Sylvia 8/10

A thunderstorm is brewing as the Ingalls sit down for dinner. Charles is looking forward to the rain as there has been a bit of a drought recently. Albert is falling asleep at the table, either because of the dullness of the conversation or because of all the work he has been doing the last couple of days. “Pa, how old was grandpa when he got married?” Albert asks. Pa thinks about it for a second before Ma interjects that he was fourteen. Pa agrees with that answer, though he doesn’t seem to be picking up what Albert is laying down. Caroline seems to have read between the lines and looks none too pleased with where this conversation is headed. “Charles, can we talk about it later?” she asks, but he wants to talk about it now, oblivious to what the actual subject is. Albert drops the bomb about getting married and Charles does not take it well. Caroline asks to delay the conversation again, but Pa is riled up at this point. “You’re not going to become a doctor working at a livery stable, ya know.” Albert whines that he doesn’t have to be a doctor. This does not end the argument.

After he sends Carrie to her room, Pa asks Albert if he really thinks Mr. Webb would allow Sylvia to marry Albert. “Yes, I do,” asserts Albert. I suppose if you operate under the theory that Mr. Webb has been acting rather irrationally of late then, yes, he probably would consent to this marriage proposal. I don’t think that’s the smartest course of action for anyone at this point. “Just what makes you think that?” demands Pa. “Because,” starts Albert, pausing as he completes the thought, “I’m going to tell him I’m the baby’s father.” Ma and Pa let the words sink in a bit before Pa asks if what Albert says is true. “No, but I might as well be,” replies Albert. Since he loves Sylvia, and the baby is part of Sylvia, he would be able to love the baby as if it were his own. “It’s not the same,” says Pa. “Then you lied to me,” Albert responds. “I’m not your son either, but you told me you love me just the same.” I guess you can be a lawyer if you work at the livery stable. This stops Charles dead in his tracks, so he goes into the kitchen and asks his wife to talk some sense into the boy. “A boy your age has no idea,” she begins, but Albert cuts her off. “Ma, please don’t tell me I’m too young to know how I feel,” he whines. Caroline gets that look in her eye that she had when she dealt with Mrs. Oleson earlier. She warns Albert not to raise his voice like that again. Dude, do not mess with Caroline Ingalls. That’s all I’m saying.

Ma’s sweetness face returns as she tries to explain the caveats of love. She focuses on how love is big at the beginning, when it is easiest to ignore or push away all the glitches and imperfections and problems that real life has to offer. “Facing those problems can be painful,” she points out. Basically, love is denial. Albert is in denial about this assertion. Caroline realizes she still isn’t getting through to Albert, so she tries a different approach. “How does Sylvia feel about the baby? Have you asked her?” Albert hasn’t. “The child,” continues Caroline, “was not conceived in love. It was a brutal thing. It won’t be easy for the girl to forget.” The two of them hug.

As Pa walks back from the kitchen to watch this scene unfold, Mr. Webb barges through the front door with his shotgun in his hands. He demands to know where his daughter is. “How dare you come in my house with a gun?” demands Charles. Webb says he’ll leave once he gets the truth out of Albert. Charles doesn’t take kindly to this and lunges for Webb, knocking him to the ground outside. Albert grabs the gun as he watches his father punch Webb across the face to calm him down. “Albert,” Pa yells, “tell him the truth! Tell him the truth, NOW!” Albert takes a moment then says he is NOT the father. “Swear it,” Webb calls out, “swear it to God.” Apparently that holds a lot more weight back in 1870 then it does now. I remember in first grade the class trouble maker always saying “honest to God” whenever he got busted. And he got busted a lot. Webb believes Albert and collapses into Pa. Pa tells Albert to hitch up the team so they can take Mr. Webb home.

