Little Women 1/5

Spring has sprung in Walnut Grove as we open on a shot of flowers growing in the waterway near the mill. Laura and Mary are walking to school and they are being watched by Willie Oleson. He is sitting in a tree wearing what appears to be a Napoleon hat with some feathers in it. He jumps in front of the girls, wielding a wooden sword and demanding that they “stand and deliver”. Oh, I get it: Willie is playing Adam and the Ants. The girls are not up on their new wave dance hits and have no idea what Willie is talking about. A couple of Ants in the tree clarify that he is playing Robin Hood (oh...boring). Willie explains the conventions of Sherwood Forest and tributes and whatnot, but the girls are not interested. Mary tries to walk through, but Willie pokes her in the belly with his sword. Ant #1 vouches for the tribute system by showing off the piece of licorice Willie acquired. “Those are my merry men and no one can beat Robin Hood and his merry men,” Willie run-ons.

Laura grabs a stick and claims dibs on the Little John role, correcting Willie that Little John beat Robin Hood. Fight scene music kicks in as the two start to duel. Sort of. It’s probably some child labor law thing, but the two don’t actually appear in frame together as they thrust and parry. Eventually Willie knocks the stick out of Laura’s hand using the flyswatter method of attack. She counters by going all Flavor of Love on his face. Mary tries to break up the fight as the Ants cheer it on. The other kids playing in front of the school hear the commotion and run over to watch. Miss Beadle hears the ruckus as well and races over to the scene. Mrs. Oleson notices what’s going on and freaks out that Willie is involved, though I’m wondering if she is freaking out in general or because she somehow managed to pick him out in the middle of the melee. By the time Harriet gets to the fray Miss Beadle has the kids separated, but Mrs. Oleson gives Laura a couple shakes just because. Harriet coddles her son as the whole crowd agrees that Willie was the instigator. Miss Beadle tries to defuse the situation by saying everyone looks alright, but then Harriet gasps when she sees that her ugly hat got trampled in the fracas. Willie explains that it wouldn’t be Robin Hood without the feathers, but his mom doesn’t care as she drags him home. The rest of the kids go to school.

The kids are still chattering about the fight as they take their seats. Miss Beadle starts to walk down the aisle sternly until she hears the clomping of Willie’s feet as he runs in to take his seat. After Miss Beadle passes Laura and Willie’s row, Laura sticks her tongue out at him. The teacher turns around and lectures the kids about the bad behavior she just witnessed. Willie takes this as an opportunity to blame Laura and the two start bickering again. “You’re not Robin Hood,” Laura yells. “You’re poor, so there,” Willie counters. “You’re dumb, so there,” Laura retorts. Just as this fight is getting really good, Miss Beadle sends the kids to the corner. They both go to the same corner but Willie refuses to share, claiming that it’s his corner. True.

Moving on, Miss Beadle has decided that she would like the class to embark on a more constructive engagement with the class reading assignments. Mary suggests doing a school play. Miss Beadle thinks about it for a second and agrees that a play would be a great idea. Nellie likes the idea too, as does the freaky girl sitting behind her. Yikes. You know, if a tertiary character doesn’t blend into the background it becomes subject to the gun rule: If you see a gun in Act I, it will go off by the end of the play. Miss Beadle tells the class to split up into groups and each group can select its own material. Nellie asks if her mom can watch since Mrs. Oleson is apparently the George S. Kaufman of Hiro Township. It’s a fair comparison: they have the same hairdo. Miss Beadle rolls her eyes at first, but then decides to turn this project into an event. Hey, what’s a play without an audience?

After school, Mary, Laura, Freaky Girl, and Extra (I don’t know the girl’s name) are mulling their literary options. Laura suggests Snow White Rose-Red but Extra says they don’t have a prince. Freaky Girl, whom Mary calls “Ginny”, offers the unhelpful suggestion of “it doesn’t matter to me.” Gah, don’t make this group project suck, kid. She must have heard me, because Ginny redeems herself by suggesting Little Women.

Nellie, who is not so nonchalantly eavesdropping on the conversation, runs over to insinuate herself into the group. She says she knows what scene they can do and assigns the parts. Nellie will play Meg since “she’s the smartest.” Laura rolls her eyes and Extra tells them “Peace out”. Mary tries to 86 the whole idea, but Nellie has already figured everything out right down to the rehearsals at the Oleson house. Ginny is enthralled with the idea of visiting the Oleson living room, but Nellie reminds her that Ginny must wipe her feet and touch nothing. This is such a weird conversation. Mary tries to resist but eventually gives in, much to Laura’s disappointment. Nellie is excited and tells the girls that her mother will write up the script tonight. I think everyone but Ginny knows how that is going to turn out. The school bell starts to ring and the girls walk back to class. Laura tells her sister that if they knew Nellie would be in their group, they should have done Hansel and Gretel. “Then she could be the witch who gets cooked in the oven.” As is almost always the case, I think there is going to be more drama off stage than on stage.