls nod off.

Nellie spots Laura on the front steps of the Mercantile the next morning. Laura tells Nellie what Charles told her about Anna’s membership. Nellie says he can’t force Anna into the club. I don’t think Charles really cares about your bylaws, Nellie. Laura says she’ll have to quit, but Nellie says Laura better talk to her father or she will. I realize Nellie wants control over Laura, but what is so important about needing Laura in the club? Anyway, Laura says her hands are tied. Nellie thinks for a moment and a sly smile crosses her face. Uh oh. She says that maybe Anna can be in the club. Laura is not suspicious at all and the two girls run to tell Anna the news.

After school the club gathers in Nellie’s room. It is time for Anna’s initiation. Nellie asks why Anna wants to be in the club. Anna says it is a good club and the girls are all her friends. Laura is smiling while the rest of the girls look stoned. The girl to Laura’s right looks like the guy that Wayne and Garth pick up at the beginning of Wayne’s World. Nellie asks who makes the rules (the prez and VP) then hands Anna a sheet with the club’s secret password. Anna looks at the sheet and her face falls. She looks at Laura whose smile fades quickly. Apparently the VP didn’t know about the password rule.

“This isn’t a password,” says Anna. Nellie says it is and tells Anna to read it. The password is “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers.” *ding* That’s going to be difficult to convey with just one-word clues. Even Betty White would have trouble with that. Anna struggles through the phrase as an evil smile creeps on to Nellie’s hateful face. “No, no,” Nellie scolds, “you have to say it fast.” The girls start to giggle as Nellie heckles the girl. Laura looks mortified. “No Anna,” Laura says, “take your time. You can do it if you take your time.” Anna nods and tries again. Nellie keeps screaming “fast!” Anna struggles to the point of tears and runs out of the room. Laura runs to the door and calls after the girl. She then turns to Nellie. “I hope you’re proud of yourself,” she says. “That’s the meanest thing anybody ever did. “ Laura deduces that this was all a ruse by Nellie to make Anna cry. Laura says Anna just wanted to be friends. Stoner girl looks to Nellie as if to say “where’s your mom with the snacks?” Laura leaves. Nellie rushes to the door and threatens to tell if she doesn’t come back. Nellie slams the door.

The Music Box 3/5

Laura, Anna and Mary are carrying their books as they walk past the Mercantile on their way to school. “Laura Ingalls!” Nellie races down the front steps as Laura stops in her tracks. Nellie sneers that she wants to talk to Laura then offers her a gumdrop. Willie observes the bi-polar action from the porch. Laura accepts the gumdrop while Nellie invites Laura to eat lunch with the club. Laura says she is still mulling over her membership. Anna volunteers that she will be in the club, but Nellie says Anna can’t be a member until she learns how to talk. Laura doesn’t take too kindly to this, so she returns the gumdrops and tells Nellie she won’t be joining. Laura and Anna walk away arm in arm. Nellie screams after them. “A chicken can squawk, a butterfly can flutter, but Anna can’t talk, all she can do is st-st-stutter.”

Nels is out on the porch at this point and yells at his daughter while Willie giggles. Nels tells her to get in the house and get the strap ready. Yikes. Nels looks at Willie who says he didn’t do anything. Nels pulls Willie into the shop anyway. The kids run to Harriet and hide behind her. She doesn’t know what is going on (as usual), but begs her husband to give the kids another chance. Nels brandishes the strap saying that Nellie doesn’t deserve another chance. Nellie apologizes and even vouches for her brother that he didn’t do anything. Nels tells Nellie that she will be grounded from school for the day and will go to Anna’s house that afternoon to apologize. Harriet is horrified, insisting that her daughter will be humiliated. Nels says that’s the point. He gives Nellie the choice between the strap and a half-assed apology. Nellie says she doesn’t know where Anna lives, but her father says to ask Laura. Nellie doesn’t like that idea, but Nels brandishes the strap again and tells Nellie to choose. To recap, the choices are A) Stay home from school for the day and then walk over to Anna’s house to “apologize”, or B) A whuppin’. Nellie chooses A. Nellie goes upstairs and Nels tells Willie to clean his room. Today is a school day, right?

That afternoon, Laura is in the barn trying to fix the music box. It isn’t going very well. Outside, Nellie approaches the homestead and Jack goes into Cujo mode. Good for him. The sound isn’t great, as they play barking sound effects when Jack’s mouth does not show any sort of barking or growling, just drooling. Nellie rushes into the barn to hide from the dog. Laura is caught off-guard (she didn’t hear the dog?) and Nellie realizes that it is her music box that Laura is tinkering with. Laura tries to lie that it is her own box but Nellie calls BS on that instantly. Laura insists that it’s hers, so Nellie suggests asking Laura’s parents. Laura, realizing that she’s caught, confesses. Nellie says she is going to tell, but Laura says she will do anything that Nellie says. Nellie verifies this incredibly stupid statement, but Laura insists that she will do anything that Nellie says. Nellie tells Laura that she is going to be in the club and warns Laura that if she steps out of line, Nellie will tell and possibly try to have Laura put in jail. Laura promises to follow Nellie’s orders.

At this point Pa walks in. He asks what’s up and Laura says they were just listening to Nellie’s music box. “Oh it’s your music box now, Laura,” Nellie says. Pa is pleased with this news, especially since it appears that the two buried the hatchet -- and not in anyone’s skull. Nellie leaves but as she exits she asks Mr. Ingalls if Laura can go to her house after school tomorrow. Charles is okay with this. Nellie asks Laura how to get to Anna’s before she leaves. Once she is gone, Pa says he is really happy to see this new development. Laura catatonically agrees.

Nellie’s arrival at Anna’s house is inexplicably framed through the arms of a chair on her porch. Inside, we see that the props office used the “LHOTP – Generic” item list, which includes a shawl, butter churn, rocking chair, and a woodpile. Anna’s mom answers Nellie’s knocking by opening the door, but answers Nellie’s questions in Swedish. I wonder what obnoxious schoolyard rhyme Nellie has for that linguistic trait? Anna comes out of her room and asks Nellie what she wants. Nellie apologizes, but Anna doesn’t quite believe it. Anna’s mother asks, through Anna, if Nellie would like to stay for dinner, but Nellie politely refuses. Anna gets the door for Nellie and walks her outside. Nellie apologizes again, but the insincerity starts to drip when she tells Anna that she is talking much better. Anna doesn’t have an insincerity detector, so she is thrilled by this development.

That evening at the homestead, Laura puts down her dictionary and asks her Pa what it’s like to be in jail. Did Charles do hard time? That would be amazing. Aww, he says he has never been. Charles asks why Laura wants to know and she says it’s for homework. Did Miss Beadle ask the kids to write prison letters? Charles said he met a couple of guys who went to jail during the War, but he isn’t inclined to repeat their stories. Laura asks what sort of crimes lead to jail time – cheating, hurting somebody, and stealing are what Charles list. Laura speculates that stealing only applies to big things like horses, but Charles says you can hang for a crime like that. “No, they put you in jail for stealing just about anything,” Pa continues. This does not ease Laura’s nerves.

The Nerd March plays as we enter another one of Laura’s dreams. A fire burns in the center of a medieval prison. One prisoner is stretched on a rack while several others sleep on the stone floor. Someone is laughing as Harriet enters wearing a hood and carrying a giant bucket. Laura is looking even more bedraggled than in her previous dream. Harriet reaches into the bucket and pulls out a wad of breadcrumbs that she chucks to the ground. All of the prisoners scramble to the food except for a Leif Garrett impersonator chained to the wall. As Harriet feeds the birds, Nellie walks in wearing a hood and eating from a chicken bone. She laughs as Laura notices the meat. Laura crawls towards the Oleson jailors who continue to laugh at the girl. Once Laura reaches Nellie and begs for food, Nellie bludgeons the girl with the chicken. Nellie leaves and slams the door.

Laura starts to bang on the door and we fade out of the dream. Back in reality, Laura is banging on the wall screaming, “I’m hungry.” Mary wakes up her sister and tells her to knock it off. Charles yells up to the loft to find out what’s going on. Laura and Mary say nothing, but Charles yells up again demanding an answer. Mary says flatly, “Laura rolled over and fell out of bed.” Mary Ingalls sucks at plausibility. Charles asks if she is all right and Laura responds just as flatly that she is okay. Pa tells them to go to sleep.

The next morning outside school, Nellie explains to the club that she will decide who is "it" and, as president, she will never be "it". That’s not much of a game, whatever it is you’re playing, honey. Nellie calls over to Laura and Mary, who have just arrived, that they are going to play Hide N Seek. Mary declines, which Nellie is okay with. Nellie then commands Laura to join her. Nellie has decided that Laura will be “it”. Mary and Anna are shocked by this. Laura apologizes to Anna and promises to play with her after school and dejectedly walks towards Nellie and the girls. Anna is deeply disappointed by the development.

The Music Box 2/5

Laura and Anna walk home through a field. Laura asks Anna to name all the items she can in Nellie’s dollhouse. Anna rips through the list without a stutter or stop. Laura has Anna go through another list, this time shouting it as loud as possible. I forgot that Laura has a knack for speech therapy. You go girl! Both of you!

As Laura returns to the Ingalls barn, she remembers she has a music box in her petticoat. She rushes up to the loft to play with it. She winds up the music box and enters into an almost drug-induced euphoria as the music plays. Laura sets the music box on a shelf and starts to sway to the music. She then gets up and pretends to waltz. I guess she didn’t get dance lessons for her birthday either – she is a bit rhythmically challenged. Suddenly, the barn door slams and Laura panics. She tries to close the music box but knocks it to the floor instead. The door squeaks and slams a few more times and Laura realizes that it was just the wind. She goes back to the box but the music is all warped. Laura realizes she may be in big trouble.