Sylvia 7/10

Albert runs through the wilderness towards Sylvia’s house and knocks on her window. For whatever reason, he’s wearing a stupid looking hat that he promptly removes once inside. Is it props or costumes that should receive my sarcastic “thanks”? Anyway, the two lovebirds embrace as Sylvia apologizes about breaking their date. Papa Webb has Sylvia under house arrest and she is now afraid of her father. Albert has a plan though. Apparently Pa said it was okay for Albert to get a job so that he can save up some money and marry Sylvia. Somehow, I think only the part about the job came out of Pa’s mouth. Even Sylvia is like “What?” when she hears this. Y’know, when even your fiancée is skeptical about your marriage plans it might be a good idea to take a step back, Albert. He says if anyone stands in their way they can just run off and do what they want. “Albert,” Sylvia starts, “I wish we could but we can’t. We’re too young.” How can someone so practical have such a bad rep in town? “Why? Why are we too young?” Albert asks. Asked and answered, small fry. He promises Sylvia that he can do this and wants the opportunity to prove it to her. Now I know why he has the hat – the kid is in over his head.

The phone rings and Sylvia answers. It is her father checking in and letting her know that the farm has been sold. They now have tickets to get out of town on Saturday. “I don’t want to leave you,” she cries as she embraces Albert again. “You won’t,” he replies. “I’ll think of something.”

Later on, Albert runs over to Mr. Hartwig’s shop to see if there is work available. Mr. Hartwig is reluctant since Albert is still in school, but Albert makes the hard sell. Turns out that since Hartwig bought the Webb farm he could use someone to keep an eye on the shop. He decides to hire Albert on a trial basis with the promise of steady work if the kid makes it through probation. The kid’s first task is to bring over a mare for shoeing.

Mr. Webb returns home that evening and recaps the day’s events for Sylvia. She asks where they will be going and the answer is California. “It’s so far away,” she whines. “Far enough, I hope,” replies her father. Hector reminds his daughter that it’s her shame that he is trying to hide. That’s just…ugh. I don’t have the words anymore. As he washes his hands, he looks over towards the doorway, throws down his towel and marches over to pick up the hat that Albert left behind. “I warned you what I would do!” he bellows to his daughter. I’m fully expecting him to smack her or do something else equally horrific, but instead he marches over to the cupboard to grab his gun. Sylvia begs her father to stop, saying that Albert was only there for a couple of minutes to see how she was doing. “Believe me for once,” she begs. “How can I believe a whore?” her father demands. Wow...that’s just...wow. Somehow smacking her seems almost less disgusting, though I would have preferred that neither interaction took place. Sylvia cannot believe what her father just said, backs away and runs out the door. Mr. Webb finishes loading his shotgun.

Sylvia 6/10

1981 – Albert secretly plans to marry Sylvia to prevent her father from taking her to another state.

Part Two of this episode starts out in front of the school. Albert drops off his stuff at the base of the steps and says hi to Marcy. She takes one look at him then runs off. Before he can start moping about his lack of luck with the ladies, Laura comes out and asks her brother to come inside. “What’s going on with everybody?” Albert asks. Laura breaks the news that Willie has been talking. Surprise! Mrs. Oleson listened in on Doc Baker’s phone call with Mr. Webb. Now word is traveling around that Albert is the father. Even they are surprised that Mrs. Oleson would stoop that low. Albert grits his teeth saying “If they want to believe it, they can believe it,” and he storms out of the school. Not the best exit line, but at least I’m getting his vibe.

Laura chases after Albert but he asks her to let him go. She agrees and he walks over to where Willie is chatting with some other boys. “You’ve been saying stuff about me,” Albert says. “Only the truth,” Willie replies, “my mother told me.” “Lord knows your mother wouldn’t lie,” Albert sneers. “So it’s true about you and trampy Sylvia?” Willie asks to the laughter of those gathered. “Yes it’s true, and she’s not a tramp.” Albert then slugs Willie across the face, again. I’m not going to lie; I do find those punches to be strangely cathartic. Anyway, Albert runs off while Willie complains about his bloody nose.

