The Raccoon 2/5

It’s show-and-tell day at school. Guess what Laura brought. All the kids are gathered around Miss Beadle’s desk and they are totally enthralled. Miss Beadle quizzes the kids on the diet of raccoons. Survey says: bugs, fish, birds, eggs. Willie Oleson guesses toes. BUZZ. Willie would so be the guy in the fifth spot on Family Feud. Could you imagine the Ingalls family playing against the Olesons? And Richard Dawson making out with Harriet and Nellie? Anyway, one kid mentions that raccoons are around his house all the time and there’s nothing special about them. Maybe your family should be putting the trash cans away, kiddo. Laura finishes her demo by feeding Jasper an egg. Everyone is impressed. Miss Beadle thanks Laura and then reminds the kids to think about their new raccoon-related essay assignment. Miss Beadle dismisses the class, and one girl takes that as her cue to ask Laura if she can hold Jasper. All the kids lurch forward and Jasper snarls at a hand that comes close to his face. The class steps back and Miss Beadle warns them to be careful. Is there something in the town water supply that is making all the adults dumb as posts in this episode? “See, I told you,” whines Willie. “He eats toes and fingers, too.” Shut up, Willie.

It’s Sunday morning and Charles is hitching up the team. Laura is wearing her church dress as she runs to the barn to say bye to Jasper. She explains to the animal where she is going and why he can’t go. She then tells Jasper that if he hides his eyes, she will give him an egg. The raccoon then puts its paws on its nose as if he was hiding. Okay, that was sort of cute. Laura hands Jasper the egg, says bye, and runs out of the barn closing the door behind her.

Shortly after the Ingalls leave for church, Jasper sneaks out of the barn through a hole in a board. He chases around a few chickens and then finds a way inside of the house. Jack sees all of this from a distance and knows what’s up and starts barking his head off. Jasper is seen rummaging through the house and knocking things off the kitchen surfaces. When the Ingalls clan returns, Jack is still freaking out at the front door. We then see the raccoon covering his eyes as if he knows the jig is up. Oh please, show. Mary runs over to Jack to calm him down as Laura opens the front door. Jasper runs out as Laura looks inside. She takes one glimpse then runs over to the barn. Charles walks in holding Carrie and he and Caroline survey the damage. Pa is fed up and says the raccoon is outta there.

Laura storms into the barn and starts to scold Jasper. Honey, that doesn’t work on domesticated dogs, why would it work on your little beast? Charles walks in and grabs a sack from over Laura’s head. He tells her that the fun is over as he snatches Jasper into the sack. We see Charles ride out to some undisclosed location and then dump Jasper out in the wild. We see Jasper scamper off as Charles gets back in the wagon. However, when he returns to the barn he is greeted by the raccoon doing his eye-covering trick and Laura smiling. Wait a minute, not only was Jasper able to find his way back but he was able to beat a team of horses? I call no waysies. “I’m the only mommy he’s got,” Laura tells her father. As Charles tries to think of a plan B, Jasper walks over to Laura and...oh. Oh no. It starts to lick Laura’s hair and face. GROSS!!!!! That’s just, oh, nonononononono. Charles says he’s going to build a cage.

That evening, Laura goes to feed Jasper but Jack is giving her trouble. We can hear him carrying on as Laura tries to open the door, so she asks Mary to hold onto the dog. Laura goes over to the cage and asks Mary to ask Jack to be quiet. “Stop it,” Mary says with the flattest affect possible. Mary Ingalls sucks at dog whispering. Jasper is rather feisty as Laura opens the cage. She puts the bowl of food into the cage and goes to pet Jasper but he snarls and bites the hand that feeds him. Mary pushes Jack away as she runs over to check on Laura. Jasper gets out of his cage and the two animals get into a barking/snarling match. Jack is ahead on points until Jasper lands a bite on the dog. The raccoon runs off before Jack can chase after it. As Laura tries to see where her animal went, Mary checks the dog. She sees that Jasper did indeed land a bite on Jack, which Laura dismisses as a little nip. Mary mourns the fact that Jasper turned wild, but Laura claims that Jasper was just agitated and he’ll come back eventually. Mary warns her sister that Pa won’t like that once he finds out about the bites, but Laura asks Mary not to tell Pa. Laura doesn’t want to lose Jasper, so she decides to engage in a little lie of omission. “I opened the cage and Jasper ran off. And that’s the truth,” Laura asserts, enlisting her sister in the story. Yeah, I’m sure that will work out great for everyone involved.