The Werewolf of Walnut Grove 1/5

1980 – Albert and Laura plan to frighten a bully whose disruptions caused the teacher to resign.

A team of horses brings in this episode as they move towards a worksite outside a farmhouse. Two men, one named Mr. Slater, are discussing some blueprints for a silo project. Charles rides up with a lumber delivery just as the blueprint conversation finishes and Mr. Slater goes to unload Mr. Ingalls’ wagon. Mrs. Slater exits the farmhouse wearing what could best be described as a “Top of the Mournin’” ensemble: a grayish black dress with an inexplicable green hat. It is not fashion forward, even for 1890.

Mr. Slater calls for his son, Bartholomew, to get a move on as school is about to start. A younger gentleman, I’d say around age 25 exits the house. “Why do I have to wear these sissy clothes anyway?” he asks Mrs. Slater. Oh, apparently I was mistaken. He is not a gentleman. And I guess he’s not 25? Either that or he was held back...a lot. Bartholomew then asks his father why he has to go to school when he would rather work, but Mr. Slater says that this is what mom wants. Mrs. Slater cuts in to say that it takes brains and brawn to run a farm the size of Slater Estates. Bartholomew reluctantly mounts the wagon as his parents discuss the boy. “I wish you had talked to him about behavior,” Mrs. Slater says to her husband. “Schooling’s your idea, woman. You handle it.” Charming.

Mr. Slater leaves to give his workers some instructions as Mr. Ingalls looks on. As Mrs. Slater and Bartholomew depart, she tells her son to mind his manners and behave himself. She doesn’t want Bartholomew to get thrown out of this school. I have a feeling this might be important background information for later on.

At the schoolhouse, Ms. Wilder is looking over the new student’s transcripts and is less than impressed with Bartholomew's record. “Bart,” he corrects her, tersely. Thank goodness, I was not looking forward to typing out “Bartholomew” a hundred more times before this recap was done. Anyway, Ms. Wilder asks Bart to take a seat and he gives the room a onceover. He sees Laura, saunters over to the desk she shares with Albert and says hi. “I want to sit there, shorty,” he says to Albert. “I’m sitting here,” he replies. “I can fix that,” Bart says as he grabs Albert’s shoulder to shove him off the bench. Before he can do so, Willie Oleson hops out of his seat and offers Bart his desk. Brownnoser. Willie’s former deskmate Clarence sidles over to give Bart some space but Bart wants the whole space. When the kid, who I would say is maybe nine or ten, tells him to go fly a kite, Bart just bumps him off the end. The other kids laugh at this, causing Ms. Wilder to ask what is going on. Clarence sheepishly joins Willie in the back of the room. Ms. Wilder announces that there are two new projects coming up and is met with kids moaning.

Meanwhile at the Mercantile, Mrs. Slater interrupts Harriet as she warbles some song from the public domain. They chit chat about all of the renovations happening at the Slaughterhouse. Uh, Slater house. Mrs. Slater is looking for some drapery material and Mrs. Oleson starts gushing over some new swatches that just came in. The first fabric Harriet shows Mrs. Slater looks not unlike the background here, only with a brown base instead of blue. Mrs. Slater tries to laugh it off, but comes right out and says that it is absolutely awful. It sounds rude, but it doesn’t come off that way since she is objectively correct. Harriet tries to say that Nels picked out the fabric, blah blah blah, but he comes in and asks if she is still trying to sell the horrible fabric she ordered. Mrs. Oleson tries to laugh it off. What is the point of this scene?

Back at the school, Ms. Wilder just revealed the new project for the kiddies. We don’t know what that project is, which explains why we just wasted 3 minutes at the Mercantile. Anyway, a kid asks what can be written about the sky. Ms. Wilder suggests writing about the influences the moon has on the Earth. The kid asks for clarification. Ms. Wilder first mentions tides and follows that with exploring the moon’s effects on people. “You mean like making them lovey dovey?” Willie asks jokingly. Ms. Wilder smiles, albeit disapprovingly, and says “more seriously, it is said that many people’s minds go awry at the full of the moon.” Umm, I think Willie may have out-serioused you on that one, Ms. Wilder. “That is the derivation of the word lunatic,” she continues. Kids love that Latin. Bart sees this as an opportunity to blubber his lips with his fingers. Sure, why not? Laura and Albert glare at him as the other kids laugh.

Ms. Wilder either ignores Bart or didn’t notice as she prattles on about the moon, delving into the topic of werewolves. “Are there really werewolves, Ms. Wilder?” Carrie asks. This piques Bart’s interest. Ms. Wilder says that she doesn’t personally doesn’t believe they exist, but she does have a copy of "Werewolf written by the Reverend Sabine Baring-Gould in 1865.” Not the correct title or publishing date, but I do give Ms. Wilder props for at least presenting both sides of the debate. She also mentions that he wrote “Onward, Christian Soldiers”, which is correct. That was written in 1865, so maybe that’s where the mistake came in. Come on, Little House, where are my fact checkers?

Ms. Wilder introduces the second project by commenting on the marvelous work Clarence does with papier-mache. She invites him to the front of the room for a demonstration. Both Clarence and Ms. Wilder pronounce “papier” as three syllables instead of saying “paper”, which is really screwing with my Midwestern sensibilities. Anyway, he removes the cloth on Ms. Wilder’s desk to show all the things you can make with this technique. A huge mess does not make the short list. Ms. Wilder gets over stimulated by the purple kangaroo, to which Bart makes a face not unlike the one I’m making: “calm down, ma’am.” Clarence continues with the demo and Ms. Wilder invites Bart to try it out. He walks up to the front of the room, takes a strip of paper and uses Clarence’s head as a mold. I can see why a huge mess didn’t make the short list. The class laughs, including Laura and Albert though she tries to compose herself, and Ms. Wilder freaks out. “What are you doing?!” she squeals. “I’m making a midget,” Bart responds. I’ll give that a point, though he would have gotten more if he had said a purple midget. Ms. Wilder tells Clarence to go outside and clean up and tells Bart to go help and apologize. She warns him that she will ask Clarence if he received a proper apology. I wonder if we’ll ever see or hear Clarence again.