Harriet's Happenings 3/5

It’s Friday evening and the newest edition of The Pen and Plow is hot off the presses. We join the Garveys at their place where it looks like they are finishing eating dinner outside. Alice is reading the paper and spots an item that she shares with the family. “Your devoted reporter hears disturbing reports of short weight, low quality and high prices in the general stores over in Tracey and Lamberton. At Oleson’s Mercantile it is always the reverse: The highest quality and the lowest prices in Hiro Township.” I do have to hand it to the writers for really nailing the style used in newspapers of that time. The vocabulary and sentence structure of newspapers was so different back then and I can’t really think of anything modern that really matches it. Jonathan chuckles and speaks almost admirably of Harriet’s blatant advertisements. He continues to whittle a piece of wood as Alice skims the paper. She stops and calls for her husband’s attention with a serious tone in her voice. “By an extremely reliable source we have learned with sadness that the Jonathan Garveys are deeply in debt, unable to pay long overdue bills. Bankruptcy looms and they may lose their farm.” I guess Journalism Ethics is offered only every other year at whatever school Harriet is learning her craft. Andy asks if the story is true and Jonathan says the story has to do with a bill over at the Mercantile. “Pure spite,” claims Alice. “That’s the only thing pure about Harriet Oleson,” Jonathan says, throwing his whittle stick to the ground.

Over at the homestead, Laura and Albert are doing their homework as Pa pours himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen. Laura is working on her spelling and Pa asks her how she thinks Walnut Grove will do in the Spelling Bee. Both kids want Erich to win, particularly after the article in the paper about the Schillers. Pa says he doesn’t read the paper, but since the kids are setting the type they have no choice. Albert recites the article from memory. “Erich Schiller was voted to represent Walnut Grove in the annual Spelling Bee. Of course we would all like him to win.” Voted? I really don’t think Harriet has any understanding as to how a Spelling Bee works. Caroline is surprised at how nice that article was considering the author. Laura continues with the recitation: “However, it is most unlikely because Erich comes from an illiterate family, though Erich tries hard to conceal this sad and embarrassing fact.” You know, I am continually amazed at how Harriet manages to outdo herself each week in just how wretched a person she can be.

Over at the Schiller villa, the family is just finishing up dinner. Papa asks Erich to read the paper for them. “A flood hits Walnut Grove!” he starts. Ooo, an emphatic reading. Mama is surprised by the news and Papa points out that it hasn’t rained for a few weeks. Erich reads on and sees that the “flood” is referring to a large inventory shipment arriving at the Mercantile. Gross. Papa laughs and says “That is one crazy lady.” I like this family A LOT. Mama asks “What else is happening by Harriet?” That is a bizarrely astute question. Erich sees his name in the paper and gets excited. He reads the first two sentences and he and his parents are beaming. Erich reads the next sentence to himself and his face falls. He doesn’t share it with his parents and excuses himself to get some firewood. Once outside, Erich crumples the paper and throws it to the ground.

Time for the Spelling Bee! It looks like it is down to Erich and a blonde girl who isn’t Nellie. Instead, Nellie is sitting in the front row with her mother. Alice gives Erich the next word: “Repetitious”. Fun fact: If you watch the National Spelling Bee with the closed captioning on, you will not be able to cheat on the spelling. When the judge gives the word, the CC will read “Your word is Judge says word”. Back to this Bee, Erich dives into the spelling without asking about origins, roots, or alternate pronunciations. “R-E-P-I-T-I-T-I-O-U-S.” Alice, who is holding a dictionary in her hand, declares his spelling correct. Maybe Harriet was on to something in her initial reporting about Spelling Bee chicanery. The next word is “Mimosaceous”. Sarah also doesn’t ask for any clues like the definition (a subfamily of legumes) and dives right into the spelling. She spells the word correctly. Good for her. Erich’s next word: “xanthophyll” (a yellow pigment). Erich looks like he is about to barf before he spells the word. As he attempts to spell, Harriet rattles a pencil between her teeth. “X-A-N-T-H-O-P-H-I-L-L”. This time Alice declares Erich incorrect. The crowd moans while Harriet gives an incredibly obnoxious “Aw.” Erich runs out of the room and his parents chase after him. Sarah spells the word correctly. I actually like the way they do it now where the last surviving contestant has to spell a new word and if they fail to do so all players knocked out in the previous round will return. Of course, since Erich left the venue I think that would be a moot point.