We catch up with Ma and Pa at the homestead after Albert has gone to bed. They are pretty shocked about the day’s events and that people can be so cruel. I find that to be a tad naïve. I mean, they’ve lived in Walnut Grove for how many years now and they still don’t know how horrible Mrs. Oleson can be? You may not approve of her behavior, I certainly don’t, but she is pretty consistent and shock no longer seems like an appropriate response. Back to the story, Albert told Pa that he didn’t want to go to school anymore. Ma doesn’t really like the sound of home schooling, but Pa says it would only be temporary. She agrees then she starts talking about what she would like to do to Mrs. Oleson. Now we're talking. Pa is the only one who seems to be naïve in this situation. Good for you, Caroline. She decides to go for a walk to calm down.

The next day we see Sylvia walking past the well at her house. Oh dear, this is all shot from the perspective of someone watching her from a shack or a barn and it is obvious that she doesn’t see the watcher. She goes to the barrels alongside the building and whoever is watching is walking up to her. Sylvia is completely oblivious to the fact that someone is approaching. A hand reaches out and touches her shoulder. “No!” she cries and she runs away. Albert is there and calls out to her as she runs off. Asshole. Not Albert but Michael Landon who wrote this episode. She turns around and sees that it is Albert and not a mime from Hell. Albert tells her it’s alright and she hugs him. “I thought it was him,” she sobs. Albert has no idea who she is referring to, and she tells him about the man in the mask. “Don’t be afraid,” Albert tells her, “I love you.” Aww.

Mrs. Oleson goes into the restaurant all chipper and shrill as if she didn’t destroy the life of some 14 year old girl who has done nothing objectionable. Seriously, Sylvia is nice, the way that oatmeal is nice, and I still cannot wrap my brain around why all the adults in town think she’s the bad seed. Harriet goes into the kitchen where Caroline is kneading some dough. Willie told his mom what happened and Harriet wanted to offer the most insincere apology possible to Caroline. How considerate. “He was only repeating what he heard from his mother,” Caroline seethes as she works the dough. Harriet objects to the implicit accusation. “I never ever called that girl a tramp,” claims Mrs. Oleson. I don’t doubt that; I think she used far more offensive terminology. Caroline cuts off Harriet: “All you did was listen in on a private telephone conversation, add a few lies of your own, and spread it all over Hiro Township.” Mrs. Oleson is pretty steamed at this point and aggressively goes through a sack of baby clothes she brought over for Sylvia. “We don’t need your charity,” Caroline states. “Don’t be ridiculous!” Harriet snaps. Caroline stops kneading and asks her to leave. Instead of reading the room, Harriet decides to go into a self-righteous rant about how Caroline will be that baby’s grandmother. Caroline’s response: slapping the dough smack dab in the middle of Mrs. Oleson’s hateful face. Dude! Awesome! Ten points! Caroline walks out, telling Nellie she’ll be back in an hour and that Harriet better be gone. I think she’s going to get a tattoo or something else equally badass.

Albert and Sylvia are sitting on a log in the woods. Albert doesn’t understand why Mr. Webb hates him or how he can blame Sylvia for what happened. Sylvia wishes she could run away and be with Albert. Albert kisses her and you can see that some wheels are turning in his mind. Sylvia says she needs to go but agrees to meet up with Albert the next day. They exchange “I love yous” and finalize their meeting plans.

Sylvia is working the stove as her father shows Mr. Hartwig the house. The price is 1500 (man, he got hit hard by the housing crisis) and Hartwig wants some time to think about it. Webb is eager to sell, so he tells Hartwig that if another offer comes up he is going to take it. “Again,” Hartwig says, “I’m sorry that you have to go.” He says goodbye. Mr. Webb washes up and notices mud on Sylvia’s shoes. He asks if she went somewhere today and Sylvia lies that she was home all day. He points out the mud and she says she just took a walk. “Don’t you lie to me,” he bellows as he grabs his pregnant daughter by the throat. “If I see you with anyone I’ll kill ‘em, you understand?” Sylvia nods, still in her father’s grip.

“I’m gonna ask you a question and you give me an honest answer,” asks Pa of Albert. Geez, there is a lot going on in this first act. Pa wants to know if Albert is seeing Sylvia. Albert says he has and Pa asks about the wisdom of that choice. Albert thinks he’s in the right and that everyone else can suck it, but he states that more in the way a kid his age would back in those days – politely. He tells Pa that he loves Sylvia, to which Pa responds “Do you think you’re old enough to know what love is?” Albert says yes, since he loves his Pa. Whoa. Not the same thing, kiddo. At least, it better not be. They say good night and go to bed. Separately.

