Fight, Team, Fight 1/5

Generic marching band music plays in the background as we see someone looking through old newspaper clippings about football. The name Ellerbee keeps popping up, so I think it is safe to assume that he is the one who is reminiscing. One headline reads "'Big Rock' Crushes Princeton Defense" and above it is either an artist rendering of the event or a captionless "Far Side" comic. If it's the latter, it isn't very funny. The camera moves so that we see over Ellerbee's shoulder. A voice off camera says "Pete, it's getting late," so the man closes the album and rises from his seat. He walks over to a shelf and replaces the album. On top of the shelf is a trophy with a football resting in its cup. Pete grabs the football in such a way that for a second I think he is about to start making out with it. Ick, he licked his lips!

Before things get hot and heavy, Pete exits the room and joins his wife and son at the breakfast table. He mentions that he likes the study in this house better than the one in Boston. The son, Dan, finishes scribbling on a piece of paper and shows it to his mom. It's a decent drawing of a horse and Mrs. Ellerbee praises it. She hands the drawing to her husband saying, "our son has quite a talent." Pete puts down his coffee and replies, "too bad it doesn't extend to football." Alright then, guess we can check "exposition" off the to-do list. The parents have a passive-aggressive back-and-forth that pretty much boils down to "Daddy Issues". Oy, I'm recapping this through YouTube and the syndicated version was kind enough to bypass this. Anyway, Pete believes that moving back to Minnesota might help the boy "toughen up". I hope that wasn't your only reason for moving a thousand miles in the 1870's, particularly moving from bustling Boston to ho-hum Hero Township. Mrs. Ellerbee looks a bit sad as she watches this entire interaction between the males.

Meanwhile at the line of scrimmage, Albert is calling out tonight's lottery numbers as he waits for Willie to hike the ball. Albert takes the ball and runs into the resulting scrum. He then kind of rolls along the side of the commotion. It's weird to watch because there's a lot of people pushing against one another but no one trying to knock other people down. It's like one side is getting off a train while the other side is getting on. Ha, somehow Willie got trampled -- that's just sad. Albert is able to run the ball into the end zone as Nels, Pete and Dan watch from the sidelines. Pete says Albert has some potential and Nels agrees. Mr. Oleson calls Albert over to introduce him to the new people. For whatever reason Dan is wearing an ill-fitting cardigan along with ill-fitting pants -- it's really distracting. Mr. Ellerbee congratulates Albert on his last play before Nels introduces Dan. He mentions that Dan used to play football so Albert invites him to join the game. The boys run off just as Harriet starts screeching for Nels to join her at the school board meeting. Mr. Ellerbee follows Nels to the meeting.

We join in mid-meeting as Nels reports that new textbooks will be ordered soon. Wow, this is a well-attended meeting. There must be...eleven people here. Of course the only ones I recognize are Ellerbee, the Olesons and Charles. Laura's there too, but that's because school is about to resume once the meeting is over. The last item on the agenda is Mr. Oleson introducing Mr. Ellerbee. He shares a story about how "Big Rock" made Rutgers a powerhouse team while Nels quivered on Princeton's third string. Wait a minute, Nels went to Princeton? Why did he come back to Walnut Grove? I guess the writers wanted to establish some historical foundation since the first recorded football game was between Rutgers and Princeton. Ooo! Anachronism! Princeton was "The College of New Jersey" until 1896. Um, anyway, Nels finishes his anecdote and leads the crowd in a round of applause. Pete stands and tells the assembly that he decided to move back after retiring from a successful business. He thanks Nels for the kind words and then goes into a soliloquy about football. "Football is more than just a game: it's something that shapes a man's character and builds his confidence. Maybe no more than other life experiences but certainly among the very best." Eh. He then goes on to volunteer his services as a football coach. Everyone is floored by this. I'm just confused: who are they going to play? Isn't Sleepy Eye a day's journey away? Nels is more than happy to pass on the coaching duties and leads the group once again in a round of applause. "On to victory!" Ellerbee awkwardly says as you can see the air inflating his head. Oh dear.

Full disclosure time. If you can't tell by now, I'm not much of a football fan. My alma mater, Oberlin College, has an interesting football history. John Heisman, who the trophy is named after, was the coach at Oberlin in 1892 and 1894. The school is also the last Ohio school to beat Ohio State in a football game (way back in the early 1921). Then things went downhill. We had the longest losing streak in the country that spanned several years. At some point we won a game and immediately followed it with a new, longer losing streak that didn't end until my freshman year (including a game where we played against Swarthmore who also had an endless losing streak). The team has had a handful of wins each season since, but you won't be seeing us in any championships any time soon. However, I have been a coach for the last four years -- though my sport is bowling. Anyway, this isn't about me, so let's get back to the story.

Time for the first official practice under Coach Ellerbee. The boys are sitting on the ground in a line as Ellerbee walks in front of them giving a speech. "I can't promise you a championship what I can promise you is to teach you how to win and that's the hardest grueling work you'll ever know if you've got it in you you can become a winner but only if winning becomes the most important thing in your life that's right I said THE most important you have to become totally dedicated totally committed and totally fit if any of you can't handle that you can leave right now." (Willie does not stand up -- I lose that bet.) One of the challenges I have as a coach is giving speeches like this. First of all, I like punctuation so I think I lose a lot of the emphasis by insisting on using periods and commas. Also, maybe it is my own philosophy getting in the way, but I don't necessarily believe that you can teach someone how to win. I think you can teach someone how to set goals and how to frame what you consider a win, but a number of those outcomes involve factors that the athlete has no control over. Anyway, Ellerbee asks if the boys want to be winners and he keeps asking until he gets what he considers to be an appropriately enthusiastic "yes". It reminds me of what I wanted to do at our last bowling tournament this season. At the trophy presentation at this year's Super Bowl, Pittsburgh's coach shouted "STEELERS FOOTBALL IS SIXTY MINUTES!" I really wanted to crib that and say to my team "OBERLIN BOWLING IS TEN FRAMES!" but I honestly think I would have lost all the credibility I have built up these past few years.

Once Ellerbee gets an appropriate response, he starts the team on drills. Montage! Running! Propping up Albert's ego! A makeshift version of those things football players push around! Blocking! Punt returns! Woo! Ellerbee wasn't too satisfied with that last one. After he blows his whistle at the end of the play, he runs over to Dan and grabs him by the arms. I thought he was about to go all Bobby Knight on his son, but Pete just gets in Dan's face to tell him he is kicking the ball too low. Dan apologizes, but Pete isn't finished. "Do you think because you're an Ellerbee makes you special? You're wrong: it does. It means you have to work twice as hard as everybody else." Man, what a shitty proposition. Dan actually has to think about his response before he goes with the correct "Yes, sir." Ellerbee sends his son back into play. Albert, who was watching, seems really disappointed with what just transpired.