That evening Charles entertains the rest of the family with his fiddle while Laura contemplates her fate next to the hearth. Charles asks if there is anything wrong. Well for starters the scene is shot at a weird angle that I don’t recall seeing on the show before and the lighting is just wrong. Oh, he was talking to Laura. She murmurs that there’s nothing wrong. Caroline also asks if Laura is okay and gets a meek “I’m fine” in response. Mary speculates that Laura has a stomachache from a candy overload at Nellie’s. Laura snaps at her sister. Before the fight escalates, Caroline notices Carrie entering into sleep mode and decides to take the youngin’ to bed. Charles decides that it is bedtime for everyone. Mary gives Pa a good night kiss and heads upstairs. Er, upladder? Laura follows without any affection for Pa – he calls her down. Pa asks again if Laura is all right, and she says again that she is fine. Charles kisses her forehead and she goes up to the loft.

We join Laura as she appears to have a bad dream of some sort. Uh oh, the screen is getting all wavy and a harp starts to play – we’re going in! Oh, I just realized that the music box song is the Nerd March! Now that it is being played in a minor key I totally recognize it. Anyway, we see that Laura is dressed as a serf and is standing in handcuffs in a defendant’s stand. The camera pulls out until the top of a judge’s bench can be seen. A gavel comes down. The judge asks for a verdict from the jury. Madame Foreperson (who sounds an awful lot like Harriet) declares a guilty verdict. Um, mistrial? The judge affirms the verdict and sentences Laura to 100 years of school where she will have to write “I will not steal” 10 million times. Laura begs for mercy, but she is met with an awkward close-up of the judge just nodding like a bobble-head. It’s a good thing fisheye lenses were still in the development phase when this was produced or this would have been a really freaky scene instead of just weird.

After fog shrouds the judge, we see Laura back in the house saying she didn’t mean it. Mary wakes up her sister to get her to shut up. Mary Ingalls sucks at sympathy. “Try to dream of something different,” Mary tells Laura. Laura lies down again and says she’ll try.

The Music Box 1/5

Oh God! Bees are chasing the girls down the hill! Oops, I hit the soccer ball button by mistake on YouTube. Damn vuvuzelas. No worries – the girls are safe. See, a closeup of a bunny rabbit ornament opens the show – everything is super. We pan across the window display and see all sorts of toys. Uh oh. This one is directed by Michael Landon. I take back what I said about the girls being safe – some bad shit is about to go down.

Deep breath. Okay.

Laura stands outside the Mercantile as she looks through the window display. Mary comes out from around the corner and tells her sister that they are going to be late. Laura is anxious not because of Mary’s tardiness but because her birthday is coming up and she wants to know what she is getting for a present. Mary says she isn’t going to tell, mainly because she doesn’t know. This angers Laura. The girls leave for school.

That evening, we see Charles exit Carrie’s room with a wrapped square-shaped item. Hmmm, too thick to be a DVD. Too light to be a laptop. Too small to be an N64. I wonder what it could be? Laura opens the present and it’s…it’s…a dictionary? What the frick kind of present is that? I can see Mary finding 101 uses for it, but it’s Laura’s birthday. She politely thanks her Pa, but you can hear the disappointment in her voice. Pa talks up the book saying that it has all the new words and a science section. As I paused the video to write that last sentence, Mary is giving Charles a look that says “really old man? Even I think that’s pretty square.”

Later on we see Charles and Caroline talking about the book as they get ready to go to sleep. Charles can’t get over the astronomy maps or the atlas. I will admit that does sound like a handy reference tool, but it ranks right up there with a sock-making kit as “most boring present to give a 10 year old”. Caroline smiles and nods, causing Charles to realize his folly. Caroline tries to coddle her hubby by saying she would have picked out the same thing. She justifies this by saying that Laura needs to be happy with getting what she needs rather than what she wants. Although I can agree with that sentiment, I still think this would have been a much more appropriate gift for Mary, especially if the whole family will be sharing the reference material. Actually, the sock-making kit would probably have been a better choice for Laura. Caroline also suspects that years from now Laura will still use the dictionary more than any fancy doodad from today.

The next day Laura resumes her post outside the display window. A blonde girl named Anna runs up and stands by Laura’s side. Laura asks which toy Anna would choose if she got to take one item home. Anna struggles as she says she would take the doll. As Anna stutters through her answer, Laura advises her friend to take her time. Eventually Anna says that she would want a doll, because it would be like having a sister, and she would name it Laura. Aww, this is so sweet – something horrible is going to happen to this girl, I just know it.

Just then, Nellie and a group of girls enter through the back of the Mercantile. Nellie calls over to Laura and demands that she come upstairs to play. Laura politely refuses, but Nellie says they are starting a club – no boys and only Nellie’s bestest friends are allowed. “Why did you invite me?” Laura asks. Nellie’s eyes narrow and she repeats her invitation. Laura says she’d rather play with Anna. Nellie grumbles that Ann can come along, causing the nice blonde girl to perk up. Laura considers for a moment before reluctantly agreeing.

Upstairs the girls browse through Nellie’s toy collection. While the extras murmur about the dollhouses, Laura focuses all of her attention on a music box playing atop Nellie’s desk. Nellie slams the box shut before calling the meeting to order. Nellie recites the agenda that includes roll call followed by election of the vice president. Laura point-of-orders that there needs to be a president, but Nellie says that the club will meet at her house therefore she is President. First, that would make her a dictator. Second, that sounds more like a qualification for Secretary or Sergeant-at-Arms. Nellie nominates Laura for VP, but Laura suggests Anna instead. “She can’t be in the club,” Nellie states. Laura asks why. “Y-y-y-y-you kn-kn-kn-know w-w-w-w-why.” Anna looks down as the other girls giggle. What a b-b-b-b-b-bitch. Before things get really awkward, Harriet barges in and announces that she has snacky snacks ready for all the girls. Laura and Anna stay behind. Anna suggests that they join the others before she leaves the room, her head still hanging down. Laura follows but stops to look back at the music box. She waits a moment before she snatches it from the bed.

Bunny 5/5

That night Charles is in the barn working on a project of some sort. There’s not much light in this scene but it looks like it might be a wheelchair. Laura comes in dressed in her pajamas. Pa asks her what she is up to and Laura says she wanted to say good night. After they hug, Laura inspects the Pa's project. He confirms that it is a wheelchair that he is fixing up. I hope he does something about the seat back because it is worn through to the point that it is framing Laura in the shot. We can see through the busted wicker that Laura is a little freaked out by the wheelchair concept. “But she doesn’t need a wheelchair,” she claims. Pa pauses before responding, “Half-pint, we don’t know that.” Laura calls no waysies based on the fact that she prays to God every night that Nellie will get better. Pa tries to begin rebutting this point (I would start with “even God has limitations when it comes to Nellie Oleson”) but Laura flat out denies her father. “God’ll fix everything,” Laura says as she inches toward the door with a tear rolling down her face. “You wait and see.” The Melodramatic Piano of the Dentist Office Waiting Room music begins to play as Pa calls out for his daughter.

The next morning Charles ties the chair to Doc Baker’s wagon. They chit chat a bit before Caroline comes outside to greet the Doc. She invites him to the picnic that the Ingalls family will be hosting that afternoon, but he has to decline the invitation. “Folks around here seem dead-set on getting sick whenever the fish are biting,” he quips before taking off.

Charles walks over to his wife and asks if Laura has changed her mind about going to the picnic. Caroline says she hasn’t, so Charles offers to ask one more time. Inside the house Laura is working on an assignment. Pa enters and tells his daughter that the family is leaving. She tells him to have a good time and continues to work. Pa starts to say something, but Laura interrupts him again to say that she doesn’t feel like fishing anyway. Pa makes a frowny face then leaves.

Over at the Oleson house, the wheelchair is set up in the parlor and Doc Baker is carrying Nellie down the stairs. That girl has huge feet. Her nightgown is robin’s egg blue – a color that does not do her any favors. Doc Baker sets the girl down in the chair and she is instantly enthralled with the new digs. Harriet is being a, well, nervous Nellie, and I’m not sure if it is because of the second-hand nature of the chair or because her daughter is supposedly an invalid. Doc Baker tells Nellie how to work the chair and also reports that her arm splint will be able to come off in a couple of days. Nellie does a couple of donuts in the parlor (we see that some sort of patch was put on the wicker) while Harriet continues to fidget. Nellie seems pretty satisfied with her new toy and asks when her father will be back. Harriet reports that he should be back this afternoon when he and Willie return from Springfield with the new doll house. Doc Baker calls his patient a lucky girl and then heads out the door.

Harriet thanks Doc Baker for his service and says she will have to ride out to the Ingalls’ place to thank Charles in person. Once the door is closed, Nellie suggests to her mother that she ride out now. Harriet says she can’t leave Nellie alone, but the girl says she can take care of herself. She goes on to say that she can watch the store and that the customers can take down any items that are out of reach. Harriet is still reluctant until Nellie whines “Pleeeeease?” Harriet calls her daughter “brave”. You know who dislikes that sort of terminology? Disabled people. She then decides to head out. As soon as the front door is closed, Nellie hops up from her seat, runs to close the door to the Mercantile, jumps, and does a jig. Seriously?