Sylvia 5/10

Laura is in the middle of giving the class an assignment of writing ghost stories. The kids seem into the idea, though the 500-1000 word limit may stifle the future Stephen Kings in the class. Willie asks if they will be making costumes again. Laura replies that the school board is holding a costume contest. Willie says that his mom already bought his costume and has gone ahead and torn out the labels so that people will think she made the costume. I really hope we don’t have to see this contest play out because I already know I’m not in the mood.

Laura dismisses the class. Sylvia puts her head on the desk and is not all that responsive when Albert checks on her. He calls Laura over and Sylvia looks up and says she doesn’t feel well. Albert goes to get some water for Sylvia as Laura helps her outside for some air. As Sylvia drinks the water, Laura suggests that Albert go to Almanzo’s to borrow his buggy so they can take Sylvia home. Sylvia refuses, saying she needs to meet her Pa at the Feed and Seed. Albert offers to walk Sylvia over, but she refuses. She goes back to the school to get her books. The siblings follow Sylvia inside and watch as she collapses between the desks. Albert runs to get Doc Baker.

Doc Baker exits the examining room and reports that Sylvia is conscious and resting. The diagnosis is exhaustion and the rumor is that Mr. Webb is the one responsible. “Exhaustion is only part of it,” Doc Baker continues. He asks Albert to wait outside, but the Ingalls boy wants to know what’s wrong since he hasn’t seen Sylvia for a while. Doc Baker asks how long and Albert says a couple of months. “She’s with child, son.” Albert is dumbfounded by the news, particularly since he claims that they didn’t do anything. Albert starts to freak out then runs out of the office. Laura asserts that Albert isn’t lying and Doc Baker believes her.

Doc Baker calls the Feed and Seed to break the news to Mr. Webb. He winds up the phone and asks Mrs. Oleson to make the connection. She complains about her knee, but Doc Baker tells her to make an appointment and connect the damn call. There’s no answer at the store, so the Doc tries the Webb house. Mrs. Oleson is prattling on about something so Doc Baker has to put on his mean face. It looks good on him. Mr. Webb arrives home as the phone rings. When Webb picks up, Doc Baker gives the background of what happened and suggests that Mr. Webb come to the office for the more detailed version of the story. Mr. Webb doesn’t like that Doc Baker is beating around a bush, and demands the straight poop. Over the phone. That Mrs. Oleson is known for eavesdropping on. Hector does not take kindly to the news and slowly hangs up the phone.

Charles walks up to Albert who is contemplating life near a tree at the homestead. Pa tells him that Laura filled him in on what happened. “I loved her, Pa,” Albert laments. He then thinks about Sylvia’s current state: “I hate her,” he cries. Pa tries to console Albert, saying that Doc Baker told him neither Webb said anything about who the father was. Albert thinks she’s lying, but Charles suggests that maybe this happened against Sylvia’s will and that Albert shouldn’t be so quick to judge people. Pa tells Albert that Sylvia is going to need friends now, but Albert doesn’t think he can be her friend.

That night, Sylvia is sitting on her bed looking at the ceiling when her father comes into the room. “You stay around the house from now on,” he orders. “I don’t want you going into town.” Mr. Webb plans on selling the farm and moving to a town where no one knows them. “You blame me for this, don’t you?” Sylvia asks. His response: “You reap what you sow.” Are you kidding me with that?!

We now see a younger Laura Ingalls happily running down a hill while "The Next Item up For Bids" music starts to play. Oh, it's the credits.

Sylvia 4/10

Dinner time at the Webb house. Sylvia gets her father some more stew and tells him about her day. “We had a test today. I think I did real good,” she says. Well, if the subject isn’t grammar perhaps. Ah, it was a history test. Sylvia then asks her father if she can stay after school to help grade papers for extra credit. Funny, you’d think we would have seen Laura ask Sylvia that. Mr. Webb isn’t too pleased about this and reluctantly agrees. Something is amiss.

We’re now at the side of a babbling brook where Sylvia and Albert are fishing. Ah, apparently she meant “Albert Ingalls” not “Laura Ingalls” and “suki suki” instead of “extra credit”. Anyway, Sylvia is excited that she has caught another fish and Albert is a tad grumpy that he hasn’t caught any. She starts laughing and admits that she’s happy to be with Albert. Aw, they’re getting all lovey-dovey. “Maybe I’ll have better luck if I sat closer to you,” Albert suggests as he scooches over. Eeek! We’re not the only ones watching this romance bud. A gloved hand is pushing some brush away and the unblinking eye is staring across the water. This is a bad sign.

Speaking of signs, Albert has carved “Albert Loves Sylvia” into a tree. He did a really fancy job of it too, cutting out a square frame and everything. That must have taken the better part of the afternoon. We then get a profile shot of the two of them going into a slo-mo smooch. Aw.

Later on, we see Sylvia bounding towards her home. Oops, guess she lost track of time because she is late and Papa Webb wants his dindin. As Sylvia scrambles to light the stove, her father asks about the paper grading and whether it is helping Sylvia or not. Sylvia says it is, but Mr. Webb reveals that he wasn’t sure so he went and checked with Mrs. Wilder about it. Uh-oh, busted. Not only does he know about the lying, but Papa Webb knows that Sylvia lied so she could see Albert. As a result, Mr. Webb declares the Ingalls boy off limits.

The next day Albert runs to catch up with Sylvia after school. He asks what’s up but all she says is that she has to get home. “You don’t like me anymore, do you?” Albert pouts. Sylvia explains the situation, about how she lied to her dad and such, and that she can’t see Albert anymore. As she runs off, a blacksmith walks from the background to ask Albert what’s wrong. When did this become Amelie? And who’s that guy? Or, it’s Mr. Hartwig. Yeah, I don’t either. He tries to console Albert by saying that Mr. Webb is trying to raise Sylvia as best he can. “He’s trying to keep her from being too wild,” he says. Is there something about Sylvia from an earlier episode that I completely missed? Was she one of those kids that you see on Maury or Jenny Jones that got sent to boot camp because she was an out of control tween? Somehow Sylvia got a bad rep and I don’t know why. Anyway, Hartwig suggests that Albert give things time and it should all work out.

Grace is freaking out in her high chair at the homestead. Sounds like Ma made another tasty breakfast, but Albert is just moving the food around his plate. Caroline checks to see if Carrie is ready for school. Carrie steps into frame, says she’s almost ready then steps out again. She earned that residual check, let me tell you. Charles can tell that something is bothering Albert and he guesses correctly that it is Sylvia. Apparently two weeks have passed and things have not gotten better. Thanks for nothing, Hartwig. Albert can’t believe that Mr. Webb is still mad about the whole lying thing, but Charles mentions that Webb has been acting strange towards everyone the last couple of weeks. Neither of the male Ingalls can figure out what’s up, but Pa suggests that Albert keeps persisting. Do chicks dig that?

The kids leave for school and Caroline takes this opportunity to compare notes with Charles. Mr. Webb has stopped coming by the restaurant and Mrs. Foster had to deliver a package to his place rather than waiting for him to pick it up. Also, when Mrs. Foster was at the Webb house, she noticed that Sylvia was working the fields. Charles mentions that Reverend Alden is planning on paying a visit as well, which seems to ease Caroline’s mind a bit.

“Mornin’ Hector!” Reverend Alden calls as he drives up to the Webb house. The Reverend is jovial as always and says that he’s just checking to see if the Webbs are feeling alright. Then he goes into parole officer mode trying to find out why Sylvia and her father haven’t been at church. Mr. Webb says that he’s been busy and such, which is met with the typical “day of rest” retort. “The Lord didn’t have a mortgage payment to make,” Mr. Webb snaps as he walks away. The Reverend still wants to know what’s up and tells Mr. Webb that people in town are worried about him. “I’m not interested in what Charles Ingalls has to say,” Mr. Webb bellows. I can’t help but laugh. I guess Mr. Webb never watches this show – it’s all about what Charles Ingalls says. Hector is pretty steamed at this point and he assumes that the Reverend is there only to collect tithe money. Mr. Webb throws a wad of bills at Alden before driving out, saying he’s paid up for the month. God'll getcha for that one, Hector.