We join Harriet as she rides up to the Ingalls homestead. Laura is in the stable and has Bunny all saddled up. She’s telling the horse that they’ll go for a ride so that they both won’t be cooped up all day. Harriet walks by the barn and stops once she sees the animal inside. “Where did you get that horse?” she demands. Laura acknowledges that she has been hiding the horse and Harriet jumps to the conclusion that that is why Laura has been so nice to Nellie. I guess since guilt is a concept unfamiliar to Harriet, this would be the next logical conclusion to reach. Laura denies Harriet’s reconstruction of the scenario but it is irrelevant since Harriet says she will take the horse with her. Laura screams “No!” and hops on the horse. Her stunt double rides the horse as fast as possible into town.

The stunt double arrives at the Oleson’s place. Laura dismounts and peeks through the window. Well, well, it looks like Nellie asked her doll to the Sadie Hawkins dance and they are getting their waltz on in the parlor. The filming switches to voyeur-cam as Laura sees the action between the curtains. Laura backs away from the window when she realizes that she has been scammed. She knocks on the door, causing Nellie to slam the music box shut and hop into her chair. However, Nellie’s nightgown gets caught under her right foot causing the fabric to tent. Aside from the almost instant continuity error, wouldn't Nellie realize that there is no way for that to happen and therefore fix it before telling whoever is knocking to “come in”? Check-minus, show -- do a second take next time.

Anyway, Laura opens the door and asks Nellie what she is doing. Nellie says she is watching the store for mother. Laura says she just saw Nellie’s mother and that she was asked to take Nellie outside for some fresh air. Laura is all catatonic as she is delivering her lines, which Nellie doesn’t seem to notice. Laura pushes the girl out the door. Hmm, another error: how did Laura get Nellie down from the porch when there’s no ramp? Laura is jogging behind Nellie and tells her she needs to pick up speed to get up the hill. Nellie is getting rather nervous at this point. They reach the top of the hill near the mill and Laura claims she has to take a breather. Nellie is all "whatever" at this point, mainly because she is somewhat powerless to extract herself from this situation. Laura starts to ramble about how her life has changed after the accident, causing Nellie to ask if she is alright. Laura wonders why she would ask that. “You just seem to be acting funny,” Nellie replies. No, more like acting poorly.

Just then, Mrs. Oleson rides into town and Laura notices the wagon. She stands up and calls for Mrs. Oleson’s attention. Harriet stops, looks up and yells “Laura Ingalls, what have you done with that filthy animal?” Laura runs behind the chair saying, “Nellie, your mother wants you!” She then pushes Nellie’s chair down the hill. Nellie starts to scream, most likely because she is in a situation where she could ACTUALLY BE KILLED. WTF, Half-pint? “You’re such a good friend, Nellie!” Laura says smiling. Nellie and her stunt dummy make it all the way to the bottom of the hill but the chair hits a rock causing Nellie to flip over and land in some water. Harriet is shocked that her daughter is soaking wet but rather subdued for someone who might have just seen her daughter being murdered. Nellie stands up and whines and sobs about being soaked. Harriet sees this as a miracle and swoons backwards out of her wagon. Jeezy creezy, this is so cliché and stupid.

Back at the Oleson house, Laura is pacing outside as Bunny stands off to the side. Nels comes outside and Laura asks if Nellie will be alright. He says yes and says he doesn’t blame Laura for wanting to scare his daughter. He acknowledges that Nellie may be more in the wrong here than Laura. I have to disagree. Laura was stubborn and a doormat in dealing with the Nellie situation but her reaction was a little bit over the top and not quite justified. Whatever, if Nels is okay calling it zero sum, that’s his business. He then surprises Laura by giving her the horse. “An animal is no different than a person,” he says, “it needs to be with someone who loves it.” Sure, why not? Laura’s stunt double rides down the street a bit before running into Jason. Laura asks if he would like to join her and Pa on their next fishing trip. He agrees and they head out.

Nellie watches this scene unfold from her bedroom window and she is not happy. “I HATE YOU LAURA!” she screams (and repeats) as she begins to trash her room. She throws her doll against the wall then gets in a pillow fight with a vase of flowers on her desk. After throwing some books, she grabs a hairbrush and sets her sights on the new doll house. As she gets all smashy smashy on the roof, Willie barges in and tells her to stop. “Don’t break that stuff, give it to me,” he says. Nellie keeps swinging as she calmly says “it’s girl stuff.” Willie says he could sell it, but his sister turns around and she has this look in her eyes that seems to suggest that he will be the next smashy smashy target if he doesn’t leave the room. After Willie runs out, Nellie grabs a horse figurine and says, “I’ll fix you, Laura Ingalls. I’ll fix you.” She throws the horse at a framed needlepoint picture of Harriet. Girlfriend should go to Charm School.

Bunny 4/5

Dinner time, but there are only four people at the Ingalls table. Pa is grumbling that this is the third time that Laura has been late for dinner. Basically he is getting fed up that Laura has put everything on the back burner in her efforts to help Nellie. Mary says that it is only until Nellie recovers, but Charles keeps open the possibility that Nellie may never get better. I'm with Charles on this one, especially since Nellie has managed to fool Doc Baker who would be the arbiter in determining if she is healthy or not. The barn door squeaks and Caroline goes outside to see if it is Laura arriving. Laura calls over to say that she was late because of Nellie's math homework but as soon as she feeds Bunny she'll come in. Ma tells her she missed dinner, but Laura doesn't seem to mind. Pa wants to give her a talking to, but Caroline says she'll speak with her daughter.

Caroline enters the barn and Laura asks if Pa is angry. Caroline clarifies that he is worried, not angry. Caroline is worried too, but Laura says that she'll be fine and it was just this once that was the problem. Caroline tells her that it wasn't "just this once" and then reasons with Laura that if this trend continues, she is going to have to stop helping Nellie. Laura starts to panic, but then Ma asks if Laura has her geography assignment ready for tomorrow. Laura tries to stall, but Caroline wants to see her progress. Laura goes to her books, but she knows she has nothing. She begs Ma to not tell Pa and that she needs to keep helping Nellie until "she sets things right." How long is that going to be, Half-pint? Caroline gives Laura a hug and tells her things will be all right. Laura tells her Ma that Mrs. Oleson spoke to her for the first time today and thanked her for all she has done for Nellie. This convinces Caroline that Laura should continue with the indentured servitude so long as she is home before dark and keeps up with her own school work.

Later that night, Willie is exiting his bedroom. As he lights a candle, he hears some noise coming from Nellie's room. As he investigates, we see that Nellie is sitting in a chair telling her doll about all the nice things they will be getting as long as Nellie is able to keep up her charade. Willie opens the door and asks "How did you get in that chair?" Nellie hops over the bed, closes the door, and prepares to murder her brother. She puts her hand over his mouth and tells him that if he says anything she'll say he is lying. She knows it will work because he lies more than she does. Nellie tells him if he doesn't say anything, she'll give him a cut of her candy supply. Willie asks her why she is doing this and she says she's in it for all the free stuff. Well duh. Nellie offers her brother some candy, but he has to go to the outhouse. That might be where Nellie's plan is going at this rate.

Laura heads up to Nellie's room the next day after school. When she arrives, Nellie is refusing to let Doc Baker examine her. She claims that she can't feel anything, but Doc Baker insists that his tests are necessary to see if Nellie is improving. "I don't like to be stuck by a needle," Nellie whines. Well if you can't feel anything then you won't know if you were stuck, right? Doc Baker asks if it hurts, and Nellie says she wouldn't be able to feel it but she just doesn't like being a part of a process. She begs her mother to tell Doc Baker to leave. He agrees and says he'll check back in a day or two.

Once Nels and the doctor leave the room, Nellie invites Laura in to look at her new doll from England. She goes on to brag that her mother has ordered a whole bunch of fancy new stuff. Laura seems unfazed by any of this and instead presents Nellie's map assignment. Nellie got an A; Laura did not. Harriet feigns disappointment before suggesting that Nellie might want to assist Laura with her homework. WHAT?! That doesn't even make sense. Shut up, Harriet. Nellie thanks her mother for the doll, to which Harriet replies, "You deserve it for that 'A'." She leaves the room before I can throw my shoes at her.

Laura sits at Nellie's bedside and gives her an update on the chat she had with her Ma last night. Laura lays it out that she can't do Nellie's work and her own work. Nellie says it is too hard for her but that doesn't seem to work on Laura. She then claims to feel dizzy. Nellie asks if there is any homework and Laura says there's some arithmetic. Funny, Nellie's dizziness gets worse. Tell her there are fractions and see if she vomits. Nellie begs Laura to do her homework for her. Laura reluctantly agrees. As Laura sets to work, Nellie reminds her to write the numbers small (like Nellie does). Then she pulls out a candy cane and sucks on it while Laura toils away. Yeah, Nellie sucks.

Bunny 3/5

Before heading over to school, Laura stops at the mill to ask Pa if it is alright that she becomes Nellie's slave for the next while. She doesn't phrase it quite like that, but I have a hunch that's the direction things are going. The arrangement that Laura wants is that she will help Nellie after school, simultaneously do her own homework, and Mary will cover her chores. Pa is reluctant but Laura says this would help her feel better about what happened. Pa eventually gives his approval and gets back to work.

As they leave school, Laura offers to do Mary's chores on the weekends since Mary will be doing Laura's during the week. Mary says it isn't necessary, but Laura still thinks this entire situation is her fault. Let's review: Nellie was the one abusing the horse. The horse fought back. Laura is not a part of that equation. The sooner she realizes this, the happier she will be. Particularly since she won't be as overextended as she appears to be making herself. Before the girls leave, a goofy looking boy calls Laura from the steps. "Hey, you wanna go fishin' Saturday?" Laura and this boy start chatting as Mary walks away. When the older girl passes the Mercantile, we see Nellie peering through the window. She's looking right at Laura and the boy with a wry smile forming.

Later on in Nellie's room, Laura is helping with spelling. "The next word is 'allowed'," Laura says. Nellie spells it correctly immediately, which is pretty impressive given that there was no context provided that would separate "allowed" from "aloud". Nellie isn't concerned about that: she is more concerned about whether Jason was in school or not. I'm guessing that's the name of the goofy looking kid. Laura says yes and quickly moves on to the next word: "marmalade". Nellie would rather reminisce about the arguments she and Laura had over Jason. Laura becomes very stiff as the conversation turns. Nellie asks if they talked today and Laura says they did for a little while. Nellie asks if she came up in their conversation, and Laura says he said "hello". Nellie then asks Laura to keep a secret: she loves Jason and with her current condition he probably won't give her the time of day. She confides that she will be "so hateful to any girl that would shine up to Jason." Laura is picking up what Nellie is putting down. "You're such a good friend, Laura," Nellie says before spelling "marmalade" correctly.

That weekend at the homestead Caroline, Carrie and Charles are working on some laundry. As Charles fetches a bucket of water, Jason toddles over. Jeez, is Napoleon Dynamite the bee's knees of Walnut Grove? Laura could do better. Besides, he's age appropriate so you know it won't last. Anyway, he asks Mr. Ingalls if Laura is okay since they were supposed to go fishing together. He wonders if she is sick or mad at him, causing Charles to ask if he did something to make her mad. "No, but sometimes girls get mad at you anyway," Jason says. Charles laughs in agreement. I wonder if he heard the one about the lady stagecoach driver. Oh, mercy.

Jason finds Laura sitting up in the barn loft. He says "hi" and Laura pops out of her thought. He said he was waiting for two hours at the fishing hole but Laura says she just finished her chores. "So I see," he says in a way that seems to challenge Laura's sincerity. "Well I just finished a few minutes ago," Laura retorts. "Alright, I believe you," Jason replies, sounding sincere. Laura doesn't hear it that way and they argue about how he said what he said. It's a pointless argument and Jason acquiesces just to get it over with. He climbs all the way into the loft to say that he stopped by to make sure Laura was alright. Laura asks Jason why he hasn't visited Nellie and he says he didn't have a fishing date with her. Laura concludes that Jason doesn't feel the same way about Nellie since she had her accident. He's all like "what the what?" since he apparently never felt squishy for Nellie and her current condition has not really changed his opinion of her. "Aw shucks, Laura," he says before she tells him to go away. "Dab burn it, Laura, what's the matter with you?" Dab burn it? Laura, honey, you can do better. She sends Jason on his way. As he climbs down, he gets in the last word saying he didn't believe Laura about the chores.

Bunny 2/5

The next day Pa takes Laura to the Mercantile. As Charles gets out of the wagon, Doc Baker exits the store. They greet one another and Doc Baker updates Nellie's condition: no change. Pa pushes for a prognosis, but Doc Baker is unsure of what to expect. But hey, that's what makes being a town doctor exciting, eh? Speaking of, Doc Baker leaves to take care of other patients. Pa tells Laura it's time to go inside, but Laura tries to resist. Pa says he understands how she feels, but she really does have to go inside. Besides, I doubt Harriet will do anything to Laura if Pa is around. But hey, that's what makes dealing with the town crackpot exciting, eh?

The Ingalls enter the store and we see Nels in the storeroom coping with the situation. Charles says hello and Nels instantly pulls himself together. They chat a bit about what Doc Baker had to say, with Nels adding that Nellie is being brave about the situation. Nels also jokes that Nellie's appetite has been unaffected -- she ate a box and a half of bonbons just that morning. Nels says he is holding up but it's Harriet he is concerned about. Charles explains that part of his visit is to tell Nels about the horse, but Mr. Oleson is already aware of the situation and is okay with that solution for now. Charles apologizes that Laura had no right to take the animal, but Nels disagrees saying that Laura had every right since the animal was not at fault. Guh, if this act is going to just reiterate that point again and again, I'm just going to stop right now. Anyway, Nels asks Charles not to mention the status of the horse around Harriet since she thinks the horse just ran away.

During this entire exchange, the camera keeps cutting back to a guilt-stricken Laura. Eventually Nels apologizes for all of the horrible things that were said the day before. He also tells her that Nellie was asking about Laura and wanted to see her when she got a chance. "Maybe I should wait until she's feeling better," Laura says quietly. Nels says Nellie asked this morning, so she should go visit. Pa agrees, so Laura heads upstairs.

Nellie is in bed eating candy when there is a knock on the door. She quickly hides her treats and asks who is at the door. Laura announces herself and Nellie asks her to come in. Harriet is in the room too, so I'm not sure why Nellie was panicky when there was a knock. Laura enters as a cat running across a piano provides the background music. Harriet is still in a snit so she exits and closes the door behind her. Nellie invites Laura to sit on her bedside then asks what it is like outside. Laura says it's a fine morning. "That's what I miss the most," says Nellie. "Seeing the sun, the blue sky, hearing the birds sing." Honey, it's been a day. Also, you have a window. "I guess I'll have to get used to it," she adds. Okay, that point I'll give you. Laura begs Nellie not to say that and Nellie gives her a hug and says "I forgive you." Laura says she wants to help Nellie and do whatever she can. Uh oh -- Nellie's got that look in her blackened eye.

Nellie says that since she will never be able to go to school again ("It would take a miracle") she would like Laura to bring her assignments home so she doesn't fall behind. Why would she need to keep up if she is not expecting to go to school ever again? I realize that most people would do that to hedge their bets, but Nellie doesn't seem like the type. Anyway, Laura says she will and Nellie calls her "such a good friend," the second time in as minutes. Nellie then has a pain of some sort and claims to need to close her eyes and rest for a moment. I think she's just trying to get Laura out of there. I should try that at work some time. Laura leaves for school. As soon as the bedroom door is closed, Nellie pulls up her foot and starts to rub it. Laura must have made it fall asleep with where she was sitting. Hey, wait a minute...

Bunny 1/5

Laura is running across a field and grabs a bright red apple from a tree. She doesn't stop until she reaches a corral where a black horse is hanging out. Laura gives the horse the apple and says she doesn't have time to chat. The horse doesn't seem too broken up by this revelation. Laura continues down the road into town, dropping some books along the way. She retrieves them and moseys on to school. As the horse finishes the apple, we see that this episode was written and directed by Michael Landon. That's always a sign that some really bud stuff is going to go down in Walnut Grove this week.

Laura runs into school, throws off her hat and lunch pail, and then scrambles to her seat. She apologizes to Miss Beadle who asks why Laura was late when Mary was on time. "I had to stop by Simpson's orchard to get an apple for someone," the girl replies. Miss Beadle is touched by the sentiment and thanks Laura. Laura sheepishly corrects Miss Beadle, saying that the apple was for someone else. Nellie announces that the apple was for a horse. The class laughs while Mary rolls her eyes. Miss Beadle tells Laura that she should do her gift giving after school from now on. She then gives the class some time to review some spelling words before an oral exam. The school/church/playhouse is also a dentist office? Oh, wait, I get it.

Nellie leans forward and whispers to Laura to stop feeding her horse. Laura says the horse likes apples, but Nellie doesn't care since the horse is not Laura's anymore. "You only do it because you want her to like you more than she likes me," Nellie says. Laura smiles and says to Nellie, "so that's why you give Miss Beadle apples." Miss Beadle notices the chatter and asks Laura why she is talking instead of working. Laura tells her that Nellie was explaining why she gives apples to the teacher.

After school, Mary is reprimanding Laura about the talking incident from earlier. Really? Nothing else happened at school that day? As they walk home, Laura shares her regret about trading the horse to Mr. Oleson. Mary reminds her that the trade got a stove for Ma. Laura is just disappointed that Nellie is treating the horse so poorly. As the girls walk by the Oleson Corral, Nellie is on top of the horse and is continuously lashing it with her whip. The horse is not a fan and Laura notices this. Laura reaches out to pet the horse's face, but Nellie tells her to back off as she lashes the horse some more. "Don't do that!" Laura commands. But Nellie just does as she damn well pleases saying, "I know how to handle a horse," and continues to thwack it. The horse has had enough and busts out of the corral. Laura screams for Bunny, the horse, to come back. The horse runs up a hill into a wooded area and Nellie gets hit with a tree branch right across the face. She flies off the horse as the girls continue to run after both of them. When they reach Nellie she is unresponsive. Mary goes to get Doc Baker.

Nellie is still unconscious during the examination. She has been moved to her bedroom and Doc Baker looks a tad grim after he examines her eyes. The Ingalls girls watch along with Nels and Harriet. Nels asks if the Doc knows anything yet, but all he can report is that Nellie has a slight concussion. Harriet is horrified by the news. She asks why she won't wake up, and the Doc says although the concussion is slight, the hit to the head was rather significant. Nels asks about Nellie's arm and Doc Baker says he'll get a splint on it just in case there is a slight break. Harriet asks Nels why he let Nellie keep the horse but Nels isn't too worried about his daughter. Since Nels won't engage, Harriet turns on Laura, saying it was her horse and that she should have said it was dangerous. Seriously, lady? That's like saying "how was I supposed to know that this gun shot bullets?" Nels cuts in and says it was an accident, but Harriet believes that the horse deliberately ran her daughter into a tree. Either way, how would that be Laura's fault? Harriet says the horse should get snuffed, but Laura says it wasn't the horse's fault. "I know where the fault lies, Laura Ingalls," starts Mrs. Oleson. "You traded a vicious animal because you wanted to get rid of it for a stove that cost a great deal of money." I realize a lot of this is just the anger talking, but it takes two to trade, Harriet. An "as is" sale is an "as is" sale. Nels tells his wife to calm down, but she continues to threaten the Ingalls girl.