Sylvia 3/10

Mr. Webb is rocking out 19th century style (in his rocking chair) when he hears a thud outside the front door. It’s Sylvia and she looks roughed up. “Help me, Papa,” she whimpers. He shows almost no emotion at this, which shouldn’t come as much of a surprise since it is nighttime and he apparently isn’t too concerned with the whereabouts of his daughter if he is rocking out in the living room. He helps her up and carries her to the bedroom. He asks what happened as he covers her with a blanket. She tells him someone grabbed her, pulled her down, and starts to cry before finishing the gruesome tale. Mr. Webb reels back, horrified at what happened to his daughter. He looks in the mirror, turns back to his daughter and asks who did it. She cries that she doesn’t know because he wore a party mask. “The clown face. The clown face.” Mr. Webb slowly exits, but before he leaves he tells Sylvia that she is not to tell anyone what happened. “No one must know of this disgrace, do you understand?” Boo!

The next day at school, all the kids are playing outside including Albert’s friends who are running around chasing Willie. Sylvia is sitting on the swing when Willie comes around, grabs the swing and she unwillingly gets in the middle of a tug-of-war. To be fair, I don’t think they were targeting Sylvia, but she starts to freak out and starts flailing and hitting and screaming no. Her rage starts to focus on Willie and the other boys try to calm her down to no avail. Laura and Albert run outside to check on the commotion and rush over to help. Laura puts her lack of Special Victims training to good use as she slaps Sylvia across the face to calm her down. Surprisingly, this works. Laura takes Sylvia away as Willie claims innocence.

Over at Doc Baker’s Laura is pacing while Sylvia is examined. Doc Baker doesn’t know what’s up because Sylvia is not talking. Laura relates what happened to the doc, but he seems puzzled that Sylvia was hitting the boys even though the boys didn’t hit her. He mentions that there is some bruising on Sylvia, but then Mr. Webb barges in. Doc Baker tries to both give and receive information, but Mr. Webb isn’t interested. He uses the “fell down the stairs” excuse and accuses Doc Baker of calling him a liar when told that the bruises aren’t consistent with that type of injury. Doc Baker is absolutely baffled by Webb’s behavior and Laura agrees that something is amiss.

At the homestead, Albert tells Ma and Pa what happened. Apparently the incident scared Carrie, which is why it is dessert conversation. Albert promises his parents that he is going to protect Sylvia from any teasing. Pa thinks it’s a good idea then sends Albert to bed. Not much going on in this scene.

Willie and his porn buddies spot Sylvia sitting on the schoolhouse steps before class. They run towards Sylvia, stopping in front of her, Willie screaming “No! No!” as the other boys pretend to slap him silly. The Olesons really aren’t doing much to curry my favor this episode. Sylvia doesn’t even get offended at this display as she just sighs in a resigned fashion. Albert walks over and tells Willie to stop, first by asking, then by pulling him away. The pranksters ask what the problem is and Albert says he told them to stop. “Yeah, well make me,” Willie sneers. So Albert slugs him right in the face. Yeah, that’s good for two points. Go Albert! Willie runs home to mother to take care of his bloody nose. The other boys walk away, disappointed that their fun is over. Albert tells Sylvia that they probably won’t bother her anymore, says see ya, and walks away. She smiles as he leaves. Awww.

Later that day Sylvia is walking home and Albert runs up to her. They talk about that day’s test and how they did. She thanks him for his intervention earlier and the awesomeness of punching Willie’s face in. I like this girl. Albert jokes that he learned it all from Laura and they share a laugh. Albert offers to carry Sylvia’s books, but she politely refuses. “I’m trying to be a gentleman, but you have to give me a chance,” he lectures and she gives in.