Meanwhile, Nellie wakes up and calls out for her mother. Both her parents go to her side as Doc Baker tells the patient that she gave everyone quite a scare. Laura is relieved as is Mary. The Doc asks how Nellie feels but she says she doesn't know, just that she feels strange. Doc Baker asks for some clarification and Nellie says she can't feel her legs. Harriet gives Doc Baker a look that seems to say "You broke my daughter!" but the Doc cordially offers to do a little test. He pulls out a needle and Nellie gets all kinds of nervous. Doc Baker says it won't hurt and Nellie should speak up if she feels anything. Wouldn't it "not hurting" be a bad thing in this scenario? Anyway, he pokes the tip of Nellie's toe and asks if she feels anything. She says no, so Doc Baker pokes other toes and parts of her feet. She doesn't give any sort of response, but I have to wonder if maybe she has managed to psych herself out of feeling anything. Doc Baker really should poke the center of her sole, but he doesn't. Instead he asks if she can move her legs and Nellie says she can't in the most matter of fact way possible. Harriet is devastated by this news and Nels consoles her. Doc Baker says it should only be a temporary condition. Really?

The Ingalls girls watch this unfold, Mary looking stern and resolute while Laura looks like she is about to start panicking any moment. Harriet, mid-sob, tells Nels to go downstairs and shoot the horse. Nels tries to reason with his wife, but she says she'll shoot the horse if he won't. She then turns to Laura and says "I hope you're happy Laura Ingalls, now that you have made my little girl crippled." Everybody is a little offended by the statement, though I think it is almost fitting that Harriet get thrust into such a situation. With all of her fat-phobia, deaf-phobia, and classist bullshit she has spewed over the years, it's about time some real life hit her. Doc Baker tells Mrs. Oleson that no one is to blame and that she is jumping to conclusions. Before he can finish, Harriet interrupts to say, "Well, make her walk, Doctor." She then turns to her daughter and instructs her to walk. "I can't, mother," Nellie says, the way one would say "I'll mow the lawn this afternoooooon."

Harriet begins to sob and yell. "You get out of my house, Laura Ingalls. And don't you ever come back here again." She then tells Nels to "put that animal to sleep." I think she meant the horse, but Laura runs out of the room with Mary chasing after her. Laura runs all the way down to the stable and starts to cry just outside of Bunny's stall. Mary tells Laura it isn't her fault, but Laura believes that it is. Laura claims it isn't Bunny's fault because the horse didn't know any better. Laura mounts Bunny and Mary asks what she is doing. Laura says she needs to take the horse so the Olesons won't kill it. Mary shouts after her sister when she rides out of the stable.

At the homestead, Caroline looks a little stressed as Charles contemplates at the mantle. She starts to say something, but Charles snaps "I looked every place; we're just going to have to wait." Jeez, a little touchy there. There is the sound of a horse's whinny, which causes both Ma and Pa to go outside. Laura has returned with the horse. Caroline hugs her daughter as Laura explains that she wanted to hide Bunny but didn't know where to go. Charles says he'll put Bunny up in the barn and tells Laura to go inside. She asks her Pa not to let anyone hurt Bunny. Okay, show, I think we have the basic theme here, can we move along please?

Fight, Team, Fight 4/5

The circus marching band is headlining the pregame show as they stomp across the field. The visiting team is in green and white with giant yellow R's on the front of their shirts. Hmm, I guess they never said where this team is from, so I'm just going to call them the Riverdale Leprechauns. And running onto the field, dressed in black and white with giant red W's, the Walnut Grove wildcats. We see the event has gathered a crowd of tens. Pete, who is in his third J. Crew inspired sweater this episode, is standing by his wife who is dressed for Easter, parasol and all. She's a little freaked out by the size of the Leprechauns and asks her husband how he can send their son to certain injury. He assures her that Dan will only be a kicker and won't get pummeled. Charles gives Albert a pep talk that is actually just a reminder that if the boy feels pain he should get out of the game.

Albert and the opposing QB meet for the coin toss and Walnut Grove will be receiving. Albert is all smiles until the other QB says "I can hardly wait." I can't tell if he is being sinister or flirty. I'm guessing the former, but you never know. After some huddles the gameplay begins. Um, I'm a little out of my element here and there aren't any superimposed lines showing where first down is or anything like that, so just picture a game where Walnut Grove is getting demolished. There is one play where it looks like a wildcat runs in a big half-circle, which means that he would be going in the wrong direction at the end of the play. After the play ends, Harriet starts freaking out that Willie just got tackled (meaning I might be right about the backwards thing) but Nels tries to calm her down. They argue a bit, with Mr. Oleson reminding his wife that she bought the team uniforms. Of course she did.

Shortly after this distraction, a leprechaun scores. Coach Ellerbee is not pleased with this development. Some more plays happen and Pete is looking less and less pleased. Eventually Riverdale scores again. Then Walnut Grove fumbles the next kick-off. Yikes. Caroline is watching with about as much interest and understanding as me. Ellerbee calls for a timeout and tells Willie to fetch Albert. The coach tells Albert he isn't giving 100%, but the kid replies (while clutching his side) that he's trying but is in a lot of pain. Albert suggests that he should be taken out, but Ellerbee starts blah blah blahing about how football is meant to transcend pain. This would be the point where my friend Dan (die-hard Giants fan) would chant "Career-ending in-ju-ry *clap* *clap* *clap*".

Albert just looks at the coach blankly and doesn't really consent to going back onto the field, but Ellerbee sorta guides him back out there. Charles and Caroline saw that there was a conversation but assume everything is okay since Albert is going back onto the field. When Albert returns, the opposing QB tells him that Walnut Grove is playing like a bunch of girls. You kiss your mother with that mouth? Albert doesn't say anything until he gets to his team huddle where he says that Willie will run the next play. "Career-ending in-ju-ry *clap* *clap* *clap*" The next play starts and...wow. Walnut Grove scores a touchdown. Ellerbee is ecstatic as he grabs his son and throws him onto the field for the extra point. Of course, the scoring system they're using is the modern (as in 1980) system, not what would have been used in 1880. Anyway, Dan calls out the numbers, makes the kick, and scores the point. The marching band plays its approval.

More plays and after the third quarter the score is 20-14 Riverdale. On the next play, the Riverdale center totally biffs the toss and almost throws it into the crowd. All the players go after the ball, but Albert ends up at the bottom of the dog pile. He earns the possession, much to the displeasure of the opposing QB. On the next play Albert rushes the ball (big surprise) and finds himself at the bottom of another dogpile. As the players get up, we can see that the opposing QB was really putting his weight into it as he was on top of Albert. Caroline notices that her son is really hurt, but Charles assures her that Albert will get pulled. Ellerbee urges Albert to get on his feet and once the kid finally rises the crowd applauds. Charles decides to pull Albert himself. Charles calls time-out (I don't think he has that authority) and escorts his son off the field. Doc Baker takes a look at the boy and provides an instant diagnosis of at least two broken ribs. I guess his x-ray specs arrived in the mail after Albert's last office visit. Charles asks Ellerbee "what kind of man are you?" Uh, you signed off on letting Albert play, Pa.

Once the Ingalls leave, Ellerbee walks over to Dan and tells him that he will take over as QB. What? Since when does the kicker, or anyone on special teams, suddenly become QB? I guess that I should qualify what I said earlier: I'm out of my element when it comes to play-by-play, but I have a basic understanding of how the sport works. Dan seems to also have an understanding of the game as he questions his father's judgment. Coach says that Dan is the best the team has left. That's...really poor skill development on your part, Big Rock. Mrs. Ellerbee sees that her son is now on the field and proceeds to (rightfully) flip out on her husband. Pete completely dismisses her. Jerk.

Fight, Team, Fight 3/5

That evening we see the Olesons and Ingalls departing the Ellerbee house. I guess there was a dinner party and none of us were invited. Harriet is laughing about a story involving Pete running over Nels back in their college football days. Okay, that does sound kind of funny. After the couples leave, both Pete and his wife seem pretty satisfied with their evening. Mrs. Ellerbee joshes her husband about a touchdown story he told earlier. Uh oh, he doesn't respond well to gentle teasing. She doesn't pick up on this and playfully remarks that some of the details of the story seem to have grown with age. "It's just the way it happened," Pete responds sternly as he turns to go back inside the house. Mrs. Ellerbee says she was only joking and asks where his sense of humor is. First, I don't think he ever had one. Second, that question rarely lightens up the situation whenever it is asked. Case in point: Pete now believes that his wife just called him a liar. Her defense is that the game was so long ago that the details would have to be a little fuzzy, but Pete coldly says that he remembers it like it was yesterday.

Mrs. Ellerbee decides to drop the fight as her husband retrieves his scrapbook and sits at his desk to look at it once again. "This obsession of yours with football is getting a little out of control," she says. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asks. Um, not a lot of verbal clutter in what she said, though I may now understand why your nickname was "Big Rock", Pete. Mrs. Ellerbee tells her husband that he treats football more like war instead of a game. Perhaps his successful business was in fast food? His response is akin to "I know you are, but what am I?", so she tries a different approach. Specifically, what is going to happen to Dan? Pete doesn't think there is a problem with his son since he is improving on the field everyday. Mrs. Ellerbee claims that he is only improving so that he can win his father's approval, despite his hatred of the sport. I think this might be a situation where both sides are correct and wrong simultaneously. Mrs. Ellerbee moves on to the conclusion of her argument: that Pete moved the family to Walnut Grove so that Dan could become BMOC and get into Rutgers to play football on a legacy scholarship. Pete starts to issue a warning to his wife, but she interrupts and warns her husband that if Dan gets pushed into doing something he has no desire or talent to do that he will grow up to resent his father. You see if it were one or the other, desire or talent, I could understand that argument. But if the kid is lacking both why would Mr. Ellerbee keep forcing the issue? Pete doesn't have a response, so he decides to retire for the evening. The scene ends with Mrs. Ellerbee looking at the Football-in-a-cup as if it was The Other Woman.

More football practice. Another kid is quarterbacking, but Albert is the one running the play. Man, these kids aren't even trying any more. One literally keels over as Albert saunters by with the ball. After the play Coach Ellerbee says things are looking better and they should run it again. The whole team groans. Willie steps forward and asks if they can take a break. "I don't understand you people," Ellerbee says. There's another phrase that does nothing but invite controversy: "you people". Try it sometime. Anyway, Coach doesn't understand why the team's stamina isn't improving. Willie explains that other commitments, specifically schoolwork, are wearing them out. Ellerbee decides to have a chat with Mrs. Wilder and tells the team they can rest. They all collapse to the ground in a slapstick sort of way. Really, show?

As Mr. Ellerbee enters the school a bunch of girls are leaving the building. Wait a minute, the boys are getting let out of school for football? Uh, I wouldn't press your luck there, Big Rock. Laura is working at her desk when Pete enters. He apologizes for disturbing her and she responds that she has only just started grading papers. "Meaning the teacher has as much homework as the students?" he asks. I think he thinks that he is being cordial but it's coming off really condescending. Laura replies that she actually has more work (lesson plans, school board items, pompous coaches). Mr. Ellerbee commends Laura, again in a cordial/condescending sort of way. He brings up the subject of the football team's preparation for the weekend's big game. Laura says she's aware, but has a distinctly bored tone in her voice. Pete proposes that Laura cuts down on the boys' homework so that they can get a bit more rest before the game. Laura responds by suggesting that the boys cut down on their football practice so that they have enough energy to finish their homework assignments. Coach chuckles before saying, "for what they're facing on Saturday, they couldn't get enough practice." Laura says that's fine since their grades are reaching a point of no return. Pete can't believe Laura would fail his team, but she corrects him that the team would be the ones doing the failing. Laura isn't giving in and Ellerbee starts pouting that she isn't sympathetic to his problem.

After Coach storms out of the school he stomps towards the field and tells the boys to get on their feet. Albert is reading his history text and Ellerbee yanks the book out of his hands. "Not during football practice," he orders. Albert joins his teammates as Charles walks up to check with Pete on how the team is doing. We hear more lotto numbers as Albert does yet another rushing play. The opposition has finally gotten wise to this strategy and tackle Albert -- hard. One of the players calls over to the adults saying that Albert is injured.

Doc Baker examines Albert in his office and determines that there are no broken ribs. Albert interprets this as a clean bill of health, but the Doc says that he may have a fracture. Charles doesn't want to take any chances. Albert says he is fine and Ellerbee says the team needs Albert if they want any chance of winning on Saturday. Pa still refuses, causing Ellerbee to suggest that Doc Baker tapes up the boy. The Doc is okay with this solution and Ellerbee assures Charles that he'll pull Albert out if he starts to feel pain. "It's against my better judgment," Charles says before he okays the procedure. Oh Charles, when has your better judgment ever steered you wrong?

We see Pa and Albert return to the homestead. Charles asks if Albert is still able to do his chores and the kid says he is. Albert walks over to the barn to move a sack of feed. Albert tries but is in excruciating pain. Well, he should be, though the acting is a bit understated. I was in a car accident a few years ago where my sternum was bruised by the seat belt. I tried to go to work that evening and I got a harsh lesson in human anatomy. You have no idea how much all those interconnected bones, muscles, and tissues can hurt until you try to move an object similar to a lawn chair when you have a bruised sternum. That sack of grain should have caused Albert to vomit in pain.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 10/10

Ma and Pa arrive at the school and by the lighting it looks like it is early evening rather than the middle of the night. When they enter the school, the headmaster walks out from his office and asks if there is a problem. Ma and Pa must keep bankers' hours or something because it can't be as late in the day as was suggested. They run upstairs.

The next morning (unless everyone decided to change clothes and its only half hour later) Charles is loading up the wagon as Adam and Mary supervise. What? The stage blocking suggests that activity for them. Charles remarks on how the rain will make the open coach ride a tad unpleasant before telling Adam that they will meet again in about a month. Pa asks Mary if she is ready and she says "just about". Caroline picks up the cue and ushers her husband away so that Adam and Mary can have their moment. No hands on face action you two.

Charles and Caroline board the coach as the two lovebirds say their goodbyes. They're both excited about what the next month has in store for them, they just don't want to wait that long. Mary recaps her journey of enlightenment that the blind school provided. Hey, hey! Mary, what did I JUST SAY about the hand/face contact? Adam moves in and much smooching ensues. He whispers "I'll be waving as you drive away." I've decided from now on if a character on any show says the episode title I'm going to apply the Pee Wee's Playhouse secret word rule. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Aren't you glad I already did "Sylvia" and "Annabelle"? Anyway, Mary boards the coach, with some assistance from Pa, and they're off. Sure enough, Adam is waving and Mary waves back.

In case the ghostliness of Walnut Grove wasn't clear enough, a pretty bad wind storm is whipping through the town. It looks like the Mercantile is still in business as Nels is replacing some stock behind the counter. He greets Charles and Mary, saying he heard they were back in town but not for long. Charles says he plans on leaving town in about a week but he has some livestock he'd like to sell. Nels shows Charles the stockroom and informs him that the inventory is getting sold to a wholesaler. I guess things aren't going as well as I thought. Then Mrs. Simms enters the store. She was looking for Mary to congratulate her on the new teaching job. Unfortunately, Mrs. Simms job is on hold as the school had to shut down along with everything else. Her family will be leaving town the next day. However, Mrs. Simms has a present for Mary: a cameo she received from her first teacher. Oh the places you'll go, Mary. The teachers hug and Mrs. Simms leaves in tears.

Back at the homestead, the family is playing with the new baby as Mary comes down from the loft. She brought with her what looks like a clipboard so that she can write a letter to Adam. Laura is intrigued by the apparatus and Mary explains that it is a braille writer. Laura asks why not write a letter out by hand, but Mary says someone would have to read the letter to him. Laura doesn't get why that would be an issue, but Ma knows a thing or two about prison letters and tells Laura to ease up on the questioning. Mary brings up the tragic Mrs. Simms situation and then asks if they are going to church in the morning. Caroline and Charles share a confused glance. I guess they didn't expect that Mary would want to go. Mary definitely does as it will be their last chance to say goodbye to the town.

At church the congregation has dwindled quite a bit. Let's see, the Fosters, the Ingalls, the Garveys, Doc Baker, the Olesons, and a woman with a rather unattractive hat are all that are in attendance. Reverend Alden is disappointed by the turnout. Maybe he'll be like the pastor at the church I attended growing up and admonish the crowd for all the people who didn't bother showing up and admonish the crowd again after people left early. Never mind the fact that those who he wanted to direct his message were NOT IN THE CHURCH. Anyway, the Reverend takes the pulpit and talks about the dire situation in Walnut Grove. His voice starts to waver as he realizes the inevitable. His sermon is about how "men of greed be allowed to do this to men of faith." But then he recalled the chat that he had with Charles way back when Mary was losing her sight. You remember. This segues into telling the congregation about Mary's new job and how it is serving some higher purpose. Yay, full circle.

The Reverend invites Mary to the pulpit to lead the congregation in prayer. Mary opens with a speech about her time in Walnut Grove, with a brief recap of the four years spent in the church. She then opens her braille bible to Psalm 15. Good choice -- it looks like it is striking a chord with the crowd. Mary finishes reading the passage with her fingers and smiles.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 9/10

Charles and Caroline arrive at the school and it only takes a moment for Ma to find her daughter and give her a hug. After a few moments of Mother/Daughter bonding, Pa says "What about me?" Grimaces, like smiles, aren't audible, Charles. Mary walks over for a hug. Mary then introduces Adam to her folks. After some handshakes are exchanged Mary offers a guided tour of the school. Charles and Caroline are floored by this. I think they got their money's worth out of the tuition.

We rejoin the family and Adam as they finish the lunch that Mary has prepared. She offers dessert, but Adam has to step out. Mary brings over a lopsided cake, telling her parents that her cakes were always lopsided. That's not surprising. Mary sits down and asks Ma what she thinks of the whole situation. Caroline is amazed, as if Mary was always this capable and that things will be just like normal back home. Mary drops a bomb that things do change. Before the bomb explodes, she thanks her parents for sending her to the school since she probably would have just holed up and died after a pity party of doom. Now for the boom: Mary is going to join Adam in Winoka. Adam lined up a teaching job for Mary and they will be leaving in a couple of weeks. Ma starts to cry, half in sadness that her daughter is leaving and half in the joy that Mary is going to realize her dream of being a teacher. Pa smiles proudly.

Later on, Ma and Pa get back on their coach and head to their hotel. Mary and Adam, holding hands, stand on the porch and say they will meet again in the morning. Caroline is still sobbing in joy. Back at the hotel, Charles is pacing as the rain is pouring outside. He looks like he has decided on something and wakes up Caroline. He recaps all the hardships currently facing Walnut Grove and Caroline tries to say that they have been through difficulties before and have survived. Charles has decided that they should pull up stakes and move out to Winoka. Caroline asks if that means they will sell the farm, but given the market the way it is Charles doesn't believe there would be any buyers. In other words, the Ingalls would be starting from scratch in a new city. Caroline paces about for a bit, puts on her game face and says "let's do it." The two of them decide to head back to the school to tell Mary the news.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 8/10

Adam and Mary are walking into the Harp room as a girl with a crutch is exiting. He says "good afternoon" to the girl who responds with a good afternoon to both Adam and Mary. He whispers to Mary that the girl is one of the school's best students and a gifted pianist. Not a harpist? Seriously, what is the harp doing there? It seems like an odd rental from the prop house, particularly if it doesn't end up being used. Mary is more focused on how a blind kid knew that Mary was in the room. Adam smiles as he explains that Mary's footsteps and the rustle of her dress gave her away. Mary is wowed by the idea of using sound as a clue to your surroundings and realizes that she noticed the girl had an unusual walk. Adam explains that the girl had a crutch as a result of a wagon wreck a few years back. Another result from the wreck: the girl is an orphan. Mary's response to the news: "I used to think nobody suffered but me." Shut up, Mary. Your one suffering card is your blindness which doesn't carry too much sway in a school for the blind. Mary promises to recognize the girl next time around, causing Adam to passive aggressively remind her to actually say "hello" since smiles aren't that audible. They walk to the classroom and later on we see Mary enjoying her reading lesson.

Back in Walnut Grove, things are looking a little ghostly. A door is left swinging in the whistling wind. Over at the Mercantile, Charles runs into Jonathan who has some good news. Jonathan was able to line up a mill gig for the two of them. The pay isn't great, but it sounds like any paid work is worth it at this point. Charles says he is on board. Caroline runs into the Mercantile with another letter from Mary. Charles takes out the letter and hands the envelope to Mr. Garvey, who is amazed at how straight her writing is. Charles ruins the illusion by saying she uses a ruler. That's cheating. Back to the letter, it sounds like Mary will be coming home. There is much hugging and celebrating.

In the harp room, Mary and Adam are listening to Jenny play the piano. The girl thanks Mary and stands up. I guess she is picking up the vibe that the other two would like some alone time. Mary starts to talk about how much she loved listening to Pa play the fiddle. Adam asks if she plays anything, but she says she never learned. Is there a harp lesson in her near future? Adam offers to teach her how to play something, but Mary goes into pity party mode. Adam tells her to forget about the blindness and to stop using it as an obstacle. He brings up the example of John Milton, the author of one of Mary's favorite books Paradise Lost. Adam renews his offer, but Mary says there isn't enough time. Once again, Mary Ingalls sucks at flirting.

She reveals that she is a bit scared to leave the school, where things are safe and easy. Adam tells her that she can't depend on him for everything. Before she can say something stupid about staying at the school, Adam tells her that he is going to be moving to a school in Winoka in the Dakotas. This news causes Mary to be glad she is going home. Brat. Adam tells Mary that life outside isn't all that different, but Mary disagrees. "I wouldn't expect you to understand," she tells him. Either she has reached a new level of twerpitude, or she doesn't know that Adam is blind. That's awkward. Mary goes on to say that the world is nothing but an obstacle course filled with faceless people making strange sounds, present company included. Adam tells Mary to look at him, then grabs her hands and puts them on his face. She gets a feel and a smile crosses her face. She asks about Adam's eye and hair color and smiles when she gets an answer. Adam asks what Mary looks like and her face drops. Yup, awkward. She takes his hands and he feels her face. Uh, is this sex?

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 7/10

A few students walk along the walls of the hallway as Adam brings up a dinner tray. It looks like he too is using the walls for guidance. Oh, is he blind, also? That would explain a few things. Again he knocks on Mary's door before barging into her room. Mary sits up on the bed as Adam apologizes for being late. Apparently one of the students cooking in the kitchen mixed up the cayenne pepper and cinnamon bottles. Ouch and yuck. Of course anyone, blind or not, can make a mistake like that in the kitchen. I ate in food co-ops all four years of undergrad and one time the dessert makers made brownies but didn't realize until the treat started cooling that they had used salt instead of sugar. They were not good brownies. According to Adam, the apple pies the students were making were a bit hotter than usual. Mary is so beyond small talk at this point and Adam is able to pick up that vibe instantly.

Adam invites Mary to join him at the table, but Mary is hesitant to do any thing. She has a defiant look on her face, which really is not a good look for her. As she stumbles over to the table, Adam informs her that supper is part of Mary's homework. Mary says she is not particularly hungry, despite the menu of roast beef, peas, and potatoes. Adam hands Mary a napkin, that she rudely snatches, and he begins the lesson. Mary says she wants to eat by herself, but Adam sternly informs her that she doesn't get that privilege until she learns how to eat properly. Mary says she doesn't like people looking at her, which Adam supposes is because she has become accustomed to eating with her fingers. Mary takes great offense to this and says she didn't come to school to learn table manners. Uh, yeah, they did. Just because it wasn't itemized doesn't mean it isn't part of the package. Adam tells his pupil that she doesn't get to eat like an animal just because she's blind. He then begins the lesson, explaining that food is arranged in a clockwise pattern: potatoes at 2 o'clock, meat at 5 o'clock, vegetables at 8 o'clock. That's kinda cool. Mary grabs whatever is at one o'clock with her hands and takes a bite. Adam admonishes her, but Mary says that if he doesn't want to watch her eat that way he can leave. "All you think about is being blind," Adam lectures. Mary tells him to leave, but he keeps going. "Pitying yourself won't help," he says. Wow, way to bust her M.O. there. "Blind people are just as good or as bad as anybody else. You're not special." Mary throws her plate on the ground and screams for him to get out. Adam raises his eyebrows and tells his student that she can find towels on the top shelf of the closet and that she will need them to clean up her own mess. Yay blind co-op!

The next day, in the drawing room, Adam walks over to the harp. Am I right to assume that harps were a staple in 1870's drawing rooms? Mary is sitting on a hideous chartreuse love seat (another staple? I hope not). Adam instructs Mary to walk towards him, but she says no. "Do it, Mary." That's what he said. Adam is able to tell when Mary stands as he then informs her that she should follow the sound of his voice to reach her destination. Mary slides her feet along the carpet until Adam yells at her to stop shuffling. He also brings up the idea that everyone will be watching her. "Walk with confidence," he tells her, gently. Mary Ingalls sucks at runway. As Mary starts to walk towards Adam, I suddenly realize who the two of them remind me of: Cameron and Chase from House. This is not a compliment. When Mary reaches Adam, he tells her "See, it's not so hard." "No," Mary responds. "No, I don't see; that's the point." Really, Mary? I'm trying to be nice this episode but you are making it EXTREMELY difficult with comments like that. Adam's just about reached his limit, also, and he tells the little brat that if she doesn't learn he doesn't get paid. Adam curtly tells his student she has five minutes to sulk and wash up for dinner. Mary will need to go at triple speed to get all of her sulking in such a short timeframe.

As Adam heads upstairs, he runs into the headmaster who asks about his progress. Adam says things are going just fine, but I can't tell if he is just being polite or if everything is actually going according to plan. Perhaps a montage will help. Yay montage! Mary is attempting to make the bed and she seems quite pleased with herself when she pulls the last part of the comforter over her pillow. Adam doesn't even bother trying to bounce a quarter off the bed as he can tell from one touch that Mary failed. He crumples up the sheets and gives them back to Mary. We then see Adam folding a piece of paper along a ruler. Are they about to play Exquisite Corpse? Anachronism! Oh, Mary is just writing a letter. Wow, it looks like her penmanship has not suffered, which I think is pretty amazing. I mean, I'm barely legible when I can see what I'm writing. We then see Mary pass her final eating exam and she has earned dining room privileges. [/montage]

Back in the classroom, Adam guides Mary to a desk as he informs her that today's lesson will be reading. Mary is baffled by this until Adam gives a shoutout to Louis Braille. Adam asks Mary to move over so he can sit down for what is no doubt a very hands-on lesson, if you catch my drift. He opens a giant book and guides Mary's hand across the page. Adam reads aloud and it is the opening of Genesis. He puts that book away and pulls out a book with the Braille alphabet. He gives an explanation on how Braille works (though he bypasses its interesting history) then grabs Mary's hand so he can guide her through the lesson. As Adam quizzes Mary the line between "lesson" and "date" is completely burred. Before the making out starts, we see Caroline back at the homestead with Mary's letter in hand. "She's learning to read!" she screams excitedly. That's not all she's doing, Ma.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 6/10

Wow, this episode opens up right away with dialogue. Doctor Burke is reiterating that Mary is going to go blind. Then Mary freaks out and starts screaming about the darkness. That was fast. Almost immediately Mary calms down, sits in the rocker downstairs and has to listen to her Ma tell her that she is getting shipped off to Iowa to go to a school for the blind. Despite the choppy editing so far, all this action seems eerily familiar, like I've seen it before.

We now see a wagon approaching what looks like a school. Pa and Mary are passengers in the wagon and disembark once they reach their destination. Before heading inside, Pa tells the driver that he will need to return to the train station to catch a four o'clock train. Inside the school, the headmaster invites Pa from the lobby to finish up the paperwork. Mary just stays in her seat and tries to get absorbed into the background. A few moments later, a male voice from off screen calls out "I'm looking for a Mary Ingalls." Mary takes a moment before declaring herself Mary Ingalls. The man introduces himself as Adam Kendall AKA Mary's new teacher. He also says that he is there to escort Mary to her room. That doesn't sound sketchy.

The headmaster and Charles head upstairs to check out Mary's room. Before going in, the headmaster tells Pa to keep things brief. Pa was hoping to spend the afternoon with Mary, particularly since his train doesn't leave for a few hours. The headmaster poo poos this, saying that the longer the goodbyes get drawn out, the more painful it will be for everyone involved. The headmaster opens the door and we can see the reflection of Adam and Mary in the mirror. There doesn't appear to be any hanky panky going on, but having the door closed seems entirely inappropriate. The headmaster gets Adam out of the room then starts the clock on Charles' goodbye. Pa breaks the ice by saying the room looks nice, but Mary's response is more "oh! Pa is here!" Before she gets too excited, Pa lies and tells her that he was able to catch an earlier train. Dude, that's cold. Granted, telling Mary you have to leave because the school told you to would make your last moments together turn into a negotiation session, but this lie makes it seem like you couldn't get away from your handicapped daughter fast enough. Boo! Mary is about as unimpressed as I am and when she and her father hug she begs him not to leave her there. Pa just says "I love you", pries Mary off his torso and scoots out the door. The headmaster only told you to be brief, Charles, not be an asshole. After Charles goes down the stairs, the headmaster tells Adam "school begins."

Adam knocks on Mary's door before barging in. He tells Mary that her bag is on the bed and she can have some down time to rest and unpack. "Unpack?" Mary asks, horrified. "I...can't." Adam is not phased by this and tells her she has to. Adam tells Mary that supper is at six and then departs. Mary stands there for a moment, then tries to feel her way through the room. Mary slowly works her way around the bed until she gets her bag in her hand. She then turns around and gropes, er, blindly for the dresser. Mary feels around the surface of the dresser so she can set her bag down and then starts to feel the mirror, which must be there strictly for dramatic effect. This school thought of everything. Mary and her reflection burst into tears.

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 5/10

It looks like the bed has been moved downstairs from the loft since Laura is making the bed in the common area as Mary sits in the rocker. Laura asks if she can get Mary something, but Mary curtly says no. Laura lists a couple beverage options, but Mary is all "I told you no." Jeez, I don't want to sit next to her on my next flight. Mary is just staring off with an angry look on her face. Laura tries a new tact by telling her sister that she just ironed a dress and she can help Mary change. This just angers the girl even more as she yells "no." Laura desperately wants to interact with Mary, so she offers to brush her hair. Mary says she can do that, causing Laura to say "well, you haven't. It needs it." To be fair, Laura isn't catty when she says it, but I still think it's funny. Mary isn't laughing and says she doesn't need to brush her hair since no one is going to come by to see her. Not with that attitude.

Caroline comes in and greets the girls cheerfully, but Laura silently shakes her head to let her Ma know that now is not smiles time. As Caroline hangs up her bonnet she announces that she'll start making lunch. Mary says she isn't hungry causing Laura to give up on interacting. Laura tells Ma that she can rejoin Carrie at school and eat lunch there. Wait, Laura has to miss school to be caretaker? Where's Pa? It's not like he's working now.

Anyway, Laura leaves and Caroline decides to have a sit down with Mary. Ma tells Mary about the conversation with Doc Baker and the school for the blind. Mary is in pity party mode and is not all that receptive to the whole school idea. She asks if the school can make her a teacher -- not in the "can I finish my degree in three years?" way, more like the "how can I play Chopin with stumps for hands?" way. Caroline tries to negotiate with Mary, but the girl is dead set on shutting her Ma down. This is when Caroline drops the bomb about shipping off Mary. "You just want to get me out from under foot," Mary accuses. Caroline denies this, though she it should be noted she hesitated a second before saying so. Mary starts to cry that she doesn't want to get sent away and having complete strangers feeling sorry for her. You know, based on her life before the blindness, I thought Mary enjoyed having people feel sorry for her. Maybe it's the fact that it's strangers that makes it a turn-off. Whatevs.

Caroline tries to make the point that Mary can't spend her life sitting in a rocking chair. Mary screams back "why not?!" and Caroline gets that look on her face that says "I will cut you". Mary restarts the pity party and starts to talk about the darkness again. When Ma doesn't respond right away, Mary figures out that her parents have already started the enrollment process. Caroline confirms this and gets up to make lunch.

Meanwhile, over at the livery, Laura is chatting up Seth. He admits that he hasn't visited the Ingalls' place for a while but it isn't because of the blindness. Laura asks for the real reason and he says it's because he wouldn't know what to say. The audio is really weird here, like Laura is yelling into a tin can while stressing the wrong syllables. She tells him that Mary needs him more than ever and then starts to weep. "I love my sister," she wails, "I thought that you did too!" Laura runs off. Apparently she's over the whole jilted thing. Either that or she is trying to set herself up for a rebound down the road.

Back at the house, Mary is napping on the new bed when Caroline comes in and announces that Mary has a visitor. Mary sits up as Seth enters and Ma excuses herself. They start with some small talk that usually follows a one-night stand, complete with half-truths of how fabulous life has been since they last encountered each other. Mary lies about how excited she is about going to school in Iowa and suspects that the whole town has blown the whole blindness thing out of proportion. Come to think of it, we haven't heard from Harriet in a long while. As Mary prattles on, Seth just looks at her with sadness and pity. He doesn't say anything, so Mary stands up and tries to offer him a polite exit. She tries to walk over to where Seth is standing, but a chair is in Mary's path and she stumbles. Seth catches her, but she starts to spazz out. She yells at him to leave her alone and Seth quickly makes his exit. Mary Ingalls sucks at gratitude. And flirting.

A few days later, a wagon has been set up in front of the homestead. Pa guides Mary outside and lifts her into the wagon. Caroline, Carrie and Laura are watching as the final arrangements are made. Caroline tries to reassure her daughter that it is a nice day for traveling, but Mary isn't all that interested. Caroline says they love her while Laura tells her sister to hurry back. Mary says bye as her sisters hug. Caroline and Charles hug and ask each other if they are doing the right thing. Charles hops onto the buckboard and they set off for the train station. None of the Ingalls appear to be waving as Mary drives away.

A post-production (as in after the series was off the air) graphic reads "To be continued".

I'll Be Waving as You Drive Away 4/10

Seth is back in town and runs up the hill to the mill. Mr. Garvey is there closing up shop along with everyone else in town. Seth has been in Sleepy Eye the last few weeks so he didn't know how bad things have gotten in Walnut Grove since the railroad strike began. He asks about Mr. Ingalls and Jonathan tells him that he hasn't been in town much recently. Seth wanted to tell Charles about the new livery he opened with his Pa in Sleepy Eye. Speaking of "sleepy eyes", Mr. Garvey decides to break the news about Mary. At first Seth thought he was just referring to her eyestrain, but he looks stunned when Jonathan tells him that Mary is losing her sight. Once Seth processes the news, he runs down the hill.

Later on, Jonathan rides to the Ingalls Tree of Contemplation where he finds Charles, well, contemplating. He lets Charles know that the mill has been shuttered so he won't need to make an extra trip into town. Charles mumbles his thanks and continues to stare down the tree. Mr. Garvey offers to help Charles with anything he might need, but Mr. Ingalls says he doesn't need anything. He goes on to say that if he heard the news about the financial devastation of Walnut Grove a few weeks ago he would have been hopping mad. Instead, it's the least of his problems and he wonders how important those sort of problems actually are. I...guess that's optimism? Silver lining? Sunshine on a rainy day? Jonathan isn't sure how to respond, so he just repeats his offer of helping Charles out if he ever needs it. Charles again says he doesn't need anything and gets up to leave. Jonathan just watches as Charles walks away.

It's breakfast time at the Ingalls house. Laura and Carrie are clearing the table as Pa drinks coffee. Caroline walks in from the bedroom, presumably having just nursed the baby. She takes a seat in the rocking chair and things seem rather idyllic. That is until Mary starts screaming for Pa from up in the loft. All the females freeze in place as Pa races up the ladder. Mary is freaking out, screaming about not being able to see. I could not imagine how terrifying that would be. I mean, my eyes are pretty bad but it's just blurriness instead of darkness. Mary starts screaming about not being able to breathe, so I imagine what she is experiencing is not unlike waking up in a coffin already buried. Unenviable, to say the least. We see Caroline listening to the commotion and looking absolutely mortified. Charles tries to calm his daughter down, but I'm guessing that is going to take a long while.

Some time later, either that day or a couple of days, Caroline pays a visit to Doc Baker. She confides in him that she is at a complete loss in terms of what to do. Mary believes that she is now a burden to her family despite what others say. Doc thinks Caroline may be doing too much in this situation and that Mary will need to learn to cope with her disability and learn how to fend for herself. Charles is in the office also and says that Mary needs their help. Doc Baker disagrees, saying that if they try to take care of everything Mary may just end up as a shut-in. He advises the Ingalls to enroll Mary in a school for the blind. The closest one is in Iowa, which isn't that close when you live in Minnesota in the 1870's. Caroline poo-poos the idea, but Doc Baker says that Mary is living in fear and resentment and the only thing that will help her is proper training. Caroline looks at her husband. Charles ponders for a moment before agreeing with Doc Baker. He asks the doctor to make the arrangements. Caroline looks really sad, but Doc Baker assures her that this is for the best.